i never asked to be saved [r], mortal instruments - Seren

[Serendipity]

His words weren’t working, soothing as they might be, whatever dream she was having it was worse than the others he’d witnessed from her. He kept talking to her however, soft murmurs of reassurance in her ear, describing the beauty of the greenhouse. The sounds of distress coming from her tore at his heart, he hated that this was haunting her, that she had to relive the trauma of what Maddox had out her through even in sleep. Gently he smoothed her hair as he continued soothing her in hopes the images inside her head would change to something more pleasant.

Eli was on the brink of waking her, he couldn’t stand hearing her cries of pain any longer, when he heard her sharp intake of breath and her body shudder as she woke herself. He loosened his arms around her immediately feeling that she wanted to move, and was relieved when she turned into his chest instead of scooting away from him upon realising he was in her bed. Under different circumstances she would have screamed at him to get out, cursed him for invading her room without permission. Now, after everything they had been through, the bits of themselves they had shared it was different. She trusted that he wouldn’t overstep the boundaries, and he was only there to comfort her now.

He murmured softly into her hair as he kissed the top of her head once she curled into him, burying her head into his chest as she cried. He held her firmly, his arm curling around her waist and across her back; his fingers found the back of her neck and ran over the back of her hair. Through her sobs he heard her confirm what she’d been dreaming about, although he had expected Maddox’s name and not Jarek’s, not that it mattered they were both as terrifying for her as the other. He only nodded so that she knew he was hearing her, but couldn’t find the words and he wasn’t sure if saying anything at this time was even necessary, his presence alone seemed to be comforting enough.

“It will. Eventually, it will.” He said, almost a promise that he hoped would reign true and she wouldn’t always have these horrible nightmares. He felt Audrina move one of her hands out from between them and wrap it around his torso and at the feeling of her fingers brushing his skin he remembered he hadn’t stopped to put a shirt on but this time around it didn’t appear to matter to her. If it had been any other time he would have felt perhaps just a little pleased that she had openly admitted to needing him but it past completely over him, only acknowledging it for a second.

His heart rate sped up slightly as he felt her hands over his back, exploring his skin as though she needed to know that he really was there and she wasn’t dreaming it. He couldn’t help his heart rate but he could control everything else and he was completely aware that this was a time for comfort and nothing else. “I just had this feeling you were having a nightmare,” He admitted simply because he had no idea how to explain how he’d woken up knowing she needed him there. “I’ll stay. I promise I’ll stay for the rest of the night.” He replied as she lifted her head and locked her gaze onto his.

“I’ll stay awake the whole time and make sure you’re sleeping peacefully if I have to.” He murmured, offering her a soft smile to let her know that he didn’t mind staying with her and leant his head forward just enough to brush his lips over her forehead.

[Yunalesca]

Her expression softened to a silent gratitude as he informed he would stay. Even the smallest of smiles found her face at his remaining comment. She swallowed back the tears that were still trying to seep free before her soft voice found the air. "I wouldn't ask that of you. Just being here will be enough." She said to him before her free hand came to wipe the dampness from beneath her eyes. In the back of her mind she was thinking that someday this would have to stop. He would be getting the wrong idea if they kept ending up in the same bed together, but for now she didn't care. She needed him. She almost felt like she was using him, but he had come to her. If he didn't want to be there he wouldn't have slipped in while her nightmare took control. He wanted to hold her, she could see that in his eyes when they locked together. She wasn't making him do anything and it made her heart swell slightly while she took a shaky breath to get herself back under control. Her hand fell away and pressed to his chest as her head came down to tuck just at his shoulder. She let a soft sigh escape her as she closed her eyes momentarily.

"Thank you...for that sixth sense or whatever it is." She laughed a little as the nightmare was fading away and the reality of Eli folded around her came to. Her body had grown cold from the shock of the dream, but it was getting warm under his touch now. Without thinking about what signal it could send her leg slid between his to curl around one, the position comfortable but a little forward. It was an intimate position meant for lovers, but it continued to show her trust in him as her head tilted slightly so she could look at him, eye opening and a little clearer than before. "Just...let me know if this is uncomfortable for you." She said quietly as she remembered she had been trying to not lead him on. She knew she felt for him and that he did on some level for her, but eventually she would have to walk away. He had been there for her much more than she had anticipated and she would abandon him. It was unfair, but in her mind she knew it was the best way to protect him. With the thought other horrors of her dreams came to mind and she had to put a stop to it. She remembered before telling herself to just enjoy the moment and so she went back to that now.

"By the way, you did well on the d...day we spent together." She caught herself before she could say the d word she had been trying to avoid. It hadn't been a date. To many it would be considered so, but that insinuated they were working toward something. Every part of her wanted to believe that would happen, but she had been let down enough in her life. She couldnt let herself fall again and so she had let him in, but she still had a measure of distance from her heart. She'd never had a serious relationship or felt love so she couldnt say she would even know what it felt like if it happened. It was safest not to think of it so she took her precautions even as her hands wanted to roam over his skin and into his hair. Earlier she had wanted to kiss him, but after the dream Jarek had forced bloody lips down on her she couldnt stomach the thought now, even though it was Eli there in front of her. She averted her eyes from him to hide the thought before he could see. Once again she was promising it would be different tomorrow when she knew damn well they had changed. It would be different, but it wouldn't be going back to how things once were.

She took in a deep breath of his scent and felt it soothe her. She could feel his heartbeat steady and strong under her hand, it thrumming in her mind as a comforting sound. She was growing tired suddenly when she had thought she wouldn't be able to sleep for a while. He had the affect on her. Knowing he would be there sent her racing mind at ease. She didn't say anything to him as her head snuggled a little more into his collarbone and her arm relaxed around his torso. Sleep something soothed and she couldnt be sure if it was her own mind or his voice that said it. Her eyes began to close slowly as she almost wanted to fight it. I'll be here his voice echoed in her mind again and made her mind blank. "Eli..." She whispered, wanting to say something, but she was fading too fast and nothing more came before she was out, fully relaxed in his grip. Her mind flickered over the greenhouse and what could have been before even that faded out to nothingness.

[Serendipity]

He kept telling himself that this was nothing, this was only one person offering another a gesture of comfort because they had been through a traumatic experience; there needn’t be any feelings involved. He’d already screwed himself, despite everything he had developed feelings and it was going to come back and bite him in the arse. It wouldn’t be Audrina’s fault, there wouldn’t be any blame there for her, it was all on him and his damned fickle heart. Maybe not tomorrow or even the next day, but eventually they would go back to sleeping separately and he guessed living separate lives in and outside of the Institute. Saying that, however, they had begun to develop a friendship and if that continued at least he wouldn’t have to cut everything off completely from her.

“Sorry for barging into your room without your permission, I know you don’t like that.” He said with just the smallest hint of a grin and matching chuckle. His chuckle caught in the back of his throat as he felt her leg move, he froze unsure of where she would place it and swallowed -hoping she wouldn't see it in the darkness- as he felt her limb push between his legs and curl around one. It was a position he could only relate to as one made for lovers, and they weren’t lovers, not by a long shot. He would like them to be, one day but it certainly wasn’t today. Thankfully her voice distracted him from thinking too much on how it felt to have her leg curled around his, and he focused on what she was saying. “It’s not uncomfortable at all.” Eli shook his head. The position wasn’t uncomfortable at all, it was very comfortable, possibly too comfortable - bordering on dangerous comfortable.

He was so distracted by making sure he didn’t cross any boundaries with her that he missed her near slip up of calling their night together the ‘d’ word. He’d only heard her say he had done well and could only assume she had been talking about their night and remembered she had been ‘scoring’ him on his efforts. He let a smile play over his lips and tilted his head a little more so he could get a better look at her, it was hard to see anything in the dark room but he could just see her face. He realised though, that his lips were probably a little too close to hers, their breaths were mingling but to pull away suddenly would only give the wrong impression. Their faces being this close, he could easily capture her mouth in a tender kiss and perhaps he would have if the reason why he was here with her now wasn’t just to lull her back to sleep and keep her bad dreams at bay. “So do I get to take you out again?” He asked hopefully though as he looked at her more closely he could tell she was starting to drift back off to sleep, her eyelids were fluttering threatening to close. So he didn’t expect an answer from her and instead smoothed some of her hair back from her face before she buried her head further into his chest.

He smiled softly to himself, already sensing the change in her as her body had relaxed more and he suspected she would sleep peacefully now. “Sleep...I’ll be here.” He reassured gently in case there were any doubts in her mind that he might leave once she was asleep. He heard her whisper his name and shift her gaze to his, wanting to say something further but she was fading quickly and he didn’t expect her to be awake for much longer so he didn’t press her to finish what she wanted to say. Eli smoothed her hair down again, a gentle, soothing gesture and repeated the motions until her eyes closed and her breathing evened out, a sure sign that she was now asleep.

He wasn’t sure how long he kept watching over her while she slept before his own eyes started to close and his head pressed further into the pillows, and she remained encased in his arms. During what was left of the night they stayed like that for a long time before dawn hit and he had turned onto his back; and with Audrina’s leg curled around his and his arm around her it meant she came with him, laying half on top of him. The little extra weight on his chest didn't bother him enough to wake and they both remained asleep for the time being.

[Yunalesca]

When Eli rolled over in the middle of the night she moved with him as though it were natural, as though they were one in the same. She had sighed against his chest as her arm stayed draped around his abdomen and her leg hooked around his. When the sun was shining in, signalling dawn, she slowly stirred out of her subconscious. Her eyes fluttered open to see his sleeping face, his expression blank and peaceful before she looked down to see his naked chest under her. Just weeks ago this would have made her jump off him and yell, but now she stayed where she was and instead closed her eyes again. She took a deep breath then let it go slowly after his scent filled her brain and sent her back into a relaxed state. As her body woke up she was more aware of him, how his arm held her to him and his hand was resting curled around her hip. It was an intimate place to hold someone, but once again she wasn't afraid of it. Given what had happened to her she should have been, but she trusted him more than she had ever thought she would. Everything he did had been to lull her to sleep and keep the nightmares away while she faded into the darkness.

And that was exactly what he had done last night. With their bodies curled around each other, his body heat soaking into her, and his scent filling her nose not a single nightmare came to haunt her. She didn't remember dreaming. She recalled fleeting thoughts of him as she had fallen asleep. She recalled thinking of how she could have taken his lips with hers in the greenhouse as she had wanted to, fantasizing how it could have been, but that had been the extent of her brain activity. Her lashes brushed against his skin as she opened her eyes once more. She heard his heartbeat speed up a little under her ear and smiled. She could already imagine him protesting their getting up as he had the morning before. It had been tempting then to stay where they were all day, it was even more tempting now as she was folded into this comfortable position against his body.

"Morning." She said softly as she lifted her eyes up to his face to watch his eyes open. That warm smile was on her lips again as her body and mind felt refreshed from a full nights sleep. She didn't have those often and it seemed Eli was about the only thing that let it happen. That prodding in the back of her mind started again, the voice telling her that this couldn't continue forever, but she ignored it. For now she would go back to letting herself believe that this could keep going. At the thought her thumb stroked over his bare skin across his ribs affectionately. In her mind it was a simple gesture, but she knew she was lying to herself. It was intimate to touch him like this, especially with his shirt off. Everything was telling her to be more careful, but right then she didn't care.

"Did you sleep as well as I did?" She asked him softly, her eyes dropping from his and resting her head against his chest again. Her thumb continued to run over his smooth skin, feeling the tell tale signs of faded runes here and there as she did. She should stop before she took this too far, but a voice reminded her it wouldn't go very far. She was inexperienced and wouldn't even know how to initiate something like that, or well, she did, but she knew she wouldn't. She had never thought about sleeping with Eli before and so didn't feel the pull for it now. She kept her innocence about her as she listened to the steady thrum of his heart beneath her ear. It was then that she remembered they were supposed to train together this morning. She wondered what the others would say if they saw them leaving her room together, or see Eli slip out without his shirt. A slight panic grabbed hold of her heart, but she managed to let it go gracefully. She didn't care. She had needed him and he had come to her in her time of need. They had innocently enough cuddled through the night and nothing more.

"We're supposed to train today..." She reminded reluctantly. She didn't want to get up even though she knew she had to. She was afraid of reverting back to their old ways even though she had admitted to herself last night that would be unlikely. They had become closer than she had anticipated. Cutting the cord now would feel too painful and so she was putting it off once more. At the thought she sighed into his chest and rolled her head so her face was hidden into his chest again. She didn't want this feeling to go away even as she remembered she had made her choice long ago. You can just stay this way for now some part of her whispered as her thumb stopped stroking his skin and her hand curved around his side a little more as though she were trying to keep him where he was. On the one hand she wanted to keep doing this every morning, an odd feeling considering, but on the other she knew how dangerous this could become.

[Serendipity]

It was the light flutter of someone's - Audrina's- eyelashes against his bare skin that eventually woke him up, lightly tickling his skin and sending his heart rate up from the feeling. His eyes slowly opening whilst his mind partially protested to opening his eyes so soon. He had been content to remain asleep, even if it was just for a little while longer. Even in his subconscious he was aware of her presence and that he wasn't in his own bed, that the extra warmth he felt flooding his body was coming from her being held against his side and chest by his very arms. Waking up would mean they would separate from this position and he was reluctant to let that happen. But he could feel her stirring more as she obviously realized he was waking up and it was too late to pretend to be asleep when she knew he wasn't.

Eli made his eyes open further as he heard Audrina's voice in his ears and a smile splayed across his lip as she lifted her eyes up to his face. "Mmm...morning," He respond a little sleepily, still not a hundred percent awake. However at the feeling of her thumb running affectionately across his ribs, over his bare skin, it didn't take him long to wake fully. His arm tightened around her in response and he became aware that his hand had curled intimately over the curve of her hip. But he felt that it was okay, this was okay and he should just enjoy it without making a big deal about it in his own head. "I did." He nodded, his eyes still focused on her even as she lay her head back down against his chest, her ear pressed against his skin and undoubtedly she could hear his racing heart that he was still trying to get control of.

"I'm glad you slept better," Eli told her gently, pleased with himself that once again he had stifled her nightmares from his presence alone and also once again surprised at himself for not assuming once that this would go any further. In fact, it was so nice as it was he didn't want to ruin it by even thinking about where it could go. He was surprised at his patience and the mere satisfaction he received from just being around her, holding her was only a bonus and if anything further did form between them it would be much more than satisfying. He thought he felt her tense slightly, but it was so fleeting he couldn't even be sure if she had.

Apart from his chest moving up and down with his breathing he didn't move, not because he was frightened too only that he was far too content in the position he was and found he could only concentrate on the movements of Audrina's thumb against his bare skin. Though her reminder of their training session today and the reluctance he thought he heard in her voice, had him lifting his head just a little to get a better look at her and he couldn't help the soft chuckle rumble in his chest. "I hadn't forgotten." He replied, although it would mean getting up out of bed it was another opportunity for him to spend time with her and he couldn't pass that up.

"We can lay here for another few minutes, can't we? I don't want to get up yet..." He sighed showing his own reluctance for getting up and he remembered saying something similar to her yesterday morning. He'd also admitted that he liked being there with her, but she had probably already guessed that otherwise he would never have come to her room in the first place.

[Yunalesca]

She smiled against his skin as he answered with what she had figured he would solely based on the response she had got from him the morning before. “I thought you might say that.” She said with mirth as her eyes glanced up to him then closed again. In the past she might have made some snide remark about him just wanting to keep touching her, but in the past she wouldn’t have been laying in bed with him. Then again she may not have said that either. She hated intimacy. It was odd for her to not be so afraid of it now, but her mind had tricked this into being something else. She didn’t look at it as intimate or she might have been a little afraid. She didn’t know if she could ever be close to someone like that after what Maddox had done to her. Eli was different, though. He had been there and had healed her wounds, hadn’t let her go as she came out of it dazed and shaken. He had transcended past ‘friend’ status, though her mind didn’t let her know that. It knew what would happen if she acknowledged that and she wasn’t ready to part from him.



“Your arms seem to be holding me down so I can’t say I’ll be going anywhere until you’re good and ready.” She said teasingly, content to stay in bed a while longer as well. They both knew she could get out from under his grip if she wanted, but it wasn’t on her mind at the moment. She had been reluctant to remind him they had agreed to train today as it would give them obligations to move. She couldn’t help but feel that maybe this should be awkward, him sleeping in her bed, but it wasn’t in her mind. He had been the only other soul to join her since Aurelie used to crawl under the covers to seek her sisters comfort. She hadn’t realized until now just how much she might have missed that contact, that comfort. Eli had become that over the course of the last few days. Maybe even before that. She recalled how he had stayed with her when the demon poison had been leaving her system and how he had offered to help her around when she knew really he wanted to make her stay put to heal properly.



At the memory she smiled again and took in a deep breath of his scent, fingers unhinging from his side to curl into a light fist for her to rub the tops of her fingers back over his skin affectionately. That warning was there again, reminding her to be careful, but she reminded it that she trusted him. At any time he could have pulled her up to his mouth or moved his hand to some other intimate area, but he didn’t. He knew the trauma she had experienced and it was a show of confidence in her allowing him to keep his hand hinged around her hip bone. She couldn’t remember anyone else ever doing it, now that she thought of it, and she felt herself flush slightly. Nothing would happen that she didn’t ask for and for now she wasn’t asking for anything else.



“Eli…” She started, opening her eyes and tilting her head so her chin rested over his heart, looking at him fully. She didn’t know what had spurred the thought, she had felt that she had put him through enough, but she vaguely remembered having a dream of Eli with his family and so grew curious. Her fingers stopped ruing over his ribs as her gaze turned gentle. “You never said your parents names last night. I wasn’t going to bring it up…But I grew curious…” She said in the softest way she could. It was a simple answer, but she knew it was more than just that. He had trusted her with a part of his soul that possibly no one else had seen and now she was asking for a little more. Something in her scolded for her persistence, but she brushed it aside. She was looking for more reasons to stay there with him, to fold around him comfortingly for a while longer.

[Serendipity]

He could feel her smile against his chest as he told her that he didn't want to get up yet, something he had said the morning before which Audrina clearly recalled. His own smile formed over his lips as she lifted her head to catch his gaze briefly before resting her head back down on his chest. "I must be predictable." He chuckled softly. He was pleased, however, that she didn't seem in any way concerned that he didn't want to get up, or that his arm, as she just mentioned, was holding her down so she couldn't move until he lifted it from her.

"Looks like we're going to stay here all day then, training can wait until tomorrow." Eli told her, mostly serious but there was a hint of mirth in his words that suggested he might be joking. He wished they could stay in bed all day, like this, if all they did was just talk that would be fine with him. His eyes moved briefly to his arm that was weighed over her side and hip, they both knew that she could get out from under his hold if she wanted to, but she seemed just as content not to as he was not to remove it either. He wouldn't keep her there if she wanted to get away, but he was happy that she didn't and that was just another reason he felt he could stay like this with her for the entire day. "I don't plan on going anywhere." He smirked playfully, knowing deep down that it wasn't going to happen, they would have to get up eventually.

"Mmm?" He questioned when she said his name as though she wanted to ask him something. Last night he had told her that she could ask him anything, though it was now the next morning, but he didn't mind. She could ask him anything, any time she wanted, he wasn't about to make it only applicable to last night. His eyes had half closed again as though he was about to fall back to sleep, the movement of her balled fist running back and forth over his skin was extremely soothing and he'd found his focus had fallen solely on that movement and the feel of her heartbeat against his side. His eyes fluttered opened as she asked her question, which was an apology and question all in one and he heard the uncertainty in her words about asking him this particular question. What were his parents names?

Eli was aware he had purposefully not mentioned their names when he had told Audrina about what had happened to them, saying their names had felt like it would make it hurt all the more as he retold how they had died. Maybe it would hurt, but maybe it might feel better to use their names and remember the good things about them, the good times. "I didn't say their names because I thought it would be easier to talk about it all without them." He explained softly and glanced down, expecting to see the top of Audrina's head and not the full impact of her gaze and all of a sudden he was wondering what he was so afraid of by telling Audrina his parents names. "Robert and Elizabeth Ashdown." He told her. Something gripped at his heart for a split second before it released and with it he felt a great sense of relief.

"My mother used to call my father 'Robbie', she was the only one who did, and I think it was because she was the only one who he allowed to use the nickname." He went on as the memory surfaced once their names were finally out, he had forgotten his mother's nickname for his father until now. "But my father always called her Elizabeth, she never had a nickname. He must have liked her name too much to feel the need to change it." He added with a small smile, and his sentence led him to the question that he asked her next. "Do you have a nickname?"

[Yunalesca]

Her brows furrowed in guilt even before he spoke, seeing the look that crossed his eyes as she felt him take a breath. She felt like she had overstepped her bounds this time and wished she could take it back. Her hand stopped stroking his side and she bit her lip in preparation to tell him to forget it, but he was already speaking. She wished even more that she had spoken first after she heard his explanation. She didn’t think she could feel any more guilt than she currently did, but all she wanted now was to pull away from him and crawl in a hole. She had caused him pain without meaning it, but would he see it that way? Her eyes closed just after catching his gaze, unable to look at him as the guilt mounted and she could almost feel his pain. She was able to say her parents’ names, well her father’s anyway, but neither of them had tried to kill themselves. Why’d you bring it up?! her mind screamed before she felt him take another breath then out came something unexpected.



Her eyes opened back up when she heard the names of his parents escape him. It sounded guarded, like he wanted to hide the pain it caused, but she could feel him exhale like the pain went away with saying it. Her furrowed brows softened as she thought about his parents names, applying them to the images she had formed in her head again. They fit, she felt, though she had never known them or seen pictures. Her expression softened further as he seemed to relax and speak more freely about his parents. The pain she had witnessed earlier seemed to have gone after bringing out their names to her. Maybe it had been good for him to say it, but there was still that part of her that was scolding for having made him feel bad at any point. Their morning had been going well until she asked something of him she shouldn’t have. It wasn’t really her business, they weren’t dating.



She listened and offered a smile to him as he went on about nicknames, trying to remember if her own parents had given eachother nicknames. While she was trying to recall he brought a question to her, one that made her pause. Her eyes dropped and she bit her lip nervously. He had offered her his parents names despite the pain it would cause, there was no reason she should shell up on him now. She took a breath and let a sad yet reminiscent smile cross her face, finally bringing her gaze back. “Dree. My sister couldn’t say my name very well when she was little so she kept saying ‘Dree’. My parents started using it after that. I shortened Aurelie’s name to Rel not long after.” She paused and offered a small laugh. “When we heard our full names we knew we were in trouble, which happened to be a lot of times right before,” She stopped and took a breath, averting her gaze quickly then bringing it back to him apologetically. Her fingers ran across his skin affectionately again as she fought to finish her sentence, but didn’t as she felt her understood where it had been going. He knew her parents were gone, she just hadn’t exactly told him how. Her father’s death was still a mystery to her as it was.



She lowered her head down to his chest again, ear pressed over his heart in a way of seeking comfort. She was okay with her father’s passing, as far as a child could be, but bringing up her sister was always hard for her. It wasn’t fair in the respect that he had spoken freely with her, but he was aware by now that giving any part of herself over was something special. “Sorry, I probably shouldn’t have brought that up.” She apologized even though he seemed to have recovered from the initial pain of talking about the past. Her fingers continued to run up and down his side in an apologetic fashion before they stopped and her hand curled around his ribs again. She could lay like this for hours, she felt, though that would mean more to talk about. She was comforted by his touch, but wasn’t ready to delve further into a discussion about her past or give in to the temptation of asking of his. She didn’t want to get up from the warm bed, largely due to his body heat, but knew they would have to get moving. The sun had moved a little further in the sky since they had first woken and it was a sign that they should be moving with it.



“Ten more minutes then we get up.” She offered as a compromise. She was aware a lot of damage could be done in those ten minutes, but was confident that he knew when to stop things. At first meeting he hadn’t known a thing about her and tried to push himself on her like it was something she would enjoy, but he had learned over time that she wasn’t that way. Not to mention she was delicate even now after the few days she’d had to recover from Maddox’ attempted rape and her crushing fall with the second in command. She should be even more terrified of men, but it was still Eli’s embrace that soothed her. She let her eyes close softly and tried to will away every thought in an attempt to just enjoy the moment. She might never get this again.

[Serendipity]

He saw the guilt reflect in her eyes as he caught her gaze briefly before he'd looked away to summon the courage to speak his parents names out loud for the first time in years. Eli guessed she'd seen the pain in his features after she'd asked her question and now felt guilty for it, he wanted to tell her she needn't feel bad but then he was answering her question before he could decide against it. As he spoke, the pain of their memory slipped away and he hoped Audrina would sense that he wasn't upset with her question as he continued on further, explaining their nicknames then asking if she had a nickname.

His gaze had fallen back onto her face as he'd spoken and a soft smile had formed on his lips while he waited for her answer. He didn't mind if she chose to avoid the question, he understood all too well what that pain of reminiscing was like and had only asked her on a whim. However, even as he thought she might not answer, given the slight frown on her lips, he was silently trying to work out whether or not her name could form a nickname at all. His thumb absently grazed her hip, through the fabric of her clothes, back and forth as he pondered possible nicknames forgetting that that type of touching might be crossing some bounds as innocent as it was.

Eventually she did answer his question and he was brought out of his thoughts, stilling his hand as he realized only then what he was doing. "Dree." He mused outloud, "That's nice." And it suited her far better than the nicknames he had come up with, one being 'Aud'. Eli sensed, with her sudden stop of her explanation on how her nickname had been formed, and sharp breath that she hadn't meant to give him as much as she had and that she'd come dangerously close to speaking about her parents deaths. She wasn't ready to talk about her parents deaths yet, and he already knew this so he wasn't disappointed. As much as he felt like there had been a weight lifted from his shoulders after he had spoken of his own parents, it wasn't the right time for Audrina and he accepted that. "You don't have to apologize, it's alright." Eli assured her gently and brought the hand that wasn't still resting over her hip to brush away part of her fringe that had fallen over her eyes and was preventing him from seeing her face properly, even if it was just half of it.

He chuckled at her compromise but was definitely pleased by the suggestion. Ten more minutes like this, together, was more than he could ask for so there was no way he was about to disagree. "Ten more minutes sounds good." He murmured and lent his head back against the pillows, taking a deep relaxing breath before shutting his eyes and concentrating solely on the warmth of her body in his arms. This was nice. This he could do every day, for the rest of his life.

[Yunalesca]

She was happy to hear his agreement on ten more minutes of this, part of her hopeful it would be in silence. She wasn’t sure if he could see how much she had given to him over the past few weeks, over the past few days even, but it was leaving her tired and drained. He was the first person she had really found herself talking to about things she swore she would never discuss. To be honest he was the first person she had found any comfort in talking to at all. It was a feat, and the fact they were like this right now, pressed close in her bed, showed he was more than just some person to her. She had been at the Institute for a while and had never bonded with anyone else quite like this. She had made it a fervent point to keep away from the others so as to not bond in fear of what would happen. People she cared about died or abandoned her. She knew none of her family had chosen to do so, but it still scarred her in a manner she wouldn’t admit to. Shadowhunter children were relatively used to losing their parents young and subsequently marrying young as well, but it was never supposed to be like that for her. Her parents had left the Glass City to get away from things that could harm their family, or that was what she presumed the reason to be. They should have been safe outside the politics of the Nephilim and still their lives had been snuffed out. There was no escaping it, it would seem, no matter how far or fast you ran from it. She let her eyes close, eyelashes brushing against his skin, and once more worked to will these uncomfortable thoughts away. She had spent years thinking about things like this and she would have more time to do so later. Right now all she wanted to think about was Eli’s thrumming heart under her ear and the feel of his warm skin under her hand. This was as close as she had ever let anyone get and she knew she should appreciate it as she sensed it might never happen again. It shouldn’t happen again a voice warned to her, that one that had been so prominent before Eli came into her life. It was the voice of caution and the one that had kept her alive all these years.

She pushed it away and took a deep breath of his scent before it all escaped her and a sort of peace came over her. Her expression relaxed and she no longer thought about how this shouldn’t be happening between them or of hurtful memories. She felt herself drifting before she could help it and somehow, considering she had been rather awake a moment earlier, she fell asleep once more. She thought of nothing as she dozed against Eli again, his heartbeat the only thing that permeated the fog of her mind and reminded her that he was there with her. He had an uncanny ability to make her mind go blank as she slept and upon waking she always felt grateful considering how haunting her dreams had been as of late. When she did wake this time, however, she almost started upon realizing she had fallen asleep again. She was still pressed against Eli comfortably, but she couldn’t tell if he was awake as well or if he had followed suit with her. Her eyes opened and judging by the rise of the sun in the sky she would have guessed that ‘ten minutes’ had subsequently become at least a half hour. “That was a long ten minutes,” she whispered against his chest before she lifted her head to look at him, studying the lines of his face, noticing the slight stubble and the unkempt manner of his hair. He was utterly perfect and it was strange for her to think it about anyone. She had never been attracted to anyone, that she could remember anyway, and she was aware that this was exactly what was occurring here. It might have frightened her before, but now after acknowledging it all she could feel was a sense of relief along with a twinge of sadness. It wasn’t safe for her to care about anyone and she knew she did care about him. It wasn’t something she could come out to him with, however. She hadn’t even figured out why he seemed to stick around her when she had been nothing but rude and unreturning of his advances in the beginning.

Her had began stroking his side again in a sort of reluctance to get up even though she had just slept again and advised they get up in ten minutes. She was content where she was, not afraid of what was beyond her door while she lay in Eli’s grasp. But they had both concluded they couldn’t stay in bed all day. It wasn’t in a Shadowhunters nature to hide away from the world, even a reluctant one such as herself. She sighed defeatedly before her hand stopped stroking his side and rather uncharacteristically came up to run over the stubble just under his chin. It was affectionate and she wasn’t afraid of it even knowing that this would have to stop. Maybe that was why she was letting it happen because she knew it wouldn’t happen again. Her hand stopped to rest just over his collarbone as she looked at him a little longer before speaking. “No more excuses despite the comfortableness of my bed.” She said with a hint of regret. Not once had she been shaken with the thought of how truly intimate their position was, or of how they touched one another. She had made steps and it would all get wiped away in the oncoming days where she cut him off. “I guess the question now is whether you eat before or after you train,” she started to question before a bit of a devious smile found her lips. “I think it might be your turn to manage breakfast all on your own, by the way.” She said with a little nudge of his chin with her free hand. He had basically made the waffles for them the last time, but she had assisted him. She couldn’t say she was particularly hungry right now, especially right before training, but she was grasping onto straws to keep near him. Her mind was screaming for her to stop herself, but she’d had a taste of fun and had become comfortable around him. She didn’t want it to end.

[Serendipity]

He hadn’t quite fallen asleep again in the ‘ten minutes’ they had allowed themselves to stay as they were in bed, instead he’d slipped into a semi-consciousness where he’d become incredibly relaxed and rested, yet was aware of the body pressed comfortably against his side. He wasn’t keeping mind of the time slipping by however, as Audrina fell asleep, and didn’t realize that their ‘ten minutes’ was stretching for quite a while. He was happy to let the day slip away and stay as they were. But of course, that wasn’t possible, not only because he thought Audrina wouldn’t allow it too but they needed to eat and eventually one of them was going to require the use of the bathroom.

Every now and then unwanted thoughts would filter into his head, and he’d wonder what would happen if he turned on his side and found Audrina’s mouth, or pulled her onto his chest and sunk his fingers into her hair. Either of those two options would be easy to achieve, however the aftermath was the only thing keeping him from entertaining such ideas for long - that, and the fact that the trust she had built for him would shatter completely. He’s needs were selfish ones, he knew that, he simply wanted physical contact with this woman - more than hugging on a bed.

He almost sighed at his wayward thoughts, a little annoyed at himself for allowing them to creep in again and again. Eli didn’t think words were enough, though, to convince someone that it was okay to let people in, to allow yourself to care for them. That’s all he wanted - more than the psychical, for Audrina. All he wanted was to show her that not all the species were like Maddox. Not everyone would hurt her, or abandon her. She could be happy.

Her breath on his skin quickly brought him out of his thoughts, and her words made him aware that she was awake. Slowly his own eyes opened and at the same time he tilted his head downward so that he could catch her gaze, still slightly glazed with sleep, and a soft smile turned up his lips. “A very long, but necessary, ten minutes.” He agreed, but he wasn’t the least bit annoyed by the extra time they had let slip by. His breath hitched a little, more in surprise than anything, as her hand came to rest just under his chin, her fingers running the stubble affectionately.

The groan he gave wasn’t just out of protest for getting up, but also from the look she had in her eyes as she ran her fingers under his chin. He hadn't seen that look in her eye before, but something told him it was a good thing...and something else was begging him to kiss her. “Your bed is very comfortable.” He said instead to distract himself from actually kissing her. Her next words had him thinking a moment before he answered. “Definitely, coffee first, at least.” He decided, he could feel his empty stomach starting to protest.

Eli chuckled and shook his head slightly, an exaggerated sigh came next before he shifted to a sitting position, bringing the blonde with him. He’d taken the first step of actually getting up despite that he didn't want to, but one of them had too before this turned into something more. More...Audrina was not ready for. “If I have to make you breakfast, training first will give me time to decide what to make you.” He said with a playful smirk. “Though really, you should be making me something. I’m gonna whip your butt in training.” His cockiness was even beyond him sometimes, but it was all in good humour. Before she could respond, presumably with a thump to his chest, he slipped out from under the covers, laughing.

He took a couple of steps back from the bed and once deciding it was a safe enough distance from an attack, stretched his far too relaxed muscles. Lifting one arm over his head then the other as he waited for Audrina to get up next.

[Yunalesca]

If she had known that Eli was feeling much the same as her about staying in bed all day she might have allowed it to happen, but she wasn't a mind reader and she was still questioning why he hung around. She might want to stay this close to him forever, but there was that voice reminding her of how this could end, and more importantly, what could happen if she continued to lead him on. She wanted to believe he was there with her because of what they had been through together and there was a mutual comfort going on due to that, but as naive as she was about men she knew what was always on their mind. It had been on his mind from the moment they met if she let herself remember it. He had wanted to get her in bed as quick as he could and undoubtedly walk away right after. She hadn't given it to him and still he was there with her, not pushing her too far and being careful with her. He had seen a fragile side of her she hadn't let others see before. He seemed to understand now what was going on in her mind and she appreciated that. And still it was risky to stay here with him despite all that. Some day he might not be so patient or read her signals wrong, or maybe right since she didn't know what she was doing, and he would cross that line she had drawn. She would lose everything she had achieved with him if that happened.

She dropped her troubling thoughts as Eli shifted higher in her bed to a seated position and brought her with him, his arm still around her and hers shift to curve around his abdomen again so she was pressed close to him. His body heat was a comfort and her prior concerns washed away with a smile she offered at his comment of breakfast and training. Her eyes found his and read mischief before his voice came to her ears again. Her expression fell after he finished and was slipping away from her before she could retaliate. Her palms were planted on the bed as she glowered at him rather convincingly though she was hardly mad. He was being playful and she could recognize that. What her mind refused to see was that maybe he was flirting a little. She had never noticed men taking an interest in her before, at least not without agression, so she couldn't say she knew what to look for in the first place. She watched as he stretched and she sat a little straighter, refraining from crawling toward him and pulling him back for some punishment.

The moment the thought crossed her mind she felt herself freeze and grow warm, a shade of pink beginning its ascent from her neck up to her face at the thought of pulling him back down to the bed with her. She could see how it might unfold, it being playful at first with some laughs, but it quickly turned from that to him delving a hand in her hair and kissing her like he had in the times before. Part of her felt good with the vision of him kissing her on her bed, but that solitary and defensive voice came up again. It would go down that path she had never walked before. He would take something from her in the heat of the moment when she couldn't think properly. She would be damaged after it was over and her mind broke under it all. Her breath caught sharply in her throat and her eyes dropped quickly to hide what she was thinking from Eli. He wouldn't hurt you a weak voice called in an attempt to reason with herself. She took a breath and felt the fear slip away. He had never had intentions of hurting her and he knew what something like that would do to her mentally after what had happened only a few days ago. He had cradled her in her sleep, had held her after it happened, he wouldn't do anything to jeopardize that trust she had built for him. There were a lot of things they didn't know about eachother, but that was one thing she was sure of in that moment. He'd had opportunities to blatantly harm her and take whatever he wanted, but he never had. Instead he went to the movies with her and learned how to cook. People didn't do that if all they wanted to do was to hurt the person. Be reasonable the voice came back with more strength and the last little bit of fear clinging to her was gone.

She finally looked back up to Eli when she was under control and managed to smirk at him. "You just got lucky last time. You're going to owe me after this. You have yet to see the best of what I can do." She said with confidence and a little bit of playful challenge before she finally rolled the covers away and slid her feet out from under them to press to the wooden floor below. She rose up nearly on her toes as she mirrored Eli in a stretch with her arms over her head, her spine extending and giving her a bit more height before she dropped back down to the heels of her feet and lowered her arms. "I guess a little coffee wouldn't hurt seeing how you're going to need all the help you can get," she said as she grabbed her silken purple robe from the bedpost and poked him lightly in the bicep with a finger of her free hand. She gave him a cocky smile as she slid into the robe and tied it closed around her, hiding away her tank top and sleep pants. She didn't offer for him to break away and grab a shirt before they went to the kitchen to make coffee as she knew how much he liked to walk around without one. She hadn't figured out yet if it had been done purely to annoy her or not, but she supposed she would find out. She hadn't shuddered away from him in the night or this morning for his naked chest so it was apparent she wasn't as bothered by it as she was before. It had to do more with her trusting him than anything else, however.

She gestured for him to step out before her and closed her door firmly behind her. She matched her stride with his and resisted all urge to take his hand in hers as they had the day before. It had felt easy and natural after she had gotten over the initial shock of it, but today was a new day and she had been telling herself things like what had happened yesterday couldn't continue. So her hands stayed at her sides though she walked closer to him than usual. "Let's hope this coffee is an improvement on the one from yesterday." She said lightly as they neared the kitchen. She was still feeling warm from the feel of his skin against hers and was fighting the color that wanted to come to her cheeks at the memory. She wasn't embarrassed by it, but it was still a weird thing for her. It wasn't the first time they had slept by each other through the night and still it left her feeling...different. Excited, giddy maybe? She couldn't define it exactly as she had no other experience to draw on for a comparison. She began hoping that he didn't notice the coloring on her cheeks, or at the very least, if he did he wouldn't say anything. She didn't know how she would respond if he brought it up since she couldn't even define what she had felt while being curled up close to him other than 'safe'.

[Serendipity]

Eli paused in his stretching and let his arms drop to his side and wondered if he’d said something wrong. Audrina’s expression had changed quickly from a playful glower at his teasing to something that looked like apprehension. He bit the inside of his bottom lip to hold back his own look of concern; hoping that whatever thoughts she had going through her mind would only be fleeting and wouldn’t affect the mood they’d set. The seconds stretched by and he was almost about to ask her if she was alright, but she snapped out of whatever thoughts had tried to pull her down. The smirk she gave him was a sure sign that she was alright and he quirked a brow in response, a soft chuckle following at her claim that he had merely gotten lucky last in their last training session. “We’ll see about that.” Eli replied as Audrina rolled the covers back from herself and got out of bed.

As she slipped on robe over her sleepwear and poked his bicep lightly, he laughed again but took a step back to give her some space, which was an odd thing for him to do considering there had been no space between them moments ago when they’d been in bed. But he didn’t want her to feel crowded, or that he expected her to suddenly be openly willing to be close to him. Once they stepped out of this room, there wouldn’t be any holding hands as there had been last night, no heads leaning against shoulders, no arms around each other. Back to normal….whatever ‘normal’ was for them now.

Eli actually had no intentions of changing before their training session, his sweatpants and lack of shirt were his usual training attire whenever he and Jace trained. His training style was a lot more relaxed than the other boys; Jace was usually dressed in traditional Shadowhunter training gear, and the only time Eli dressed to match was if they were using sharp weapons such as knives, swords or daggers. So when Audrina didn’t suggest he change before they went to grab their morning coffee, he was secretly pleased. Maybe his bare chest didn’t bother her so much anymore; she’d had no issue’s running her hands and fingers over him in bed.

It was tempting, as they headed towards the kitchen together, to fall back into that comfortableness they’d shared last night and this morning, and slip his hand into hers but he was conscious of the other prying eyes about. Instead he was just happy that there wasn’t a great distance between them as they walked, in fact, their arms almost brushed they were walking that close. As Audrina mentioned that she hoped today’s coffee would be an improvement from last nights, he recalled the minty flavour of his and had to agree. It hadn’t been awful, but he still preferred the more traditional version he was used to. “If its strong and black, then it’ll be an improvement.” He said, smirking slightly as they came to the kitchen and he gestured for her to walk through first. He hoped no one else was in the kitchen because he wasn’t sure how Audrina would be around him if they were. Would the tension creep back, forming another wall he’d have to break down once more?

[Yunalesca]

She offered him a smile before she stepped through to the kitchen ahead of him, hand running through her hair to detangle some of the strands before she was rising up on her toes to get her special stash of coffee from the cupboard above the stove. Her fingers closed around the bag and she brought it down to the counter before turning her head toward Eli with a quirk of an eyebrow. "You should really expand your horizons and stop being so plain. Black coffee has no personality, it's unbefitting of you." She said lightly as a half smile came over her lips while she waited to see if he got the compliment or not. His personality had bothered the living hell out of her when they had first met, but over the time he had been at the Institute it had grown on her. There was more to him than she had originally thought. He wasn't just a guy looking for his next lay or where the next beer would come from. Tragedies in his life hadn't really been so different from her own and hearing him talk about it had made her feel more bonded to him. Both were hurting in their own way and she was happy for once to have someone there to offer a warm embrace when it became a little too much to bear. She was glad he had stuck around and was hopeful that he understood that though she had never said it to him in so many words. Despite trusting him she found it hard to properly say what she felt. She was socially stunted in her own mind and was still fearful of what could happen if she exposed herself too much to anyone. She could tell herself a million times he would never knowingly hurt her, but it was hard to break a ten year habit. Life had a way of coming back to rip the rug out from under her and so it left her guarded, though he got to see a bit more than anyone else did. He was being incredibly patient with her and she hoped the little bits he got in return was enough for the time being.

She finally turned her attention away from him after realizing she had been staring at him a little bit while she thought and began to wonder if what had gone on in her mind had flashed across her eyes. She distracted herself with scooping out the coffee beans and putting them into the grinder cup at the side of the coffee maker. Nobody had ever asked what that special pocket was for and she was glad, she didn't want them to know she had a stash of good coffee and that they were missing out on it. She filtered water into the reservoir and flipped the switch before turning back to Eli, leaning her back against the counter with her hands on either side of her. Her mind was formulating a vision again of him leaning into her right then and kissing her as he hadn't while they were in bed together. After the initial shock her hands might come up into his hair, curling around the silk, and she might melt into him in the process. Don't her mind quickly roared and the thought was gone with an inhale of breath. They couldn't pursue that path no matter how much either of them thought about it. She wouldn't let him get hurt and if she let him in like that he would be. It was becoming a struggle for her to say 'no' to herself, let alone him. She knew the best way to play it safe would be to put distance between them, but something in her needed him. He kept the nightmares at bay and reminded her that maybe she wasn't the bad person she always felt she was.

"So, are we placing bets again? You might as well be ready to pay up now since I already know how that training is going to end." She said with a smirk, not giving away what she had just been thinking. Eli had become rather good at figuring her out and pinpointing her moods, but if she really wanted to cover something she could do it. The key now was to keep up this easiness between them and let herself slip closer to what she deemed to be the 'danger zone' instead of throwing up an expressionless mask that he would see through instantly. One the one hand was running the risk of getting in too deep and the other was letting him see what she was thinking. She was selfishly taking the former even with all the warnings she had been giving herself. What had been happening between them in the nights they had slept together felt innocent and a far cry from what Maddox had tried to do to her. If she could keep it at that level she didn't see anything wrong with staying close to him. Except when you get yourself killed a voice reminded and she turned away from him to hide the expression, busying herself with grabbing cinnamon and cream for her own coffee.

The last thing she wanted was for Eli to believe anything was wrong. After their bit of shared intimacy he might reach out and take her into him, pull her against his bare skin and make her get lost in him again. Whenever he touched her like that she found it hard to think. She didn't know if he knew it or not, but she wasn't about to tell him. She had grown fond of him and letting him know how he made her feel would make everything snowball. With every step she took closer to him she was teetering even more on that line. She knew who she had to choose at the end of it all, but every day it was becoming a little more blurred and more difficult.Some part of her was saying she could confide in him and they could come up with something together, but another voice warned he would stop her altogether. She felt for him, but she couldn't let her mother remain the way she was. That was what she always had to remember. "You know, I don't think you ever did exactly explain what you were doing at that club when I saved you that night. It's a vamp hangout, hardly a place to follow leads on your brother." She said after some consideration and having turned back to him after gaining control over her expression again. It was a seemingly out of the blue question and that was why she had asked it. She needed to distract herself from the depressing thoughts floating in her mind. She wanted to keep this content feeling that had washed over her thanks to help from Eli.

[Serendipity]

Eli stepped into the kitchen after the blonde, and there was no one in the room apart from the two of them. He couldn't help feeling relieved that they were alone still though he knew it would soon not be the case. But for now the 'bubble' of good humour and comfortableness they had built up around them remained intact. Admittedly it was a little more than just good humour and being comfortable with each other. There were feelings there that he doubted Audrina would openly acknowledge any time soon - if ever. He almost sighed at that thought, that she would never allow herself to feel anything more for him than a mild friendship. He could tell her how he felt of course, but wether it would make any difference on how she felt and the fact that he had a strong inkling telling her would just make her push him away permanently he kept them to himself.

His eyes followed her as she moved further into the kitchen and over to the cupboard where she kept her 'secret stash' of quality coffee. They were like magnets drawn to her every move. Since he had first laid eyes on her Eli had struggled to keep his gaze far from her petite figure whenever she was in the same room much to Audrina's initial disgust. It was clear to him now why that was. There was something there between them, something that he had first only thought was a pyshical attraction but deep down, subconsciously his heart must of known it was more than just the pyshical.

As she stretched to reach up into the cupboard his eyes followed the curve of her back and the arch of her breasts, and he had to bite back a groan as heat flooded his lower extrematies. His thoughts were never too far from wondering how she would feel under his touch, how she would react. Warm and soft he already knew from the light caresses they had shared already, but would she feel different if his touch was more purposeful, hotter, softer, would she stiffen or quiver under the warmth of his hands. It was a bad idea to allow himself to wonder such things, but he was a hot blooded male after all. What mattered was that he knew (now) not to act on such thoughts unless they were mutual, and they may never be. It was a miracle he managed to keep his thoughts from portraying in his gaze as Audrina turned back towards him. It helped that she spoke first since his throat felt a little too dry to say anything, not to mention he could have very well betrayed himself in that moment by saying something far too flirty.

Her compliment didn't go unnoticed and in fact he realised that it was the first time she had willingly offered him a compliment so easily. His mouth quirked into a smile at her compliment before he gave a small chuckle and shrugged his shoulders. "Thank you, but I like my 'plain' coffee. Sometimes the simple things in life are far more satisfying than the extravagant - like my taste in coffee." Eli replied, keeping his gaze fixed on hers even as Audrina appeared to fall into her own thoughts as she looked back at him. What she was thinking about he couldn't be sure, she still had a way of guarding her thoughts from everyone that came as second nature to her. It was something that annoyed him greatly, but now that he knew her better and was aware that her guardedness was virtually built into her DNA he was trying not to be as bothered by it.

As she came out of whatever it was she had been thinking and turned back towards the counter to prepare their coffee Eli walked over towards the small table in the kitchen and proped himself onto one of the chairs facing the blondes direction. He ran a hand over his lightly stubbled jaw as he watched her work the coffee machine, again reminding himself he would need a shave later unless of course he wanted to grow a beard, which he didn't. His hand paused over his chin as the blonde turned around again and leant back against the counter with her hands on either side of her. It was incredibly tempting to go to her, trap her against the counter with his body, sink his fingers into her hair and kiss her. He wanted to kiss her so badly and for a moment he thought he saw the exact same thoughts reflect in her gaze. There was a slight pinkness to her cheeks that had him wondering, but he had no way of being sure and it was probably just wistful thinking.

A brow arched at her question and he pushed his previous thought aside as the topic of training with her was mentioned. Eli's lips turned into a cheeky smirk of his own. "I like a good bet, if it's worth my while of course." He said recalling the last bet they had made during training, he had won that time and the prize had been worth it even if it had ended in Audrina storming out after yelling at him. Although he hadn't liked taking advantage of her like that, now that he looked back on it, it had been wrong. This time it appeared she wanted to make some bets, which surprised him a little and spark his curiosity at the same time. "We'll see about that. What did you have in mind? Something interesting I hope." This time he wanted her to call the shots, if she wanted to make bets about their training it should be something she was comfortable with this time around.

"I'll let you think on it a bit." He told her as turned a little uncomfortably away from him. He frowned, wondering what she must have been thinking but now with her back to him he couldn't read her expression to even try and guess. At her question, one that was obviously asked as a distraction for herself, Eli rose from the chair and moved over towards the counter next to where the blonde had been standing before she again turned away to retrieve cream from the fridge. Eli removed two coffee cups from the above cupboard as Audrina returned from the fridge and set them down on the counter so the coffee could be poured when it was ready.

"I'd exhausted all my leads, and that club was in the same area as one of them. We all know vampires are untrustworthy - there are very few that are, so I thought 'why not' and I guess I ruffled some feathers being there asking my questions." He explained, leaning a hip against the counter and folding his arms casually over his chest. "The rest you know." He added with a slight shrug. "I'm glad I was there, if I wasn't I might not have ended up here and Travis would still be Maddox's prisoner."

And he would never have met the woman pouring his coffee now, never known what it was like to be in her presence as frustrating as it was sometimes, or feel the way he felt about her.

(Sorry this took me 7 months to reply too lol)

[Yunalesca]

She was careful in her motions once the coffee was done percolating and ready for it to be poured into the two cups Eli had set down by her elbow. She was trying very hard to not send the wrong signals to him, but that was extremely difficult after the fact of having slept in each other's arms throughout the night...and during other nights before. If she were to step outside herself and truly look at what was going on she might have called herself a tease. The main issue with it all was her heart and body actually -wanting- to be close to him when her brain was pulling her in an opposite direction. Warnings of not safe and pain were whispering at the edge of her consciousness whenever he was near. She purposefully kept her back to him so he wouldn't see any of this confusion crossing her mind. He had chipped away at her walls and would undoubtedly see through some of her guise. He had been ever so polite in not asking her where she went when her mind wandered away from him, which was often, but she couldn't dare dream that would last forever. He was curious and wanted to be near her. She had given him an immense part of herself, more than anyone else, but beings always desired more until there was nothing new to learn. Shadowhunters would be no different; they were half human after all.

She was bringing the coffee pot around to pour when she caught those words hanging on the air, left unsaid and yet still there. "if I wasn't I might not have ended up here and Travis would still be Maddox's prisoner." he had said, but that was not all he had been thinking. She could feel it close around her like cellophane wrapping, threatening to choke her even as her heart fluttered beneath her panic. If he hadn't been at the club none of those things would have happened, but he also would have never met her. She had somehow drawn him in and she didn't believe he would be easily shirked off. She didn't realize she had paused in midair until the slight panic passed and she forced herself to smile while pouring. "Oh yes, if you hadn't been there you might not have made an enemy of brooding Alec or known the insanity that is Clary and Jace." She joked, though it felt very forced as she was dealing with the emotions bubbling up within her. She felt like a volcano, the magma building and building until it had nowhere to go but out. The magma was made up of glee, fear, warmth, and panic. Her heart and mind would not decide on who should win out and she was forced to expel her thoughts. With a blank sheet smoldering out those emotions, she was calm again and felt her posture relax from the rigidness it had taken to when emotions were trying to burst out from her. That was hardly a breakfast conversation, or even one to be had before they were to duel.

Once the coffee was poured she permitted herself to glance at him before taking her cup to the small table. She tried not to think of how intimate the setting was, though it was incredibly hard to ignore. With purpose she pulled the cup to her lips and took a slow drag after blowing a waft of steam from the rim. She couldn’t help but to peer over the cup as she drank, looking at Eli and imagining things she surely shouldn’t be. She could easily lower the cup to the table and reach out to pull his face to hers. She could allow herself an indulgence she should never have. She had tasted heaven on those lips and it was the most forbidden of fruits to her now. It was tantalizing and memories flared to life in her brain along with the imagining of doing just what she had been thinking. Her fingers would delve into his wild hair, cup along his ears as they kissed and forgot the world around them. She would taste coffee notes over that growing familiarity of him. She could have the world in that moment…

She woke herself from her reverie with a slow pull back into herself and away from the dream. Her fingers had grown tight around the mug, her eyes half lidded as they stared at him, and her lips slightly parted as though she were indeed preparing for him to kiss her. She was barely hidden behind her cup and the realization made her blush. She swallowed hard and took another sip of her coffee to quell the insecurities. “So, has your brother decided what he’s going to do now? I know Luke is kind enough to let him stay in the area for now, but he’ll have to move, won’t he?” She transitioned to as she set her cup down and twined her fingers together behind it. They held onto one another as though they were all that would hold her together. Maybe that was the truth of it. The vision she’d just had of them had been so real she could still feel her heart racing, her pulse throbbing dimly at her throat. She averted her gaze from him on occasion when she felt afraid he may see something as she worked to pull her mind fully to something else, anything else. The last question, however, had been her mind subconsciously digging as to what –he- intended to do now. “Has he considered moving into Queens? It’s unclaimed as far as I know. Or does he want to go back home?” She offered and questioned. She chastised herself at one point after realizing what exactly her heart had been tricking her into doing.

She picked her coffee up again as he considered and responded to her, all the while her mind only half in the conversation again as she worked feverishly to get herself under control. She could hear the whispers in her mind again. Doomed, death, failure, heartbroken all caressing at the back of her mind. She violently shrugged them away as her heart took charge of her thought processes. She very rarely had conversations and should let herself indulge in them while she was still able to do so. At this she relaxed again, her body settling a little more into the chair and her ears focused on him wholeheartedly. When he spoke her eyes followed the movements of his mouth which brought an ever so slight smile to her own. This was what normal felt like and she rather enjoyed it when she let herself.

“I’ve considered what we could wager.” She finally came out with after he was done speaking and preoccupied with his coffee. She waited for him to focus on her before she continued on. “Should you somehow manage to best the prowess that is myself, I’ll allow you to make a date. Where you want, what you want, I’ll even let you pick the coffee.” She said with a half-smile. She knew what he wanted even though he wouldn’t say it outright. She had no intention of letting him win so what harm was there in getting his hopes up? And so she paused for dramatics before revealing what she would want from him. “I had to think about what I would want from you, you really don’t have much to offer.” She teased, that temperament from their first meeting coming back around again. She had a tendency to get sassy when she was enjoying herself. It was odd considering what she was about to ask him. She was a very private person and didn’t let people into her world or her past, but she was making exceptions with him at every turn. There was one thing that burned at the back of her mind, a fire so hot and bright that she was willing to let him in just to help her throw water to it. “I never knew what really happened to my father and when I best you, I want you to help me figure it out. It’s not as simple as what the books are telling me, or what Hodge is telling me. Nothing about my family was ever straightforward. He didn’t just not come home one day. I want to know.” She finally exhaled to him, not realizing she had leaned forward onto her arms as she had been speaking. It was a lot to put on him, but it was something that had weighed heavy on her mind since that day.

[Serendipity]

His arms still crossed loosely over his chest, his dark head tilted thoughtfully to the side as he watched her pour their coffees. It was difficult to read her when she had her back turned to him, but apparently that was the point; he was getting better at reading her and she knew it. He almost wished he hadn’t made it so obvious that he could read her thoughts so well, then maybe she wouldn’t purposely try and hide them from him. But he figured there were times he didn't want her to know what he was thinking either, so he couldn’t hold her want to keep her thoughts to herself against her.

Slowly he unfolded his arms from over his chest while he spoke about why he had gone to that club, preparing to take his cup from her once it was ready. Her sudden pause had him suddenly wondering if he had spoken his silent thoughts about never meeting her if he hadn’t been at that club outloud, essentially giving away how he felt about her now. He almost sighed with relief when she spoke and he realised he hadn’t made that mistake, yet he was still curious as to what had made her suddenly stop half way through handing him his cup. “Now that would have been very disappointing.” He chuckled as she finally seemed to relax and joked with him about Clary and Jace’s relationship, and grabbed his coffee from her. He waited a couple of seconds before following Audrina to the small table, placing himself on the chair next to hers and shifting slightly so he was facing her.

He was close, but not that close to her to cause her any discomfort, yet he was close enough to reach out less than an arms length and touch her if he wanted. His coffee had been set aside on the table once he had sat down to cool for a minute before he drank it, and it was a good thing he wasn’t holding it because the look that suddenly sparked in Audrina’s eyes along with the flush of her cheeks would have had him spilling the hot contents all over himself. Even half hidden behind her coffee cup, he saw the heat in her gaze and the way her eyes fell to his lips. She had gone from hiding whatever it was she had been thinking before, to openly revealing something he could only guess wasn’t meant to be revealed. It was a good thing she spoke first, because he’d found himself drawn into the warmth from her gaze and when her lips slightly parted he unconsciously leant forward a little.

He leant back firmly in his chair as her voice reached his ears, the moment was over and now that it was he couldn’t help feeling as though he had imagined it all by himself, that she hadn’t been looking at him like she wanted to kiss him. He cleared his throat and reached for his coffee, forcing himself to focus on what she was asking and using the drink as a distraction from thinking the impossible. “Yes, he’ll have to move on.” Eli agreed after a sip from his coffee, cradling the cup in one hand but moving it to rest on his knee. “He won’t go back to London, it’d be too hard to move his entire pack to London. I’d say most of them wouldn’t want to relocate that far anyway.” He said. From what he had discussed with Travis yesterday his brother had already decided to remain in the USA, London didn’t hold anything of importance to him anyway. “I’m not sure where he plans to go, I doubt it will be too far, he and Luke seem to get along extremely well and I can see a friendship there between them already.” He replied, he was happy that his brother could turn to Luke for advice and friendship, Travis - like himself- had never had many friends but would need at least one now.

“What would that be?’ He asked, his brow quirking out of curiosity. He had told her that she could set the wager this time, and it would be interesting to see what that wager would be. It was safer, or so he thought, that she chose what they bet on, that way she could set whatever limits she was comfortable with. Once she explained what she had in mind if he bested her in their training session, Eli couldn’t help the slow smile that turned up the corners of his mouth. He took an even slower sip from his coffee as not come off too excited by the fact that she was allowing him to take her on ‘date’ if he won and also to keep her guessing what he thought about her wager. “So it would be a date? Where I want, what I want?” He repeated to be sure she was sure what she was offering if he won. He was already shuffling through ideas in his head about where he could take her as he waited for her confirmation. However he wasn’t that familiar with Manhattan still, so his were a little limited and it was looking like he was going to have to do a bit of research before he named the time and place.

“What do you get if you win?” He asked after her response, his expression turning curious once more whilst he waited for her answer. It was hard to stifle the surprise that he felt when she told him that she wanted his help in finding out what really happened to her father if she won their wager. The fact that she wanted his help, and that in the process she was letting him in on something that was clearly very personal to her - it was her family after all- was a win on its own. He wouldn’t care who bested who in their training, either way it felt like he would win something.

“You helped me free my brother, of course I’ll help you find out what happened to your father, wager or no wager.” He told her gently and offered a smile as she leant forward a little, a sign she was still very comfortable in his presence.

“If you’ve finished your coffee, I’m ready to hit the training room whenever you are.” Yes, he sounded eager, because he was eager to train with her and see who came out the winner.

[Yunalesca]

The manner in which he handled her request reminded her of why she had been struggling so much with herself over the last few weeks. She didn’t permit herself to be close to anyone and yet the way he behaved around her, the way he cared, made her want him to be there. One could argue he was being no different than Jace or Isabelle, but he saw her differently. He was patient where they were not. It had taken a few slip ups for him to get it, but when he did it made all the difference in the world. He would be forever the cause of her internal struggles and she wasn’t sure if he would ever see that. Given the way he had been able to read her as of late, however, she would take a guess that he had some inkling of it. A warm and grateful smile pulled slightly at her lips as she sat back and merely said ‘good’ in response to his offer of help regardless of what happened today. It hardly covered the emotions she felt, but she couldn’t let all of herself go on this day. It was rare for her to feel gratitude for things, (it wasn’t snobbery, just how she felt about life), but she felt it immensely for him merely for his kindness and stifling what she thought would have been overwhelming glee at the prospect of dating her. She didn’t –let- people date her and even offering the slight chance to him was something. He recognized the trusting steps toward him in both offerings and didn’t take it lightly. She appreciated him, though she wouldn’t say it.



Her eyes barely left his until he spoke up once more, reminding her she hadn’t exactly finished her coffee as of yet and that they were to be training. She sat back and offered an awkward smile before pulling the cup to her lips, wondering if he had noticed the amount of time she had spent watching him unwaveringly since they had sat down. She couldn’t imagine they had been there more than twenty minutes, but she found time a hard thing to tell when she was near him. She remembered her mother saying something about these feelings, but she brushed them aside. She didn’t want to think about her nor did she want to admit she may be feeling just what she had described. Loving and caring for someone was terrifying to her after having insurmountably failed her sister, the last person she had allowed herself to have an attachment to. She removed the cup from her lips and felt her guard going up again as her mind helplessly wandered over the depressing truths of her life. Somehow it always came around to her when she was happiest, like she was cursed to never be truly happy. She had done something horrible, but surely after all this time she had paid enough penance? There is never enough for what was done a voice murmured in her mind as she stood and gathered both their cups from the table to be rinsed in the sink. Her relaxed posture faded away and she could only hope Eli was imagining it was her mentally preparing for the training they were about to take part in. She wasn’t about to correct him. She had let him in enough for the day, possibly for a lifetime, she was hardly going to tell him the darkest of secrets that nobody else knew.



“I imagine you’ll want to practice hand to hand today? I recall bruising you with a staff the last time.” She teased, though her heart wasn’t quite in it. She felt a wave of depression hitting her and it had little to do with him. She was putting forth her best effort to appear as she had been previously, but it was difficult as she was recalling how evil she would be in the eyes of anyone she told the truth to. She was no better than the vampires she hunted, really. Maybe that was why she did what she did; she was trying to extinguish that darkness within her by destroying what had caused it all. She took a breath as she rinsed the cups, her back to Eli once more, and forced her thoughts back into the Pandora’s box from whence it came. She feared it might consume her and either leave her broken, seeking Eli’s comfort once more without being able to tell him the cause, or possibly hurt him by taking it all out on him. If she didn’t suppress it, bottle it, she would only have those two reactions. “Besides, hand to hand means I don’t have to get geared up. Takes too long.” She said as an afterthought as she turned around and gestured for him to lead the way. It was safer with him unable to read her.



When they arrived at the training room she felt most of her demons dispersing as the threshold was crossed. Here was a place built for a purpose and dwelling on her past would hardly be good composure for combat training. Her bare feet glided her down the small rise to the padded floor, her arms reaching high over her in a stretch. Feeling self-conscious slipped out the window as she stretched, her tiny body extending out before she finally faced him when she was ready. “Don’t forget we’re both playing for something here,” she reminded him, not wanting him to hold back even though she wanted to win. Beating someone because they let you wasn’t very sportsmanlike.



She gave him a heartbeats worth of time before she was moving, eyes locked on his muscles for signs of his movements before they even happened. She ducked and dodged, drawing him after her in attempts to tire him before going on the offensive. Her palms hit against his chest before she spun and ducked a hand looking to grab hold of her. She felt confidence behind the adrenaline. She worked feverishly to keep herself under control, but eventually it got to her and she overextended herself. She tried spearing him down to the mat, forgetting her own size against his, and lost any advantage she had gained during their sparring. She barely budged him and felt an odd sense of panic when his arms came around her. She should be able to recover, should be able to fight him off, but something in the way he took hold of her induced a shockwave of fear. She was no longer in the training room, but back at the warehouse with Maddox laying claim to her. Her pulse raced even higher as she fought to breathe. Shadowhunters didn’t have panic attacks, they fought to the bitter end, but somehow she was the exception now. Her mind no longer worked as she was frozen in fear.

[Serendipity]

Eli held back a frown as something in Audrina’s demeanor changed and her thoughts had wandered to darker times. She had spoken of her father and wanting his help figuring out, presumably, how he died and why, and he could only assume that that was what had caused the sadness to come into her eyes again. Instead he pretended not to notice the change, mentioning it would only cause her to delve deeper into those dark thoughts and he’d lose her for the rest of the day. He offered a smile of thanks as she collected his empty coffee cup and rose to rinse them at the sink. Eli also stood once the blonde had reached the sink and waited for her by the door so they could then make their way to the training room. He could only hope that a morning of training would help her forget her darker thoughts, at least for the most part of the day they would spend together.

“Bruise? I don’t think so, you couldn’t hit me hard enough to leave a mark,” Eli smirked playfully at her remark and made a show of scanning his arms and bare chest in search of the bruise she spoke of, of course he forgot, since the pain was gone and there was only a slight stiffness now, that there were bruises on his body, but they weren’t from Audrina. “But maybe you’ll get lucky this time.” He added quickly to distract her, afraid if she followed his gaze she would be reminded of how he got the marks (and not the thin scars all Shadowhunters ended up with eventually) in the first place. “If you’re okay with hand to hand, I’m okay with it and you know I’m comfortable as is anyway.” He answered her earlier question as she made her way over to the door where he stood.

Eli followed the blonde out of the kitchen, this time he kept a few steps behind her and let her lead him to the training room he had quickly become familiar with. It gave him the opportunity to study her, and he recalled that although she had such a petite figure -a dancers body, she was a lot stronger than what she looked and she moved quickly. He was preparing himself for their training session, he had to take this one seriously considering the last session they’d shared had turned into something it shouldn’t have on his part. There was a serious side to him, it was just buried a little deeper into his character than it was for others.

He took a deep breath in as they both stepped into the training room, he did this each time he entered this room, it was a way for him to clear his mind and focus. Though it was hard to focus on anything but the woman he was about to spar with, especially when moved as though she were floating, she had a certain grace about her even when she was preparing to fight, it was almost mesmerising. “Don’t worry, I’m bringing my A game.” He grinned and jogged down to the lower platform, around the blonde and onto the padded floor. Eli arched his arms over his head once he’d reached the middle of the training matt and turned to face her, his features taking on more of serious manner as they both prepared themselves for the first round.

“We’ll go five rounds -” He didn’t get a chance to finish his sentence before she was coming at him and he barely had time to blink and only just managed to twist his body away from her, bringing an arm up to block a potential blow that never came as she ducked under it and was suddenly behind him. He turned quickly to face her only to find that she was behind him again and he realised what she was trying to do but everytime he tried to put some distance between them to gain the upper hand she was right there feign blows so he’d have to jump or twist out of her path. She was trying to wear him out, and if he was built any heavier she might have been successful - at least he might have tired sooner- but he was just a agile as she and had just as much energy to burn. At the moment he was barely drawing a sweat but that would quickly change the longer they went at it.

Then all of a sudden, when he thought she was still on the defense, she changed tactics and her fists pummeled his chest before he could dodge the blows. He grunted in surprise before regaining his focus and side stepping quickly out of her way, his leg kicking out towards her in attempt to unbalance her. It was quickly becoming blow for blow, each of them managing to make contact with the others flesh, although he was careful not to hit her too hard that it would leave a mark.

Her confidence was building with each hit she achieved and he had to keep himself from laughing at the satisfied expressions on her features whenever a hand, leg or elbow made contact. He blocked most of them, his palms curling around her fists and pushing them away before he ducked behind her or his arm coming up at just the right moment to block an elbow. It was her feet he had to watch out for, she moved so swiftly it was hard to gage which direction she was going to take or if she was going to kick out at him. With her confidence came a feverish need to bring him down and it was that exertion that would become her downfall if she wasn’t careful.

When she lunged for him, wanting to spear him down to the matt beneath their feet, he dug his heels further into the ground, bracing himself for the impact her tiny body would deliver. Audrina barely budged him and he took advantage of her slip up, wanting to win at least one round, his arms trapping hers to her side and her body against his, her struggles fruitless as he held her firmly. Eli realised his mistake instantly when her body stiffened and her breathing became almost panicked, instead of fighting him off, which he thought she would, she froze in his arms and not in a good way. But stupidly, instead of freeing her straight away he softened his grip and it became more like an embrace though he only meant to comfort her. “Hey...it’s okay, you’re here with me remember.” He tried to soothe, a hand gently coming to rest on her back in an attempt to comfort her with small circular movements, and remind her that she wasn’t where her mind was taking her, and he wasn’t Maddox. He thought she would relax upon hearing his voice, but instead she became more rigid and when he leant back from her a little so he could see her face there was only panic and fear looking back at him.

[Yunalesca]

Later she would feel embarrassment and anger at how out of control she let herself be when Eli’s arms came around her, reminding her of how Maddox had pinned her down and threatened to do more than just inflict physical pain. At that moment, however, all she felt was overwhelming fear and a touch of pain. Eli was trying to be careful and comforting in his embrace, but it did neither for her. It was getting hard to breathe and the only thing that did bring her back was that familiar voice trying to pull her back from the brink as it always seemed to. It should have comforted her as it did in the past, but it wasn’t what occurred this time around. Instead she used the opening he gave and pulled back from him. She was returning to herself, but she looked up at him in anger even though he had done nothing to warrant it. She was angry with herself and undeniably angry with what Maddox had tried to do with her; Eli just happened to be a target she could take it out on. Every muscle in her body was tensed and ready to spring should it feel the need. Her body was still bouncing between the fight or flight response.



The moment she felt he was going to step forward in an attempt to soothe her again, she took a big step back again. Her hand shot out this time to prevent him from even a thought to approach her. “Don’t come near me,” she breathed with a voice wavering on the edge. She could still feel fear rolling through her veins even as anger had decidedly taken over her demeanor. She was hardly returning any of the kindness he had offered her and for once she didn’t care. Her guarded self was returning in full force, a natural reaction to the trauma that still haunted her. She wouldn’t let herself see the pain that may flash across his eyes, wouldn’t let herself remember how he had been the one to keep the nightmares at bay. Right now he was dangerous and the enemy because of how he could read her. “Just…stay away from me.” She hissed before sprinting from the training room before he could try to talk her down. When she couldn’t face things, she ran. It wasn’t the Shadowhunter way by any means, but it was a defense mechanism that had kept her alive for many years.



If Eli did follow her she didn’t hear him as she ran down the halls until she reached the sanctuary of her room, the door closing tightly as she slammed her back against it once the lock was slid home. Her chest heaved from the pain welling in her heart and not from the exertion of running. She rolled her head back and let a small whimper escape her throat before closing her eyes. Her hands came up and pressed to her face as she let herself sob. She felt weak and out of control, something that was more frightening to her than the vision she had just had in the training room. This spiral into madness had been progressing steadily since she had become close with Eli, since she had helped his brother and put herself on a path she never should have been. She was blaming him in this moment though she had been the one to willingly go along with it and let these feelings develop, for there were feelings there whether she wished to acknowledge them or not. Why else would she have practically abandoned her quest after her mother and chose to be near him more and more? Her head thumped back against the wood of her door painfully. The shock of true physical pain brought her out of her crying fit and back to reality. She needed to breathe and it wouldn’t happen here.



She pushed off the door and stalked to the wardrobe, doors flying open as she aggressively searched for clothing. What it was she donned she didn’t care outside of the solid leather boots she shoved her feet into. She couldn’t run from the city this time, not when she was reminded of her purpose for being here. Instead she would walk and run until she could feel the weight of what had just happened disperse from her body. There was far too much going on inside her to handle properly. She might some unsuspecting vampires to take this rage out on, but Eli would expect that and she wasn’t about to imagine he would just let this go. He was far too persistent for that. Her only other option was to hide away until she could face him with her cold mask firmly back in place. Maybe this is the break you were looking for an unfamiliar voice echoed in her mind. Instead of questioning whether she ever truly wanted that, she went with it in stride. She didn’t notice that it wasn’t a voice that belonged to her or that she hadn’t embraced the idea of breaking away from the bond that had been made between her and Eli. She was far too focused on getting far and fast from him. Emotion wasn’t something she would be able to handle currently and he would imbue more than she wished to even imagine. The way to save herself as she was would be to get away until she could properly compose herself.



The door to her room came open slowly as she peered out, half expecting Eli to be there. When it appeared to be safe for her to exit, she stepped out and closed her door softly. She didn’t know if she would come back tonight or not. She didn’t know if she would come back at all.



-



With the coming of fall came the darkening of the skies earlier, though one could almost miss it within the city that never slept. Lights were beginning to peak on when Isabelle dropped the bag of take-out on the countertop in the kitchen. Taki’s never was a disappointment, but she could see something inherently bothering the newest addition to the Brooklyn Institute. Considering how everyone had noticed how close Eli and Audrina had become and she was lacking in presence at the moment it didn’t take much brainpower to deduce the cause of his depression. Since it was only them in the kitchen at the moment, she took a chance to lighten his spirits. “This is normal for her, I wouldn’t be worried.” She started before the door swung open and Alec stepped into the kitchen, digging through the bag for his order.



“I’d say it’s more cheerful without her, to be honest. She’s always tracking vampire parts in.” He stated without concern for how the remark might be received.



“You don’t think she’s out…” Isabelle started, stopping as Alec looked up with a slight smirk while pulling his food container free from the bag.



“No. Too predictable. If her confidence is shaken she’s probably glamoured her way to the top of the State Building. Something about being able to look down on New York really gets her going.” He said with some cynicism. He turned away from the counter to take his food to the library with him. “I’d be mindful, that’s a real long fall I doubt you would survive.” He said back at Eli as he was stepping out the door.

[Serendipity]

Eli let her pull out of his arms, he wasn’t about to keep her there when clearly she didn’t want to be, despite his attempt at comfort. His heart clenched in his chest at the look she gave him as she quickly put distance between them and her words were like a kick in the guts. All of a sudden he was the enemy and it didn’t appear she could be convinced otherwise. His attempt to speak, to reassure her and apologise was cut off with one swift movement of her hand preventing him to; she didn’t want to hear assurances or apologies, they would do nothing to comfort her in her current state. Instead his lips came together into an expression of only concern, although the blonde refused to look at him so wouldn’t see, before it was quickly followed by a winch as she hissed at him to keep away from her.

Before he could react further, although there wasn’t anything he could do or say to console her right now anyway he was sure, she was sprinting away from him and out of the training room altogether. Once she was gone Eli exhaled loudly in frustration, he hated that he had caused her such awful memories even if he could never have predicted the outcome of his trapping her against his body. They had only been training and it had been an innocent reaction on his part, something he would have done with anyone in order to defend himself against an attack. His fingers came to sink into his slightly damp hair and they curled tightly around the dark strands before he cursed under his breath. It would appear their time together was over, she wanted him to stay away from her, and he wasn’t about to go against such a demand...at least not right away - he could never stay away from her for too long, he’d already proven he couldn’t.

Eli wasn’t sure how long he stood in the middle of the training room, staring at the door Audrina had fled through with his fingers curled into his hair above his head, it could have been minutes or hours he wasn’t sure. He didn’t even notice the door open and close with the appearance of Jace, the blonde shadowhunter shooting him a quizzical look as he too came to stand in the middle of the room. The younger male looked back over his shoulder quickly to the door he had just walked through before looking back at Eli again. It was only as Jace spoke, waving a hand in front of his eyes, that Eli snapped out of his thoughts, quickly dropping his hands from his hair.

“What did the door ever do to you, you look as though it has greatly offended you and you want to smash it to tiny pieces?” Jace questioned with his usual mirth and just a hint of concern. The darker haired shadowhunter simply shook his head, he wasn’t about to talk about what had just happened between Audrina and he, it was their private business. “Are we using weapons today?” Eli asked, changing the subject quickly because he needed a distraction and sparring with Jace seemed like the perfect one. Eli moved towards the weapons rack before Jace could respond, making the decision for them both.

“I guess we are.” The other shadowhunter shrugged and allowed Eli to chose what they would use.

---

There was a beer cradled between Eli’s hands as he slouched over the small table in the kitchen, this was where he had remained for the majority of the afternoon, not taking much notice of who came in and out. It was his fifth beverage for the afternoon or so Isabelle had pointed out before she’d announced she was bringing back take out for them all, by the time she returned he was on his seventh and beginning to feel their effects. He had turned to alcohol, although he knew it didn’t hold any answers for him, upon discovering Audrina had left the institute and hadn’t informed any of them where she was going. The last time the two of them had argued, not including the mild banter they sometimes shared, she had disappeared for several days with no intentions of returning. Yet she had returned, to help free Travis from Maddox’s clutches. This time Eli had a grave feeling she wasn’t coming back because either she had run like last time or she was brawling dangerously with vampires.

He could have scoured the city in search of her but he doubted he would find her and if he did find her he was afraid of what he would discover. So he’d gone back to his room, showered and changed before coming to the kitchen where he had found two packs of beer at the back of the fridge, and had helped himself. “Thanks Iz, but I’m not worried.” Eli mumbled before bringing his beer to his lips for a mouthful. I’m terrified. He could admit that to himself because it was true, but he didn’t want the others to know just how much he cared for the petite blonde they were talking about.

It was Alec’s appearance that had Eli downing the last of his current beer in one go as he sat up straighter, there was still something about the other male that irritated him. And his comment regarding Audrina’s lack of presence making the institute more cheerful only reminded Eli of the reason he disliked Alec. He didn’t respond as the other male perhaps wanted him to although he placed his empty bottle down on the table a little firmer than necessary. His gaze flickered to Isabelle as she questioned aloud whether Audrina might have been out doing her usual vampire killing before returning to Alec, narrowing into a glare.

“It’s a long fall to hell too, I doubt that you would survive.” Eli retorted as Alec made his way out of the kitchen, if the brunette heard him he didn’t show any signs of it before he disappeared completely. “Is that where she might be? Where’s the State building?” He asked Isabelle, returning his gaze to her. He had of course heard of the Empire State building, it was an iconic New York building, though he had no idea where it was located or that Audrina liked to go there.

“Never mind, she might just throw me off as Alec said anyway.” Eli shook his head before Isabelle could answer and quickly rose to his feet. He was still steady on his feet even after the amount of beer he’d consumed, but he could feel he was on the brink of being drunk. “I’m going out, don’t wait up for me.” He informed the female shadowhunter as he continued towards the door. He needed a much bigger distraction other than just a few beers and since he didn’t particularly want to return to his room where sleep (or at least an attempt to sleep) was the only option his feet took him towards the exit.

Eli plucked his leather jacket from the rack besides the front entrance of the institute and shucked it over his shoulders as he exited the building, only briefly checking that he had his stele on him so he could get back in later.

[Yunalesca]

I'm forgetting who I am, I'm losing this battle to keep my pain alive had circulated in Audrina's brain for the last few hours as she had turned her journey to the one place in New York that actually made her feel powerful. She had runed herself in an alcove not far from the Empire State Building, willingly using glamour to keep her passage hidden as she climbed the over 1500 steps to the observation deck near the spire of the landmark. Humans felt fatigue nearly halfway up, but her Shadowhunters blood fueled her and kept her moving. She almost wished she could feel the strain of her leg muscles, but at this point in the day she was entirely numb. In her traveling across New York to the likes of Queens and Manhattan she had managed to strip away all feelings that had warred within her after leaving the Institute. She had learned a long time ago that sometimes it was best when you didn't let yourself feel at all. Most would call it a dangerous coping mechanism, but it was the only way she knew to protect herself. She had been so good at locking it all away she had forgotten what it felt like to release it. She had been strong at one point and now she only saw herself as a weakling. She had confessed parts of herself to Eli and she never should have. Her pain was her burden to bear and was the one thing that had kept her focused. She had become increasingly distracted since Eli's emergence into her life.

The pattering of rain against the protective pane glass of the observation deck was what brought her attention back around. She had been leaning forward against the railing about the deck for some time, lost in thought. She blinked at the darkness that had overcome the Empire State, eyes holding the glow from the twinkling lights of the city below her. She came here to feel power, to see the world beneath her instead of looking up at it as she so frequently did. She did not feel the flow of confidence or power in her now, however, as she usually did. Something was wrong with her and she couldn't shake it. She felt warnings flaring up inside her, but she could never deduce what it was they were trying to tell her. With an elongated sigh she pushed herself off the railing and straightened herself. With no emotion to muster she held no argument as to why she shouldn't return to the Institute. Should she encounter anyone questioning her whereabouts she felt she could brush them off without an explanation. Her demeanor had once again turned cold in hopes that alone would remind her the safest way to traverse life was alone.

*

Her stele clicked open the doors of the Institute just as the moon was given a chance to peak from the heavy rainclouds obscuring the sight of her beauty from the world below. A day ago she may have taken the chance to look up at her between the patter of raindrops, but she had no care for it tonight. Instead she stepped inside and closed the door tightly, not even bothering to remove her soaking wet pea coat to hang on the rack. She could already hear Alec's objections to her tracks of mud and rain through the Institute, but that was one more thing she could care less about at the moment. He would get over it and all she wanted now was her warm bed and sleep. She hadn't eaten since the day before, but food wasn't a concern for her either. Her appetite had been thoroughly spoiled when she had been unable to defend herself against Eli. She was upset with herself which led to lack of appetite.

The one thing she was thankful for was the lack of anyone's presence as she crossed the hall to her room. She didn't even witness Church lurking about which was a rarity. He liked to investigate those who entered the Institute and dediuce whether they were welcome. He wouldn't have appreciated her wet hand over his fur anyhow.

She opened her door with relief and was shedding her jacket along with her muddy boots before noticing someone else was in her room with her. She paused in the dark by the door, feeling the cold of the rain sinking into her finally without her coat covering her meager clothing (here). Her eyes rested darkly on the figure sitting at the edge of her bed, shape barely discernable in the slight light coming in through her window, but recognizable all the same. It was bad enough Eli had come to her room, it was made worse by the lingering smell of alcohol. She remembered how she might have killed him that night he had drunkenly come on to her. If he did it now she was in the frame of mind to actually attempt it. "I don't like people in my room," she said without emotion, just that underlying threat that had been present in her voice before she had grown close to him.

[Serendipity]

“Another?” A voice questioned from the other side of the counter the male shadowhunter had slumped himself against, one hand under his chin to keep his head up. Eli’s blue eyes blinked a couple of times, letting the question rattle around in his head a little longer whilst he decided if he did want another drink or not. He decided not, and at least that was a good sign that although he had drunk a little too much he wasn’t completely plastered and still be able to find his way back to the Institute. Carefully he lifted his head off of his hand and shook his head, running one hand through his tousled brown locks before he pushed himself up from the counter and onto his feet. “Next time.” He muttered in reply to the bartender who had served him several bourbons over the last few hours, and the golden liquid had had the numbing effect he was after.

Picking up his jacket which he’d laid over the bar counter beside him, Eli put one arm after the other through its sleeves and zipped it snugly up to his chin. On his walk around Manhattan before he’d found himself walking into this particular establishment he’d noticed it was just a little cold out there for now he made sure none of the cold air would reach him when he stepped outside. Now as he left the warmth of the pub he had turned to because he had not been ready to return to the Institute after his walk through the city, he shoved his hands into the pocket of his jeans and headed back there. Hopefully everyone else would either be out hunting or asleep by now, although he had no idea of what the time was he could only guess it was late.

His fingers fumbled with his stele as he unlocked the door to the Institute but after a few seconds he managed to click it into place and let himself back inside.

---

The dark haired shadowhunter had had every intention of returning to his room and sleeping off the effects of the alcohol he had consumed, but as he came to Audrina’s door before his own something compelled him to open it. After not thinking about the blonde for most of the evening, although it had taken great effort, he told himself now that he only wanted to check if she had returned and if she was sleeping comfortably. It shouldn’t have surprised him to find her room empty and he didn’t need to turn on the lights to know for sure. For a moment a ball of panic stuck in his throat as his concern for Audrina’s whereabouts pushed through the fog of his mind, however it quickly turned to anger that she was not there. The idea that she was still out in the city somewhere tackling vampires on her own or that she had indeed run again left him feeling a whole range of different emotions, though it was anger he settled on as it was the easiest to manage right now.

Her door shut firmly behind him as he moved further into her room and made his way over to the edge of her bed where he planted himself for the rest of the night, removing his jacket and hanging it over the end of her bed. He could worry for her whereabouts in his room and not know until the morning if she had returned safely, or he could do the same thing in her room and know for sure when, and if she did come back tonight. So he waited...and waited, barely able to keep his eyes open as the time passed and there was still no sign of her. In the fog that was too much bourbon and beer he never considered how she would react to finding him in her room and that he may have been overstepping another of her many boundaries.

When he finally heard the soft click of the door open he lifted his gaze towards the sound, arms still folded over his chest where they had been that way since he’d sat down on the edge of her bed, and silently watched the blonde slip inside her room. The relief he felt that she had come back was outweighed by annoyance over the fact that she had made him worry in the first place and it would show in his expression if there had been enough light for her to see. It didn’t take her long to realise someone else was in her room and even less that he was the one sitting on the edge of her bed. Although he had sobered in the time between his last drink and now, he wasn’t completely sober but enough not sway on his feet or slur his words.

“Didn’t complain last night, or the night before, sorry if I didn’t realise tonight was the exception.” He replied unpleasantly and slowly rose to his feet. “Since your back, and appear to still have all your limbs intact there’s no need for me to worry further or send out a search party,” Eli commented darkly, fingers fumbling a little in the darkness as they searched out his jacket. “I’ll keep in mind for next time that you don’t like people in your room and keep to my own.” Clearly he was offended that she could think of him now as just anyone after all they had been through together, after they had shared so much.

The still slightly intoxicated shadowhunter took careful steps towards the blonde, although it was the door he was heading for, she was just standing in front of it. He paused just before he reached both of them and now that he was able to see her better, and that apart from being a little damp she was completely unscathed which brought him to the conclusion that she hadn’t been out hunting demons or vampires after all and he was even further relieved. Eli gave a soft sigh and shook his head, his eyes taking her all in, she had such an affect on him he didn’t want to leave her although he had just said he would. “Where were you?” He found himself asking, his voice was soft rather than filled with any annoyance now.

[Yunalesca]

She had imagined she could control herself, shut herself off from emotion, but the way in which he spoke to her now struck a chord. The expression she had given him only darkened as she felt dirty just hearing how he talked of her having him in her room previously. Were anyone to overhear it they would believe they had slept together when they most certainly had not. But the way he phrased his coming to cradle her in sleep made her feel like they had. She was revolted with the thought and nearly shrank back from him as though he had struck her. She swallowed back the urge to hit him for what he said, remembering his speech was alcohol induced, though it was hardly an excuse. He knew her, he knew how she felt about such things, but she felt he was purposefully looking to hurt her. Her hands tensed at her sides, one wrapped so tightly about her stele she could feel the edges biting into her skin. No matter the urge, she stayed where she was and didn't speak a word. His comments weren't worth the acknowledgement. The sooner he exited her room the better. There was a sort of bloodlust of anger riling up inside her. She could barely control her cold mask let alone if this rage chose to burst.

With being so focused on feeling heartless she didn't let herself acknowledge that he may have feared for her. Emotion is pain, emotion is weakness was the mantra that echoed continuously in her head. Having no care was how she hadn't destroyed herself those years ago. As he moved, however, she felt her hold on her face falter and a flash of fear broke through to her eyes as he neared. Her foot twitched to carry her back away from him, but she regathered herself at the last moment and stood tall against him. She wouldn't shrink away from him in fear anymore. He was merely another being she could overcome. He would never hurt you she heard her own voice whisper in her head before she threw it aside. He -would- hurt her, that was why she had to remove herself from this tangle of emotions she had fallen into when it came to him.

When his voice came to her in a shocking softness she pulled herself from her thoughts of destruction to look at him. Her brow rose slightly at the inclination he had thought of her over the course of the day. She could feel herself wanting to embrace his concern, but that darker part of herself wouldn't let her. As quickly as her expression softened it was hard once more. Her eyes held nothing as she threw every wall back up to keep him from seeing anything. "As far as I could get from you. Get out of my room before I put you out." She threatened, hand tightening around her stele once more. She could feel his breath on her skin, smell his sweet undertones beneath the alcohol, but refused to act on any memory they had together. She had to burn this bridge before it became any more sturdy. He would be her downfall and she didn't come all the way to Brooklyn to fail. She had to look up at him, but it didn't stop her from keeping that threat in her eyes. She was smaller, but she was also faster and could put him down if she chose. The moment he tensed she was ready to hurt him, but nothing came of it.

If she had let herself feel it she would have experienced something in her dying at the thought of him never coming back to her. A part of her had come to depend on him, want him near. The stronger part of her blocked that weakness out and so she didn't hear herself begging to not do this to him or to herself. I need no one echoed a darker voice and she embraced it.

[Serendipity]

The way she had looked at him in the training room, like he was no better than the animal who had caused her such torment had been like a dagger through his heart. He wanted to tell her that he would never hurt her, that he would rather inflict pain upon himself before he ever caused it for her. However the looks she was giving him now made him think that she wouldn’t believe him anyhow, and that was just another pin-prick to his heart. Did she really think he and that beast were of the same make-up? She’s just frightened a voice answered, but he wasn’t comforted by the excuse this time. He wasn’t sure anymore if she would ever ‘not’ be frightened of the world - and him, but after everything, after he had proven to her countless times that he would never intentionally harm her, after he had opened up to her, allowed her to see a side of him no one else had, how could she compare him to Maddox? That’s what it felt like she was doing now and would always do.

The idea that she could ever compare him to the werewolf made his blood boil and his heart freeze over at the same time. It was unfair and the dark haired male had had enough, he wasn’t sure if he could put himself through her up and down emotions any longer. So maybe he did want to hurt her; some part of him wanting to inflict just a hint of the pain she caused in him whenever she threw her walls up and pushed him away, or looked at him like he was the monster. At least that way it might end things for good between them, and perhaps he could move on, though forgetting her completely and how he felt about her would never be an option, you didn’t just ‘forget’ feelings like his for someone.

The softness left his expression just as the sternness of hers return after the surprise that flickered across her features that he might have been worried about her, and she informed him she had tried to get as far away from him as she could. He didn’t let her see the hurt her words caused and straightened his back, making himself appear taller, unaffected by what she had said. “With pleasure.” Eli answered quickly, he didn’t need to be told twice. “Sleep well, Audrina…” He said as he moved past her, careful not to touch her as he reached for the door handle and he wondered if she realised that he wouldn’t be back to comfort her in the night, that she would have to face her demons on her own, and so would he.

“You needn’t bother locking it behind me, I heard you loud and clear, I won’t ever step foot in this room again or any room you’re in.” The male informed her possibly a little too harshly before he was gone, pushing the door firmly shut behind him. It wasn’t until Eli was in the confines of his own room that he realised he had essentially just ended it between them, telling her he would keep away from her room and her. In all honesty he had always thought that Audrina would be the one to ‘end’ whatever it was they had between them, he’d thought loving her would always prevent him doing it himself. Idiot, a voice growled in his head, you’re going to regret all this in the morning. Once the alcohol had worn off he probably would regret his decision to a point, though he didn’t believe he was that intoxicated that he didn’t know what he was doing now.

---

The sun was just coming up, it’s rays filtering through his drawn curtains when he woke with a start, covered in sweat, his chest heaving with every harsh breath in and out that he took. His head throbbed, but that was a given since he had been drinking the night before, and it made it hard for him to gather his thoughts and tell himself that he was in his room in the Institute. He wasn’t back at the warehouse fighting to free his brother, he wasn’t witnessing Maddox attack Audrina. This time the nightmare had been slightly different, and if anything it was the worst one yet. He hadn’t been helplessly watching from afar unable to move, unable to save her; instead he had been her attacker though he wore Maddox’s skin.

Eli inhaled a shaky breath, running his fingers through his damp hair before he laid a palm over his chest feeling his heart beating so fast he was afraid it was about to burst from his rib cage. Although he knew it was just a nightmare, not that he was awake anyway, it shook him deeply, worst than any of his nightmares in the past, even that of his parents deaths. Quickly he got to his feet and went to leave his room, to go to a certain blonde’s room to offer comfort if she needed it as he had done before. Yet as his hand touched the handle he remembered the events of last night, remembered that he had told her he would never bother her again. Why the hell did you do that! He sucked in another, less shaky breath and his hand dropped from the door handle. “Shit.” He cursed smacking a palm against his door before he turned abruptly from it and moved back towards his bed where he stayed for the rest of the morning, unable to bring himself to get up and shower as his mind ran over everything he had done and said the day before.