i never asked to be saved [r], mortal instruments - Seren

[Yunalesca]

For the first time since she could remember she didn't find herself waking from night terrors at any point during the evening, though she wasn't sure that was necessarily a good thing. She may not have woken herself, but she still had experienced dreams of heinous content. It was enough to make ones skin crawl and yet upon waking she could feel nothing but numbness. She had dreamed of rivers of blood and a hunger burning in her throat that seemed insatiable. If this weren't enough, it was Eli's blood she was ripping from his body either through claw like fingers or sharp teeth she knew she didn't have. It felt so real that when she did finally open her eyes late in the morning she ran her fingers across her teeth to ensure they were still normal. Those warnings that had been so prominent as of late were back again. She couldn’t make sense of it as she sat back against her headboard and recalled the dreams. That was all they were and yet they felt real, they made her feel disgusted and remorse for how she had treated Eli. At least a little bit of remorse, anyway. She was still very numb until the sunlight hit her window just right and sent rays across her bedroom. She felt herself blinking at the sudden brightness as though it were blinding. Taking it as a sign she had slept long enough she rose from her bed, pulling the heavy curtains tight across the window before slipping into a robe to cover her pajamas. Odds were that everyone else had already woken, had breakfast, and either gone or off training somewhere; She wasn’t about to take chances, however. No matter what had passed between her and Eli last night she didn’t expect him to actually do as he said. He had been half drunk and had a tendency to keep close to her even when she spurned him.



Her bare feet were soundless across the floor and yet they still attracted the Institute cat, Church following her to the door of the kitchen until she turned back and looked at him. He returned the expression until she hissed at him to go away, the last thing she wanted was for him to be underfoot while she tried to discreetly make breakfast. Church gave her what she could only assume to be a dissatisfied look before turning away and sashaying across the floor with his tail twitching back and forth. “Pompous ass,” she muttered before pushing into the (thankfully) empty kitchen. As she peered into the fridge to see what she had to work with she was suddenly reminded she hadn’t eaten at all the day before. She felt famished which was extremely uncharacteristic of her even after a day without a meal. She had spent many days barely noticing her hunger, but now as she looked at the tray of eggs and slab of meat thawing for food that evening she wondered if she could eat it all. She swallowed at the thought before forcing herself to only grab two eggs and some vegetables to fry herself an omelet. Her hand wanted to reach for the beef slab which instantly sent those red flags up again. She wasn’t generally a meat person and yet here she was craving it, craving every ounce of the 4 pound roast. With great willpower she closed the refrigerator door and began to work at preparing herself an omelet.



While the eggs warmed and began to crackle she prepared herself some tea to calm the nerves that continually spiked for no apparent reason. After some time she found herself traveling back to her dreams of death and blood, trying to unravel their meaning if there was one to begin with. She could deduce that it may have been brought on by her rather harsh treatment of Eli the night before, but she had felt very little as she spat at him like he were some menace undeserving of her time. That alone should have given her pause as she had grown rather fond of him in the time he been at the Institute. Yet even now she could barely feel the remnants of his affections. All she could remember was how he had grabbed hold of her in the training room and how he had taken advantage of her the time before that. She could recall nothing of how he had soothed her to sleep or how he had been beyond careful with her since she threatened to kill him that night after the club. It was almost as though it had never existed. It would have been puzzling if the fog in her mind were not there. Something had taken hold of her and she couldn’t even tell. Instead she continued to make her breakfast as though all were normal and nothing had happened since Eli’s arrival.



Just as she slid her omelet to a plate and poured herself a cup of Chamomile the door to the kitchen opened and the one person she did not expect paused in the threshold. She paused with her fork in hand, looking at Eli like he was nothing, like he had always been nothing. If she could feel how this gaze felt to him she would never have done it even to get him to stay away from her. But she was still stone cold on the inside and could feel nothing for anything. She remembered their encounter the night before, but managed not to show a flash of anger at his presence. Instead this mask of indifference was what would hurt him most, or so the voice in her mind was saying now. This foreign ‘guide’ had been permeating her consciousness more and more without her noticing that it wasn’t her own voice telling her what to do. If she were more aware she might have realized it all began once she had encountered that witch who helped her find Travis, but she hadn’t the abilities to connect those dots any longer. Instead she turned her eyes from Eli and jabbed into her omelet as though he weren’t there. She didn’t want to encourage him to speak a word to her.

[Serendipity]

When it came to Audrina, Eli had found it near impossible to keep away from her, he had tried several times in the past without success, there was an invisible force that drew him to her despite her coldness. Even now he felt that tug towards her, and he wondered if she had slept okay, whether or not she was still in the institute, was she alright? Yet this time he couldn’t seek her out, not only because she didn’t want him too (that had never stopped him before), it was because he had said he wouldn’t go near her again, and it had been a promise the blonde would expect him to keep. Not only would she expect him to keep his word, he wasn’t the type of person to go back on his promises or to say one thing and do the opposite. Eli wasn’t about to go back on his word now, he would keep away from her as much as it would pain him to not see her everyday, and not speak a single word to her.

He stepped out of his room, clean shaven and fresh from a much needed hot shower, his hair still slightly damp and combed through with his fingers. He wore his usual attire of dark jeans, boots, a plain black shirt and his favorite leather jacket. He wasn’t planning on hanging around the institute today because the best way to keep away from the blonde was to stay away from the institute as much as possible and only return when he needed to sleep. There was one stop he needed to make before he left for the day, and that was to the kitchen, his stomach was already growling, reminding him that he hadn’t eaten at all the day before and on top of the alcohol he’d consumed he was feeling a little ill for it.

He should have guessed that she would be there, as far as he was aware she hadn’t eaten either, and he shouldn’t have been so surprised to find her there now. Eli had simply told himself that he would not think of her at all today, he would leave the institute and visit his brother, he had to forget about her. So far he hadn’t been doing too badly...until he was halfway through the kitchen door and his blue orbs landed on her petite figure. He froze in the doorway, unwelcome memories of their argument surfacing, and the hurt was still so fresh in his heart. The look she gave him now, as though he had wronged her greatly by his mere presence turned his blood to ice and he returned her dark look with a cool one of his own. ’I won’t ever step foot in this room again or any room you’re in.’ They were the words he had shot at her before he’d left her in the darkness of her room the night before.

He forced his gaze from her and turned straight back around back out of the kitchen, the door swinging firmly shut behind him before he stormed out of the institute, not even apologising to Isabelle as he brushed past her quickly as she came through the entrance. She scoffed loudly at him and he thought he heard her cursing or calling for him to stop, but his feet kept moving down the garden path and through the gate. Once he was a good few hundred metres from the institute he slowed his steps and lifted his face to the light sprinkle of rain he hadn’t felt until now. It was a refreshing distraction and was strangely calming, and he stayed that way for several minutes until all thoughts of a certain blonde were completely pushed aside and he could focus on his plans for the day.

---

“What’s up with you?” Travis asked his brother the moment Eli stepped into the office space of the warehouse where his younger brother sat behind a small desk. It was difficult being here again, at the same place where such horrible events had unfolded, but unfortunately until Travis figured out where he was going and could organise another space for his pack to live, this was the only place he had. Eli arched a brow in his brother’s direction, was it that obvious there was something wrong or had someone already called ahead to inform the younger Ashdown that there was something bothering him. Of course the only person who would have done so was Isabelle, which then made him curious as to how she had acquired Travis’s number, or that they were even speaking since he hadn’t thought he had introduced Travis to the others yet (apart from Jace of course).

“Nothing.” Eli answered a little too quickly as he came to sit down on the opposite side of the desk. “There is nothing at all wrong with me, apart from being wet and dying of starvation.” He added before Travis could interject that he didn’t believe him, which was what his expression said all over. “If you’re not busy how about we go and grab something to eat? I spotted a pub just a few blocks away, it looks quaint enough and they had a big breakfast special going.” Eli suggested as he ruffled some of the water droplets from his hair. “First I have to dry off.”

There was a small sigh from the lighter haired male followed by the slightest shake of his head before he rose from behind the desk and gestured for his brother to stand back up. “Come on, I’ll get you a towel and a dry shirt at least.” He explained and the two left the office together in search of the items mentioned. “You’d better tell me what’s wrong or you’re paying for breakfast,” Travis said as he handed Eli a towel then plucked a dry shirt from a clean washing pile, handing that to his brother once he’d finished with the towel.

“I was paying for it anyway, you have no money remember.” Eli pointed out with a roll of his eyes, and chuckled a little as Travis returned the gesture. “Yeah well being locked up for months doesn’t really give someone the opportunity to earn a few bucks. I was unable to access our family funds, and since they’re in idris where I can no longer step foot…” Travis trailed off with a small shrug, he was sure Eli got the picture. Eli frowned, not liking the reminder that everything had changed so dramatically for his younger brother and he was now no longer able to return home. “I’ll get you the fund you need. Once you figure out where you’re going and where you’ll stay we’ll organise for your share to be transferred to you for easy access.” Eli reassured him in case he was worried he wouldn’t be able to access the money left to him by their parents.

“We’ll talk about that over breakfast, then maybe some more over a drink or two in the afternoon?” His brother suggested clearly sensing that his older sibling was not eager to return to the institute as he had been the other day. “Sounds good.” Eli agreed and they soon headed out to the pub he had mentioned passing on his way to the warehouse.

[Yunalesca]

Despite the minor hiccup of having Eli walk in on her breakfast, the rest of her morning ran routinely with a shower and selection of warmer clothing to get her through the day without a chill. Her clothes were simple, but she donned Shadowhunting pants in anticipation of needing the tough leather at some point in her day. She had renewed purpose to be searching for her mother’s whereabouts. She knew she had been getting close based on the threats from the male vampire at dinner those nights ago. It never crossed her mind that it could be the free vampires warning of retaliation for what she had done to a good sized clan after first meeting Eli. She was back to feeling invincible and with the weapons she hid away in her gear and beneath her jacket she didn’t feel any search could go wrong on this day. She would slay her way to answers if she had to, and she had a strong feeling that is what would be happening. She began to feel alive again as she drove her curved blades home in the sheath straps crisscrossed over her back and beneath the coat. Darkness returned to her eyes as she slipped from the Institute unseen.

*

“I know what it is you want from me. I hate to break that fragile heart of yours, but you’re not getting it.” The male vampire she had been interrogating spat before lunging for her again. With the threat of daylight gone she had still pursued her mother’s trail untiringly. She could feel that she was closing in and if she could do it all in one night then she wouldn’t stop. She had been at this all day, yanking sleeping vampires from their holes and torturing them to hear any bit of information they could give. Most of them legitimately knew nothing, but she still didn’t leave them alive when she was done. The only good vampire was a dead vampire. It was hardly an uncharacteristic thought, but the voracity and careless manner in which she killed and tortured these creatures was unlike her. She was turning into something dark and heartless without even noticing. “I’ll spill your blood across the walls of your precious Institute for what you did to my brothers and sisters!” The vampire roared as he finally backed her into a corner in the alley of some god forsaken haunt in Harlem, a place not to be even if you weren’t human.

“Not if I do it first!” She yelled back before jabbing a blessed blade through the vampire’s chest and home to his dead heart. The vampire snarled at her in surprise before he blew like a powder keg lit aflame and dusted over her. She gagged as his body covered her from head to toe, sinking into her hair even as she tried brushing it away. It was the closest she had let any of the creatures get to her all day and it left her feeling thrilled more than disgusted with what had just occurred. She wiped her blade against her leg before putting it back away in the sheath on the inside of her boot. She didn’t know how long this would go on for, but she had gained another step in the right direction. The vampire had known what she was after before she ever said it. She had to be getting the attention of her mother now and surely at some point It would draw her from whatever infested hole she had slid into. Everything’s falling into place that voice whispered as Audrina’s adrenaline moved her from the alley and down the street to look for more prey. The fact alone that she thought of them as ‘prey’ would have been unnerving, but she was falling deeper under whatever spell was on her with every kill her blades took. The term ‘monster’ may have come to mind if she still had complete control over her mind.

Finding those with information became more difficult as the night wore on and some spark of herself returned when she thought to employ her old tactic of seduction. She could almost feel Jarek’s hands over her body and it made her skin crawl, her frame shiver at the memory. Her consciousness was only momentary, however, as that foreign voice was taking hold anew once whatever it was realized it had lost her for a time. The fog in her mind came back with force and turned her back on a path of destruction. Many vampires were at clubs and parties this time of night and she didn’t particularly have a clue where to go from her newest stopping point. She hadn’t exactly pried breadcrumb trails from her victims and seemingly was striking at random. Killing vampires was nothing, but she knew she should have a purpose behind this fueled slaying spree. Her shoulders rolled back while she rotated her neck in an attempt to release the tension in her body. Dimitry of Dumort whispered in her mind and she paused, her eyes darkening at the memory of a vampire she had dispatched at a club some time ago. She had forgotten his confession to her until now and at the memory she spun on her heel back toward the nearest subway station to slip onto a line back to Brooklyn.

[Serendipity]

Eli’s brother always had a way of getting him to talk even when he would have rathered not, he didn’t want his brother to know that he was in love with a woman who was emotionally unavailable and just a little damaged. But after a satisfying breakfast, albeit a little late in the day, and a few beers, along with his brother constantly bringing the conversation around to the blonde Eli had given in. Travis wasn’t just anyone, he was family and Eli supposed if he had to talk to anyone about it he’d prefer it to be his brother. His brother listened intently as he spoke of how he had met Audrina and that at first she had only irritated him by her outright disgust for him when she hadn’t even given a chance to get to know him. He told him how despite every effort he simply couldn’t stay away from her and that, without going into too much detail, eventually they had bonded somewhere in the short time they knew each other; she had demons, he had demons and they’d opened up to each other.

It was hard to admit but the older Ashdown told Travis how terrified he had been that night at the warehouse when Maddox had attacked her and he’d thought she was going to be turned or killed right in front of him. “So you’re in love with her?” Travis asked when Eli had finished, though it was more of a statement of fact then a question. Hearing someone say those words out loud made Eli feel suddenly extremely vulnerable, although it was only his brother who had come to that conclusion, he wondered if it was obvious to anyone else - was it obvious to Audrina, was that why she had suddenly turned so cold against him? If that was the case then it was clear that she didn’t return the feelings, not even a hint of affection. The idea of that cut deep though it made him realise that he was putting so much effort in for nothing in return, if he kept at it it would ruin him. It needed to stop, and he had already made the first steps towards that by telling her he would not go near her again so it shouldn’t be much harder to completely bury his feelings for her.

“I’ll take your silence as a yes,” Travis interjected Eli’s thoughts, bringing him out of his reverie with a heavy sigh and small shrug of his shoulders. There was no point in denying it, not to his brother anyway. “Yes. I love her.” He acknowledged allowed for the first time. His brother nodded, satisfied that he had admitted as much but also offered his older sibling an almost sympathetic smile knowing, after everything Eli had told him, that Audrina would probably never return the same feelings - or anything close to them for his brother. “Get up,” Travis said and stood at the same time as he gestured for his brother to follow. “Enough talk for the day, time for drinking and moving on.” The younger male explained, ignoring Eli’s soft glower of disapproval over the ‘moving on’ statement.

“I had enough last nigh-”

“Last night was last night, come out and drink with your brother, we’re celebrating.” Travis interrupted quickly with a shake of his head and nudged Eli’s shoulder with a lightly closed fist. “I’m calling Luke on the way, and you can call Jace - that was his name right? the blonde haired boy?” Travis ordered, and with his mention of Jace, Eli remembered that his brother had only briefly met the young shadowhunter who Eli had quickly become friends with. “Yeah, that’s Jace.” Eli nodded as he reluctantly got to his feet, apparently they were relocating to some other establishment that sold alcohol.

“Call him and tell him he needs to meet us at The Hunter’s Moon.”

---

“So let me get this straight…” Jace started, his words slightly exaggerated with a pause an a raised brow in Eli’s direction. “You’re not going to buy that redhead a drink because she’s not physically attractive enough for you or because you prefer blondes? Personally I think she’s a babe, but I prefer brunettes.” The fair haired shadowhunter interrogated, gesturing towards the tall, curvy redhead that kept making eyes at Eli, with a slight nod of his head. Eli shot the boy a glare and downed the remainder of his drink, ice tinkling against glass, and set it firmly back down on the counter before pushing it towards the werewolf tending the bar for a refill. “I do not prefer blondes over redheads, or even over brunettes. She’s incredibly attractive, but she’s a werewolf.” Eli explained though his excuse was rather lame.

“Do you have something against werewolves now?” It was Luke’s voice coming from behind him as the older werewolf returned from his bathroom visit. “That’s a little hypocritical considering your brother is one. Isabelle has no issue with our kind…” Luke pointed out and then gave a slight chuckle as he gestured towards the dark haired shadowhunter getting quite cozy with Eli’s brother in one of the booths at the back of the bar. Eli sighed, he didn’t have anything against werewolves, he just had something against women at the moment and was trying to make excuses. “Isabelle has no issue’s with any kind,” Eli quickly retorted, but it was said in good humour and received the desired effects from the male company surrounding him. Both Jace and Luke laughed in agreement. “That doesn’t say much about your brother,” Jace pointed out with a small smirk and another chuckle.

“No, I guess it doesn’t. He’s a big boy but, he can take care of himself when it comes to women issues.” Eli shrugged and sipped at his bourbon. He had lost count of how many he’d had since arriving at The Hunter’s Moon. “When it comes to Isabelle issues though...he’s screwed.” He added with a small chuckle and shake of his head. He was glad that travis had suggested they come here, it was a nice distraction.

---

As Eli opened his blue orbs he had to blink through the haze that was his mind, a combination of having had too much to drink once again and arriving back at the institute after midnight. There was a throbbing behind his eyes and he was almost tempted to close them once more and sleep away the headache, but he needed to get up, firstly he needed to use the bathroom and secondly his mouth was very dry and fury feeling, he needed some water and he was about to get up to do both of those things but froze when someone else stirred beside him. It was then he realised that there were extra limbs tangled with his and he’s bed felt far too warm for it to just be from him.

Carefully he lifted his head from the pillow to investigate the other presence next to him, his chest was bare and he had a feeling he was also naked beneath the sheet covering his lower half. Crap. He didn’t recall bringing anyone back with him, then again he didn’t remember much last night after drinking since that afternoon and anything was possible. He could only see the top of her head as he didn’t want to sit up too much and disturb her, he needed to remember what had happened first, though it looked obvious. Eli realised it was the redhead from the bar that the others had goaded him about, the werewolf. Hodge is going to kill me! Downworlders weren’t allowed inside the Institute unless invited strictly by Hodge. He was going to be in some big trouble if the older shadowhunter found out.

“Don’t worry…” An unfamiliar voice mumbled into the side of his chest and he realised he wasn’t the only one awake. “It didn’t amount to anything.” His bed guest finished and slowly lifted her head to look up at him. Eli wasn’t sure if he should feel relieved by her reassurance that nothing happened despite the fact they were both without clothes, he almost felt as though she were insulting him. He caught her gaze and saw a hint a humour in their green depth, and he could only offer her a puzzled look in return. “Apart from tearing my clothes off, you were quite the gentleman considering the amount you had to drink. I’m Darcey by the way...incase you forgot.” She added and pushed herself up onto her elbow, bringing the sheet up with her covering her chest.

“Ah...thanks, but why are we still naked if nothing happened?” He was confused about that and was trying remember what had unfolded between them. She laughed rolled her eyes as though the answer was obvious. “After your ‘rejection’ you passed out.” She explained simply and didn’t appear hurt by the fact that he had ‘rejected’ her, something the old Eli would never have done, but he wasn’t that man anymore, it wasn’t just about ‘sex’ with anyone to him. “And you just happened to stay in my bed anyway?” He raised a brow finding it a little hard to believe that she wouldn’t have stormed out after calling him every name under the sun.

“I’m not offended if that’s what you’re worried about, I’m not going to get my pack to come and beat you for leading me on.” The redhead reassured with another one of her humourous looks. “At first maybe I considered it...but once you explained yourself I calmed down. But if you ask me, she’s a fool for dragging your heart through the mud. You’re a good guy Eli. I’m kind of jealous of this other woman - whoever she is.” She told him and patted his chest affectionately before nudging him in the side. “Now get up, I need to use the bathroom.” Darcey ordered with another nudge and he had no choice but to roll over on his side and sit up on the edge of the bed the sheets pooling in his lap. He still didn’t quite understand how she was so cool with the situation, in fact it appeared she found it quite amusing, now at least.

---

“If you find my bra, you can keep it.” The redhead winked at him playfully as they stepped out of his room after they had both showered, separately and put some clothes on. He was no preparing to escort her ‘quietly’ out of the Institute before Hodge found out he had brought a downworlder into their home without permission. He chuckled as he closed the door behind them, however the sound caught in his throat as his gaze went to movement in the hall and landed on a very unhappy looking blonde. He was sure she would have heard Darcey’s comment, not that she would have needed it to suspect that the two of them had been together. The mere fact that another female was leaving his room would be enough for Audrina to draw her conclusions.

Darcey’s eyes followed his noticing the expression change on his face and as they landed on the blonde she bit the inside of her lip and then cleared her throat looking back at Eli. “We should go,” She encouraged knowing that she wasn’t supposed to be there. Eli tore his gaze from Audrina and looked down at the redhead, he nodded and gestured for her to follow him. He could feel the temperature drop severally as they walked past the blonde and he kept his gaze averted from her. He wanted to stop and explain himself but reminded himself it wasn’t any of her business who he was with, he didn’t need to explain himself and apologise like some cheating boyfriend who had been caught red handed in the act. They weren’t a couple, they weren’t anything...

[Yunalesca]

Her ‘hunting’ kept her out for the entire night and by the time she was returning she was sore, her clothes destroyed, and her attitude extremely sour. She had been following a trail that eventually dead ended and it got her into hot water. She had been investigating an abandoned building that very well could have been home to a vampire clan, but as she found out, it was home to a far worse devilry. Demons had emerged from the shuttered building after her witchlight alerted them to her presence. Luckily they had been lower level demons that she managed to dispatch without calling for help, but they nearly tore her clothes to shreds when they’d surrounded her and gone in for what they imagined was an easy kill. Something took over her as the first of them bore down on her, a strength she had never felt and was in truth afraid of when she’d had a moment of clarity after the last of the demons disappeared back into the dimension from whence it came. She sat on her muddy rump for several minutes, dazed at the feeling of bloodlust coursing through her, before she felt the cold ichor of demon blood across her legs where her Shadowhunter pants had been shredded by their sharp claws. Coupled with the blood across her throat from a vampire she had allowed to get to close, she would have looked rather frightening if Mundanes could see her.



Dawn had yet to break though she could feel it rising slowly behind her as she inserted her stele in the door of the Institute and half staggered inside. She sheathed the blessed blade she had been clutching in her demon blood stained hand should any more decide to take her on in her long walk back. The strength she had felt while fighting had waned with the coming of morning and thus made her travel back to the Institute even harder. One of the demons had slammed her to the ground and she could have sworn something had cracked in her knee, but amongst all the other pains she couldn’t be sure what did and did not happen to her any longer. She had been surprised and that alone was fueling most of her scowl as she tried to brush her dirty hair back from her forehead to no avail. It was plastered down by mud and a combination of her own blood as well as a demon who had gooed on her before it disappeared. She didn’t feel like one shower would be enough. At least nobody else would see her like this; she didn’t particularly feel like explaining.



Her hand slid into her tattered jacket to feel at her side, the shocking wetness making her pull it back to see more demon blood and vampire dust. She half gagged before looking up at the sound of a voice, her heart catching in her throat as she stopped and saw Eli exiting his room with a girl she had never seen before. She had felt nothing for him the morning before when he had come into the kitchen, but seeing him now with this other girl made something in her break. She didn’t breathe for several moments as she took the sight in. Eli some part of her sobbed before something took hold of her anew and a wall went up as fast as it had been broken. Something within her recognized that she was not herself and that she was hurt in a way that an iratze couldn’t heal, but whatever had reached out to take hold of her quickly choked out the warnings. Her irritability quickly returned and she stalked past him to her own room without another glance. He was nothing, he could do as he wished. All that mattered at this moment was washing away the blood before she was infected with poison. Or this was what that foreign voice told her until she was alone in her room and that hold was breaking again. With each matted layer she shed the more she felt like herself anew, like her clothes held the presence of another who had been controlling her.



She piled the clothes next to the door to be thrown out, along with her favorite pair of boots that had also been scraped and shredded, before padding nakedly to her bathroom and closing the door. She turned the water to the shower on a very high heat, standing in the center of her bathroom in a daze for several minutes before willing herself into the scorching spray. When the water hit her she felt a pain in her chest like nothing she had ever felt before. At first she searched her body for a wound, for an entry point for demon poison, but she found none. Her eyes lowered to the dripping water, spirals of red and green blood staining the pure clarity of the water. All the pain she had felt coming into the Institute, her mild concern for a possible head injury or a busted knee, held barely a whimper in comparison to the constriction in her chest. She felt like a great snake had wrapped about her and was squeezing the life from her. She could barely breathe as the image from only minutes earlier played on repeat in her mind. Eli, the one she had placed so much trust in, had brought a girl home, had taken someone else to his bed. Never had she thought this would bring her pain, but she knew now that it did. She held no memory of how she had driven him to this, that voice that had controlled so much of her attitude was vacant and seemingly it took her memories with it.



A burning erupted in her eyes and she blinked rapidly before she brought her fingers experimentally to her cheeks, then over her eyes. She was sobbing uncontrollably and she couldn’t even admit to herself why this was happening. She knew in the deepest part of her mind why she was finding it hard to breathe, to feel anything but this crushing in her chest, why she finally dropped to the floor of the tub and her shoulders shook. She loved the man who had been escorting that girl out, that had been smiling with her instead of with Audrina. Her mother had told her of how it would feel when she met the Shadowhunter she was supposed to be with, how she would find this other part of herself she never knew existed. They will hold the key and unlock this new part of yourself her voice seemed to echo in her mind and it made her cry even harder. With love came great pain and it was why she had so forcibly avoided it since she had lost her sister. The one a Shadowhunter found to love would bring the greatest joy any being could ever have, but it would also kill their heart when that one was lost. There is only one soulmate for each of us she heard in her mind and felt herself break even further. Whatever had taken hold of her and made her feel nothing but cold and anger, she wished for it back now. Anything to make this crushing pain stop, anything to help her hide from the fact she had found love when she had so adamantly avoided it, anything to stop this realization that she had gained and lost what Shadowhunters strived for so quickly. Eli her mind sighed in anguish before she numbly rose from the tub floor and scrubbed at her skin and hair as though it had done her wrong.

[Serendipity]

"That was her wasn't it? The one?" Darcey enquired curiously once they had passed the blonde and she heard the sound of a door clicking shut. She looked back over her shoulder though just to make sure. The look the othe female had given them both spoke volumes, at least it did to Darcey; she was clearly upset an angry over the fact that Eli had had another woman in his room. "She's pretty...at least underneath all that ichor." Darcey observed though she could have been talking to herself for all Eli seemed to notice. So she nudged a elbow into his side, bringing his attention back to herself. Darcey had a thing for nudging people, it was her little quirk that quickly became annoying over time before you got used to it.

Eli had barely registered what the redhead had been saying, his thoughts turned to Audrina and he worried what she was thinking, he also worried that she was okay as he had noticed the demon blood all over her too. Demon blood and vampire dust, he corrected and amongst the worry he grew a little annoyed that she was once more putting herself in unnessary danger. Now he looked across at the other female walking beside him, she wasn't afraid to ask the personal stuff even though they had only just met, yet he supposed they had slept naked together an that put a different spin on their acquaintance with each other. "She's pretty alright, and stubborn, icy and mean as hell." He replied his words taking on a bit of an edge, he was still mulling over Audrina's choice of entertainment for the previous night.

"But she's also sweet, innocent and kind underneath all of that." He explained with just a hint of a smile threatening to pull at his lips. "And emotionally unavailable." Darcey added and arched a brow at the male as he was about to disagree, she was dating him to prove her wrong. Eli sighed an ran a hand through his still damp hair before he shrugged, "And she is emotionally unavailable." He agreed.

---

Eli managed to get Darcey out of the Institute before anyone else noticed her presence and they said their goodbyes. Darcey had told him that she would see him again soon, and he supposed she would since she was part of Travis's pack. She had offered her ear if he ever wanted to talk about his feelings, she could lend her female opinion and advice whilst not judging. He wasn't sure if he would ever take her up on the offer though, he had already shared far to much with her an they strangers still.

Eli didn't return to his room straight away once Darcey was gone, instead he visited the kitchen to make himself a much needed cup of coffee an bottle of water. The coffee to wake him up and the water to help with his headache. He didn't use Audrina's secret stash of coffee, it wasn't his to use and he figured he would have to get used to instant again anyway. The thought was a little depressing although it shouldn't have bothered him too much, he had always been ok with instant before meeting the blonde.

With coffee in one hand and a water bottle in the other, Eli headed back to his room where he planned on sleeping off the headache he had not to mention the guilt he felt also. He kept telling himself he had no reason to feel guilty and the only thing he should have felt guilty about was breaking one of the Institutes rules and angering Hodge. He and the blonde has been dating, they're weren't a couple and as far as Eli suspected now she had no feelings towards him anyway. Had he known that Audrina was upset that he'd bought another female back to his room he would have gone to her then and explained himself in hopes that she would feel better.

All he could picture in his mind was the icy exterior she'd worn an the look of disgust in her eyes. He would never be able to explain that nothing had happened between Darcey and him since he had told her he wouldn't go near her nor speak to her, and she would forever think he was the womaniser she'd accused him of being once before.

[Yunalesca]

It was late afternoon when Audrina woke from her haunting dreams, feeling barely rested and even sorer than when she had come into the Institute early in the morning. She groaned as she tried pushing herself off her belly, giving up and collapsing back into her pillows within seconds. At first she willed herself back to sleep, to let the warm bed comfort and lull her, but then she remembered the pain in her chest from earlier. Her eyes opened and she stared at the curtains about her window while her hand pressed over her heart. It was beating and yet the feeling of a gaping hole came back. Eli had been with another girl last night while she had been fighting for her life. He had grown tired of waiting for her and her inability to give him more. She felt as though she should be angry, that she should have known that was all he ever wanted from her, but she couldn’t tap that emotion with so much pain that was hitting her now. Her eyes closed and she pulled her knees to her chest as though it would somehow help. In the past when she needed a nightmare vanquished she could rely on him to soothe her, but who did she turn to when it was his actions she needed saving from? You do not feel pain, you do not feel fear a voice whispered in the dark as though that would comfort her. But I do feel it, I feel all of it she responded in her mind before she could almost feel something caress her mind. The pain in her chest began to subside gradually until she could finally breathe again then open her eyes without dampness coming from them. The voice was right, she was convinced now, she didn’t need him especially if her worth had been so lightly tossed aside. Shadowhunter’s didn’t hide in their bedrooms all day, hoping it would make the nightmares beyond their doors disappear. With this sudden burst of anger she pulled herself from bed through all the aches that would not subside. She would get through this and anything else that was thrown in her path.



*



“I didn’t think we’d see your face today. I brought you fried rice just in case. I didn’t…By the Angel what happened to you?!” Isabelle gasped when Audrina entered the kitchen in a modest getup of dark jeans and black tee shirt, everything else had been dirty or destroyed. Suddenly the blonde felt more sets of eyes on her, two other Shadowhunters pausing in their slurping of Chinese food to look at what had disturbed Isabelle. Audrina took the fried rice container without a word and pried a spoon into the food, intent on avoiding the conversation.



“I haven’t the faintest idea of what you’re speaking of.” She said flatly before the food container was pulled from her hands and a set of hands were on her face, turning her head every which way as Isabelle observed the beating the blonde had taken the previous night.



“You have a knot the size of a golf ball on your head, I can’t imagine you forgot that!” She said before touching it and making Audrina wince then shrink away from the other Shadowhunter.



“Isabelle, get off! I’m better without you prodding every sore spot on my damn body. Ouch, damnit!” Her voice rose when Isabelle grabbed hold of her arm where a vampire had scraped her with her teeth. She knew she was lucky to not have been on the receiving end of a full on bite, so she didn’t need the lecture.



“And your neck,” the girl hissed which got a rise out of Jace who started making jokes about hickeys. “What did this?!” Isabelle demanded before Audrina was shoving her hands off and staggering back to lean against one of the chairs at the small table. She had forgotten her seemingly damaged knee until she really needed to use it. “What tried to pry your head from your shoulders?” She demanded anew and the blonde sighed irritably. The girl wouldn’t leave her alone until it was explained, unfortunately.



“Vampire. To be fair he just wanted to slit my throat.” She offered before Izzy was moving on to every other injury until finally it came down to her burned hands and the bump on her head. Audrina gave a very shielded look behind her hair before answering. “Demons.” She confessed which only riled Isabelle further. Luckily she didn’t know of her favored knee or the burns on her thighs from the demon blood that had sprayed her. Luckily they hadn’t been overly venomous.



“By the Angel, Audrina. How many were there? You could’ve been killed going after them alone.”



“It was fast, Isabelle. I lost count. Maybe 3 of them? 5 even? I was a little busy not getting killed to count how many of them were taking part." She offered in hopes it was enough, but clearly It held the opposite effect. Alec rolled his eyes and Jace merely looked the other way. She was on her own with this.

"Don't you remember the last time? You were half dead when we got you to the infirmary,"

"I remember, Magnus didn't get to pick that part of my brain!" She shot with a glare to Alec. At that Isabelle grabbed hold of Audrina's arm and half dragged her out of the kitchen before the blonde could dig her heels in.

"My brother did what he thought was the right thing to do, albeit I don't agree with the tactic. Going off trying to get yourself killed isn't doing anyone any favors!" Isabelle hissed loudly and it made Audrina flush. She could hear the implication in the brunettes voice. She was saying that Audrina wasn't doing Eli any favors. Fucking someone was hardly a favor to me the hurt part of herself cried before the blonde removed her arm from Isabelle's grip.

"I wasn't going after demons! They caught me by surprise. I wasn't looking to be killed last night. I'm in enough pain right now, I think I've paid for my mistakes without you poking every wound and trying to tell me I'm an asshole. Half the other scrapes were from random attacks I wasn't looking for so shove off!" She said louder than she meant too, her voice carrying down the hall.

Isabelle's brows rose for a second before she uncrossed her arms. "Well, let me just fix you up, then. No harm no foul," she stated as her stele neared the blondes exposed arm. She quickly drew back from the Shadowhunters before she made contact, however.

"I'll fix myself later. I told you I'm fine."

"Yeah, you did a bang up job fixing your knee. Its just an iratze,"

"I said no."

"Alright then. Just be ready by 10 tonight," Isabelle stated as she turned on her heel back toward the kitchen.

"Read for...Isabelle!"

"Oh, you're going out with Clary and I. Girls night, no bpuys, hopefully no demons. Just having fun."

"I don't go clubbing," Audrina retorted as the door to the kitchen opened.

"Now you do! Either come willingly or I will strap you down and put you in some of my clothes." She responded with before the door closed. The blonde growled and stamped her foot in frustration before a shock of pain reverberated up her leg and made her grab hold of her knee. Fine, she thought, I'll go and give you the slip.

[Serendipity]

It was a second shower that finally settled the throbbing in his head, he stood beneath the hot spray, palms against the tiles as he bowed his head beneath the water letting the liquid run over his hair and down his back. The heat felt good, the heat was almost enough of a distraction to help him forget the look on Audrina’s face when she had caught him escorting Darcey out of his room. Almost, but not quite and his hands curled into fists over his own stupidity, he could blame the alcohol but it wasn't all to blame. He remembered now that although alcohol had been a factor, he had wanted to forget Audrina, get her out of his thoughts, and out of his heart so bringing back another woman was how he’d thought he could achieve those goals. Clearly it hadn’t worked and he recalled now the moment he realised sleeping with Darcey was completely wrong and that he couldn’t do it; she had bent her head to his for a kiss and all he could remember thinking was she wasn’t Audrina. It had been in that moment he realised he didn’t want anyone else, ever, even if that meant being alone for the rest of his life. If he couldn’t have Audrina then he didn’t want any of it, he didn’t want another woman or another relationship if it wasn’t with the blonde.

Ten minutes later Eli turned off the hot spray of water and dragged a towel around his hips, collecting another to run over his hair once the first was secured around his waist. He padded out to his room opening the wardrobe opposite the end of his bed in search of clean clothes. “Damn,” He cursed beneath his breath as he looked upon the contents that remained in his wardrobe and realised he desperately needed to do some washing. Eli closed the wardrobe and turned to the pile of dirty washing in the corner of his room, the top two garments were the least dirty and as he brought them to his nose they smelled the least unclean and he doned them quickly, at least he knew what he was doing for the rest of the afternoon - his washing.

With a sigh he collected the remaining dirty garments and bagged them before making his way out of the room in the direction of the shared laundry which was conveniently located near the training room, it gave one something to do whilst they waited for their clothes to wash and dry. However he wasn’t in the mood for training today and once he had his dirty clothes in the wash he made his way down the hall towards the kitchen. If Audrina happened to be in there then it was just too bad, the kitchen would have to be the exception to the rule because like hell was he starving himself simply because she happened to be occupying the room at the time.

Eli didn’t make it to the kitchen before he saw Isabelle dragging Audrina from the room and his footsteps halted as he spotted the blonde. Luckily he was still a little ways up the hall so neither of the two noticed his presence and he could only just make out what the two were discussing. Audrina was refusing to let Isabelle heal her, but that was no surprise to him and he even found himself rolling his eyes, she was so incredibly stubborn it wasn’t funny. If they were still on talking terms he may have been able to convince her to at least visit the infirmary and clean herself up properly, but they weren’t and he doubted she would appreciate him trying to persuade her to look after herself.

Isabelle and Audrina were between him and the kitchen which meant he would have to walk by them in order to get there. There was that invisible force again bringing the two of them into each others presence despite how hard he tried to avoid it, though perhaps the only way to avoid it was to leave the institute and not live under the same roof and maybe that wasn’t such a bad idea, he still had his room back in London afterall. “No she won’t, not unless you tie her down.” Eli couldn’t help but comment as he neared the two females and over heard Audrina telling Isabelle she would fix her wounds herself later; he wasn’t exactly talking to Audrina but about her therefore he wouldn’t consider it interacting with her.

His gaze scanned the blonde up and down assessing the damage she had inflicted upon herself by once again being reckless and he shook his head before averting his gaze to Isabelle. “You’re wasting your breath, Izzy. If she wants to walk around half crippled and looking like a train wreck, let her.” He added without a care to what the blonde thought of his comment before he finished passed them and disappeared into the kitchen, the whole while his heart was thudding against his ribcage, just seeing her had that effect on him.

“That was a little rough.” Isabelle told Eli once she came back into the kitchen and narrowed her gaze in his direction. He was rummaging through the take out bags that were on the counter in search of something appealing to eat when Isabelle had reentered the room. He merely shrugged and walked over to the table after finding something appealing to eat, opening the container before stabbing a fork into its contents. “Fine, don’t talk about it..again. You two are just as bad as each other you know that.” The dark haired female huffed irritably as she too rummaged through the take out bags.

“Did you happen to see my brother this morning or did you sneak out before he could wake?” Eli turned the conversation around on her, ignoring the curious yet unhappy look upon Alec’s face from his question.

“I did happen to see him this morning not that it’s any of your business, and he said to tell you that you’re an ass.” Isabelle shot back with a smirk as she came to sit at the table with the rest of them. Eli chuckled and left the banter at that mainly because he was digging into his food not realising how hungry he was until he’d began eating.

[Yunalesca]

The fact Eli had been able to sneak up on her was unnerving and a sign she was either slacking in her awareness of her surroundings or had been succeeding at ignoring him entirely. Regardless of the reason she was flustered when she walked away with her face turning red in fury that he felt he could speak to her. He had said he would never do so again and yet he had without a pause of breath. He also seemed like a changed man, but that proved to be otherwise a voice whispered through her mind and instantly a pain shot through her chest again. Her hand slammed against the exterior of her door whilst her free hand clutched at the fabric over her heart. What he did shouldn't matter to her as she had been looking for a way to make a clean break from him, but she couldn't shake the feelings of betrayal and agonizing pain that had come with seeing him emerge from his room with another woman. You were never going to give him that she heard some dark part of herself respond with. In truth she didn't know what may have become of them should she have given him the chance, but what difference did it make to dwell on that now? She would never know as he had clearly moved on from the incessant chase for her affections. With a snarl she opened the door to her room and slammed it to make a point though there was no-one there to hear it. She was battling with this want to hurt him for what he had done. It didn't feel like something she would ever think of and she recoiled sharply as she was reminded that she could tell Hodge that Eli had brought a Downworlder to the Institute without permission. He would be thrown out, maybe even have a trial a sick and evil voice prodded in the back of her mind. She felt a twinge of excitement at the thought of Eli being thrown out of the community and felt sick with herself almost as quickly. I can't do that to him, no matter how he hurt me the real Audrina said back in a sad, lost tone. For all he had done to her she still couldn't bring herself to return it. She closed her eyes and threw herself on her bed. She couldn't win.

*

For the remainder of the day Audrina did something she hadn’t ever stooped to doing, she hid herself away in her room to avoid running into Eli. The Institute was big enough she could have gone the day without doing so, but he knew her favorite places to go and odds were they would eventually cross paths in either the kitchen or the Library as those seemed to be the two most popular places to go outside of the training room and she didn’t think she’d ever set foot in there again. She managed to busy herself by organizing the clues she had gained and locations she had already scouted in her attempts to find her mother’s whereabouts. She was still in New York somewhere and she hoped by x-ing off areas of a map would help her narrow it down. By the time 9:30 rolled around she was caught up in her work and had created a rather impressive collage of what she knew. She stepped back and admired the splayed map with notes and colors across it to signify different things.

She was so indulgent with the piece she didn’t hear the footsteps stop outside her door before a fist was banging against the wood. She jumped at the noise before scrambling to hide her work away as Isabelle was yelling through the door. “I’ll be dressed when I’m ready!” She yelled back at the Shadowhunter’s threats. With her curtains drawn she hadn’t realized the time and honestly didn’t know where to begin with an outfit suitable enough to Isabelle, and she honestly did believe the girl would force her into some outlandish getup if she didn’t choose wisely. Then there was the matter of her battle wounds that would show more prominently once she was in ‘club’ gear. She didn’t want to rune herself, but felt she would have no choice as she didn’t want the others to see more injuries than what they assumed she had already. To save herself from further lecturing she pulled out her stele and drew an iratze on her abdomen, hissing through most of it as she felt everything she had been standing for was crumbling away in pieces.

Quickly she moved to her wardrobe to find something she could wear, knowing Shadowhunting gear wasn’t going to fly and would lead to suspicion of her motives. She had no intention of sticking around the club, but she didn’t need to give Isabelle any clues about it. If she didn’t pick her clothes carefully she was sure both Isabelle and Clary would see through her and not leave her alone for a moment. So it was with reluctance she pulled a red and black dress from the back of the armoire (here), left forgotten in favor of other clothes that had been proven to attract those she preyed on. There was nothing wrong with it, it just wasn’t what got a vampire’s attention. She did intend to go on the prowl once she gave the girls the slip, but she could still fight in the dress and she was doing the active hunting now instead of the other way around. She didn’t feel she could go back to seducing the unsuspecting again. There were too many damaging memories that may surface the moment she got one close enough to interrogate. It was much safer for her to start off with the immediate upper hand.

“Audrina!” Came from the other side of the door almost as soon as the dress was on and black thigh high boots were laced into place. She had weapons on her, though not nearly as many as before. The outfit didn’t give her much leeway in terms of hiding blessed blades so she had to leave many of her favorites behind in favor of the smaller and more discreet. She slid her stele into a holster at the rim of her boot before opening the door. “Oh, I do like that color on you. You look fantastic. Now let’s go!” She said after smudging some of the blonde’s makeup around her eyes to dramatize the smoky effect. Audrina felt like a goth pin up, but she figured with the right scowl on her face she would be left alone long enough to make her exit without anyone trailing her. With a sigh of irritability she donned her plainest jacket (her best one was destroyed) and exited her room. Let’s get this over with she thought.

*

If she thought she would shake the girls easily she was dead wrong. They hovered around her as she refused to take the dance floor at the new Downworlder club called ‘Necto’. The name alone had made her nervous as she expected for it to be run by the fae and consequently she was get stuck inside, but Isabelle had assured her that it was run by a lesser warlock. Apparently Magnus wasn’t the only one in town who liked to have a good time.

Despite her best efforts to be a downer, it wasn’t working the effect she wished it would. Isabelle and Clary wouldn’t leave her be until she danced with them so she did so reluctantly. The music was heavy and so was the air on the crowded dance floor, puffs of fog shooting out from invisible machines. She managed to keep other hands away from her with a mere look and was ultimately left alone as she turned to see Isabelle and Clary had wandered off somewhere on the floor, leaving her now they were satisfied she as letting herself have a good time. She rolled her eyes with relief and made her way off the floor and to a standing table in the back to hide for a moment and catch her breath. She could leave now and they’d be none the wiser for quite some time.

“You hold the same temperament as her, you know,” came a man’s voice as Audrina was distracted with sipping water she snagged from a waiter’s tray. Her eyes rolled up to see a well-dressed blonde standing before her table. He was easy on the eyes and an air of confidence surrounded him. He’d be a fine catch for any girl if you could look past the fact he wasn’t alive. “I didn’t come here to do battle with you,” he said the moment she tensed and what he said fully registering.

“Who is it I’m supposed to remind you of?” She said with an edge, hand wrapped around her stele despite his call for a truce.

“Your mother of course. I came to help you find her.” He said simply, for that was all he needed to say.

*

“Oh for the love of all that is Holy. Clary, call Jace, I can’t carry her any farther. She’s dead weighting me!” Isabelle growled in frustration as Audrina lolled her head against the girls shoulder and mumbled something unintelligible. When she had dragged the girl out she hadn’t expected for her to get blasted out of her mind and need to be carried home. She looked tiny, but it was some kind of sham as the brunette Shadowhunter couldn’t find the strength to carry her the final two blocks.

“He won’t pick up. We’re not exactly on the greatest terms right now.” The red head said apologetically as Isabelle leaned against a building for support. She hated to look weak and the fact she couldn’t carry a 120 pound girl from the subway station to the Institute was weak.

“Call Eli,” she offered and got a look from the other Shadowhunter. “I know, just do it. I’m freezing my ass off out here.” She grumbled as she set Audrina on her feet, but continued to support her. “Just had to have too much to drink, didn’t you?”

“Didn’t have…anything.” The blonde managed to slur back with her eyes still closed.

“Like anyone would roofie a Shadowhunter….” She stopped herself mid-sentence as she recalled the blonde vampire speaking with Audrina and leading her outside before Isabelle had followed and stopped the Shadowhunter from leaving with him. She had looked rather confused as to how she had ended up outside. The vampire had disappeared before Isabelle had the mind to ask him how many drinks he had bought Audrina.

[Serendipity]

Eli had struggled to keep himself occupied during the rest of the afternoon, he had returned to the laundry after eating in the kitchen with the others. His clothes had finished in the wash so he’d put them in the dryer and stood watching them spin until the cycle was finished because he had nothing better to do with his time. The dark haired shadowhunter became lost in his own thoughts for a time, and it was in that time that he remembered he needed to contact the London Institute to inform them that he wouldn’t be going back to stay though he would organise to return to collect his and his brother’s belongings. They would also want to know about Travis’s capture and how he had been freed, the Clave had been informed via a letter from Hodge and also himself but knowing the head of the Institute at London like he did, she would want to know details directly from him.

So it was after he returned and put away his then clean clothes that he found his phone in the top draw beside his bed and dialed the number that would put him through to the Institute in London. He was on the phone for half an hour explaining where he had ended up, how he had followed leads that indicated his brother was alive and he would have been on longer if he hadn’t cut the conversation of short telling her he would explaining everything in more detail face to face because he didn’t want to repeat everything he’d said to her over the phone a second time. He would just be reliving memories he would rather put aside and never remember again. By the time he’d ended the conversation with the head of London Institute it was nearing eight o’clock but it wasn’t late enough and he wasn’t tired enough to sleep yet so he wandered down to the kitchen to what else there was to eat, and perhaps stir Isabelle a little more regarding his brother. But Isabelle wasn’t there, apparently she and Clary were in her room getting ready for a ‘girls night’ according to Jace, though what surprised the male the most was that Audrina had agreed to go along.

Sure she did, so she can sneak off again after her vampire friends. Eli scoffed silently to himself as he slumped a hip against the kitchen counter by the fridge, arms coming up across his chest as he tried to relax. The idea that Audrina would be out there again tonight chasing vampires and the Angel knew what else put him on edge a bit, and he couldn’t help the concern that coursed through him considering she had looked pretty banged up after last nights escapades. “You don’t look happy about that?” Jace arched a brow in the other males direction sensing the edginess in him. “I don’t care what she does.” Eli replied a little too quickly with a dark glower at the younger shadowhunter and only received a smirk from the boy. “And what would your redhead think of you worrying about another? Are you seeing her again?”

Eli growled softly beneath his breath and jerked away from the counter before he made steps towards the kitchen door, he wasn’t in the mood for Jace at the moment, especially if their conversation was going to be on the female gender. “Goodnight, Jace.” He said before disappearing out the door not caring that he had left without grabbing something to settle his hungry stomach. It wasn't hard to make the decision to go out and visit the diner he liked so much just around the corner, it was easier than making something and at least he could be on his own with his own thoughts.

---

Eli was just placing a few bills on the table for his meal when his phone buzzed in his pocket, his fingers slipping inside before he brought the device up to his ear, tapping the ‘answer’ button as he did so. It was his brother on the other end, Travis had always had a tendency to make late night phone calls and was just lucky this time that Eli was still awake and had answered. “I can’t get hold of Izzy so I thought I’d give you a call instead, I can’t sleep, what’s your excuse?” He informed his older sibling after Eli had asked if there was anything wrong. “She’s out. I’m just heading back to the Institute now, like always there was nothing to eat there.” Eli explained although that wasn’t entirely true, he just hadn’t wanted to be bugged by Jace about a certain redhead.

“How are you holding up after last night? Darcey said to say ‘Hi’ by the way.” Travis asked, adding the last part in amusement and Eli could just picture the smirk on his little brothers face and groaned into the phone, shaking his head, he didn’t need reminding that he had bought another woman back to his room even if nothing had happened, but it seemed Travis wanted to pay him out for it. Whether or not the redhead had informed Travis of any details regarding last night he didn’t know, Travis hadn’t said anything and for that Eli was relieved, he didn’t want his business gossiped about amongst the werewolves. “I’m sure she did,” Eli replied before turning the conversation around on his brother, getting back to the reason he had called the younger Ashdown in the first place; he was going to return to London in the next few days.

“Are you coming back to New York?” Travis questioned a little worriedly, he of course was concerned for the reason of why Eli wanted to go back to London, that and since he couldn’t go back there it would make seeing his brother again difficult. “Yeah, I’m coming back, there are just a few loose ends I have to tie up and collect the rest of my things and yours, if you want them that is.” Eli explained and heard the sigh of relief from the other end of the phone, and it made him smile knowing that some part of Travis still needed and wanted his big brother around. “But I’ll need a place to stay when I return, I think I’ve outstayed my welcome here and...and it will just be easier if I’m not around.” The older Ashdown explained, referring to Audrina when he said it would be easier if he wasn’t ‘around’.

“So that’s it then? You’ve given u-” Travis admonished in quick reply but Eli didn’t allow him to get any further in his sentence before he was interrupting a little angrily. “I haven’t given up anything, Travis! She’s given up. I’ve tried. Everyday I’ve tried and its hard as hell, not to mention exhausting trying to break down her ice walls every damn day just to have a civil conversation with her or a simple cup of coffee.” He said, taking a breath before he continued speaking, wanting his brother to understand that it wasn’t up to him anymore whether Audrina let him in, it was now all up to her. “What happened with Maddox…” His voice shook slightly at the memory, it was still so fresh in his mind as he guessed it was for Audrina too. “And certain things in her past, it’s made her shut off worse than before, she’s been hurt too many times. I can’t force her to let me in, or anyone else for that matter! Too many people have hurt and disappointed her.” He told his brother, calming down a little since he realised that Travis didn’t fully understand the situation. Eli had a feeling he was also one of those people who had disappointed the blonde, and he didn’t know how to make it right again.

“I just hope you can live with that decision, if you leave the Institute you might not be welcomed back, especially since you chose to live amongst downworlders,” Travis responded after a few moments of silence. “You are coming to stay with me once you return from London, aren’t you?”

“Yeah, where else would I go - ah, I’ll have to call you back, there’s another call coming through.” Eli answered and said a quick goodbyes to his brother as his phone beeped at him letting him know someone else was trying to get through. He thought maybe it was Jace ringing to apologise or badger him further about the redhead again. He was surprised when he heard Clary’s voice on the other end of the phone, and at first he considered not answering, but as her number continued to flash over the screen he found himself doing just that. “If this is some drunken girly call to tell me how hot you think I am, thank you, but I’m not in the mood and you should call Jace instead.” Eli told her with some of the arrogance he was known for and a little smirk, though she couldn’t see it, before she could get a word out after his ‘Hello, Clary.’.

“I might be a little tipsy, but I am not drunk and I’m certainly not making a ‘drunken girly call to tell you how hot you are’ and if I could get hold of Jace, I would!” Clary respond with clear frustration and it had Eli stopping in his tracks, she sounded worried on top of the frustration she was clearly feeling over not being able to get hold of the younger male. “What’s wrong?” Eli asked, his voice turning serious as he sensed something was indeed wrong.

“We need your help...ah..getting Audrina home. She’s, um - well she’s rather intoxicated and we’re at the subway but it’s too difficult for just Isabelle and I to get her the rest of the way home.” Clary explained in a great big rush to get all her words out before Eli could interrupt or hang up at the mention of the blonde.

“Sooo...you want me to help you, help her get home because she’s too drunk to look after herself?” There was a sarcastic edge to his words that he was sure Clary heard, but he wasn’t trying to disguise it anyway. He might be a little hypocritical towards the blonde considering he had gone out drinking two nights in a row, but he hadn’t written himself completely and had still managed to get back to the Institute safely. As far as he was concerned Audrina had Isabelle and Clary with her, she didn’t need his help and he was almost one hundred percent sure she wouldn’t want it or appreciate it anyway. “Isn’t there a rune you can put on her to sober her up, I’ve got better things to do then look after someone who doesn’t want to be looked after. Bye, Clary. I’ll send Jace.” He told the girl and removed the phone from his ear to hang up.

“Elijah! Izzy say’s her drink was spiked by some vamp-” Clary’s words cut off before she could finish as Eli ended the call, although it was possibly a little too hastily considering what Clary had been trying to tell him, though his finger had already been in the process of ending the call just as she’d said the words ‘spiked’ and ‘vampire’. Eli cursed, his whole thought process changing when he realised that the blonde wasn’t just drunk and that a vampire had something to do with it. Clary answered his call immediately once he hit re-dial. “Stay where you are, I’m on my way. Don’t you dare move from that spot.” Eli told the girl after she gave him their location.

---

“How could you let her go off with some vampire Isabelle!” Eli exclaimed angrily as he shouldered one of Audrina’s arms around his neck, and one of his own slipped around her waist bringing her against his hip. He had arrived as quickly as he could and the sight that greeted him wasn’t a pretty one at all and only made his stomach clench with further concern. The look he had given her was enough to melt ice, however the look she returned in his direction was worse and for a moment he thought she was about to hit him.

“I did not let her go off with some vampire! If I did, I doubt she would be here right now.” Isabelle retorted and stepped away from him once it appeared he had a good hold on the blonde and she wouldn’t fall.

“I thought you girls were supposed to keep an eye on each other when you went out together, how did that jerk get anywhere near her. What did he put in her drink, is it poison?” He was more worried about Audrina then he was angry at isabelle, yet he was taking it out on her. Deep down he knew that Audrina was her own responsibility and not anyone elses, Isabelle wasn’t her ‘keeper’ and neither was he.

“I don’t know what he gave her! Jeez, stop being an ass! I’d never let her get hurt if i could help it.”

[Yunalesca]

When Eli arrived to assist with getting Audrina back to the Institute she could barely be considered conscious. Given that she didn't have a clue as to what was going on and couldn't sort through the dense fog in her mind she leaned her head on his shoulder without a second thought, just thankful to have something to rest it on. It was an action highly uncharacteristic for her and was a sure sign that she wasn’t quite herself. “Don’t blame her…” She managed to sigh between the argument happening on either sides of her, voices stopping at her far away sound. “He lied…He…lied,” she mumbled before Isabelle pressed for details though it was essentially futile considering she was drugged and couldn’t make sense of what was going on around her. “Said he’d take me to her.” Was all she managed before she was dead weight again, making the dark haired Shadowhunter grumble.

“If she was poisoned I’m sure she’d be throwing up green vomit by now instead of speaking in code.” Isabelle offered before starting forward, half dragging Audrina as she could barely shift her feet into a walking motion. It was cold and the Shadowhunter had had enough of the standing around outside. Not to mention that demons could smell vulnerability if they were close enough and with one incapacitated Shadowhunter, they were definitely vulnerable.

“At least she hasn’t turned into a rat yet,” Clary offered in an attempt to lighten the mood. “I rather thought it was a fitting form for him. Maybe it would help her disposition.” Isabelle responded with and failing to clue Eli in on what exactly the girls were talking about. Seeing the look on his face, Clary merely said ‘it’s a long story’ as an explanation clearly wouldn’t lighten the mood like she intended. Eli’s mood had been sour on the phone and it didn’t appear like it would improve much over the course of the night. What Clary couldn’t devise was whom he was actually upset with. He was taking it out on Isabelle, but the red head had to wonder if he was mad at Audrina, thinking she had done this to herself, or angry at himself for not seeing this coming. To be fair neither of the girls’ had expected a Vampire would be so bold as to slip a Shadowhunter some sort of drug.

“I think whatever he gave her was to get her to go willingly. She acted like she didn’t know how she got outside and couldn’t even answer basic questions before she got like this. Hopefully she can just sleep it off.” Isabelle offered quietly, though she expected to get snapped at again despite her explanation. She hadn’t thought she would need to babysit the blonde, she was mean and non-participatory all evening. How the Vampire had slipped her something she still couldn’t fathom. Despite being drugged, the girl had been extremely adamant she hadn’t had a drop of alcohol all night and Isabelle was inclined to believe her.

“Rel, why’d you dye your hair red? It was so pretty…golden like mother’s…” Audrina was saying as she looked at Clary though her eyes were glassy. Clary looked at Isabelle with a confused expression and mouthed ‘who’s Rel’.

“Her sister, Aurelie.” Isabelle explained quietly as the blonde was closing her eyes again.

“She has a sister? I never knew that…”

“Had. It’s not a conversation she’s very open to have. She implied she died some time ago when she first showed up at the Institute. Nothing else was said after that. She never left it open for discussion.” Isabelle explained as she saw the Institute drawing near and felt a final push of energy. Soon they’d be inside and Audrina would be put to bed. Isabelle was just glad the girl was coming back tonight, the intentions of the Vampire were unknown but she was very sure he hadn’t intended on letting the Shadowhunter go anywhere once he had her where he wanted her.

Clary opened the Institute for them and once the warm air hit Isabelle’s skin she breathed easier. “Let’s set her down for a moment, I need a second.” She admitted begrudgingly to Eli. She prided herself on being able to keep up with any male Shadowhunter, but the cold had sapped her strength. She looked down at the blonde and furrowed her brows. To be honest she didn’t have a clue on what it was she had been given, but the fact she hadn’t thrown up or turned a different color made her feel more confident that it had been some sort of a roofie. She couldn’t fathom why the Vampire would risk the Accords and do such a thing, but she felt it had to do with this ‘her’ that he had lured Audrina with from the get go. She didn’t think she would ever get to know who that ‘her’ was either.

Isabelle was just about to get Audrina back up off the floor when she began scratching at her own arms, red impressions dragging down her white skin. “Get it off, get it off!” She sobbed before Isabelle took hold of the girl’s hands and held them to the floor. Audrina twisted and pulled against Isabelle’s strong grip while she continued to sob.

“Audrina, get what off? There’s nothing on you!” Came Clary’s voice as Isabelle struggled with holding her down.

“The blood, get it off! I don’t want it…I don’t…” She sobbed while her hands tensed into fists. Isabelle looked to Eli with a worried expression. Whatever the Vampire had given her wasn’t just a mind numbing drug, it was making her hallucinate and seeing Clary as her sister had been the first sign. At this point Isabelle didn’t know what to do. Did they let the drug run its course and strap her down, let her witness horrors until it was free from her system? “He left me, he left me…” She was sobbing now, no longer fighting as something else entered her brain.

“Maybe we should get her to her room before the next episode starts….” Clary offered, standing back slightly with worried expression across her face.

[Serendipity]

Eli knew that it wasn’t Isabelle’s fault that Audrina was in such a state, he was simply mad at the whole situation and unfortunately Isabelle was in his firing line, he would have to apologise to her later. He was mad at himself for caring so damn much about the woman he had his arm around to keep upright, and he was mad at her for being so stubborn and reckless. And not returning your feelings, a voice chided in his ear, but he quickly shook it off, focussing his attention back on Isabelle who was on the other side of Audrina and getting them all back to the Institute as quickly as possible. There was no telling what was lurking in the shadows, vampires, demons or even the fea could be pretty nasty and Eli had no weapons on his person to fend them off if they did happen to be attacked.

He shot Clary as bemused look at her attempt to lighten the mood between them all, he wasn’t sure what she meant by Audrina not turning into a rat though it wasn't important enough now for him to ask her what she meant and Isabelle was responding so he wouldn’t have to. He remained silent for the remainder of the journey back to the Institute, he’d done enough ‘telling off’ and the person he really wanted to tell off was far too incapacitated to care or even comprehend what he might be telling her off for. Eli was also so quiet because through Audrina’s seemingly odd rambling’s he knew what she was recalling and the others did not, and if he responded in order to soothe the blonde, Isabelle and Clary would know just how much the two of them had shared.

“It’s alright I’ve got her.” Eli assured the brunette after Isabelle reluctantly admitted she needed a break from half carrying the blonde shadowhunter. He could have easily taken Audrina on his own though he’d suspected Isabelle had wanted to help in some way and had allowed her to help walk Audrina between them. Audrina’s small body slumped against his taller frame, her head resting against his shoulder as he held her close to his side with one arm around her waist as they waited for Isabelle to catch her breath. After a couple of minutes Eli grew a little anxious, he didn’t like standing out in the open like this, it felt far too vulnerable for his liking and he gently urged Isabelle to keep going. “There’s not much further to go, I’ll take her the rest of the way.” He encouraged.

They were just preparing to continue on their journey of getting Audrina home when she suddenly started fretting and scratching at her own arms. She was strong for such a small thing and took Eli by surprise with her struggles, half slipping down his body before he caught her. “Shit, Audrina. Stop.” He said, though not angrily, merely surprised. He quickly decided, upon realising she was obviously hallucinating that it might be safer if she were lying instead of standing and lowered her the rest of the way to the pavement as Isabelle came and took her hands, pinning them to her sides. For a moment he thought she was hallucinating about Maddox, reliving the nightmare that was still fresh for both of them, but soon he realised that wasn’t the case. He knelt beside the blonde as she struggled against Isabelle’s hold and lifted a hand to her forehead, gently smoothing back some of her blonde locks. He looked just as puzzled as the other two when she started shouting about there being blood on her, and he only shrugged at the silent question Clary asked when she turned to look at him.

He briefly acknowledge Isabelle's worried gaze before he leant in closer to the blonde and continued to smooth back her hair. “Hey...ssh, you are safe. I’m not going to let anyone hurt you.” He whispered in her ear, just enough for only her to hear. He then looked back at Isabelle agreeing with a nod that they needed to get her to her room where she could sleep whatever the vampire had given her off and at least they would know she was safe within the Institute walls.

---

Eli had quickly gathered the blonde up into his arms once she had calmed enough and had stopped scratching at her arms, it was the quickest way to get her back and he hoped that it might have had a calming affect on her also. She had been soothed by his closeness in the past and he was only hoping that some part of her was still comforted by his presence now. It seemed she was as he managed to get her inside the institute and back to her room without further protest or another episode of bad memories. He had barely managed to convince isabelle that it was alright that he stayed with her, the brunette had wanted to stay feeling as though Audrina would reciprocate her presence better than she would his, but there must have been something in his gaze that the other shadowhunter saw and she allowed him to stay with Audrina instead.

“I would warn you that she’ll likely kill you if she wakes to find you in her room...but something tells me you already know that and are risking it anyway.” Were the brunette’s words to him before she disappeared with Clary and left Eli alone to look after the blonde. He had set her down on her bed, adjusting the pillows more comfortably under her head before he’d removed her boots. Her boots were all he removed before pulling the covers up under her chin, and then went in search of a glass to fill with water, setting that down beside her bed. The next thing he did was find a chair and scoot it closer to her, and then all that was left to do was wait it out, comfort her through an episode, perhaps try and get to drink some water if he could.

His promise was broken, he was in her room once more, but at this point in time he did not care and perhaps he would leave before she woke when he was sure she was okay.

[Yunalesca]

Once she was in her bed she remained still, whatever torments she hallucinated remaining trapped within her mind. She felt paralyzed as she couldn't act out against the showers of blood and heinous creatures that haunted her mind. That 'voice of reason' that had been plaguing her was nowhere to be found. It had told her before that she didn't feel pain not fear, but it was all a lie. When vampires took teeth to her skin in her dreams, she felt pain. The muscles in her arm twitched when she hallucinated sharp teeth sinking into her vein, but it was the strongest reaction she could have to alert anyone that the drug hadn't worn off. It had worked through her bloodstream enough to trick her brain into believing she could not move. Her screams were silent and only in her head as creatures tormented her, egged her on to attack her own family and at one point, Eli. Her heart had generated the image as her brain still refused to believe he meant anything to her. He was supposed to defend her against these nightmares, but in bringing his likeness to her mind she had been forced to kill him. She watched the light drain from his eyes as she pulled the blade from his chest and it was enough to make a break in her mind. Through the potency of the drug she managed to make a muffled cry before turning on her side and facing Eli, though she couldn't know he was there.

"Eli," her lips whispered as the scene continued to play out in slow motion within her mind. She broke through the guise that had taken over her body and took his hand, feeling warmth, though she was still asleep and didnt know she had actually taken his hand that had been rested on the bed. She felt pain coursing through her, pain so much worse than what she had felt when she had seen him with another woman. She believed she had just killed him and nothing could compare with that kind of grief. "Always knew I would get you killed," came from her as she was imagining she held his limp body in her lap and were speaking to him. In her dream she brushed his dark hair from his forehead and sobbed as she knew it would be the last time she would ever do so. "Should have let you in...and now you're gone," she whispered through her nightmare before everything was gone. Eli's body turned to sand and slipped through her fingers as the colors of her imagined world began to bleed away until she was left alone in the darkness. The drug sapped her of everything and locked her in the deepest part of her mind, a room absent of light or sound. She screamed for anyone, but nothing came back but her own voice. This was where she remained until she would wake late the following morning.

At first nothing about her was changed outside of the slight increase in heartbeat. Her mouth felt like it was full of cotton and her head began to pound in pain the more she became alert. Her limbs were slower to wake as they felt heavy from the drug that had paralyzed her muscles through most of the night. Feeling began at her toes and worked its way up until she could feel the warmth enveloping her hand. This was what finally made her eyes begin to open, darkness peeling away as her greys lazily followed the length of her pale arm before she saw her hand folded and wrapped around another. In her groggy state she thought nothing of it before her eyes lifted to see an all too familiar face resting peacefully on her coverlet. With the dense fog still clearing her mind she found she could not react until she tried to remember how she had got to bed with Eli following her. When she could recall nothing past her exiting the Institute with Isabelle and Clary she immediately flew into panic.

Adrenaline hit her and her hand pulled agressively from Eli's before she was out of her bed and backed up against the wall by her window. Her eyes were wide with a mixture of fear, confusion, and rage as she looked at him still trying to wipe the grogginess from his own. Her pulse raced and her chest heaved before she looked down to see herself in the dress she had gone out in the night before. Her eyes shot back up to Eli as she flattened herself further against the wall to get as far from him as possible. "What did you do to me, why can't I remember anything?!" She said harshly and yet laced with so much fear. Anything could have been done to her last night and she would be none the wiser. Worst possible scenarios were flying around in her mind and not doing Eli any favors. "What kind of game are you playing? Is one girl not enough?!" She cried the last part, letting her pain slip out in her voice and immediately getting angrier because of it. She never wanted him to know how much that had hurt for her to see, she didn't want him to know how he could cut her. Anxiety was building in droves within her, her breathing fast and ragged as she imagined all sorts of horrors he may have done that she couldn't remember. It was out of his character to even consider hurting her, but she didn't see reason at the moment. All she knew was that 10 hours of her life had disappeared and Eli was the only one there when she woke.

[Serendipity]

Eli suspected that although on the outside Audrina appeared calm an like she was simply sleeping that there was still a silent torment going on within her. Someone else who hadn't studied this woman as closely as he had over the last month wouldn't have seen the tension coiling through her limbs, but he saw the tell tale twitches of muscle, and more importantly he sensed it and felt completely helpless that he couldn't help her though he continued to whisper words of soothing to her. He had leant so far forward on the chair next to her bed he was practically kneeling, his arms resting over the mattress beside her, and his hands itched to hold her but he felt that was no longer appropriate between them and they stayed where they were for now. He was clueless to what hallucinations haunted her, were they Maddox, her family, or specific members of her family? He didn't know, but nothing surprises him more when she whispered his name an hour into her ordeal.

The dark haired male had his head resting on his arms beside her when he heard his name whispered from her lips, and was just lifting his head to see if she had woken and found him there when her hand reached for one of his, curling around his fingers once she'd found it close by. Audrina's eyes still remained shut though when he lifted his gaze to her face although her lips began to move again and she appeared in a great deal of anguish over...him. He blinked, unsure of what to make of her words, what was she seeing behind closed lids; whatever it was, it was still part of her nightmarish hallucinations. His heart constricted tightly in his chest as he saw the pain twist over her face even as she remained in her sleep like state. "Nothing's happened to me, sweetheart. I'm here, right here with you now and I'm ok." Eli soothed gently entwining his fingers through hers.

It was when she spoke of regretfully not letting him in and it being too late to change it that he rose the rest of the way out of the chair an slid in beside her with familiar ease. Any thoughts that he shouldn't be comforting her this way any longer had slipped fr his mind now as the need to do so outweighed whether it was wrong or not. He brought her closer against his chest as he laid on his side and smoothed back her hair before his arm slid around her waist to keep her close. If the situation were a little better he might have actually felt pleased that he featured in her hallucinations but he continued to only feel worried and of course angry at the vampire who had done this to her. If he ever found out who it was they wouldn't make it to the next sundown, his blades would see to it.

Honestly he hadn't intended to stay with her until she woke up and found him there, but that's what happened and what made it worse was the fact that he hadn't moved back to the chair once she had calmed. Now as he's eyes slowly opened upon the sudden shift from the bed along with an angry voice, it was too late. Even in his still half asleep state he saw how frightened Audrina was at finding him in her bed an cursed softly beneath his breath as he made to sit up, rubbing sleep from his eyes. "Sorry, I didn't mean to fall asleep-hang on...what do you mean 'what did you do to me'?, I haven't done anything to you." Eli tried to reassure the blonde but it was a fruitless effort, she appeared adamant that he had caused her suffering. What made it worse, and hurt him more, was the fact that she could think he would have taken advantage of her.

He didn't speak for a long time after the last accusation, pushing himself up then off her bed, his teeth gritted almost painfully as she slunk away from him looking both frightened and angry. So she thought he had somehow taken away her inababitions and her memories of them, clearly she didn't know him as well as he thought she did otherwise she would know he wasn't like that. He was not Maddox. "Stop comparing me to the beast you're still so afraid of even though he's gone." Eli snapped, all of a sudden awake an just as angry as she appeared to be. "If you truly think I'm capable of what you are accusing me of then I can't help you anymore, and you'll get your wish - I won't be coming back to the institute." The male growled as he stood from the bed an took a few steps towards the door before he paused. "I'm sorry you think of me that way, like I could hurt you, after everything..." He said with a last sigh and shook his head sadly as he reached for the door. "Ask Izzy what happened, I'm not going to defend myself against you any longer. Goodbye, Audrina..."

Eli didn't look back as he exited her room for the very last time, his stomach twisted violently at the prospect of never seeing her again and his heart shattered just a little bit more with each step that took him further away from her. But he had to do it - at least that was what he kept telling himself; this was no way for him to live, trying to win her affections gently each day only to have her spit at his efforts and stomp on his heart. He was done. London was his next stop but he still had a few things to finish up here before he could go, like informing Hodge he wouldn't be back as well as the others (Alec not do much).

[Yunalesca]

Even when he was gone she couldn’t peel herself from the wall she had been clinging to. She could feel she was on the verge of a panic attack as it was increasingly hard to get her breathing under control. The threat is gone that voice came to her at last, only this time it made her more afraid. At hearing Eli wasn’t coming back she felt like the world was falling down around her. Her chest constricted and she slid down to the floor, gripping her knees to her chest like a lost child. She could hear that guiding voice trying to tell her she never needed him, that he was an evil force, but it was only a whisper compared to the shattering happening in her heart. Like I could hurt you, after everything… his voice came to her ears and she shuddered. In her heart she knew he would never inflict pain on her willingly. He had fought for her from the moment they met and she had just driven him away, so far she may never see him again. The voice in her head grew quiet as it felt its efforts were wasted. At the sudden silence of it all she felt herself crying, hot trails of tears moving down her face as she felt like she was once again trapped inside that empty room she’d had nightmares of before. She had been alone for so long and yet over the last few months she’d known Eli would be there when she fell. What would her world be now without him? You are ready now, that voice returned gently and her sobs ceased. Her hand came up and mechanically wiped the tears away before she unfolded herself. She found her feet and robotically turned from the bed to the bathroom. The headache she had felt from the drug was barely a registered throb now as something else took over her mind, guiding her and coaxing her. She grew more and more convinced that this was what she had been looking for; that the time had finally come to where she could devote her entire self to the purpose that had drove her to New York in the first place. It was time to move on and free her mother from the monster she had become.

*

It had been a week since Eli had left and she hadn’t spent a second thinking about it as she lived on the streets looking for her mother. She told herself she hadn’t returned to the Institute to keep the others from questioning her, but the reality was it was far too painful for her to return to her room to see the bed she had shared with Eli on occasion, or to pass by his door and not feel his life force inside. They had shared time together in too many places at the Institute and all of them would have brought her to tears. In her mind she was far stronger than that, but she still didn’t risk it. The phone she had barely ever used had been destroyed by her own hand after Isabelle’s call the second night she didn’t come home. She didn’t want them to find her. She had lived alone and without shelter in the past, she could do so again. Besides, she knew she didn’t have much longer now before she would find her mother’s sanctuary.

The only issue was the nights she spent alone and woke herself from the nightmares. She found herself reaching for a hand that wasn’t there. When the voice wasn’t there in her head to shield her from her broken heart she cried for him. Eli’s name escaped her lips in sorrowful tone as she sat herself up and huddled herself against the wall of wherever it was she found herself sleeping for a few hours before her hunt resumed. Those times were the worst and nearly drove her to the Institute’s front door each time. She found herself yearning for a connection with anyone. There were times she found herself in a daze and walking the familiar path back to the sanctuary, only waking herself before she was within sight of the building. The voice always came to her when she was too close and it directed her away. ‘The Shadowhunters would stop her’ and ‘she had come too far to be withheld now’ were the things the voice assured her of and eased her away from the quest for companionship.

It was the middle of the second week since she had left the Institute for good that she came across what seemed to have been either a hotel or a luxury condominium hub. It was nothing special with its brick exterior and high arching windows, but something about it drew her to a halt. She studied the exterior for a time, pacing around the whole of it in search of something that would give her some clue as to whether an evil dwelled within. Creatures of the night liked old dank buildings and this would certainly fit the bill as it had been condemned in the 40’s for a fire according to the faded notice posted on one of the doors. When her hand brushed at the corners of the paper she felt something click inside her, something tell her this was what she had been looking for. You’re home that voice whispered almost weakly in her mind.

She took a breath and stepped back before looking up to the midday sun. She could enter now and catch the vampires undoubtedly inside while they slept. She could kill them all without a fight, but after all this time looking for her mother she couldn’t bring herself to slay her as she slept. There were things that she couldn’t help but want to ask her even knowing she likely wouldn’t give her answers. The riddle of her father’s death, why the vampires took her family, and why they had fled from Idris before Audrina’s birth were all questions that may only be answered by the matriarch of the family. When she died, those revelations would die with her. I just want to know before I die, Audrina thought in her own voice before turning away to make preparations to enter that night. She would go armed to the teeth, but she held no foolish thoughts she would come out from this alive. She had nothing to convince her otherwise, she had nothing to keep going for. After her mother was dead she wouldn’t want to live with herself any longer. Her mother and this building would burn to the ground with the Shadowhunters’ last breath and that was exactly how she wanted it.

[Serendipity]

You call to me, and I fall at your feet
How could anyone ask for more?
And our time apart, like knives in my heart
How could anyone ask for more?

“Where are you off to then?”

There was no response as the dark haired shadowhunter adjust the duffel bag of his meager belongings over one shoulder, silently slipping past the blonde male standing in his doorway without a word. He didn’t feel like explaining himself, he had done that with Hodge because it was the decent thing to do to let him know that he was leaving, he was exhausted, emotionally and mentally and needed to get as far away from this Institute and Audrina as fast as he could. A part of him would feel guilty for not saying his proper goodbyes to the others, and ignoring Jace now, but for now he was emotionally cold and had withdrawn into himself and his own thoughts. He wasn’t very good with goodbyes anyway since he had never really had anyone to say ‘goodbye’ too until now. Jace, Isabelle, Luke and even Clary had become more than just acquaintances, they had unwittingly become a circle of friends Eli never thought he would have and it pained him to leave them too.

“Hey, Elijah where are you going!” Jace called after him but he heard no footsteps following him down the hall and he didn’t even look back at the other male, just kept on walking. It was the last he heard of Jace’s voice as he disappeared around the corner, his feet taking him to the front entrance of the building in no time at all. Although he didn’t quite make it out the door before he paused, hesitating in the doorway, his hand slipping into the back pocket of his jeans, fingers curling around the stele there...a stele that wasn’t his, but a gift. A gift from the woman he was trying to get far away from in hopes that the distance might mend his shattered heart given some time. Her father’s stele was pulled from his back pocket, and quickly placed inside the pocket of a familiar looking pea coat that he knew was Audrina’s before he could change his mind. It didn’t feel right keeping the stele anymore; he’d reluctantly kept it in the first place and it had only been at Audrina’s assistance that she wanted him to have it that he had kept it. He couldn’t use it now, it would be a constant reminder of the one he wanted but couldn’t have.

But if there's a pill to help me forget,
God knows I haven't found it yet
But I'm dying to, God I'm trying to

'Cause trying not to love you, only goes so far
And trying not to need you, is tearing me apart
Can't see the silver lining, from down here on the floor
And I just keep on trying, but I don't know what for
'Cause trying not to love you
Only makes me love you more
Only makes me love you more

Eli took the final step out of the door, ignoring the gut churning feeling in the pit of his stomach that was trying to tell him that his leaving was a very bad idea, that he needed to stay and the sound of his own voice in his head telling him that Audrina needed him was pushed to the darkest depth of his mind. She didn’t need him and she didn’t want him; he was the one who needed her, who wanted her. He swallowed the lump in the back of his throat before forcing his feet to move, one step in front of the other down the garden path and out of the gate. This was for the best, he told himself, he needed to get away -- get over her because it wasn’t healthy to continue the way he was, trying to be there for her and break down her walls only to get slapped in the face each time. He couldn’t be her emotional punching bag anymore.

He was meeting a lesser warlock at The Hunter’s Moon who would open up a portal that would take him directly back to the London Institute, although he could have left via the portal at the Manhattan Institute he had decided against it in case the others tried to convince him to stay. Hodge had already tried to do just that, telling him that he had a ‘home’ there with them all and it would be a shame to throw that all away. It was nice to know that Hodge had come to consider him part of their family, but it had just made it all the more harder to leave and it was already excruciatingly difficult to walk out those doors as it was.

And this kind of pain, only time takes away
That's why it's harder to let you go (That's why it's harder to let you go)
And nothing I can do, without thinking of you
That's why it's harder to let you go (That's why it's harder to let you go)

So I sit here divided, just talking to myself
Was it something that I did?

“Just in time for a drink before you go,” Travis announced as Eli entered the establishment he was quickly becoming very familiar with over the last week alone. Eli’s brows furrowed as they looked upon his brother sitting at the bar, and he noticed that he already had a beer waiting for him.

“What are you doing here?” Eli asked as he shouldered the duffel bag off and onto the floor beside his feet, taking up one of the stools beside his younger sibling. His fingers curled around the bottle in front of him appreciatively however and he gestured his thanks before downing some of the liquid. “Am I not allowed?” Travis asked with an arch of his brow followed by a smirk as his brother matched the slightly sarcastic gesture with his own brow arch. “You’re allowed.” Eli answered with just a small sigh, not having the strength to keep the lighthearted sarcasm going between them as he once would have.

“Good because I was here first anyway.” The lighter haired male said before turning a more serious look upon his older brother, sipping at his own drink a bit before he asked the question that was plaguing him. “Are you-”

“Don’t.” Eli warned and looked away from the other male, he knew what Travis was about to ask and he didn’t want to hear it, of course he wasn’t sure, he wasn’t sure of anything anymore but this was the easiest solution - not so easy on his heart however. “Just don’t, okay? I’m going back to London for a bit then I’ll be back to stay with you wherever it is you end up, that’s the decision I’ve made and you need to respect it.” He told him before they both fell into silence and finished their drinks.

“Is he coming back?” Jace asked Hodge.

They had all been summoned to the older shadowhunter's office not long after Jace had witnessed Eli’s departure and he suspected the summons had something to do with that. Though he was sore at the other male for walking away from him without a word since he thought they were friends, he suspected that Eli had needed to get away as quickly as possible and explaining his reasons for leaving to Jace would just delay and maybe change his mind about going. He had found Izzy shortly after and she’d explained what had happened the previous night, and that Eli had stayed with the blonde in her room like it seemed he had done before. He’d known that the two had been getting close, and discovering how familiar Eli was with spending the night in Audrina’s room shed some light on just how close they had become. Knowing how Audrina felt about other people and physical contact, Jace doubted there was anything psychical going on between them however. Though he didn’t know the details he could guess that they had argued, worse than before, and this time it had come down to Eli leaving.

Eli wasn’t the only one not present inside the Institute walls however, no one had been able to find Audrina all morning which had gotten Isabelle a little worried considering it hadn’t even been twenty four hours after the blonde had been drugged and hallucinating horrors of her past. But it also wasn’t unusual for her to disappear for hours - sometimes days- on end, though it didn’t mean they didn’t worry for her. She had only been gone the morning however so he hadn’t started worrying too much, and his concern had turned to Eli’s leaving with all his belongings. Jace had just asked Hodge if he was coming back, but the fact that he had packed everything he owned into one bag told him that Eli probably wasn’t coming back, at least not to stay in the Institute with them.

“Of course he’s coming back, this is his home now, he’ll be back.” Isabelle interrupted before Hodge could answer Jace’s questions, trying to sound positive and hopeful for Eli’s return but there was doubt in her eyes even as she said the words.

“No, Isabelle, I’m afraid Elijah will not be returning to the Institute, he has made the choice to relocate with his brother once he returns from London.” Hodge explained once it appeared there would be no more interruptions. “He, however, is more than welcome to come back if he ever wishes too which I promise I have made very clear to him. The choice is his.” The older shadowhunter assured the two, his gaze drifting to the third presence in the room who had remained tight lipped so far. It had always been difficult to gauge what Alec was thinking and feeling, but Hodge suspected the boy wasn’t affected by Eli’s departure as the other two were.

---

Two weeks had passed by rather quickly for Eli, he had spent half a week at the London Institute tying up loose ends and organising Travis and his own belongings back to the States. He hadn’t needed to explain his decision to leave, no one cared for his reasons since he hadn’t made any friends there and at least he didn’t have any difficult goodbyes to make. It was an easy move since he had been given permission to portal all their belongings back rather then sending them via courier the mundane way, which he was grateful for. By the time Eli had finished in London, Travis had informed him that he had found a suitable location for his pack to relocate; They were moving to Queen's, not as far as Eli might have hoped for but he guessed it was far enough. Travis had kept him busy with the move and settling everyone in, it was actually quite an easy task when the remaining loyal pack members were eager for a change. Eli suspected Travis could have accomplished all of this on his own whilst he had been away, but had waited until his return to start the move in order to keep him distracted.

It was working, at least during the daylight hours he could forget his heartache and appear to be himself again, laughing and cracking jokes with his brother, and flirting with any female that battered an eye in his direction. However when he was alone in his room in the evenings it was harder to forget, the numbness he made himself feel in order to keep functioning during the day would fade away and was replaced with a flood of emotion, everything he had ever felt for Audrina, every heartache and disappointment, every good time and every happiness swamped him, and he almost drowned in it every night. When he closed his eyes to sleep the image of her face haunted him making it difficult for him to sleep and the nightmares even worse whenever he could manage it. He worried for her in those hours even though he knew he shouldn’t, and he wondered if she was still at the Institute and what she was doing, if she were okay.

There were often times when he was thinking of her that he felt a sense of fear twist in his stomach, it was a strange feeling but he never thought on it for too long and put it down to everything else he was feeling and that it would one day ease. She was impossible to forget, but he kept telling himself and his heart that it would take time. When things became too much, his thoughts of her too painful, out came his stele and another rune was burned into his skin, the pain from that alone was almost enough to forget the hurt.

Jace and Isabelle had visited when he had first returned from London and he had made his apologies for his abrupt departure, they had asked him to come back but hadn’t argued with him when he’d refused. Nothing of Audrina was mentioned, although he had felt like there was something they weren’t telling him. The only thing that had kept him from asking about her was the memory of the look on her face the very last time he saw her, the fear in her eyes, the disgust and lack of trust there. He was better off not knowing, and told himself if it was anything serious they would say something whether or not he acted upon it.

“It’s a full moon tonight, we are all going for a ‘run’.” He heard his brother’s voice making conversation, penetrate his reverie and realised his dinner had half gone cold before he had even started it. With a sigh, he pushed it aside, trying to ignore the look his brother gave him for it. “I’ll bring you back a rabbit or something. Elijah...that’s the third night in a row I’ve seen you push aside your food, you have to eat. You looking...a little bony.” Travis pointed out, not allowing Eli to ignore the issue this time.

“Bony?” Eli questioned his brothers description of how he looked. “I thought ‘skinny’ was the in thing these days.” He shrugged the other males worry off, although he knew Travis had a point, he hadn’t eaten much at all lately and it was showing, along with the dark rings under his eyes from lack of sleep.

“It works for some people, it doesn’t work for you. It’s a little unattractive actually,” It was Darcey, the redhead who he had ‘almost’ slept with, who answered for Travis as she entered through the jingle of a door and rush of cold air. Eli was still getting used to living among the werewolves and he forgot sometimes that they all had very good hearing, it was hard to keep a conversation to yourself when they were around, and they were always around. She'd obviously overheard Travis's concern and was now voicing her opinion on the matter. At first it had been strange to see her every day considering the awkwardness of their last encounter, but Darcey was very easy going and it hadn't taken him long to grow comfortable around her. She and Travis were also getting along well and a strong friendship was forming, but a friendship was all it was, his brother had eyes for a certain shadowhunter. She took a seat beside Travis in the booth by the door she had just come through and folded her arms over the table top.

With Luke's help Travis had found the perfect place to relocate his pack, an apartment building that hosted a burger joint below. Eli had no idea how the two of them had managed to acquire such a place, but whoever they'd had to bribe it had been worth it. Every member of Travis's pack had their own place to live and make a home out of, albeit the apartments themselves were quite small, and with the restaurant and bar beneath they all had a common area to gather for a good time. On top of it Travis was planning on keeping the restaurant open to other downworlders, that way he and his pack could earn the funds they needed to live comfortably. 'Wereburger', as it had been appropriately named was not yet open for business yet, renovations were still in process as the building had been slightly unkempt and a little run down when they'd taken over. Everyone was involved in the renovations and plans for the restaurant, including Eli which was what had kept him busy enough during the day to forget about a certain someone.

Eli rolled his eyes with a small shake of his head and got to his feet preparing to leave the room since he didn’t feel like getting ganged up on by the two werewolves. “I might go hunting.” He muttered as he left through the front doors which jingled to announce his exit and he made his way around to the side of the building where the entrance to the apartments above was located. If he was going hunting then he needed his gear and his favored knives, he didn't particularly feel like being alone in the restaurant downstairs or in the apartment he shared with his brother if they were all going for a run under the full moon.

[Yunalesca]

Though her mind was consumed with thoughts on how she was going to end this at last, she made herself go to a bistro in Brooklyn to sit down and eat while the day moved on. She didn’t really taste the soup or sandwich that had been handed to her, she didn’t recall what she’d asked for, just stared out the window as she went through the motions of eating. She couldn’t remember if she had eaten the day before or even what day of the week it was. All she could think about was that this was it. All she had worked for was culminating into one battle tonight. Over the past few months she might have envisioned having to ask others to stay out of it, but now she was going in alone without anyone else knowing about it. She didn’t even have the space in her head to think of how Eli might react if he found out what happened. She didn’t consider whether anyone would know she had died doing what she came all this way to do. All she could envision was that final confrontation. She didn’t know how many vampires her mother had brought to her like children, just that they wouldn’t stop her. She could have an army at her fingertips and the Shadowhunter would find a way through them. The odds seemed to be extremely stacked against her success, but after years of dreaming of this she didn’t see it in herself to fail. The halls would be littered with dust and her body burned by the end of it all.

She paused in her vision of burning walls, the toasted bread of her sandwich halfway to her mouth as she froze. She imagined this grand rendition of burning corpses and hadn’t thought of the means for such power. I need runes, she thought and for the first time didn’t shy away from the thought. Her half eaten sandwich was lowered to the plate and she straightened, eyes downcast as she thought of what she would need. This was not something she had considered when she left the Institute two weeks ago and she cursed herself silently for the misstep. To get through vampires successfully she would need a vast array of runes to draw on in time of need. She couldn’t do this alone no matter her skill with a blade. Enough vampire bites and she would be down before ever reaching her mother. I can’t go back there. They would never let me leave, her own voice whispered in her mind. They knew of her disdain for markings and would question why she returned now to delve into the book she had so readily avoided. They would know something was amiss and would hold her until it was explained. Her plans would be in shambles as they locked her away for her own safety.

I can’t give up now, I’m too close! she growled in her mind, hands sinking into her growing hair in frustration. She could turn to no one for help. Nobody she knew would willingly let her die after fighting with her in battle. She needed the Gray Book. Suddenly she paused again, eyes growing wide and breath stopping. She didn’t need the Gray Book that was held at Institutes. She just needed a Gray Book. With that she quickly stood, shouldering the small bag she had left the Institute with. She knew someone who had one and who would honor her request for silence. Magnus Bane owed her one and she might as well cash it in before she died.

*

His doorbell was ringing and he had half a mind to ignore it as he rolled over and put a pillow over his head. Yes it was midday, but it was still too ungodly early for a partying Warlock to be taking house calls; Not that he could recall scheduling any said calls on this day. He was wise enough to know to keep the day after a lavish inter-World party unscheduled. Just this minor lapse in sleep sent his head ringing and exploding with pain from too much alcohol. One might say the glitter had an effect on his nervous system as well, but he was a Warlock and he liked glitter, he would survive it.

“Oh come on,” he grumbled into his pillow as the ringing of his doorbell became more insistent. He had to remind himself to remove that thing this evening so nobody could use it again. He could easily ignore a knocking at his door…Unless it was the fae. They had means to make even that sound reverberate through his apartment. So with a grumble he slipped half naked from his silk covers and threw on a fashion forward silk robe. Whoever it was, they would have to deal with it.

“It’s far too early for business…”

“My business is personal and I’m cashing in on the favor you owe me.” Came back at him from the last person he ever expected to see and the one person he couldn’t keep out if he wanted to.

*

“Last I checked you hated runes. Is the Institute so hard up it had to sell off its Gray Book?” He questioned as he sat on the corner of a desk in the spare room. She could feel him eyeing her wardrobe (here) as she flipped through the book, but she didn’t say anything as she paused on rune after rune and sketched them onto her body. Given the state of her clothing when she left the Downworld bistro to come here, she felt she might be better received in the clothes she had chosen for tonight’s last showdown. If Magnus knew what it all symbolized he wasn’t letting on. Instead he turned to filing his nails while she tattooed black marks across her chest now as her arms had been used up. Adrenaline pushed her through the process without a hiss of pain. She reminded herself continually that this was what would help her get to her mother.

“Last I checked you invaded my head without permission and could be tried by the Clave for it. Shut up, I’m trying to concentrate.” She hissed back as she was drawing a vision rune to see better in the dark of the hotel. Once it was complete she began flipping through the pages of the Gray Book again until she found the last rune she needed, the most important. She studied the run for some time before taking great care to imprint it into both her palms. It was her last defense and it would be the last rune she would ever use. Fire etched into her palms, burning hotter that all the rest due to the potency and difficulty of the rune. It wasn’t one that was used often and she was half sure it may be banned for most Shadowhunters to use. Luckily for her she would be dead before anyone knew the difference.

With her work complete she closed the book and left it on the music stand Magnus had set it on for her. She didn’t know why he had a Gray Book, but she wasn’t about to inquire as to why. He had been her saving grace for having it so for that she was marginally thankful even considering how it had come about that he owed her one. Having a Warlock in your debt was something and many would say she used her favor foolishly for their power was nearly limitless. It wasn’t his power she needed, however. Besides, she wasn’t about to use him to do her dirty work. She wanted to kill the vampires and she wanted to be the one to send her mother to her final resting place. Having Magnus along would raise questions and not to mention it would bring more attention to her efforts. It was best that she go about this alone and thus leaving nobody to question about it later.

“Finished, then?” He questioned as he removed the book from the stand as she shrugged back into her coat (here). She nodded at him rather simply as her mind was already elsewhere. She buttoned up her jacket mechanically as she began letting herself out. As almost an afterthought she paused with her hand holding the door.

“As part of the favor I am asking you to keep them out of this. I came to you for a reason and I want it kept that way.” She said half over her shoulder. She was gone before he could offer a response.

*

Magnus was sliding the chain across his door when a sleepy eyed Alec emerged from the bedroom, eyes red from the rubbing and looking a little awkward in one of the Warlock’s robes. He looked at his boyfriend inquisitively as he stopped in the middle of the living room while Magnus leaned against the wall with his arms half crossed over his chest. “Who was here?” He questioned quietly, voice still a little sleepy sounding. At first it seemed Magnus didn’t hear him as he was still tapping a finger to his lips. After a few moments he looked up with cat eyes, a sign that something was awry.

“The color white, it means something to you Shadowhunters, doesn’t it?” He questioned even though he already knew the answer. He remembered how Tessa Gray had appeared to him after her husband’s funeral, all adorned in the purest of colors until she could cry no more. When Alec’s head tilted slightly in question, Magnus pushed from the wall and peaked out one of his windows. The sun was beginning to set. “You may want to call your friends. I doubt there is little time left.” He said in earnest. She had asked him to keep them out of whatever her business may be, but the key to it all had been her ‘asking’. If she had made him promise it would have been a different story.

[Serendipity]

“Little time left?” The still sleepy Alec questioned the Warlock he’d been dating for quite some time now. He wasn’t making sense, at least Alec didn’t have the whole picture as to what was going on and who had just left the apartment so he was a little confused, and still being half asleep didn’t help. “The color white, it’s a symbol of mourning.” He answered, remembering the question Magnus had asked regarding the color and his curiosity peaked, why did he want to know about such a thing? Alec’s hand dropped to his sides after he was sure he had removed most of the sleep from his eyes and waited for the Downworlders response to his sleepy question.

“I thought so.” Magnus sighed, his cat’s eyes filling with concern as his suspicions were confirmed by Alec’s confirmation of what the color white symbolised for his kind. “I’ll explain on the way, we’re going to the Institute, and we need to hurry.” Magnus told the brunette as he made his way back into the bedroom Alec had emerged from, he needed to dress appropriately for a visit to the Institute, though he paused and stuck his head back out the door. “I’d call ahead if I were you, make sure everyone is there before we arrive.” He added, leaving Alec standing in the living room looking all the more puzzled.

“Stop being cryptic, Magnus! What’s going on.” Alec said after a moment of trying to understand why they needed to gather everyone at the Institute, and rushed after his boyfriend who was stripping out of his robe and slipping on some pants, a shirt already laid out on the bed to go on next.

“Alec, call your sister and tell her to meet us in Hodge’s office with Jace in fifteen minutes. That was Audrina who just left, she was wearing gear but it wasn’t black like your usual Shadowhunter get-up, her gear was white.” Magnus explained, his voice turning rather firm towards the younger male who still had yet to do as he had asked.

---

“What?” Eli bit into his phone, it had been vibrating in his pocket on and off all night and despite his efforts to ignore it he finally gave in and answered. He wasn’t in any mood to talk to anyone after Travis and Darcey had teamed up against him, though he knew they had only done so out of concern it certainly hadn’t helped his mood which had been very off color for him over the last few weeks. He wiped ichor off from his hand and onto his gear, his nose scrunching at the foul smell it left. That had been his third demon he had slain for the night, but the night was still young and he still had plenty of energy to burn and was unhappy about the interruption; becoming quickly irritable over his forever buzzing phone and at whoever kept calling.

“How far away are you?” He was surprised to hear Jace’s voice on the other end of the line and not his brothers, who he had suspected was the culprit but was clearly wrong. Eli’s brows furrowed as he heard the briskness of Jace’s question, there was that no-nonsense attitude the boy rarely illustrated and only for extremely serious situation. He took a moment to adjust his blades more comfortably on his back as he considered answering the male, he had told them that he wouldn’t take any part in their hunts for a while, that he needed some time to himself and had thought Jace would respect that. If the boy had gotten himself into some trouble and was calling him to help get out of it then he had called the wrong person. “How far away am I from what?” Eli questioned in return, making a hasty retreat out of the dark alcove he had lured his latest demon into before anymore made an appearance and cornered him.

“From Wereburger!” Jace exclaimed in frustration as though it were the obvious place he was talking about. Eli had a strong urge to hang up on the other male right then, not wanting to be pulled into any drama that the boy was knee deep in but he stayed on the line out of pure curiosity. “A block or two. I’m hunting, Jace, I don’t have time for interruption.” He told the boy even as his feet were taking him out of the alleyway and back towards the aforementioned establishment.

“Just hurry up and get back here, it’s important.” The blonde male told him before he hung up, not giving anything away and in turn Eli’s curiosity peaked despite his efforts not to give into it.

---

“She needs you, Eli. She needs us, we have to find her.” Isabelle urged desperately quickly stepping in front of the male before he could slip past her, the urgency in her voice matched the concern in her eyes but Eli was doing his very best not to give into her pleas. This was not the way he was going to be able to forget about the blonde shadowhunter they were talking about if he was always going to get pulled back into her troubles and the others asking for his help with her. “Go find her then.” He told the female blocking his way and after a moment when she still firmly stood her ground, he placed a hand on either side of her arms and lifted her off her feet and out of his way in one swift movement.

“Eli, please.” Isabelle pleaded reaching for his hand to draw him back but he shirked it off, shaking his head. “Don’t ‘Eli, please’ me, I told you I’m done with her. She doesn’t want or need me around, she’s made that abundantly clear and I’m done trying to convince or prove her otherwise.” He said, stifling back a growl of frustration as Jace then stepped in front of him, arms folded defiantly over his chest. “You’re not done. I know you’re not, because I know how you’re feeling.” He informed the older shadowhunter, revealing Eli’s suspicions that the others knew there had been something between blonde and he, and also his own admittance to feeling the same way about Clary.

“Don’t tell me what I am and what I’m not! I.Am.Done.” He growled angrily this time before spelling it out to the two shadowhunters standing in his way. He quickly stepped around Jace and Isabelle, halfway to the door when it opened and Magnus Bane emerged through it, blocking Eli’s exit. “Oh the Angel’s sake!” Eli cried and threw his arms up in a gesture of total frustration.

“For one who was so adamant he was going to slice my throat open because he thought I was harming her once, it surprises me now that you wipe your hands of her when she is in more peril now then you can imagine.” The Warlock spoke, pinning his cats eyes on him in an almost disappointed manner, he had truly hoped for the females sake that Elijah would accompany them in her rescue as he would be - at a guess- the only one who may be able to get her to see reason...if it wasn’t too late that is. “I saw what was in her head, Elijah, you did not. I’ve known her plans for a long time. I had just hoped for her sake, and seeing how deeply you care for her, that you would have talked her out of it by now.” This was surprising for everyone and even Alec who was waiting behind the Warlock shot him a horrified look.

“You knew this whole time!” Isabelle gasped a hand coming up to cover her mouth along with her shock of discovering Magnus had known the blondes plans and perhaps could have prevented any of this from occurring or at least warning them earlier. “It was not my place to intervene.” The Warlock pointed out as explanation.

“Knew what?” Eli found himself asking, getting the sudden sense there was something going on he wasn’t aware of, something the others had yet to inform him off, some little detail he knew even as he waited for the answer that would change his mind.

---

His heart pounded away rapidly in his chest as he raced towards what appeared to be an abandoned hotel building; Isabelle, Jace and Alec were hot on his heels. He worried he was too late, he feared the worse and he cursed himself every second for not sticking by her. If he’d known her plans, if he was aware of the things in her past Magnus had informed him of then he would have understood, he would have pushed harder, convinced her not to pursue her mother or at the very least convinced her that he would help and she needn’t go through with it alone.

”She was dressed in white gear. She doesn’t plan on coming back.” Magnus’s words rung through his head and he cursed himself again for not recalling the conversation he had had with Hodge that seemed so long ago now. He had known that she was going after her mother and she wanted to do it alone which stacked the odds against her, it being a suicide mission. He’d known this, but for some reason his mind had refused to let him remember, perhaps because the idea of it all was far too painful to comprehend.

“Elijah! Wait, we need to go in together!” He heard the distant sound of Jace’s voice and realised he was much further in front of them then he’d thought, but he didn’t stop, who knows how much time he had already wasted because of his own stubborn instance that she didn’t need him, that he should just leave her alone. Bloody, Idiot. He cursed himself once more and burst through the double doors so violently they almost pulled from their hinges. He didn’t feel the pain in his shoulder afterwards, didn’t care that the action had caused him his first injury for the night, he’d only known that he needed to get inside this building as quickly as possible and the runes that gave him extra speed still didn’t seem quick enough.

“Audrina!” He shouted the moment he was through the doors, not caring who he announced his presence too, ready with his blades to slice through flesh and bone to get to her as quickly as possible. “Where are you?” He called, hoping that wherever she was she could hear him and would have the mind to answer.

[Yunalesca]

Below, the answer to everything is below whispered in her mind as she paused at the set of stairs that somehow still stood, stairs that led to the cellars of the old building. Her body was already tired and she leaned against a sturdy balustrade, the witchlight in her hand wavering slightly. She was breathing heavily from already having slain several vampires though she couldn't bring herself to believe that was all that were housed in this great abandoned building. She could count on both hands the ones she had turned to dust, but she still felt eyes on her as she stood at the top of the staircase leading down. She was already rather beaten but something about this still felt too easy. The vampires had given a good fight, but she had still been able to dispatch them with rudimentary Shadowhunting skill. They hit back and yet left themselves exposed to her weapons.

It was the dripping sound of her own blood that brought her back to the moment and her eyes dropped to the small pool forming at the top step of the stairs. She didn't remember getting the slash across her wrist that had a slow stream of blood moving toward her hand and then down to the floor. It made part of the witchlight glow turn red, ominous and still not enough of a warning to make her turn back. With a swallow she started down, good hand firmly on the railing, leaving behind a swiping trail of blood amongst the dust.

*

When the were pack returned to the cozy rrestaurant they were welcomed to a Warlock drinking off their stores of alcohol. Magnus couldn't say he truly tasted whatever it was he had grabbed for himself when the Shadowhunters left, but it most definitely wasn't doing its job. He wanted to separate himself from the reality of how injured Alec might be as he came back to him or what would happen to Eli when he found Audrina's body drained of blood. Mortality was not something he ever had to worry about, and yet he had been sucked into this turmoil. He felt as though he would die with them.

He didn't look up right away as a Were sat at the table with him, Travis by the guess of family resemblance. Once the ice in the Warlock's drink clanked against the glass at the emptiness of alcohol, he looked to the brother. "Your brother has gone after her, though I don't expect there will be much left when he gets to her. The address." He said simply as he slid a small scrap of paper toward the alpha, the location of the old hotel scribbled elegantly across it. He didn't even leave his name or say that Eli would need his brother before the end. He didn't have to explain these things to family members. The mortals could make their own decisions without him pointing them. He had done what he could and found he could handle no more. Exposing an immortal to so much mortality killed parts of their humanity, the very little bit they had left. He needed distance until this was over.

*

When her booted feet hit the uneven floor she felt the cool air through her coat and stifled a shiver. She held her witchlight out cautiously as this sneaking feeling of having been in this room before began hitting her. She proceeded to the center of the circular shaped room with caution as she felt the hairs on the back of her neck raising. This was where it would all go down, she was sure of it; and yet where was the one she had come all the way here for?

Almost on cue, lights slowly came on from the perimeter of the room and sent Audrina spinning about looking for the source. Her heart pounded and she dropped her witchlight as she drew for a blade to protect herself. She felt fear for the first time since breaking into the hotel and slaying its occupants. All this time she had searched for this and only now did an overwhelming fear hit her. This was the end of the line and she had come completely alone. "Do not be afraid, my girl." Came from behind and Audrina spun one more time.

Her heart slammed against her chest as she watched a set of legs reveal themselves from the darkness, a body coming down a set of stairs she had not nnoticed. The thought of having been here before hit her again as this seemed all too familiar. She remembered a nightmare she had been trapped in not long ago and almost couldn't breathe as her mother slowly revealed herself (here). In her nightmare her mother had come down steps with Eli held prisoner under her teeth, but he was not with her when she was fully visible. A breath the Shadowhunter had not realized she'd been holding was let go before shock hit her. Not a thing had changed about her and the weapon in Audrinas hand lowered as she looked at her mother for the first time in nearly ten years. She nearly forgot what she came to do or that the woman before her was undead. She took a step forward to embrace her mother before remembering it all and quickly stepping back again.

"Come here and embrace me, Audrina. I know how you have looked for me for so long, how you have been alone. Come and be a family again." She said in the same voice as Audrina remembered, her arms outstretched and waiting for her daughter. Audrina, however, did not move. Her heart wanted to go to her mother, but her mind was not easily fooled.

"You are not my mother, merely an imitation. If you know how I've been alone then you must know why I am here now." She returned with, blade ticking up to prove her point.

"Of course. You wish to free my soul from this Downworld body. You wish to save me from something that was forced on me, but first...you have questions don't you?"

Audrina swallowed as she felt her mind being read. Everything was true, but she was cautious about diving headfirst into this. Her mother wanted something and was merely playing along for now. "Why did they take you. What purpose was there in turning a Shadowhunter?" She asked outright.

"That is what you start with? Not 'why did Aurelie have to die' or 'how did I know to come here'? Very well. After your father was killed I blamed the Clave. He was all I ever knew and I could barely live without him. I began looking for a way to punish those who caused his death and happened upon interested vampires. I made mistakes in trusting them and paid for it with my day walking life. But I have come to learn it was a gift they gave me, not a curse. I could even bring my daughters over after I embraced this life." She explained and Audrina broke.
"Aurelie was just a little girl. You killed your own daughter!"

"We both know that is not what happened, but I won't breach that subject. I wanted both of you with me so bad that I became impatient. When I tried turning your sister I made mistakes and her mind broke, as you came to experience. It hurt me to know her fate was caused by me, but I was not the one who killed her. Next question." She answered, her voice edgy as Aurelie was seemingly a nerve for both the women.

"What did you mean about my finding you..."

"I am disappointed you hadn't figured that out by now, Audrina. Though it did help in preparing you for this so I suppose it is not all a loss. You found me because I let you. You found me because that little guiding voice in your head has been me." She said with a smile that showed her fangs and broke the mask of this being Audrinas mmother as she was. Weren't you curious about the Witch merely wanting blood? rang in Audrinas mind and she gasped, staggering back and dropping her weapon as she gripped her head. Gabrielle laughed softly before she moved faster than eyes could follow. She wrapped her arms about Audrina from behind, then brushed at her short hair. "It brought you to me, Audrina. Do not despair. We will be together again...."

"Eli," Audrina whispered in realization of what she had done to him.

"Forget him. I could not turn him so easily for you, but there is one I believe you would approve of. He has been waiting for you," her mother whispered in her ear as Audrina felt numb. She had pushed him away for nothing. She hadn't even been the one pushing him away.

Her eyes came up as another figure entered the room, one she had met before but did not remember. That was until she locked eyes with the blonde male vampire and it all came flooding back. Her eyes went wide as she remembered him drugging her and making promises. She wanted to back away but found she couldn't move as he approached and her mother stepped away. "I am Judah." He whispered to her neck as he removed her coat from behind. She found she couldn't respond or focus until she heard her name being called from above. Her head shot up at the sound of Eli's voice and Judah paused.

"Shadowhunters...deal with them." Gabrielle hissed to the male and he was gone with Audrinas coat in hand.

The Shadowhunters frozen state was broken and she turned a dark gaze on her mother. "You will not harm him." She hissed before pulling free a blade and pointing it at her mother.

"Oh Audrina, it is not him you should fear for. The time has come for you to join me." She hissed, fangs bared, before she attacked. The Shadowhunter and vampire battled across the room with each gaining and losing ground, neither coming out on top fully until Gabrielle's vampire claws raked across Audrina's face and sent her spinning. She heard something crack in her leg as she twisted abnormally and subsequently screamed when pain shot through her.
As quick as she could she gained her feet and faced her mother, but she was wobbly on only one working leg. Tears streamed down her bloody face as she felt herself losing the battle. Most of her runes were gone, used up from previous battles. "It is time, Audrina. Come home." Gabrielle said as she began approaching. Suddenly she tapped into her daughters brain and Audrina dropped her last blessed blade, bending to her will.

Shadowhunter quaked as her mother stopped before her and smiled. "Don't be afraid. I'll make it as quick as possible. When you wake, you will be one of us," she said gently before beginning to lean in to bite AAudrina's neck.

With her focus distracted, Audrina broke from the mind control and took hold of the small dagger she had kept in a box in her room at the Institute. "This is for Aurelie," she whispered back and made to stab her mother in the chest.

The blade never made it and instead the Shadowhunter felt a cold and sharp pain shoot through her abdomen. She looked down in surprise to see her mothers hand wrapped around the dagger and it buried to the hilt in Audrina's stomach. She looked back up to her mother in horror before sobbing. "I am sorry my daughter." She said before pulling Audrina to her and sinking her teeth into her neck. Audrina screamed a sob as she felt her blood draining away. The dagger buried in her abdomen had been the one she had killed her own sister with and now it would be the death of her.

She didn't know how much time passed before her mother dropped her unceremoniously to the floor and stood over her with bloody hand and mouth. She tossed the dagger next to Audrinas body before wiping her blood from her mouth. "You'll bleed out in a few minutes, then you will wake underground. It will be complete then." She said as Audrina shuddered before she pressed a hand to her wound in hher middle. She thought of all she wished she could tell Eli, how she could apologize and touch him one more time.

"Mother," she breathed then coughed up blood, it spattering across her lips. At hearing her voice, Gabrielle returned and knelt down beside her daughter. With tremendous effort Audrina turned her head to look at her before another cough and spasm took her. "I'm sorry....this...is the only...way," she managed before taking hold of her mother's hands and igniting the fire runes on her palms. At first Gabrielle looked at her in question, then she began going up in flames. Audrina held on as she struggled to pull away and screamed like no earthly creature. The flames licked at Audrina's own skin and began burning her in turn, but she had lost so much blood she could feel very little anymore. She felt cold and all she could do was cry as her mother burned in her own hands. "I'm sorry," she cried as eveythign in her broke and her life began flashing before her eyes. This was how she would die, this was how she planned it.

[Serendipity]

There was no one to greet him in the entrance hall of the building after he had burst through the doors, and he should have thought it strange, the place should have been crawling with vampires by now considering Audrina would have certainly stirred their nest by now. It was in the back of his mind that something didn't seem quite right about the emptiness of the building, she was good, but to take down an entire nest on her own then go after her mother? Three Shadowhunters let alone just one would find such a task difficult. Later he would realise how stupid it was for him to go in head first and not be prepared for some sort of ambush, but right now his only concern was finding Audrina as fast as he could whilst there was still breath in her body and he continued to shout her name, hoping she would hear him eventually and return the call. His shouting would no doubt announce his presence along with that of the other three Shadowhunters in his wake, but he didn't care, he needed to hear her voice shout his own name back.

Eli had checked the first floor, dashing in and out of every room in desperate hopes that she would be in one of them when he finally took pause in the middle of the entrance hall to think, to see if he could feel a pull to a certain location where she might be. He needed to trust his instincts now more than ever and so he closed his eyes, taking in a deep breath and wiping the sweat he was already producing from his brow, and concentrated. Her image shimmered in his mind but still it did not lead him to her and he cursed violently at himself, he should be able to sense her, his heart should know where she is. A movement behind him, had his eyes flying open and the grip on his blades tighten as he turned to face whatever it was that was behind him. His arm haltered, half outstretch to inflict its first blow, before it dropped quickly back to his side upon seeing Jace's face; Isabelle and Alec right behind him. Eli exhaled the breath he'd been holding and shook his head at the other male for being so careless as to sneak up behind him at such a time. Jace responded merely with a shrug as Isabelle and Alex scanned the room, possibly wondering the same thing Eli had wondered, where were all the vampires?


They quickly got their answer as out of nowhere, as if they had been waiting for the exact right moment to strike, creatures of the night peeled away from the shadows they'd been hiding in. "Great, an ambush." Jace sighed and quickly withdrew a blessed blade, speaking the Angel's name under his breath; Isabelle and her brother followed suit, and the four of them prepared for battle. I don't have time for this, Eli growled in his mind, I need to find you, Audrina... "They're surrounding us, they don't want us to get any further than this room." Isabelle announced although none of them needed to be told as such, it was quite obvious. "I need to find Audrina before it's too late, help me get through them." Eli murmured quickly to Jace who had stepped up right beside him, an indication that they would fight together as Isabelle had Alec for that. Jace's blonde head jerked in an understanding nod before he began walking forward, Eli right beside him. Alec and Isabelle doing the same but from the other direction; the two teams were back to back before slowly spreading out to form a circle inside the circle of vampires.

---

"What are you doing?" Travis asked the redhead standing in front of him, he'd emerged from his and Eli's apartment, armed to the hilt and then some since he now also had claws to add to his use of weapons. He noticed that she was also dressed for combat, not that either of their clothes would remain on if the battle got to fierce and they had to turn fully. "I'm coming with you," She told him in a no-nonsense tone of voice and before Travis could open his mouth to protest, and maybe order her to stay behind, she spoke again. "And the pack is waiting for your instructions downstairs, we are coming with you, as a pack." Darcey continued, suspecting that a part of him was still thinking like a Shadowhunter, and he needed reminding that he was no longer that, he was a werewolf.

"The entire pack? I never asked them too..." Travis began shaking his head a little in disbelief.

"You don't need to ask, Travis. We are your pack, we look after each other, fight for each other." Darcey explained as though it should have been obvious to him. "You should know that by now."

"I do. I just...I do know that." Travis nodded as something in his mind clicked more firmly into place, his thought process changing from 'Shadowhunter' to 'Werewolf' permanently. He quickly pulled the slip of paper Magnus Bane had slipped towards him ten minutes ago, and unfolded it to reveal the address scrawled, hurriedly across the paper. "This is where they are, and we need to get there as quickly as possible." Travis told her and indicated for her to follow him downstairs where the rest of his pack waited for his orders.

"I can't believe he didn't tell me what was going on, I can-we can help," Travis quickly corrected, speaking of his brother's lack of communication.

"He's your big brother, he just got you back and doesn't want to lose you again." Darcey pointed out again in such a manner that it should have been obvious to the leader of her pack. "He's an idiot." Travis replied and smirked at Darcey's chuckle.

"Love makes you an idiot." She sighed a little wistfully.

---

"Go, go go!" Jace's shout pierced through Eli's concentration, making him aware that now was the time he had to make his escape. They had all dispatched their fair share of vampires, the entire room, and themselves were covered in dust and their own blood, but more kept coming. His blade stabbed through one more heartless body and he was already racing through the billow of just in its wake as he saw his opportunity to escape the circle they kept forming to surround the Shadowhunters inside. His legs pumped beneath him as he ran as fast as he could for the small gap Jace had created for him to get through if he could. He saw only one option and pushed off of his feet quickly, taking a leap at the last second and shooting through the gap like a bullet and taking one vampire with him.

The creature fell to the ground beneath Eli's weight and she cried out in surprise before her claws slashed his cheek before he could block the attack. With a grunt of pain he swiftly pushed off from her body, his blade finding the emptiness behind her rib cage before he had even gotten to his feet. "Bitch." He muttered darkly and wiped her dusty remains off of his knives and onto his jeans. He was moving again seconds later, eyes scanning the layout of the building as he ran further towards the back, something drawing him to the set of stairs he suspected led to a basement of some sort. Eli could hear the battle continuing on behind him; the hisses of pain and shouts of anger, along with the familiar sound of a vampire's cry before they turned to dust. He would not normally leave the other three that out numbered, but he had no choice this time, and they would have to fight on without him.

He had just reached the staircase and was about to hurry down them when something pale and extremely blonde shot out towards him, a pair of cold hands closing around his neck as he was tackled to the ground. He cried out in surprise and a little pain as his head bounced off the floor rather forcefully and chilled fingers closed more tightly around his throat, cutting off the air he needed to survive. His knives knocked out of his hands in the same process, making them useless now, though his fingers still stretched out desperately searching for them even as he kicked out with his feet violently, jerking his body up off the ground in an attempt to throw the pale blonde vampire off but of course he had a tight grip still around his throat and wasn't budging. He saw the sneer on the downworlder's face, the look of satisfaction behind his soulless eyes as he thought he was killing him, and he was; Eli was slowly suffocating, gasping for even the smallest bit of air to soothe the burning in his lungs. "This was too easy...I thought you would put up more of a fight Shadowhunter. I'm very disappointed.' The creature chuckled at his triumph, watching the light fade from his victims eyes. "She's mine." The vampire snarled in his ear, further goading the slowly dying male beneath his hands.

Audrina... His mind spoke her name, and even as his lungs burned and his heartbeat slowed, and there was a rushing sound in his ears, he couldn't worry about his own life but hers. In the end it was what gave him the strength he needed, the thought that this creature would ever lay his hands on the girl made him sick, it also infuriated him causing him to lash out once more with his knee this time. The vampire, who had of course assumed he had no strength left, was caught of guard and Eli's knee connected with a very tender part of the other's anatomy. He grunted in both surprise and pain, the distraction making his fingers loosen around his captures throat. Eli sucked in as much air as he could in that moment, and it was as though he were sucking in new life because whether it was the adrenaline or the thought of Audrina he didn't know, but he felt his strength quickly returning.

Another hard shove with his knee and the vampire was rolling off of him but not before his claws left their mark over one side of his neck as he'd tried to cling on. Eli quickly turned towards the male who had ended up on his back, and his fist found the others jaw momentarily dazing his foe so he could reach for his weapons. His chest heaved in the air he had been deprived of as he moved to get to his feet and gather his knives. It was all the time the vampire needed however to jump to his own feet and he lunged again for the Shadowhunter not yet finished with him. Eli knocked the male back with his elbow, stumbling a little on his feet since he was still recovering from almost being choked to death, but before he could make a counter attack they both paused as the sound of howls rose in the air outside. Werewolves. Travis... Eli thought, making the connection easily and he turned a satisfied smirk to his attacker as he saw the fear bulge in his eyes.

Obviously the vampire didn't want to stick around any longer now that wolves were involved, he was gone in a pale blur before Eli had the chance to finish him off. Any other time he would have been sorely displeased and perhaps tried to chase after the vampire, but tonight he had other pressing matters to attend to. "Thank you Travis." He thanked his brother under his breath, glad that his brother was there though he had no idea how he'd known where they were.

Before another thought could pass through his mind about anything other than finding the woman he loved, he gripped his knives tighter and disappeared down the stairs, that feeling still in the pit of his stomach that this would lead him to her. He was terrified of what he might find down here, just piles of dusted vampire remains or a body along with it? The thought made him shiver, his blood running as cold as those he'd slain tonight. "Where are you." He whispered worriedly to himself as he descended the stairs and found himself in a circular shaped room, a cellar or basement of some description he guessed, and darkness smothered him. It was completley black down here apart from a faint white glow in the distance. Witchlight, he thought instantly and that could mean only one thing. Audrina!

His own witchlight appeared from his jacket pocket as he replaced one of his knives to free up a hand and he made for the matching white light on the other side of the room. He was moving so fast, desperate to get to the light to find her near, and didn't hear the splash under his feet as he hurried forward. But whatever the liquid was it was slipperier than water and before he could quite reach the light he was falling, his desperation rendering his balance rune useless. His hands smacked down on the ground first, taking the brunt of his fall before the rest of his body followed and because of how fast he'd been running Eli slid forwards on his stomach through the sticky substance. His witchlight had shot from his hand and quickly rolled away from his reach, however in doing so it created extra light, he could see far more than before.

Eli groaned slightly, his palms stinging and his chest bruised from the fall, but pushed himself up and it was only then that he realised it was wet beneath his hands, and that was the reason he'd slipped. It seeped into the front of his jacket, and even felt like it soaked further into his shirt beneath and skin beyond that. Blood. He discovered as he brought his hands in front of his face. Blood. His mind acknowledged again. Only living beings bled...His gaze shot up quickly towards the light as he struggled to get to his feet, panic taking over. There was so much blood, and any resemblance of the cool, calm, collected and cocky Shadowhunter that he normally was had vanished and as the panic set in he almost felt the cold hands of the vampire back around his throat, he couldn't breathe.

And then his gaze landed upon the source of all the blood and he cried out in terror as his worst nightmare seemed to be coming true. Her body lay limp in the glow of witchlight that seemed to surround only her. "No." Eli scrambled through the blood that had pooled so far out around her body; he was sure getting to his feet would have been quicker but rational thinking had gone out the window for him. "No...no, no." It was the only word his mind seemed to know at that moment, voice shaking with dread and pain of seeing her so still and with so much blood lost. By the time he'd reached her body and struggled to his knees, he was covered in her blood, it had even managed to get in his hair. He made to reach for her, but his hands paused just above her, shaking as his voice had; he feared that if he touched her he would feel just how cold her skin was beneath his hands and it frightened him more.

"Audrina...Angel no. Please...please!" He begged whatever gods were listening in hopes that at least one would answer his prayers, but Shadowhunters didn't stick to one religion so he wasn't positive his pleas would even be acknowledged.. Eli's eyes scanned her limp body from head to toe, assessing the damage, searching for breath from her lungs. He found the source of all the bleeding, a nasty wound to her stomach and it was seeing that that his mind snapped into action and his stele was in his hands before he could blink. His entire body continued to shake as he carefully gathered her into his arms, pulling her up so her back was against his chest and his knees cocooned her. Finally he was touching her and his blood ran as cold as her skin felt. "Stay with me. Come back...come back sweetheart..." He murmured in a half sob, his lips pressed into the top of her hair as his hand worked the stele into whatever part of her skin he could find, placing healing rune after healing rune. She was bleeding and burned so badly however, and he wasn't sure any amount of rune would work.

"Open your eyes. Stay with me." He continued to murmur against her hair, his arms and legs almost wrapped completely around her once his runes were done, it was an attempt to get her warmed but he also sought his own comfort with her close. "You need to come back to me because I love you, and I selfishly need you in my life. I should have told you...if I'd told you maybe..." Eli swallowed the lump in his throat, tasting salty tears on his lips as they fell silently down his cheek and pooled there. "Maybe you wouldn't have been so damn reckless! It's not fair, Audrina. It's not right..." Anger and frustration were mixing in with all the other emotions flooding him, though he blamed himself for leaving her in a time of need although he couldn't have known what the witch had done with her blood.

"Eli! Is she -- Audrina!" Eli barely registered Isabelle's voice and hadn't heard the others approach, his cheek now resting against the top of her head and he stared into the darkness outside of where their witchlights did not reach.

Three bodies fell down around them, hands searched the blondes body, desperately working to fix her and Eli merely continued to hold her, growing increasing numb to everything as his mind began telling him this was it, she was gone and there was nothing anyone could do, he was simply holding her dead body in his arms.

"She's been bit!" Jace exclaimed at the discovery of the bite marks but even then Eli's mind didn;t register exactly what that meant although he knew how new vampires were turned. "She's still got a pulse, it's very faint." Isabelle said next after working around him to grab Audrina's wrists to check. All these things he should have done, yet hadn't because every common sense had shut off along with his heart.

"Eli....Elijah move!" Two hands gripped his arms, prying them from around the blondes body and it was that movement that brought him out of his own dark mind. He shoved back at the hands that meant to remove his and looked up into the face of Alec, who probably wasn't the fist person he'd have liked to see. "You need to move, we can't work on her around you. She's not dead!"

She's not dead. A flicker of hope sparked inside him, though numbly he uncoiled his limbs from around her and scooted off to the side, Alec placing his hands beneath her head to lower her back flat to the ground. "She's got the venom in her veins." He heard Jace say through the constant 'she's not dead' floating around in his head.

"TRAVIS!" The dark haired shadowhunter shouted as loud as his lungs would let him, his mind slowly coming back out of its dark hole and began working again.

"Yes. Travis! A werewolf bite. It may counter act the vampire venom." Alec agreed with Eli's unspoken thoughts.

"Or it might just turn her into a werewolf!" Isabelle exclaimed worriedly.

"Or kill her." Jace added and chewed uncharacteristically on his bottom lip.

"What other choice do we have?" Alec questioned the two, and they nodded in unison both understanding that there was very little choices they could make in their attempts to save Audrina's life.

[Yunalesca]

Isabelle who was always so guarded with her thoughts looked horror stricken now as she turned her attention to Jace after he spoke. Two Downworld viruses in one blood stream very well could kill their fallen Shadowhunter and she didn’t know if she could handle that. Would she twitch and scream as the Were virus attacked the Vampire venom? Would she turn into some creature as each battled for the upper hand in her bloodstream? Her hand wrapped a little tighter around the girls tiny wrist as she looked to Alec now. “We can’t let her die, not that way,” she breathed as she fought back a stream of tears threatening to escape her eyes. She was always strong and stoic Isabelle, but something about this was breaking her. She had killed many times, but she had never been witness to the death of a friend, to something alive and real. If Audrina wanted to die with dignity, the dark haired Shadowhunter couldn’t believe that infecting her with another virus would lead to that. Her eyes shifted to the gaping hole in her abdomen and felt pain course through her. The cut was relatively clean, but seeing so much red splattered across the pure white color of her clothing made Isabelle pale. Hadn’t she already suffered enough? Isabelle couldn’t imagine the battle she had gone through would have been easy. “We can’t…” she whispered again, almost rocking now as her head hurt while she imagined all the horrible ways this could go.

“She’s already dying, Isabelle.” Alec pressed as he watched the stairs for Eli’s brother. When he didn’t hear a response from his sister he turned his attention back and saw her hunched body, her grip on the girls wrist as though it were a lifeline. His hand came out and closed tightly about her shoulder, pinching to make her look at him. “What do you think she would do if we let her wake as one of them?!” He tried to reason before Jace chimed in.

“She’d take a midday stroll is what she would do. Want to watch her burn in the sun, instead?” The blonde offered with bitterness before his hands stopped searching her for further injuries. “Her leg’s been snapped. I’m not sure how effective Iratze’s are going to be anymore. She’s lost too much blood,” he said with a far away voice. He was detaching himself from the situation as he always did when it came to close encounters with death. It was his best defense mechanism and it kept him from imagining Clary’s face in place of Audrina’s. That was his greatest fear and he couldn’t help when it projected into the situation at hand. With a sigh he used a blessed blade to cut at the white silk about Audrina’s leg, dropping the weapon and tearing the rest of the fabric away from her snapped tibia. He grunted slightly at the sight of her bone out of place, yet not poking from her skin. Quickly he pressed his stele to her skin and drew an Iratze feverishly. The run burned black then faded and he watched as the bone mended back into place. It was fixed for the moment, but he had no doubts it would hurt for some time. As an afterthought he ripped off the hem of her pant leg and wrapped the fabric around the break to keep it in place and mending as they worked.

While the blonde Shadowhunter had been working Alec had turned his attention to the pool of blood seeping from under Audrina’s body, calculating the loss. He shook his head and looked to Eli with concern. “She needs blood. Her heart will fail without it.” He stated and heard a blade being dragged across the cobblestone floor. He turned his attention to Isabelle who was preparing to slice her wrist in offering of blood to the dying Shadowhunter. Alec’s hand closed around Isabelle’s at the hilt of the weapon and shook his head. “Not that way. It might encourage the venom already coursing in her system.” He advised and watched his sister swallow a lump in her throat. In unison they whispered ‘Sangliers’, making Jace’s head snap to them.

“We’re going to have two dead Shadowhunters on our hands if somebody uses that. It’s…”

“Dangerous. But it has to be done.” Alec said sternly, a stare down happening between the parabatai before they noted Eli stirring. They all knew the male would willingly give his life for Audrina, and that may be the outcome, but Alec once more closed a hand around someone else’s to make them stop doing what they intended to do. “No. It should be me. I owe her and someone has to carry her out of here, which should be you.” He insisted, hoping the logic behind it would stop the other male. Alec wasn’t known to go out on a limb for anyone outside of his tight knit family which showed to prove somewhere along the line Audrina had become something to him other than an annoyance. His main hope was that Travis’ pack would have dispatched most of the vampires by the time they were ready to go, he knew he would be relatively useless after giving his blood over to the small Shadowhunter. Given he didn’t hear a protest from Eli, he nodded and began pulling back the sleeve of his gear to draw the rune on his wrist.

“Alec,” Isabelle started as her brother’s stele hit his skin and Jace began doing the same over Audrina’s heart, matching pace with his parabatai.

“I’ll be fine. Just don’t let me get bit.” He hissed through the pain of the drawing. He was already feeling a little weaker, blood transferring between himself and Audrina before he was even finished with the rune.

“You’d make an awful vampire,” Jace remarked in attempts to make good humor as each of them finished their runes and Alec dropped his stele. He hunched slightly, hand tightened into a fist as the rune pulsed on his skin and he fought to keep his breathing even. It was more painful than he had imagined, but then what should he have expected when his blood was being drawn into another body? There was a pounding in his ears as he began to sweat, a growl escaping him despite his attempts to appear fine to the others. He felt his sisters hand on his shoulder before the pain in his wrist stopped. He permitted himself to open his eyes and see the sangliers rune had faded into a white scar. His blue orbs traveled up Aundrina’s body until he saw hers had also begun fading, a slight color beginning to return to her skin.

“Moment of…truth,” he breathed as he could feel the Downworlders beginning to converge behind the small group of Shadowhunters. Isabelle quickly pulled her brother against her shoulder as he began to wobble on his knees. Not once had any of them considered whether Travis could control his animal instincts if he bit Audrina, they just placed all their hope in him. New Were’s were known to fly off the handle if care wasn’t taken around them; they trusted he would be able to control himself without knowing if he truly could.

[Serendipity]

The other's voices were faint in his ears as they worked around Audrina feverishly after pushing him aside as he had only been in the way. He felt numb, frightened and completely useless; what good was he for her in the future if he could not help her now in a time that she truly needed him. He slumped forwards, holding his head in his hands, he couldn't watch the other three Shadowhunters work on her as they only revealed more wound that he hadn't when he'd been holding her. Their conversation didn't register in his mind until the word 'sangliers' was mentioned and his head snapped up quickly; face and hair not smeared with blood, his gaze falling upon the blonde once more then turning up to Alec. Sangliers were a dangerous business and would require one of them to transfer their blood to Audrina.

I'll do it. The thought came into his mind without a second thought and he wasn't sure if he spoke those words out loud also; dangerous or not he didn't care, he could help her. Eli shifted closer, making a move to get up, a hand reaching for the stele he'd left on the ground beside her. He almost snarled at Alec as the boy placed a hand over his, preventing him from raising his stele and starting the sangliers process but he was right, Eli wouldnt be able to carry her out an protect her from any other attacks if he was weakened by the blood transfer. For once something Alec said made sense to him and he found himself agreeing with a single nod of his head but he couldn't sit and watch, hoping and waiting to see if it worked or not. Any concern he might have felt for Alec's wellbeing was outweighed by his concern fro Audrina's life, though he was sure the younger male would realise that and not think Eli didn't care; Alec annoyed him, and angered him at times, but he didn't like to see him get hurt either.

Eli's fingers circled the stele tightly before he pushed off from the ground and got to his feet, still trembling slightly but his body was slowly getting over the shock of seeing her lying there near dead now that he knew she still had some breath in her body. His focus turning on preparing their getaway as quickly as possible, they needed to get back to the institute and get Audrina to the infirmary as fast as was physically possible. They were still waiting for his brother to make an appearance, but he still had some time whilst the transfer was taking place. Replacing his stele for his phone which had, surprisingly come out unscathed considering the fierce battle they'd all had against these vampires, he hastily tapped into his contacts and his dial upon finding the one he wanted.

"Simon. We need your van." He spoke quickly and walked a little further from the others, he was sure they wouldn't like that he was speaking to one of those they had just risked all their lives against, but Luke's truck wouldn't fit them in and Audrina needed to be lain flat across the seat. Simon's van was perfect and she could yell and curse at him all she wanted for putting her in a van that a vampire owned...as long as she was yelling and cursing him.

Eli hung up as several Downworlders, of the Were kind, started making their appearance, slowly gathering around them but keeping their distance due to caution, angry worried Shadowhunters weren't the nicest beings to be around even if they had just fought along side three of them. Some of the Donworlders were in full wolf form whilst others were only half turned, keeping more of a human appearance aside from their sharp canines giving them away. This is really happening, he thought and his heart skipped a beat as worry started chipping away at him once more. They were really going to have a Werewolf bite the woman he loved because there was a small chance - a tiny chance- that the two venom's would counteract each other and she wouldn't turn into either of the two...or die.

"Travis?" Eli called for his brother, it was still very dark around them and with so many of them gathering he was't sure which was his brother and in that moment he thought perhaps Travis was not among them. He may have been their pack leader but he had only been one of them for a sort time, had his instincts kicked in, did he know how to fight like them? Eli exhaled his relief when his brother emerged from the darkness through a gap in the others Were's and he still had all his limbs intact. " I need you to bite her, she has vampire venom in her blood, a Were bite might help fight it off. Can you do it? I want it to be you. Will you bite her?" Eli explained to his brother and asked for him to do something he never thought he would ask anyone to do; Downworlder, Shadowhunter or Mundane, he'd never thought he'd ask either of them to bite Audrina.

"I-What if it doesn't work? She would die or become one of us." Travis shook his head solemnly but he still had yet to give him answer as he looked to his pack and his brother for a tick of confidence. Eli closed the distance between them and placed a hand on his brother's shoulder. "I have complete faith in you little brother. And you won't lose control." He told the younger Ashdown, suspecting that his brother was also concerned that he may let his Were instincts take control and not be able to stop with one bite. "Please." Eli pleaded quietly. "It has to be now."

What choice did he really have? If he refused, Eli's love might die or she might die and come back without a heartbeat and they were two tragedies he could not let his brother endure. His brown orbs flickered to Isabelle, he also hated that she would see him as what he truly was, a Downworlder and he hadn't been ready for that since he wasn't even sure what type of relationship they had, if they had one at all or if they were just having a good time. He shook that thought off, it wasn't a time to be worried over things concerning himself. "Alright, but you have to promise me that you will do whatever you have to if..."

"I won't have to." Eli was quick to reassure his brother before his sentence could be finished. "You won't hurt her."

The room fell silent as Travis stepped around his older brother and moved towards the body still lying in her own pool of blood, and apart from Alec's softly spoken words as Travis then knelt down next to Audrina, no one spoke nor did they breath as they waited.

The young Werewolf took in a silent breath, telling himself he could do this and he would take control of the wolf inside of him. He would own the wolf, the wolf would not own him. His canines grew longer as he lowered his head to one of the blondes arms he had gently picked up with his own hands. Travis shuddered as the tips of his fangs made contact with her pale flesh, but he only hesitated a moment before they pierced her skin and he left his mark on her. Blood filled his mouth and the feeling of teeth sinking into flesh threatened to make him lose control as everyone had worried about, but something deeper inside spoke to him and reassured him that he was no monster and to ignore the urge to rip and tear at another beings flesh.

He was pulling away from her after a few moments and quickly lowered her arm back down beside her before hurriedly getting to his feet and stepping back, he didn't want any more temptation whilst he was still learning to control all of his Werewolf instincts.

Now all they could do was wait and hope that the Were bite would fight off the vampire venom, and Audrina would fight off the Were venom.

"There should be a van waiting for us out the front, we should get her back and into the Infirmary as quickly as possible." Eli told the others after he thanked his brother and asked that he make sure there weren't any more vampires upstairs to block their exit.

[Yunalesca]

As Isabelle shouldered her brother to keep him from collapsing she couldn’t help but look to Travis when he approached and the request was made to him by his brother. She watched every emotion reflect in his eyes and casually averted her own when he looked her way. If he thought his turning into a Were in front of her would destroy whatever they had going on between them he clearly didn’t know her well. She sought the abnormal out to infuriate her parents, but with him it had turned into something a little more. She genuinely liked him and wasn’t about to turn her back simply because he shifted into his other form. She had dated one of the Fae, a Were would hardly shock her. Regardless of this she couldn’t tear her eyes away as his face morphed slightly, wolf fangs emerging from his gums as he took Audrina’s wrist to her mouth. Seeing him bite into made her nervous for a second as she imagined him losing control. She had seen Were bloodlust come out of nowhere and genuinely felt fear that she might have to hurt him to pry him off the Shadowhunter. When he let go, however, she felt herself relax and a breath ease out of her lungs. He held more control than he even imagined, based on his expression when he pulled himself away. Her eyes followed him until he stepped back and Eli broke the silence.

Isabelle nodded and began helping her brother off the floor as Jace shifted around to Audrina’s head and lifted one of her eyelids. A very bright blue eye stared back at him and he felt himself swallow the fear racing through him. He knew some vampire’s eyes turned this color as they were dying and it wasn’t a good sign. That was until the color brown began bleeding into her iris, fighting with the blue as he was sure that was also what was happening in her veins now. “It’s taking. We can move her now,” Jace assured before closing her eyelid once more and stepping back to help Isabelle with Alec and leaving room for Eli to gather Audrina in his arms. The blonde Shadowhunter didn’t know what worried him more, that the girl was still deathly still or if she started convulsing as the two diseases battled each other in her weak heart. He didn’t know how this would end and he had no control over it. That wasn’t something he was used to, but it was something he would have to deal with as they all waited for a breakthrough.

“Oh great, another bloodsucker,” Alec mumbled as he was helped into Simon’s van. Normally it would have called for some kind of retort from the newly turned vampire, but he seemed to bite back any remarks in face of the gravity of the situation. Seeing two Shadowhunters down and another covered in blood made it difficult for Simon, but he gripped the steering wheel of his van to keep his focus. His control had become better, but the smell of blood on the air really stretched his limits. The saving grace to this was likely that he had fed himself before coming, anticipating the worst just by the sound of Eli’s voice on the phone. Over the time he had spent with the Shadowhunter he hadn’t known him to be serious or worried. When he called he was both. When he heard the sliding door of his van close he pulled away from the condemned building, not daring to look back to see Eli covered in blood, Audrina’s red splashed frame draped over his seat, or a nearly unconscious Alec.

*

Hodge was nowhere to be found when the rag tag group arrived at the Institute, but then nobody had gone to look for him as their hands were full with one nearly dead Shadowhunter and another half incapacitated. Alec was easily laid on the first bed and he shooed everyone else away, insisting he just needed sleep and that Audrina needed the tending to. His blood would return to him as he rested, but Audrina was the one who may need more. Nobody knew how this would play out as there had never been a record of someone being bitten by both species. When Jace checked her eyes again they were still between colors, brown fighting to bleed out over the blue, an indication the battle was still waging without either side actually gaining ground. Everyone was holding their breath that those familiar stormy grays would return and everything would be behind them.

Once Isabelle left to gather herbs to make a poultice to apply on the Shadowhunters burns, Hodge finally made his presence known. He glided past Alec and went straight for Audrina, asking questions as to what happened when they went to retrieve her. Once he was filled in with the details that the Shadowhunters knew, he took a breath and stood back from her bed. The decision he came to wouldn’t be accepted by anyone, but in his mind it was the best that could be done for the girl. “We’re going to give her a sleeping draught that should keep her down for several days, but we’ll also wipe this from her memory.” He said as though it were the simplest thing in the world. Almost instantly Alec was sitting up and nearly falling out of his bed.

“No. Magnus is not our personal Warlock. He won’t do it again. Not after last time…” He said in protest which had the head of the Institute looking at him darkly.

“Then I’ll call in another. She can’t wake knowing she killed her own mother. She clearly went there to die and when she doesn’t…she won’t be able to handle it. She will lose her mind, she won’t be the same girl you’ve grown to know over these months. It is what’s best for her.” He said sternly, trying to end any chance of discussion right then and there. Nobody expected Alec to rise from his bed, but he did so.

“No. You are not to decide what is best for her. Making her rest is one thing, wiping her memories is another. She is a Shadowhunter and she will fight against the pain. You’re not taking her memories from her.” Alec challenged, leaning heavily against Audrina’s headboard now, his strength sapped as he gave everything to protect her. Jace turned a dark gaze on their leader, their would be protector. The willingness to forgive Hodge for what he did for Valentine was fading with each decision he made that reflected weakness and evil in his heart. Jace often forgot that he had been a member of the Circle, but he remembered it starkly now.

[Serendipity]

In a daze he scooped Audrina's still lifeless looking body into his arms and carried her, following Travis and the other Downworlders out of the cursed building. He didn't dare even look down at her face in fear that she would open her eyes and he wouldn't see the stormy grey's he'd come to love so much. How he would cope if she turned into either of the two Downworlders he wasn't sure although, selfishly, he felt loosing her completely would be worse. The pain and worry he felt coursing through his body was becoming too much, he had felt pain and loss before, but this was becoming unbearable and Eli's subconscious turned to another coping method so he wouldn't have to feel such heartache. He switched off. It was that simple really and he had done it before when he had lost both his parents, withdrawing from the pain and suffering of their deaths as he was doing now with every step he took towards the awaiting vehicle that would get them far away as possible from the vampire nest.

Eli didn't remember much of the ride back to the institute only that he had lain her down along the back seat of Simon's van. The conversation around him lost to his ears as he'd sat down beside her, her head resting comfortably on his lap. Eli vaguely recalled getting the blonde and Alec into the infirmary once they'd arrived out the front of the Institute doors and everyone unloaded, Simon of course stayed behind. Once he was assured that she was being taken care of, Isabelle offering her hand along with Jace, he looked briefly down at his blood covered self and murmured that he had to get clean before he walked away. The dark haired Shadowhunter passed the Institute's caretaker without a word and ignored the other's protests if there were any. He couldn't stay and wait for her to wake up - if she would wake up, he had done that too many times in the past and this time he just couldn't bring himself to sit by her bed for days on end, waiting and hoping.

So Eli was not there to hear Hodge suggest that he would wipe Audrina's memory of killing her mother and he didn't witness Alec's rise against the head of the Institute. It may have been a good thing however since he wasn't in the right mind frame at the present time and might have just found himself agreeing with Hodge. The knowledge that she had slain her mother and in the process come out alive (if she did survive) would eat at her as it had done knowing her mother had been turned into a vampire in the first place. It was true that she would be better off not remembering all she had gone through, she could get on with the rest of her life in peace. It was a good thing he wasn't present when wiping her memory had been suggested because Alec was right, these events were what made her who she was and she would fight against the pain because she was a Shadowhunter and that's what they did.

---

"What are you doing back alrea -- where are you going?" Travis's first question quickly turned to another as his older brother shouldered his duffel bag which he could guess was full of Eli's clothes. He had expected that Eli would stay at the Institute, that he would want to be by Audrina's side until she woke but clearly he had been mistaken. He never expected to walk into their apartment and see his brother preparing to leave. Unless he's returning to the Institute, the thought crossed Travis's mind only for a split second, he knew that look on his brothers face and he wasn't going anywhere but far away.

"Home." Eli replied as he walked past his younger sibling, pausing just for a moment so he could lay a hand on Travis's shoulder. "Thank you." He murmured, referring to Travis's involvement in purposely infecting Audrina with Were venom and not losing control.

That was all Eli said before he walked out the door and left his brother standing in the middle of the room watching him leave. Home. Eli would only refer to one place as 'home' and that was the estate back in Alicante where they had grown up together as boys. A home Travis couldn't return too without strict permission from the Clave.

---

It was strange being back 'home' (here) and he'd almost changed his mind about returning with all the bad memories it held. At the same time he didn't want to be anywhere else, taking comfort in the place he had been raised by a loving family before things had taken a tragic turn. The painful memories of his parents death and the lives they had shared together here in this house were far easier to manage than his feelings of dread and heartache for a certain blonde Shadowhunter. Eli couldn't handle another rejection from her, at least not so soon after the first and so he thought it safer for both their sake's, and especially his heart, if he wasn't there when she woke.

He didn't bother unpacking once he arrived, he was too exhausted, psychically and emotionally to do anything but find his old room and crawl into bed. As though he were a kid again he pulled the covers up over his head and buried his face into his pillow, ignoring the stuffy smell the room held after being locked up for so long. Tomorrow he would have to open up all the windows and air the place out, that and cleaning, would provide a distraction for the majority of the day as he waited on word from the Institute on Audrina's recovery. He might have 'run' as she had done in the past but he still wanted to know of the outcome of her recovery and if she were alright.

[Yunalesca]

"You ran away when she needed you most. I don't know the last time she ate a full mmeal, the last time she let the sun touch her face, the last time she spoke a single word. She cries in the night and there's nothing we can do for her. You're the one she needs. Come back."

It was the nicest way Alec could put it the last time he spoke to Eli. Neither male had love loss for the other, but the Shadowhunter had hoped if he entered a plea that maybe the other would listen finally. Isabelle had updated the male when Audrina finally woke from the medicated sleep, but communication since had been minimal. Nobody offered to speak to him again after tempers flared between the males and ended with each hanging up on the other once it had turned into an argument. Alec had slammed his phone down on the counter in rage before shaking his head to Isabelle. He wouldn't come back and most definitely wouldn't be considering it now. If he cared for the girl he had an odd way of showing it.

Time passed with many changes coming to the Institute though the damaged blonde Shadowhunter took no notice. Hodge was removed as the head of the Institute after he pushed too far and Jace confessed the crimes of the elder Shadowhunter. With the Starkweather gone it left room for a new head which in turn went to the Lightwoods mother, Maryse. With her came the youngest of the clan, though Audrina failed to notice him either. She rarely left her room and her meals were eventually left at her door as she shut herself off from the outside world. When she first woke four days after the attack, she had been confused. She should have been dead. At first she feared she had been turned,but Isabelle had restrained the panicking Shadowhunter to explain what had happened to her. Once it was out in the open she could only sob before harshly demanding to be left alone. She felt her psyche break. Eventually the tears couldn't come anymore and she receded deep into herself.

The first few weeks had been trying as the other occupants of the Institute watched for her to try and end her own life, but she didn't come out from her room and seek death. She stayed holed up in the dark room and said nothing to anyone after she demanded Isabelle to leave her alone. She was marginally forgotten as the life in the Institute moved on with only meals at her door to acknowledge her. It was how she wanted it. She cocooned herself in silence and walls in hopes it would keep her from losing it. Her barriers could not hold, however, when the moon rose and she finally crawled into bed after a day of trying to protect herself from the reality of what she had done. She cried for her sister, for her mother, for her own soul. Each time she woke herself she found her hand reaching for something that was not there. On instinct she was looking for Eli, but he was long gone.

*

A month and a half after slaying her mother, Audrina finally emerged from her room dressed in simple gear and her hair stripped of the black streaks she had sported since beginning her long journey from France. A messenger bag was slung across her body and contained what few things she may need during her intended journey. She didn't know if she would be coming back to this place and didn't know where she would end up after all this was over. Her only plan involved few steps that could alter the course of her life. There were only two ways this would go and she wasn't even sure which of those she wanted. All she did know was that she couldn't hide away from the world in her room forever. It was with this in mind that she stepped out from the Institute unseen with her peacoat wrapped about her body and all that ever mattered to her tucked in against her side.

*

It was raining in Alicante when she finally arrived at the gates and her identity was verified. She felt herself holding her breath as she was carefully scrutinized. She hadn't checked in with the Clave in years and didn't know if maybe she was flagged for any number of things. Her breath was released when the guards stepped aside and let her pass. She was sure the city was just as beautiful as she had been told when the weather was bright, but under this downcast rain she couldn't find a color that was appealing. Her scanning of the horizon was brief before she reached into the pocket of her coat and drew forth the directions she had been given from Travis. He had not seemed altogether surprised to see her when she called on him, though his eyes scanned her for some time before she willed herself to ask where Eli would go. She had seen his eyes travel to her wrist where he'd bitten her. Self consciously she had pulled her sleeve over the new scar as she didn't want to talk about the event of the night he had given it to her.

Subconsciously her fingers trailed over the bumps now as she slipped into a covered alley to check the directions out of the downpour. She knew now that Travis had been studying her to see if she had changed into something else, into one of his kind. Somehow the two viruses had canceled one another out and eventually died in her system, Shadowhunter blood purifying the infected cells. She could be cause for a study on whether it was a lucrative way to return Shadowhunters to their normal state, but nobody was willing to speak of her near death nor did anyone want to risk others feeling what she had. She had almost died in being infected with both and it wasn't sure whether anyone else would survive it.

The directions were quickly folded once more and stuffed in her pocket before she set out once more. She took several turns without really paying attention to the structures she passed or the Shadowhunters either. She was almost there, she could actually feel it in her chest. When she did reach the modest home however, she found herself stopping to look at it while the rain poured down on her. Now that she was here she actually felt a twinge of fear, the first thing she had felt in weeks since locking herself away in her own mind. Her hand slid to the note once more and she brought it up to be sure she was where she needed to be. The addresses matched and yet she still felt her feet were made of lead. Stop hiding, stop running her own stronger self voiced.

Slowly she approached the door and felt her heart rate begin to increase. Her hand folded around the note from Travis as though it would give her confidence. When she was at the door she felt her hand raise to the knocker and slam the metal three times against the plate. She looked tired and haggard, out of sorts with her coat drenched and hair plastered to her head, but she wouldn't turn away now. She had come a very long way to see what just seeing him would bring her. She didn't know what she would say, or even could say, just that she needed to see if there was anything there anymore.