i never asked to be saved [r], mortal instruments - Seren

[Yunalesca]

She'd been deaming of something when she felt Eli stirring beside her. She couldn't recall exactly what she'd been dreaming, the visions so fleeting she couldn't grasp them, but it'd been pleasant. Nothing had been there to scare her or distant memories weren't resurfacing to haunt her. She'd just been bathed in a warm light it felt like. But she was pulling out of that dream as she felt Eli's leg trying to disentangle from her own that she'd slid around one of his. "Stay." Her voice whispered semi consciously before she was out again, detached from reality and forgetting once more that she was cradled against Eli. Her awareness of him dissipated in the darkness that enfolded her. It wasn't the frightening kind that usually brought on a slew of bad dreams, just that velveteen curtain that wrapped around her and kept all dreams and thoughts at bay. Her mind was still too weak to be making up dreams for her to experience and was making its move to fully rest along with her body. It was in this darkness that she shifted away from him, disentangling herself in one easy movement and rolling away with her back to him.

Her body remembered her injuries and automatically stretched out her leg so she wouldn't sleep on it and wake herself from the pain. Instinctually, her left hand fell to rest on her thigh in a protective manner of the injury while her right hand knotted around the fabric of Alec's hoodie at her chest and she relaxed further as that brotherly scent mingled with Eli's that was now part of the clothing. It made her feel like she was in a pile of protectiveness, which would probably be awkward if it were really happening, but that was the only sense her brain could make of it as minor firings triggered a response in her mind. Her face was a peaceful mask, devoid of any emotion, as her breathing was slowing again to only sparingly deep breaths to keep her alive.

*

It was sometime in the night that she finally woke. She was facing her window again and could see pale slivers of moonlight hitting the arms of her maroon velveteen chair tucked in the corner of the room. None of her lights were on and she had no clock in which to tell the time. Her mouth was dry and had a cotton consistency to it. If she had to guess she would say she'd slept at least another twelve hours since leaving the infirmary. That meant she'd spent almost five days trying to heal and it was time to be putting her mending to the test. SHe slowly pushed herself up and pulled her body into a seated position while her eyes were still adjusting to the darkness. She felt better than before, her mind actually beginning to function properly although she could feel parts of it still short circuiting. She knew she wouldn't be going anywhere tonight, but at least she could think properly. It was at that point she remembered waking up to Eli in her bed. She held her breath as a wave of varying emotions fluttered through her. The most prominent was how safe she'd felt being molded against him and her brows furrowed in a painful cast. She'd hurt him, or worse, get him hurt. She could feel it in her chest, that longing for him, but she couldn't have him. She took a deep breath of discontent and heartbreak. Her nostrils filled with his scent and it made her hurt all the more. She'd had her time to play, to imagine, to indulge, and it was over. She had to put a stop to it now before it went any further. Before it became any more painful when she would tear herself away from him. Your skin is showing echoed Alec's voice in her mind and her eyes closed in pain before she pushed it aside. There was no time for pity parties.

As she began to shift around to make an attempt at walking on her own she wondered when Eli had left. She knew she hadn't dreamed him beside her this time, he'd actually been there and she'd molded herself to him. She shouldn't have done it. It would make him feel that progress was being made, that being loyal at her side had finally broke through her walls. She didn't have the heart to say that the reason she was cutting him out again was to protect him. He'd never see it that way and it was painful for her to admit this even to herself. It'd always been to protect herself and now she was doing it to save somebody elses life. She shook her head before slowly sliding from the edge of the bed to creep her feet to the floor. She felt nothing as they firmly planted themselves to the ground and she slowly applied weight. When she made her first step on her own, her leg wobbled however. It felt like someone was dragging their stele up her leg and through her core as she tried to walk, the burning sensation of pain hurtful yet bearable. It was better than before, although she would still struggle. At least she could walk. Another day and she could be on the move again, she felt. SHe'd lost five days of a trail and couldn't afford more. She would rune herself if she had to, even knowing that wouldn't fully heal the damage. There was still damage inside her body and mind that would have to mend on its own, but she would be capable enough with he body at 75 percent. She would just have to be a little more suave and careful.

At first she didn't know where she was heading when she stepped out her door, her feet shuffling in some wayward direction as her mind was occupied. They happened to take her to the library and she paused outside its doors. She didn't particularly feel the need to enter, but she'd come here for a reason. Maybe she'd find the purpose inside. With effort she pushed her way through the doors and closed them gently behind her.

[Serendipity]

Eli was tempted to close his eyes again and stay there beside Audrina until she woke again, but as she detached her leg from him and rolled away from him onto her other side pushed himself up on his elbow. He couldn’t make out all her features in the darkness, but as he leaned over her he saw that she was still sleeping peacefully. He stayed like that for another few minutes, propped up on his elbow watching her sleep, making sure she wouldn’t fall into a bad dream. But a small voice of reason in the back of his mind told him that he shouldn’t stay with her any longer, it couldn’t be as easy as this even if it felt that it was. He struggled with the decision to leave her though despite that little voice insisting he needed to go. Eli sighed and gave into the voice telling him to leave, he knew it was right, he was pushing his luck by staying any longer anyway.

Carefully he turned on the mattress and swung his legs over the side before pushing himself up off the bed. He grabbed the empty plate off of the side table and with an almost longing glance towards Audrina’s sleeping figure he forced his legs to carry him out of her room. He paused outside her door after closing it quietly behind him, his back pressed against the wood panelling and closed his eyes; when he breathed in he could still smell her scent, she was all over his clothes. He turned, his hand going for the doorknob about to walk straight back into her room but stopped himself just before he turned the handle and pressed his forehead against the door. No, he told himself, you can’t go back in there and with a small almost frustrated growl he pushed himself from the door and stalked down the hall headed for the kitchen.

None of this meant that anything had changed between them, he had to realise that, but all his feelings were getting in the way. The thought of Audrina pushing him away after what they’d shared - Eli had thought he’d sensed her wake up at least once and she’d still fallen back to sleep snuggled closer to him than before- had something tug painfully at the strings of his heart. He knew it was his own fault, he’d been so determined to break down her walls to get her to feel something, -anything- and he hadn’t put any protection up for his own heart. He couldn’t tell himself any longer that his feelings for her were just lust, because they were much more than that and he couldn’t deny it any more. It was his own -stupid- fault, but a part of him wondered if it would be as bad as he thought, clearly she felt something for him too and she hadn’t kicked him out of her bed, in fact she’d moved closer into him.

Eli deposited the plate in the sink once he was in the kitchen before moving over to the fridge expecting to find only bottled water and soda cans available for him to drink. He was pleasantly surprised to find a six pack of beer on one of the shelves. Someone -Jace most likely- had brought it for him, he didn’t think Hodge would drink beer and the others were still underage. He smiled and would have to remember to thank Jace for it the next time he ran into the boy. Right now, he could use a beer, it would help settle his nerves, and possibly even help him to think clearly. Too much alcohol had the opposite effect, but one or two drinks he found often helped put things into perspective for him.

He pulled one of the bottles from the pack and with the edge of his shirt he twisted off the cap and shut the fridge door with his foot at the same time. Tossing the cap into the bin, he bought the top of the bottle to his mouth and took a swig and almost sighed at the familiar taste that he’d missed. He thought about heading back to his room with the beverage, but his feet took him to the library instead. His second choice would have been the greenhouse, it would have made for a good place to clear his head, but his subconscious was obviously trying to tell him something by taking him to the library. He needed to give himself something else to focus on other than what would now happen between himself and Audrina, and finding leads on his brother's whereabouts would do just that. He didn’t want to leave the Institute just yet, not while Audrina was still recovering, and so the library was the next best thing for him to keep busy, read up on certains information that could prove useful in finding his brother.

He set the bottle of beer down on one of the tables in the room and then went in search for a few books, one specifically on tracking and a couple of others that could help. Eli made his way back to the table and opened the book on different tracking techniques, but he had to really concentrate on what he was reading as thoughts of a particular blonde shadowhunter threatened to be all he could concentrate on. He wasn’t sure if it was healthy, thinking of her this much, but assured himself that it was only because he was unsure of how to deal with their situation that and he wanted to dissect it, make sense of it and that was why he was thinking of her so much.

Eli had finished his beer and was pouring over the pages of one of the books in front of him, his forehead resting in the palm of his hands, elbow next to the open book, when someone else walked into the library. He wasn’t sure how long he had even been in the library after finally managing to focus his concentration on reading. He was so engrossed in what he was reading now that he almost didn’t hear the library door open and close, or see the figure walking towards him. He lifted his gaze from the words on the page and had to do a double take as he saw Audrina coming towards him, she still had a slight limp but not as bad as before.

The dark haired shadowhunter couldn’t help the concern that swept over his features at seeing her out of bed, although he knew she couldn’t stay in bed forever if she was ever going to build her strength back up. He pushed the chair he was sitting on back, and stood up, meeting her halfway. “Here, let me help you.” He said and without thinking much of it at all he placed his arm around her waist like he had before when he’d helped her back to her room from the infirmary. “Your feeling better I see.” He commented. Her eyes didn’t have those dark circles under them any longer, and she looked well rested and he almost flushed at the thought of why that was.

[Yunalesca]

She hadn't noticed anyone else in the library until she'd started down the steps around what had once been a portal. She'd never used it herself, or even seen it activated to be honest. She had been curious about whether it could take her straight to her mother and cut down on the time she'd been putting into the search, but she was wary of portals. They were dangerous if one didn't know how to use them and she'd never been taught. She wasn't one to ask for help either so it'd left her with avoiding the topic altogether. The portal was gone now, exploded by Clary and Jace in their attempt to be rid of the dark shadowhunter Valentine. Audrina was glad she had been absent for all of that. It wasn't an affair she would have liked to have been a part of. She'd been in Spain when it'd all happened, searching for more clues on her mother. Whispers had led her there and to a dead end. False hearsay.

As Eli started for her she almost stiffened, remembering all she had been thinking earlier. AS his arm came around her, however, she found she couldn't quite say the words she wanted to say. She should have turned back and left before he noticed her, but she couldn't now. He was already assisting her to a chair and she felt herself grimace on the inside. SHe could take care of herself. SHe didn't say it, though. It felt too good to have him there beside her again, masking over Alec's scent that had begun to take over her own. She'd have to remember to wash the hoodie, surely Alec wouldn't want her smell all over it. "A bit. I think my own bed helped." She commented to him before being lowered to a chair and her arm almost reluctantly fell away from him. It wasn't just your bed, it was having him there beside you her mind reminded her and she bit her lip slightly. Was it something they could even talk about? SHe didn't want to bring it up. It would only end with her telling him to not do it again, to stay away from her, when she wanted anything but that. "They go hunting and leave you behind?" SHe asked suddenly, searching for a change of topic before they started talking about having slept closely beside eachother a few hours ago.

Her grey eyes averted from his as she felt herself grow warm at the memory. She'd pulled in closer to him and he'd curled around her like a protective blanket. It'd been more intimate than when they'd kiss and she hadn't shied away from it. She needed to get a grip on herself before she hurt him. It was in her aversion that her eyes rested on the book he'd been reading. Without thinkiing about it her hand reached out and pulled it to her, reading the title upside down before looking to him inquisitively. "Techniques of tracking? Did you lose your stele again?" She asked and felt something in the air change. Without him even saying it she could see apprehension coming on. Her brows furrowed slightly as she tried to understand what was going on, only bringing on a headache again. Apparently she wasn't as recovered as she'd thought. "Nevermind. It's not really...my business." She said and pushed the book back. She hadn't been forward with him about why she hated vampires and she shouldn't expect the same from him. She sighed painfully before she was leaning forward with her elbows on the table and rubbing her temples with her fingertips. The migraine was coming back as fierce as before and the pain in her leg couldn't compare.

"Do you want any tea? Or...something stronger?" She asked with her eyes closed as she continued to try rubbing the migraine away. Wine would probably only make it worse, but she'd stop feeling the aching throb in her leg if she had enough of it. Hodge probably had a remedy for both but she wasn't about to ask. Just like she wasn't going to ask for help to the kitchen that she knew she needed. She was only hoping that maybe Eli did want something and would offer his help. She would reluctantly accept that since she wasn't the one to blatantly ask for it. Audrina DuPage didn't ask for anything, but would consider things that were offered to her.

[Serendipity]

She was still wearing her sweats and Alec’s hoodie he noticed as he helped her over to the chair he’d been sitting on and reluctantly removed his arm from around her waist as she sat down. He sat down in the chair next to her, forgetting entirely about the book he had opened. He had only told Hodge why he was in Manhattan because the older shadowhunter wouldn’t have let him stay otherwise; none of the others knew, Audrina didn’t know. Eli hadn’t felt the need to tell them about his missing brother, his brother wasn’t there’s to worry about and he didn’t want to get anyone else involved in his search. It wouldn’t be hard to guess that he was trying to track someone down though, what with Technique’s of Tracking lying open, it would be an easy guess.

Eli shrugged at Audrina’s question about the others leaving him behind to go hunting, he hadn’t come across any of them and had come to that same conclusion, but it didn’t bother him that they hadn’t asked if he’d want to come. He hadn’t left the Institute since finding Audrina in the infirmary with a demon bite, he suspected the others had known that he would refuse to go out with them and so hadn’t asked. “I wouldn’t have gone anyway even if they’d offered.” He answered simply as he leant back casually into the chair. He noticed the way she wasn’t looking at him, looking anywhere else but at him and he had a feeling he knew why.

They’d fallen asleep in the same bed together, and instead of kicking him off the moment she realised he was there beside her she had curled herself close into him and fallen back to sleep herself. Knowing that she’d thrown caution to the wind and allowed herself to welcome intimacy with another person instead of shying away from it must have been playing on her mind. It was playing on his mind too, he wasn’t sure what it had meant to be honest. Was she really letting him in or had he just been there at the right time in a moment of weakness; now that she’d actually gotten some sleep was that it, was that all he’d get from her? He’d seen what it could be like between them, if she let him in, it was easy, comfortable and felt so right. Eli didn’t want to let that go, didn’t they both deserve to be happy, and they could be happy together.

He was brought out of his own thoughts as he heard Audrina’s voice, he’d just caught her question and his eyes dropped to the book she’d pulled closer to herself. Eli’s casual slouch on the chair stiffened at her question and he stared at the book near her hands for a moment before slowly looking up at her. He bit the inside of his lip as he fought with the idea of telling her about his brother, that everyone else thought Travis was dead and he was the only one who didn’t believe that to be true, and so far any leads he’d found had led him to Manhattan before they’d gone cold. Audrina made up his mind for him, dismissing her question, saying it wasn’t any of her business, she must have sensed his apprehension over her question.

He was glad for the change of subject as she went on to ask if he wanted tea or something stronger. She was rubbing her temples and her eyes were closed, the headache she’d had earlier was still annoying her it seemed. Eli reached past her and grabbed the empty beer bottle sitting beside the other books he’d taken back to the table with him. “Beer. Someone left a six pack in the fridge for me, it must have been Jace. He’s incredibly thoughtful when he wants to be,” He explained as he held up the beer for her to see before he pushed his chair back and was standing.

Audrina had made the offer to get him something to drink because she wanted something for herself, and if he let her she would get him something and bring it all the way back for him. But he was aware of how much of a struggle it still was for her to walk anywhere on her own, and if she tired herself out too quickly she would never recover fast enough and wasn’t about to let her walk all that way and back again just to bring him back another beer. “Tea could do that headache of yours some good. Come on, I’ll make it for you.” He gestured for her to get up, and left his hand extended out for her to grab onto if she wanted without voicing that he would help her.

“I can make you something to eat to if you like. I haven’t eaten yet. How does scrambled eggs and bacon sound, or an omelette?” Eli offered as she reluctantly took his outstretched hand and pulled herself back up onto her feet. “I might not be as good a cook as you, but I think I can easily say that I’m ten times better than Isabelle,” He continued with a small grin as he slipped his arm through her elbow and helped her over to the door, opening it to let her through first before he followed close beside her.

Eli let Audrina set the pace that they took down the hall towards the kitchen, this time she didn’t need to stop every so often to catch her breath and they made it to the kitchen without any hassles. It was a good sign that her leg was healing, she could put more of her weight on it now then she could before, soon she would be walking around like normal without any need for his support. He walked her over to the small table the kitchen offered and once she was seated he moved over to the stove, turning it on so he could heat up the kettle for her. “How do you have your tea?” He asked as he pulled a mug down from the cupboard above, turning his head to look at her over his shoulder.

[Yunalesca]

“Yeah when he wants to be.” She said in agreeance, not really paying attention fully to what he was saying. Her eyes opened only as he offered to make the tea himself. She hadn’t expected that much from him, but considering how her headache was currently affecting her she wasn’t going to make an argument of it at that moment. Almost too eagerly she took his hand and let him help her to her feet. She was promising herself that soon she would stop with this. She would go back to being emotionless, accepting nobodies help, but not at this moment. She needed somebody, as hard as that was to admit, and Eli was who she needed. She would push him away again once she was better. When she was devoting herself to tracking down her mother again, he would be out of the picture.

She did manage to give him a raised brow at his offering to cook for her. She didn’t generally let people do that. It was too risky and she was particular. She probably could have been a chef if she’d been blessed with a normal life instead of the one she currently led. Would be chef’s were critical of the food others made for them. It wasn’t something she could help. “You can say that I’m sure, but people like me are rather critical. Are you sure you can stand up to that kind of pressure?” She questioned him, leaning into him a bit as a sort of nudge. You’re flirting when you’re supposed to be putting up a wall. her mind chastised and her eyes dropped from his. She was dancing on that line and was bound to lose her balance if she kept on with it.

She was rather quiet thereafter, mostly helping herself into the chair at the kitchen table as Eli moved away to start her tea. Almost absently she felt herself biting her lip as she watched him moving around the kitchen. She could have this if she let herself. Don’t go down that road again her conscience pressed and she sighed at the truth of the situation. It was nice to dream, but sooner or later she would have to wake up to reality. Although she could feel she was beginning to hope for later, much later, and it was a little disturbing to her to feel this way after eight years of solitude and being happy with it. “Just throw in a sprig of peppermint when it steeps.” She said quietly to him, finally bringing her gaze back to him again. “Eli…” She started to say, but stopped herself and sighed as she bit her lip again. It was beginning to turn into a nervous tick and she didn’t like it. She didn’t want anyone to ever know what she was thinking or feeling.

She had almost started to talk about what’d transpired earlier in her room, part of her longing to hear if he’d liked having her there. He had to have liked something about it if he’d stayed there long enough to fall asleep beside her, but that female drive to actually hear it was striking out inside her. It was all new to her and mildly unsettling. “What’re you going to make? Not French toast I hope. It’s actually not French.” She stated jokingly, though her voice wasn’t quite so mirthful. She was still distracted with the events of earlier, recalling how she’d awoke to him there and folding herself further into him making a heat run through her blood. It was a feeling of exhilaration, albeit nothing compared to when he’d kissed her, but very similar. At the memory of that she felt her cheeks flush and she had to drop her gaze from him.

[Serendipity]

“Sure thing.” He nodded as she let him know how she liked her tea, and set about preparing her cup while he waited for the kettle to finish heating up. He paused when she said his name and glanced at her over his shoulder once more, there was something in her tone that had caught his attention, as if she wanted to say something but she trailed off with a sigh without finishing her sentence. He quirked a brow to encourage her to continue what she was going to say, though the way she bit into her lower lip, something people did when they were nerves, distracted him from voicing his encouragement. It brought his attention to her mouth, a mouth that had been pressed to his lips once and had trailed kisses along the flesh at his neck. Eli swallowed, the inside of his mouth suddenly going dry and his eyes darkened with longing at the memory. He wanted to kiss her again, close the distance between them with two long strides, sink his fingers into her hair and capture her mouth with his own.

Instead, he looked away from her, turning his attention to the kettle which had finished boiling on the stove. He poured the hot water into the mug and then busied himself with finding the sprig of peppermint she’d requested in her tea. He found what he was looking for and was finishing off her tea when he heard her voice speak behind him again, this time asking him what he was going to make for her to eat. “You don’t like French toast?” He chuckled and with her cup of tea in hand he made his way over to where she sat and set the steaming cup down in front of her. “I would never have guessed that, it is called ‘French’ toast after all.” He shook his head in slight bewilderment before he moved over to the fridge.

“I’ll see what’s in the fridge and then I’ll you if I can make anything from what I find,” He told her, reaching for his second beer for the night as his eyes roamed the shelves. Popping the top off he took a swig and then reached for a carton of eggs from one shelf, an onion and tomato from another, and milk from the door, placing each item on the counter beside the fridge one at a time. “I think there’s enough ingredients in here to make...an omelette.” Eli decided as he looked over the items he’d pulled out and then reached for one more item, cheese, before closing the fridge before anymore cool air could escape.

“How’s the tea? That, and something to eat should help with your headache,” He said as he turned his gaze back to her, thankfully she wasn’t biting on her lip this time, and offered her a quick smile before he set to work preparing the ingredients he’d retrieved from the fridge. He took another sip from the bottle of beer he held in his hand then set it aside as he opened one of the cupboards next to the stove where he was sure he’d seen some pots and pans. Sure enough they were there and he grabbed a flat bottomed pan out and set it on the stove top, he also found a clear glass bowl in another cupboard and pulled that out as well.

Finding a chopping board next, then a knife, Eli placed each item on a clear bit of counter before moving over to the sink to wash his hands. With clean hands he cracked several eggs into the mixing bowl, adding a splash of milk so he could whisk it all together. He could feel her eyes on him as he moved around the kitchen, though with his back turned to her he had no idea what she was thinking, they’d both fallen silent. The onion and tomato were chopped next and they too were added to the mixture, along with a sprinkle of salt and pepper he’d plucked from the spice rack.

It wasn’t much longer that she had to wait for the meal he was cooking her, the omelette was frying off in the pan as Eli sipped on more of his beer as he waited for one side to cook. He folded the circle of egg in half, making a semi-circle, and then flipped it over again so the inside could cook evenly. “One omelette coming up,” He announced as he put his beer aside and then lifted the pan from the stove, turning the omelette out onto a plate. The pan was sat back on the stove and more mixture of poured into the pan so it could start cooking before he carried her plate over and sat it down in front of her.

“Better than French toast.” He grinned with some amount of satisfaction, pleased with his efforts to create something half decent enough that she could eat. Eli went back to the stove and flipped the omelette he was cooking for himself next, but glanced back at Audrina as he waited for her to try his food. It was kind of a plain omelette, but there hadn’t been much in the fridge he could add to it, the flavors should still be good though. Eli knew the basics of cooking, his cooking skills were that of quick and easy recipes anything too complicated that he had to read from a cookbook wasn’t for him.

Once he’s omelette was done, he turned off the stove and plated it. He bought his beer over to the table with him along with the plate and sat down opposite Audrina. He smiled at her across the table and cut into the semi-circle of egg on his plate with the side of his fork before stabbing the portion and bringing it to his mouth. “Any good?” He asked before biting off what was on the end of his fork to taste it for himself.

[Yunalesca]

She took the tea from him graciously, letting something distract her from coming out with what she really wanted to talk to him about. It was there, just under the surface, that longing to talk about how she'd enjoyed having him there next to her. How she'd felt with his arms wrapped around her protectively and his body heat permeating her layer of clothing had been like nothing else. She didn't have a single experience to compare it to. She blew at the steaming cup to cool the tea before taking a sip to disperse her thoughts. It was dangerous to keep reflecting on it. They couldn't continue with this, whatever this had been turning into. She shouldn't have let him kiss her in the training room. Ever since that moment she had felt herself growing confused and new emotions she'd never felt were emerging. She liked him and wanted him to kiss her again, to run his hands up her sides and murmur her name longingly. She dropped her gaze to her tea as she felt her heart rate quicken and her cheeks flush once more at the exhilarating feelings that were welling in her chest. She had to stop thinking about it or she would never turn back. SHe'd keep pressing forward with this madness and lose herself, lose everything that she had become. Is that such a bad thing? her mind questioned and she took another sip of her tea. It was. Letting him in was the worst thing she could do to herself.

"Hmm? Oh, yes. It's rather bearable actually." She teased as she realized what he'd asked of her. Instantly she began to scold herself in her mind. She was doing it again, entertaining this idea of them working together. This insane idea of how easy it could be for them if she just pursued it fully. It would never work, she had to remind herself. It wasn't her path. Her way in life would take her to her own end soon and it would be cruel to keep him believing they could have something. Even if she did somehow survive against her mother and her brood there would be nothing left of her soul. Eli could never want the dead shell that she would become if she came out of that lair alive. Luckily for him, he probably won't see that happen. her mind thought and she sighed quietly. Her fascination with death had begun to dissipate and it was hard to feel the same way as she had before. It was that hope lingering in the back of her mind that changed it. The part of her that wanted to live had taken the drivers seat and was pushing for her to pursue Eli, to pursue life that had never been offered to her before. She had been so confident in her chase of death before and now she wasn't quite so. She was on shaky ground and it was dangerous.

Her eyes lifted from her tea then and began watching Eli as he prepared food for her. He didn't work quite as efficiently as she might, but he seemed to be aware of what he was doing. Maybe he had more talent than she'd previously judged him for. But then he had seemed to rather enjoy the cordon bleu she'd let him finish. His palate was not as pristine as hers. But then, he was a male and men almost always ate what was offered to them. They had dominated the culinary world for so long and yet their sex would eat anything in front of their eyes. She didn't understand it and found a sort of amusement coming from the thought. As the plate that contained the omelette was set down before her she scanned it critically before smiling up at Eli. "Everything is better than French toast." She stated, though she didn't mind the breakfast food every once and a while. It had been a thing in her home country to deny the food. It wasn't French in any fashion and yet the Mundane's continually asked for it when they visited. It was on every diners menu, but the wait staff surely rolled their eyes when the tourists ordered it. If you wanted something traditionally French you would order a nice Lobster bisque and French bread for dipping.

When his back was turned, Audrina picked up her fork and squared off a small portion for tasting. She let the food sit in her mouth for a moment, her critical senses picking up the combination of flavors before she fully chewed and swallowed. He seemed to have picked the right ingredients, but how badly could you mess up an omelette? Isabelle could do it she thought and smiled before cutting away another portion and eating it. Her body was still adjusting to eating food again and wasn't as hungry as it should be. She'd never had that large of an appetite before she'd been incapacitated so she had even less of one now. As hungry as she felt, she'd be surprised to finish the whole omelette. She hated to waste things, but in tandem with the tea she felt she would be full rather soon. She put down her fork as Eli took a seat at the table with his omelette and beer, asking if her food was alright. She looked down at the omelette as though she were thinking thoughtfully before looking back to him. "I don't like onions." She said flatly and began to watch his expression fall. She let him sit there with it for a moment before letting a small, devious, smile cross her face. "Kidding. It's good. I'll make the effort to actually finish it." She said before picking up her fork again and cutting away another small bite.

"Beer and eggs, sounds like a great combination." She said with a smirk before biting off the omelette from her fork and chewing. A nice table Red wine would go with eggs, she thought. She wouldn't say it, however. She didn't want to appear like too much of a drinker. She preferred to call herself a 'wine officianado', but Americans didn't seem to see it that way. She just enjoyed her wine as any other French woman did. She managed to get through half the omelette before cleansing her palate with the peppermint tea and looking to Eli. "You didn't have to stay with me those four days. I'm sure it took you from whatever it is that brought you to Brooklyn to begin with." She said quietly to him. She felt a sort of guilt for having him there beside her for that amount of time. She didn't know why he was in the city, but she suspected it wasn't just for a visit. He'd been apprehensive in saying anything about it before and she should have just let it lie, had been content with that actually, but he had begun to pique her interest. When once she wanted nothing to do with him she now wanted to know more about him. A sign that something was there, tying her to him in some way. She'd never remotely cared about anyone else at the Institute before, had unceremoniously dumped him on the floor that first night, but things had been changing. He'd slipped between her armor cracks and made her curious of him. It was dangerous, but when had she ever shied from that before?

[Serendipity]

Eli was certainly enjoying spending time with Audrina like this, for once he wasn’t preparing himself for a sudden outburst from her if he happened to say the wrong thing. When he’d asked whether her tea was alright he’d heard the slight teasing tone behind her answer and it had made him smile, but also filled him with a warm pleasant feeling in the pit of his stomach that he had gotten her tea right, not perfect, but right enough that she could drink it. He was also pleased to see that she was eating the omelette he’d made for her, taking her second bite into it as he came to sit down at the table opposite her. At least Audrina thought it was edible enough, and her face wasn’t pinched in distaste like it had been when she’d tried eating the cordon bleu, so it must have been better than that.

His face fell mid swallow of some of his own omelette when she said she didn’t like onion, and he had to force the rest of it down with some of his beer, silently cursing himself for not asking her if she liked onions or not - or even eggs for that matter! But as he set his beer down about to tell her she didn’t have to eat it and he’d make her something else, he saw the devious smile cross her face before she announced she’d been kidding. “But you would have eaten it anyway to spare my feelings, even if you really didn’t like onions.” He observed with some amusement since she was still cutting into the meal, breaking off small portions to eat.

Eli cut off another portion of his omelette and ate it as she mentioned beer and eggs sounding like a great combination and saw her smirk indicating she really didn’t think it was. A grin spread across his lips as he picked up his beer again and took a sip, “Beer is good with anything, except maybe some dairy products. I tried it with yoghurt once. That is not a good combination,” He chuckled with a slight grimace at the memory. “Let me guess, you’re more of a wine connoisseur?” He raised a quizzical brow, recalling the wine he’d found in the fridge a few nights into his stay at the Institute.

The lightness in the conversation suddenly turned more serious as Audrina looked across at him and spoke quietly. He wished she hadn’t mentioned staying with her whilst she’d been incapacitated for four days or reminding him that he wasn’t in Brooklyn just to watch over her. The mirth in his expression washed away and was replaced by guilt for not using his time in Brooklyn as wisely as he should have and she had been the reason why he hadn’t. It wasn’t her fault by any means, she didn’t know she was keeping him from his search for his brother, and really she wasn’t keeping him from anything; he was keeping himself from looking for his brother by wanting to be around her even when she hadn’t wanted his company. His father had always said that women were a mans greatest distraction in life, and Eli had never thought that to be true until he’d come across this woman sitting across from him now.

Eli glanced down at his half eaten omelette for a moment, unable to hold Audrina’s gaze as he fought to keep his guilt at bay. “I wanted to. I didn’t think Magnus would be back again, but I couldn’t be a hundred percent sure.” He answered before looking back up at her, he could see the curiosity behind her smoky orbs then and realised that she might actually want to know something about him, but wouldn’t be so bold to ask him outright. He knew things about her that she didn’t know he knew, things about her past that would probably upset her if she was aware of his knowledge of them. He couldn’t let her know that he knew, Hodge had made him promise not to say anything, she had to be the one to tell him what had happened to her, although it seemed she never would. It was only fair that she knew something about him, he decided and maybe it would ease his guilt some about knowing what he did of her past. He didn’t like to think about what Hodge had told him, didn’t want to think about what drove Audrina into thinking she had to chase down death head on or that she expected to lose her own life upon finding it.

“Before...you asked why I was reading ‘Techniques of Tracking’...” Eli began, but it was hard for him to find the right words or where to begin, or even what he should tell her. “I am looking for something - someone actually,” The thought of his brother and the guilt that went with it had him looking back down at his plate. He felt guilty for a number of reasons, one being that Travis was his younger sibling and being the eldest Eli should have looked after him better. He shouldn’t have let him go off with the other shadowhunters to investigate the murders popping up around the globe or at least he should have gone with him once he’d realised there was no talking him out of it.

“My brother.” He clarified for Audrina’s benefit, if she wanted to know why he was in Brooklyn then he’d tell her. “He went off with a group of shadowhunters sent to investigate several murders of other shadowhunters, every second day there was another murder, they suspected downworlders were behind them but of course had to find proof before they went and accused them for it. He’s three years younger than I am - Travis, and didn’t listen to me when I told him he shouldn’t go, something just didn’t seem right about it all.” Eli looked over at Audrina once again through his lashes but didn’t fully lift his head, he wasn’t proud of what he was about to say next. “He asked me to go with him, but I was too preoccupied with my own selfish need to hunt demons and I was closing in on one of their lairs, and I didn’t go with him.”

“They were ambushed, they never stood a chance and were all killed - slaughtered.” Eli swallowed back the sickening feeling he got whenever he thought of his brother being amongst those who were killed. “The Clave bought their bodies - or what was left of them- for burial. Travis’s body was never found, although The Clave still claimed he was dead, but his bones would never rest alongside our fathers in the City of Bones. I don’t believe he's dead,” He looked up at Audrina then an adamant expression on his face. “The Clave think I’m wasting my time looking for him. If he is dead, then I want to bring him home. If he’s not, then I have to find him, find out what happened. He’s the only family I have left, and I didn’t go with him, I didn’t protect him like I didn’t pro-” Eli shook his head cutting his words off, his blue eyes filled with pain.

He cleared his throat and stood up, no longer hungry, and set his plate on the sink. He finished off the rest of his beer and then tossed the empty bottle into the trash before he turned back to the blonde shadowhunter, “My leads brought me here to Brooklyn, before you brought me to the Institute I was moving from motel to motel, some nights I just walked around the city unsure of where to look next. My leads have gone cold now, but I still have this feeling that Travis is here, in Brooklyn somewhere and I’m just not looking in the right places,” Eli sighed heavily, his lower back resting against the counter.

“So you know why I’m here now,” He shrugged trying to make it not that much of a big deal.

[Yunalesca]

Her lips pursed as though she were to say something, but she stopped herself as he started to speak again. He was coming out with it, whatever it was that had brought him to Brooklyn originally, she could sense. She lowered the cup of tea to the table and kept her hands wrapped around its warm exterior, looking at him gently and thoughtfully as he started. She didn't interrupt him, but managed to stay quiet and rather open minded as he spoke. He was looking for someone and she felt her gaze soften further in remorse. He had lost someone and was trying to find them again. They're situations were almost the same, except the fact she seriously doubted his was as deranged as hers. He genuinely cared for the person he was looking for, she could see that even before he said who they were. She loved her mother, but she loved her as her mother and not as the vampire queen she had become. She was looking for her to kill her, Eli was looking to bring this person home she suspected. The thought of him leaving after finding this person never crossed her mind as she listened. This wasn't about her, or them, it was about him and the loss he felt. It was when he stated he was looking for his brother that her breath caught and she felt a pain in her chest. She quickly hid the expression from her eyes, turning a little cold and emotionless to block it out.

As he explained his brother had been younger than him by three years her brows furrowed in a reflective pain and remorse. Aurelie would be the same age now as his brother were she alive, she assumed. She felt her and Eli were close in age though neither had never asked the other of their birth date. The parallels of their life was becoming a little uncanny she thought before she pushed it and memories of her sister aside. This was about him, she reminded herself, and listened once more. Near the end she felt her brows rise slightly in concern before resisting the urge to take his hand. He felt closed off to the gesture and it was uncharacteristic for her to be doing so. Even given they had just shared the same bed she felt blatantly reaching out for him would be forward. She didn't feel he was seeking her pity, but rather trying to explain his case for her own curiosity. She could see that underlying pain and was glad she had held her hands to her tea mug as he got up and put his dish in the sink. She was observing him quietly and trying to think of the best approach to saying anything to him. She couldn't sit there silently even if it would be the best way to start this detachment from him. She couldn't be that cold anymore.

"The Clave doesn't always know what's best or have all the answers. If you feel he's alive, then he probably is. Familial bonds run deep, you can sense when something happens. It's deeper than the blood you share, it's...I don't know what it is, but you just know." She said softly, brows knitting as she was delicately choosing the proper words. He had given her information on himself and it would only be fair to do the same, but most of what made her who she was sat too close to her heart and hurt too much. You don't owe him anything, the voice in her head whispered, but the rest of her disagreed. "I had a sister once. Probably the same age as Travis," she paused, fighting off the anguish that crept through her chest and left her feeling empty. "She died, but...I know what you feel. She was my other half and I could always feel when something was wrong, when she was alive..." she stopped herself and took a breath. She couldn't come out with any more. She'd managed to keep emotion from her voice and her expression, but remembering her sisters bloody body in her arms made a dagger of pain slice through her chest. "I'm sure you'll find him." She said, changing the attention from herself and back to him. She couldn't even say Aurelie's name to him.

"Have you considered speaking to Luke about this? You're probably aware by now that he's a were, they're some of the best trackers of the downworlders. Might bring that cold trail back to life." She offered, her eyes having averted from him and to her tea. She managed to take a sip to chase away the chill she suddenly felt take over her body. Her mind was wrapped around her sister and it wouldn't be disepelled. It was bringing about a fresh resolve, a renewed want to find her mother and return her soul to grace, but more importantly to slay the creature she had become and killed Aurelie. This was what she believed, what she felt, even though it wasn't her mother's hand that took the last of her sisters life from her body.

[Serendipity]

Eli hadn’t told her about his brother to seek her pity, and he was glad that Audrina wasn’t seeing it that way either. He had merely explained his why he was in Brooklyn to stem some of her curiosity, and admittedly it did feel good getting some of that off of his chest. She had listened and not interrupted, though her expression was one lacking any emotion he didn’t feel any scorn from her. He could guess that she’d put that emotionless expression on her features to hide her own pain, his story would have triggered some memories for her, of her sister. It hadn’t been his intention to make those memories of her sister resurface and he wished he could have prevented that somehow, maybe not have mentioned the person he was looking for was his brother.

When she finally did speak after he’d finished, he found himself nodding in agreeance to what she said, she was right. He would know if Travis was truly dead. A soft smile came to his lips, he appreciated the assurance she offered, and that if he thought Travis was alive then perhaps he was. The smile quickly faded as Audrina continued to speak, he hadn’t expected her to offer him some information on herself in return. He should have stopped her, he saw how difficult it was for her to get the words out, she didn’t owe him an explanation in return that’s not why he’d told her about Travis. This is what you wanted, isn’t it? For her to open up, this thought prevented him from saying anything and instead listened to her speak about her sister.

She didn’t give him much, but the little she did was more than enough, he heard how painful it was to speak of her sister and didn’t push for more. “Thank you,” He murmured softly; it would seem like he was pitying her if he said what most people did when someone mentioned they’d lost family. The ‘I’m sorry for your loss,’ statement was often said because no one knew what else to say other than that. Losing a sibling or a parent was the hardest thing a person could go through, especially being so young when it had happened. Eli instead he thanked her for trusting him enough to open up about her sister and for her belief that he would find his brother. It was far more than the Clave had offered that was for sure.

The conversation was quickly turned back to finding Eli’s brother, he didn’t mind though and walked back over to the table so he could sit back down. His brow quirked at the mention of Luke’s name, Clary’s Uncle and the man he’d met just over a week ago when he’d been helping her with Simon. Eli had become aware that the older male was a werewolf the first moment he’d met him, Luke hadn’t been too happy about finding a strange shadowhunter in his home. He smirked at the memory and nodded, “Yes, I’m well aware of what Luke is.” He hadn’t thought to ask him for his help though, for starters he’d only been there to help Clary with Simon and Luke hadn’t been around much, he’d spent most of his time by Clary’s mother’s side at the hospital. “I hadn’t considered it, but you’re right, maybe I should speak to him.”

“How’s your headache, did the tea help?” He asked, changing the subject once more, that was enough talk about his brother for one night and it was too late to seek Luke out now and ask for his help, and Eli was a little reluctant to do so even if it might be the only way to get some fresh leads again. “I know what would help...some more sleep, but you’re probably so over sleep at the moment it’s all you’ve been doing for the last four days - almost five now.”

“Or maybe a hot bath? I could run one for you, bubbles and all.” He said with a small grin before he realised how that might have sounded. It could be seen as rather suggestive, and it wasn't how he'd meant it to sound, but now that he'd said it it was hard to get the image of her in a bathtub, naked under all those bubbles, out of his head. Picturing such a thing did things to his insides, and felt suddenly hot under the collar and had to look away, hiding his smoldering blue eyes from her. Audrina would probably run a mile if she knew what he was thinking of and what it did to him.

[Yunalesca]

Audrina felt the conversation shift again and let the matter drop. Talking about their siblings was too painful for both of them and she was okay with the conversation leading away from it. She didn't feel she'd ever be in the mood to delve further into her own past and bring it to bear for Eli. It'd been hard enough telling Hodge when she'd come to the Institute after being injured in a fight with a vampire. She knew he'd told the others and a part of her was happy he'd done so. It meant she didn't have to answer the questions herself. She was not aware, however, that Eli knew the important parts of her history, all except one fatal piece of information. She'd never told Hodge, or anyone else for that matter, what'd really happened to Aurelie. The Clave didn't even know and she intended to keep it that way. It was her darkest and most painful secret. The dagger in the bottom of her box underneath her bed was the only thing that hinted at the final fate of the youngest DuPage sister and Audrina kept it as a reminder of what she'd lost and what'd happened to her since her mother had changed. She closed her eyes momentarily in an attempt to wipe the memory away, her eyes still able to follow the trails of blood across the shadowhunter blade. It was firmly etched into her memory and would not subside.

Her eyes opened again as Eli's voice carried gently to her. "It did. I just think I need another day to mend. Healing from a Warlock in my head isn't going to be a walk in the park it seems." She said before she finished the warm liquid and set the cup on the plate that still held a half eaten omelette. She found herself no longer hungry and gave up in her thought of finishing the meal. She didn't eat much on the best of days. Of course she needed food to recover faster, but after talking about her sister and hearing about Eli's brother she was finding she wasn't in much of a mood to be eating. She just hoped the shadowhunter sitting in front of her would overlook it and not press the issue. She'd eaten twice today, it should be enough for the time being. She wasn't particularly in the mood to be chastised and treated like a child who pushed their peas around on their plate. She couldn't force herself to eat when she didn't want to. Her body just didn't work that way.

She sighed heavily at his next statement. He was right, she was sick of sleeping. Even though her mind and body perked to the thought of lying down again and recovering anew, she fought against it. She might heal while asleep, but not much else got accomplished in the venture. Like Eli, she was sure her trail on her mother had gone cold over the five days she had been asleep. Unlike him, however, she had a decent lead to follow once she got back out on the streets. She had yet to grab hold of this supposed vampire of Dumort who knew something of her mother. She would start there and hopefully soon after she'd be done with this business. It would mean her time with Eli would be over as well, but she pushed that from her mind. She couldn't dwell on what could be, or might have been, or what she felt with him. It wouldn't work and there was no point in dreaming about it. They each had things they were striving to find and hers would get her killed. He didn't need to have that on his mind while trying to find his brother. She didn't deserve to be the one to stand in his way, to break his heart.

She took in a sharp breath and raised her eyes pointedly to him at his next statement, jaw slackened in shock of what had just been said. Surely he hadn't meant for it to sound that way. Must wanna get nasty? echoed his voice in her head from the night she'd brought him home drunker than a fly in a wine glass. "I warned you not to say something like that to me again." She said quietly, yet a familiar underlying threat reaching through her voice. After she said it her mouth closed quickly, realizing what she had just said. He still didn't know what'd happened after she'd brought him back that night. She'd been there on top of him on his bed, so close they could have kissed. You've kissed, you've slept together and you enjoyed it, stop being so critical of that night her mind hissed, but she couldn't let it go. That had been a different kind of intimate. It insinuated an act she'd never partaken in and it was something that made her fiercly pull back from him. Her mind knew he hadn't meant that when offering to draw her a bath, but she'd already run too far and fast with the thought. She felt herself receding again, thoughts of sex making her shrink away with fear. She'd never known she could be so afraid of something she'd never done before, but it had firmly latched onto her where sex was concerned. She could handle him holding her, kissing her, but insinuating something far more intimate made her shirk away again.

[Serendipity]

He was pleased to hear that the tea he’d made for her had helped ease her headache, not entirely but a little was better than not at all. But this was short lived after his next statement and he realised he’d put his foot in it again, he’d been on a roll with Audrina doing and saying the right things, but obviously his roll had ended. Eli had become too comfortable talking to her over these last few hours, it had been easy and fallen into the trap of thinking being his brazen self would seem endearing to her. Seeing her face contort to it usual dark look she gave him, after the shock wore off, whenever he said something she didn’t like was a definite sign that he should never had mentioned the bath thing, or just that he would run one for her.

“Audrina...I did-” He started to say before she could, but she was already speaking before he got the chance to apologise for what he’d said, assure her he hadn’t meant it as suggestively as it had sounded. He paled considerably at her warning, the underlying threat in her voice was real, if she wasn’t still recovering he suspected she might have even jumped over the table and choked the life out of him. The way she’d worded the warning suggested that he had said something similar to her before, and his brows furrowed as he tried to recall what and when he might have said whatever it had been. “I didn’t mean it like it sounded,” His words came out quickly, almost distractedly as his mind ran through every encounter he’d ever had with Audrina.

There was only one encounter that he could recall, well actually he couldn’t recall it because he didn’t remember all of that night at the club. Eli could only guess that she was referring to that night, he’d said or done something - or perhaps both- that had offended her. It was like a switch had been suddenly been turned on in his head, in the section where his memories lay and although what he was remembering was only bits and pieces it was something at least. He remembered tackling someone to the ground, a mundane male; but before that he recalled the mundane harassing someone, a familiar blonde someone. “You said ‘again’. That night at the club...You said I got into a fight over some mundie girl.” Eli reminded her, saying all this outloud as a way to work it all out in his head better. “But it wasn’t a mundie girl...it was you.” He realised.

But that wasn’t all, as the bits and pieces of the images from that night flashed across his mind, he remembered how drunk he’d been, how she’d helped him onto her bike, driven him back to the Institute and helped him to his room. Oh no... He groaned inwardly as he recalled singing to her, trying to get her to loosen up and have some fun, and then her falling on top of him on the bed and he’d said...he’d said in a rather suggestive tone ‘Must wanna get nasty?’. It had been part of the song he’d heard from the club, but he’d meant it when he’d said it, he’d wanted to get ‘nasty’ with her, had been on the brink of kissing her before she’d glared at him and pushed herself off of the bed and him warning him if he ever said anything like that to him again she’d kill him.

“And you brought me home, helped me to my room...we danced -sort of- and I said...something to you I shouldn’t have.” He was watching her when he said all of this, seeing the icy exterior come back, her walls going up. “Don’t.” He hadn’t meant to say that outloud, let her know that he could see her pushing him away again. Please don’t, his mind screamed. He wasn’t sure if she pushed him away now, if he could push his way back in again. “Don’t do that. Alright I shouldn’t have said what I said that night - or now- I’m sorry. If I’d known how you felt about that stuff, I’d be more careful with what I say to you. Don’t put those walls up again, don’t shut me out...You can’t deny there’s something between us,” He pointed out at the end of his speech before running his fingers through his hair because he knew it was useless pleading with her to not shut him out. “I’m not doing this anymore, I’m not toeing the line with you, it feels like i’m walking on eggshells all the time. I like you, more then like you -the angel only knows why! But if its what you want, i’ll leave you alone, I should concentrate on finding my brother anyway. If you decide to finally let anyone in, you know where to find me, if I’m not back in London before then.” He wasn’t quite sure where his attempt at an apology had turned into a frustrated rant, but it had and it was almost a relief to get what he was feeling for her out, that he wanted more from her, possibly even a life with her one day.

[Yunalesca]

Audrina's expression began to grow concerned as it appeared Eli was working out what she'd said in his head. She saw it the moment it clicked, when his memories came back and he finally remembered what had occurred that night they'd gone to the club together. As he started in about the fight he'd been in she felt herself paling, the fire in her eyes receding as he pressed on. "Don't be ridiculous, it wasn't over me." She said quietly, barely able to use her voice as he remembered it fully. She'd been telling herself since that night it hadn't been -over- her, he just hadn't liked how the Mundane had treated her. How could that not be over you? that familiar voice called in her head and her brows furrowed. If it was over her then it meant Eli felt something. It meant it was more than just lust for her and that she'd made a very big mistake in going anywhere with him, spending time with him. Gods, she'd snuggled into him only hours ago. She'd made too many mistakes to not see what could happen. She'd continually told herself she'd just turn away and he would do the same, but she could see now that it wouldn't be that simple. She'd crossed the line and now she was going to truly break his heart.

Her eyes had averted as she thought of all this, her brows tight as she wished she could go back and change the events. She should have kept her distance the moment she'd dropped him on the floor of the Institute. She'd been able to see his want for her in his eyes even then, but she'd missed when it had begun to change into something else. Her eyes came back up as she heard his voice again, piecing together the parts of that night he hadn't been able to recall before. She swallowed the lump in her throat and only offered a cold stare at him as he remembered what he'd done, what he'd said. The guise broke for a fraction of a second as he hit her with a 'don't'. She knew before he even said it. He didn't want her to look at him like that, to recede behind her protective layer of scales and brick walls. She could almost hear a plea in his voice and it made her chest hurt with a new kind of pain she'd never felt before. It began to hurt even more as he said 'that stuff', as though he knew she'd never been with anyone. It was something she had kept to herself, had never been bothered by before, but it hurt her now. She'd never let anyone get close enough to even imagine sleeping with them and it was making her suddenly feel very alone. It was the life she had chosen for herself, but since he'd come along she was finding it was a life that hurt her more than protected her.

Her breath caught painfully in her lungs as he uttered those words, that phrase she had been trying to hide from since he'd kissed her in the weapons room. There's something between us echoed in her ears and felt like a thousand lashings to her heart. It was true. There were a thousand things between them and all of them intimate. Hearing it said out loud from him made it hurt and if she didn't have such good self control she might have been hyperventilating at that moment. She'd been hiding from those words and now they were in the open. It only seemed to get worse the more he talked. He admitted it to her. Admitted he liked her and she felt her chest caving in a near panic attack. Her fears were confirmed. She'd crossed the line and somehow made someone want her, want her for more than just a night in bed. He'd stayed by her side for four days keeping a vigilant watch for any signs of change in her condition. Someone who just wanted to bed her wouldn't do that. He cared and it made her hurt. She would only hurt him in return. His final phrase left her feeling stricken and she wasn't sure she could entirely keep it from her face. He didn't want to do this anymore, her mood swings having given him whiplash. It was like he'd offered her a platter of everything she'd ever wanted before dropping it in the trash before her eyes. He was giving his ultimatum and all she could feel was the want to run. Running never solved anything, but it'd at least save him from more heart break later on.

"You should be looking for your brother. It's what you came here for, it was only chance we ran into eachother in the first place. I'll only get you hurt, your family is what matters, not me." She said to him with a stone cold mask devoid of any emotion. She'd managed to install a line of walls to hide behind, to keep him from seeing anything she felt, though it brought on a new wave of nauseating migraines. She was hurting badly at what he'd said, but she couldn't let him see it. This was the clean break she had needed, even if it was causing her more anguish than she had thought it ever could. He was going to walk out of her life if she didn't let him in, but it was how it had to be. In a few weeks it wouldn't matter, she reminded herself. He'd find his brother soon and be gone. She could only hope it'd be before she was killed finishing the work she had started. "I think it's best for you to stay away from someone like me." She said quietly to him before pushing herself away from the table and managing to stand. She could feel the white hot pain shoot up her leg from the movement, but she forced herself to turn her back on him and walk for the door unaided. She couldn't let herself look back, she would lose her guise if she did. She'd already hurt him once by putting her walls firmly back in place, she couldn't do it twice by letting him watch her die. The best favor she could do was to walk out on him and let him go. She was too dangerous a choice for him. He'd been pursuing a dead woman since the start, he just hadn't known it.

[Serendipity]

He’d never thought he’d want a life with anybody, after all the heartache he’d seen his family go through, after losing both his parents, but he could see one with Audrina. The need to be near her, to hold her, protect her from all the evils in the world; to make her smile, laugh; be a shoulder to cry on, wipe away her tears; be someone she could share all her secrets with, someone she could share all her hopes and dreams with. He wanted to be that person, he wasn’t certain when he’d decided this, it had crept up on him along with all everything else he felt for her.

He knew what his mother had meant now when she’d said that he would just -know- when he met the right person. Elizabeth Ashdown had also warned him that falling in love and loving someone was different for everybody, sometimes it was easy and other times it hurt. Eli was discovering all of this for himself now; his mother had never mentioned much on the heartache of it all, probably because she’d been happily married to his father and so in love at the time. Losing his father had devastated him, but it had destroyed his mother, she’d taken her own life because she couldn’t bare to live in this world without the man she loved. Her pain had been far greater, he was sure, then what he was feeling over the thought of Audrina walking away from what they could have together if she let it, but it was painful all the same.

But he wasn’t sure if he could continue this yo-yo effect they had going where one day she let him in a little and then the next she was pushing him out again, or if he said something that might suggest how he felt about her she pulled away as though she were terrified of anyone feeling any kind of affection for her. Continually trying to penetrate her tough exterior and never getting completely through would hurt the more he tried, his feelings would grow deeper while she hid hers away. It was probably best he backed off now while the pain was still bearable, but he couldn’t completely through the towel in, he couldn’t bring himself to do that which is why he’d given her his final proposal; but it wasn’t a matter of ‘when’ she would let him in, it was ‘if’ she ever would and it was a mighty big ‘if’. Some part of him hoped that his words would get through to her, now, right now and he wouldn’t have to wait to see if she ever decided to open up to anyone and if he would be the one she’d open up to.

He received his answer however, and the cold and calm way she delivered it was like an arrow through his heart. He couldn’t look at her, didn’t want to see those grey eyes looking at him devoid of emotion, to realize that what he felt for her was truly only one sided. She was telling him to find his brother, that it was only a coincidence they had run into each other nothing more. His family should come first, not her and he should stay away from her. Stay away from someone like me, she’d said and Eli knew what she meant, someone who never let anyone in, someone who felt completely guilt ridden that she was alive and her sister wasn’t, someone who could very well find the vampire lair she was looking for and run to her own death for the sake of righting a wrong that wasn’t her fault and had been completely out of her hands.

“Damn it Audrina!” He growled suddenly angry over this whole thing, a part of him wishing he’d kept his mouth shut, and the other wishing she wasn’t so stubborn in the first place. She was already making her way out of the kitchen, and he knew it hurt her leg to do so so quickly, and didn’t look back, not even a brief glance. Eli had to force himself to not follow her, even though he had been the one to say he couldn’t keep trying to get through to her, and stalked over to the fridge. He pulled out his third beer for the night and flicked the top off, sculling half of the bottle before looking down at it with some amount of disgust. Drowning his sorrows in alcohol wouldn’t get him anywhere. He tipped the rest out into the sink and threw the empty bottle in the trash before he left the kitchen, leaving someone else to clean up his mess, and retreated to his room, making sure he went the long way back so he wouldn’t run into her.

In his room it only became worse, he was alone with his thoughts, wondering if she'd made it to her room alright, if her leg was hurting her too much; and if it even bothered her that he'd admitted so openly that he felt something for her and she'd walked away, her answer clear as could be. If she didn't feel anything for you, why did she kiss you? Why did she fold herself closer to you when you were both sleeping? His mind questioned, but he didn't have an answers for that. If Audrina did feel something for him, she was never going to admit it, and it might as well be the same as her not feeling anything at all for him. But maybe it would be easier knowing that she didn't feel anything at all for him, and all of this had been his wistful thinking.

Jace had warned him that he was playing with fire, and he'd only get himself burned. He hadn't listened and for that it was his own fault. What Hodge had told him about her, why she was so hostile towards people, should have deterred him, to know how broken she really was -an impossible fix. Instead he'd tried, wanted, to be the one to fix her and now it was all one big heartache on his part. He would get through it, he told himself as he sprawled out on his bed which felt very empty, and focussing on finding Travis would help.

It was too late now to go knocking on Luke's door for help in finding new leads on his brothers whereabouts. He would just have to wait until morning and it might be better if he had Clary with him when he spoke to Luke, after all the werewolf didn't know him from a bar of soap why should he help a total stranger. At least with Clary there, Eli might not seem like a shadow hunter who'd just walked off the street demanding answers.

With that in mind, Eli closed his eyes, putting his hands behind his head, and tried to get some sleep. It proved difficult as his mind wanted to constantly drift towards thoughts of Audrina, even though he'd told her he'd had enough taking one step forwards and three steps back with her, he couldn't just switch off those feelings with a click of his fingers. It would take time, and even over time he suspected it would only become a dull ache instead of an agonising pain, what he felt would probably never completely vanish.

Eli eventually fell into an uneasy sleep and woke a few hours later as the sun came up. He showered and changed into his shadowhunter gear, sheathing his knives behind his back before he slipped his jacket on over them. It was early but maybe Clary was in the Institute somewhere, although she didn't stay permenantly she was around a lot, which was strange considering she was avoiding Jace who actually lived in the Institute. Unless she'd spoken to him like Eli had made her promise she would, and they'd sorted things out.

If he didn't find her in the Institute then he would just go and see Luke on his own.

[Yunalesca]

It was hurting more than her leg to close her door behind her and lock out the world beyond. When she was alone and nobody could see, she fell to her bed and felt like crying. She wanted to cry for everything, for her sisters death, for her choice in life, for the fact she couldn't ever have what Eli wanted with her. She had seen it in his eyes, what he thought they could have, and she'd watched it all drain away because of her. Her brows cinched together and her eyes closed painfully, a single tear sliding out from under her lids as she pulled a pillow into herself to grip as though it'd make her feel better. You're going to get hurt she could hear in Alec's voice, his warning have been made clear when he'd observed what was happening and how Eli had found a chink in her armor. He was right, she was hurt. She'd never thought anyone could ever hurt her in this way after the death of her family, but she'd been wrong. And the worst part was that nagging voice in her head taunting her, reminding her this was all her own fault. She'd let herself enjoy her time with Eli, had dropped her walls for him, and had gotten hurt. She couldn't even hate him for it because he hadn't done anything. It only brought more hatred for herself, something she was so used to. She possessed a self confidence that was unwavering and yet she hated herself, hated who she was and what she'd been born to do. She'd never wanted this life and those years of hating herself was seeping into her soul. She was severely damaged and it was all at her own hand.

He wouldn't want a girl like this. My soul is black, dying. He wouldn't want to be around to repair it. she thought and almost felt a sob escape her chest as she curled tighter around the pillow. It smelled of Eli, reminding her she had shared her bed with him only hours ago. How quickly things could change, how quickly the truth could make its impact and strip away all the happiness she had felt. She had survived a demon bite, a warlock invading her mind, she could survive this. But for how long? her mind murmured and she delved her forehead into the pillow. She -would- survive, but it would be a short lived victory lap. She knew what was waiting for her at the end. Never before had she been scared of that until this very moment. It wasn't the pain or the thought of how she could feel her life leaving her body that scared her. It was the impact she had made on lives around her that would leave the living with gaping holes in their chest that scared her. No matter how angry he got, Eli would hurt when she died. She shouldn't do that to him after he'd already lost so much, but she couldn't abandon everything she'd worked for either. And the others? What do you think they'll feel? she wondered and slowly opened her eyes. Would they walk by her empty bedroom and feel a pain in their chest from guilt at not stopping her? Would they remember her name in a years time after she was dead? Before she would have said no and not cared if they did, but now she was evaluating everything. She hadn't ever noticed how they did care for her even with her cold exterior and snarky attitude. She hadn't cared to see it, but what happened with Eli made her open her eyes to everything else. They would hurt when she was gone.

Enough of this, her mind said gently yet firmly. Dwelling on what would occur after she died would steer her from her path. She'd already severed her ties with Eli, hurt him enough to keep him away. She couldn't go back on that and hurt him twice. Whether she liked it or not she did care about him. He hadn't been wrong in stating there was something between them. They wanted eachother, felt so many things for eachother, and yet it would be unrequited. She couldn't stall him from his search for his brother any more and she couldn't forget she had a duty to free her mothers soul from the monster she had become. You could help eachother, you could survive with his help her mind whispered and she shut it down before she could feel the temptation. SHe didn't want his help and would never ask for it. This was something she had to do alone and didn't want him there to see. She didn't want him to see what she could really be. She'd already slain her sister to set her free, a secret she could never tell anyone. How would he look at her upon seeing her kill her own mother? Even if she went back to entertaining this idea of being with him, he would turn away upon seeing that. She was a monster and that was how he would see her. Killing your own family no matter what they were was not something that appealed to anyone. She could only imagine what the Clave would do if they heard of it. That was another reason to die when the deed was done. Sitting in a cell being watched by the Brotherhood as she could do nothing but think of what she'd done was not something she could handle.

She rolled from her side then and reached under her bed as she had so many times before. Her hand wrapped around the wood box and brought it to rest on her comforter again. Her fingers wrapped around the edge of the picture pressed to the top of the box and gently pulled it free, her vision ignoring the ballet slippers and stele's that rested at the top of the box. Her eyes were only on the picture, one taken in the rolling hills of France a few months before her father had died. Adrien had his forehead pressed against her mothers cheek with a smile on his face that suggested they shared some sort of secret as she was starting to laugh facing the camera. She never did remember what it was her father had whispered in her mothers ear before the picture was taken. Her eyes drifted away from them and to the young girls in front of them. Audrina had pulled her sister affectionately into her, her arms draped over the shorter girls shoulders and hands folded over Aurelie's chest. They were both smiling, unknowing their world would change in the weeks to follow. Absently the back of her knuckle slid over Aurelie's face in longing. Despite the age difference they'd looked like twins and had acted like it. SHe smiled almost painfully at the memories of the trouble they'd get in. She took a breath and sighed of emptiness before placing the picture on one of her pillows and reaching for her stele on the nightstand where one of the others had placed it after stripped off her boots and leggings.

She slid out of the sweatpants, wincing and biting back against the sounds that wanted to escape her throat. The pants dropped to the floor and she sat upright on her bed in her underwear while scrunching up the sleeves of Alec's hoodie to keep them out of the way. She didn't particularly want to do this, but the picture reminded her of what had to be done. The wrappings around her thigh fell away and exposed the still healing tear in her skin, the muscle tissue still noticeable. With a deep breath and exhale she pressed her stele to the skin above it and winced as the burning started and she kept her hand from shaking. She could feel the muscles in her leg tighten as the rune was etched into the skin and began to flow its power over the bite. SHe watched as the muscle tissue slowly began to knit back together like a sewing project until all that remained was a pink bumpy line across her thigh. The stele dropped from her hand and the light went out as she stared at the black rune on her thigh. It was her fourth and her last, she hoped. Her leg would still ache, time being the main thing that would heal it, but she would go out tomorrow night and resume her hunt. She would need the time to clear her head and remember what it was she was fighting for, what was so worth it that she would give her life.

[Serendipity]

Clary wasn’t in the Institute, if she was she wasn’t anywhere he could find her, so it appeared as if he would be going to Luke’s on his own. He’d only met the man briefly and Luke hadn’t been the most welcoming towards him, but then again downworlders had always been cautious around shadowhunters and Eli had been a stranger to him. They’d spoken briefly and only about what to do about Simon before Luke had left once more to visit Clary’s mother in hospital. Eli had never asked what was wrong with the woman, and had wondered what a mundane hospital could really do to help a shadowhunter, and Jocelyn had to be a shadowhunter if her daughter was one right? He could only assume she was, but it wasn’t any of his business so he’d never bought the subject up.

It took Eli a lot longer than it had before to get to Williamsburg since this time he didn’t have Simon’s van to get him there, and the taxi ride was a lot more expensive but it was what he had to do to get to Luke’s. He couldn’t remember the number of Luke’s house which also served as a bookstore on the level above, so asked the taxi to stop at the end of the street and walked the rest of the way until he recognised the familiar two storey house that he’d spent a few nights in helping Simon. He wondered if Simon was still staying at Luke’s now or if he’d decided to go back home to his mothers. Clary had tried to convince the boy to tell his mother the truth, that he was a vampire, but Simon refused stating it would do more harm than good to tell his mother the truth, so he would keep it from her as long as he could.

No one was home when Eli eventually found Luke’s house, his pickup truck wasn’t in the driveway and neither was Simon’s van which might mean Simon really had gone back to his mothers. So Eli sat on the stoop and waited for either Clary or Luke to make an appearance. It was midday when Luke’s pickup pulled into the driveway and Eli stood watching the downworlder cautiously get out of the truck; he had seen Eli sitting there, waiting for him to come home, and was probably wondering what he wanted. Luke looked bone tired, his hair was a little ratty, he had more than a weeks worth of growth along his jaw and looked as though he’d slept in the same clothes for weeks. Luke must have spent the night at the hospital again, Eli observed as he waited for the man to make his way over.

In a way, the man reminded Eli of himself, he too had spent several nights watching vigilantly over the woman he cared about hospital bed and if hadn’t been for Isabelle insisting he wash up he too might have had a weeks worth of growth on his jaw. Absently he ran his hand over his chin feeling only the slightest prickle of growth starting before dropping his hand away as Luke climbed the small set of steps leading up to the porch. “What’s a shadowhunter doing waiting outside my bookstore? Doesn’t the Institute have its own library?” Luke’s voice was rough but not entirely unkind as he enquired as to why Eli was there.

“It does, but I’m not here for your bookstore.” Eli began, getting straight to the point which he assumed Luke would appreciate him getting straight to the reason why he was here. “I need to talk to you, if you’ve got the time. It’ll only be brief,” Eli informed the male as he walked past him and unlocked the front door, first the screen door then the wooden one behind it. Eli could see Luke considering his words, deciding whether or not to let him in so they could talk. “You’re a friend of Jace’s right?” Luke asked.

“Yes. And Clary’s too I’d hope.” Eli nodded, perhaps if Luke knew he were friends with Jace and even Clary he would be more prone to hearing him out. Although the three of them weren’t the greatest of friends, their friendship still developing, Eli still considered them friends, they had both been welcoming to him when he’d arrived at the Institute and Clary had trusted him enough to get his help with Simon although she really should have gone to Jace first. “Clary didn’t mention much about you after you left, only that you were staying at the Institute, but she seemed to think that you were in Brooklyn for a reason and not just passing through.” Were Luke’s next words and there was an underlying curiosity in them. Eli grinned as Luke held the door open for him indicating for him to go inside. “Clary is very observant.” Eli said as he walked past Luke and through the door.

Eli made his way into the small living room that was Luke’s and waited for the other male to follow him in. Luke waved a hand at the sofa, gesturing for Eli to sit down and then disappeared into the kitchen. Eli sat down on the edge of the sofa and waited for Luke to come back from the kitchen. When he did he was carrying two bottles in his hands, he offered one to Eli before sitting down on an armchair looking pointedly at the dark haired shadowhunter. “Clary doesn’t have many older friends so usually these go untouched; but I need a drink and something tells me you do too,” Luke’s brow quirked as though he were waiting for Eli to tell him he was wrong. Eli didn’t need to look down at the bottle to know it was beer and he took a sip, appreciating Luke’s hospitality.

Eli wondered if Luke could see right through him, that he knew Eli was having women problems, but that was impossible and he let it go. Luke couldn’t possibly know that Eli had feelings for Audrina, this was only the second time he’d ever spoken to Luke and he doubted the downworlder knew much about Audrina anyway. “It’s been a tough few months,” Eli replied, and recieved an understanding nod from Luke before he cut right to the chase. “Jace mentioned that you might be able to help me, I’m looking for someone and he seemed to think that since you were the pack leader in Brooklyn you might have heard some news that might point me in the right direction,” That was a lie of course, Jace hadn’t suggested he speak with Luke, Audrina had, but mentioning her name was too difficult at the moment. He was still struggling to keep his thoughts of her at bay, and speaking of her would only bring them to the surface again and he needed to keep his focus on finding his brother.

“So you think just because I’m a werewolf I might be able to sniff out clues for you?” There was an amount of sarcasm in Luke’s voice that suggested someone had thought the same thing at one point. Eli almost laughed at the idea, but didn’t balk at the dark underlying tone that was also mixed with Luke’s question.

“Something like that. Your nose is better than mine.” Eli couldn’t help but smirk, possibly ruining his chances of Luke’s assistance altogether with that remark, but there was a humour in his eyes that Luke picked up on and instead of telling Eli to get out, the downworlder laughed. “I haven’t had much contact with my pack of late and I’m past due to check that everything is still in order...maybe I can ask around for you, who are you looking for exactly?”

Eli’s smirked turned to a relieved smile and he felt a flutter of hope that maybe Luke might just find the lead he’d been looking for after all his others had run dry. “I’m looking for Travis Ashdown, he was part of a group of shadowhunters who were sent to investigate the murders of other shadowhunters and even a few downworlders. He might have been the only survivor when the group was attacked and so far I’ve tracked him to Brooklyn, but I’m not the best tracker and all my leads have turned to dead ends,” Eli explained, mentioning Travis by name instead of simply saying it was his brother he was looking for.

“Ashdown? A family member of yours I take it?” Eli could see Luke pondering his words and thought he even saw a flash of comprehension in his gaze as though Luke had heard mention of the investigation into these murders already. “Yes. My brother. You know something don’t you,” It wasn’t a question, more of an observation and as Luke nodded he felt something squeeze inside his chest.

“Just that The Clave was investigating the murders, that they sent a task force of shadowhunters to hunt down the murderer...and they were all killed.” Luke dropped his gaze from Eli’s as he said this and stared at the beer he was cradling in his hands thoughtfully. “But there was a rumor...it might not even be directly related, a rogue group of weres on the outskirts of the city apparently captured a shadowhunter on their way to seek refuge at the Brooklyn Institute. They never made it into the city. I sent some of my pack to look into it, they didn’t find a shadowhunter and the pack leader swore the rumor wasn’t true.”

“And you trust the word of a rogue pack leader?” Eli asked an almost angry lit to his tone, it sounded too coincidental not to be true. His leads had lead him to Brooklyn after all and then had suddenly seemed to disappear altogether, he thought it was because he wasn’t asking the right questions, looking in the right places, but maybe Travis had never made it into Brooklyn and he should have been searching outside of the city.

Luke looked up at the dark haired shadowhunter with an unamused glare and shook his head. “No. But to accuse him of lying would mean a war between the two packs. I’ve put my pack through enough lately, they’re still in mourning over the loss of many of their own. I’ll not put them through another war so soon.” He stated firmly and Eli instantly felt ashamed of his accusing Luke of being so gullible to believe a rogue werewolf was telling the truth about a matter that would surely involve the Clave if it turned out to be true. “I’ll talk to the two weres i sent to look into it, maybe they might recall something else about their talk with the pack leader.” Luke went on.

“Just find out where they are. I’ll do the rest.” Eli requested, “I wouldn’t want to pit downworlder against downworlder,”

“If I find out for you, if you’ll take the others with you - Jace, Isabelle and Alec. You can’t go up against an entire pack on your own. They don’t follow the Accords, they kill you on sight if they feel like it no questions asked.” Eli was a little touched by Luke’s warning and him wanting to make sure Eli had the others to back him up.

“Of course,” Eli agreed, but it wasn’t going to happen, he wasn’t about to involve the others in all of this they had enough to worry about with making sure Audrina didn’t get herself injured again.

---

“Where are you going? You just got back an hour ago and I haven’t had a chance to spend any quality time with you since you’ve been stuck to Audrina’s side for the last four days,” Jace had come across Eli in the hall as he’d been leaving his room, dressed in his shadowhunter gear still, but he’d paid a visit to the weapons room and was armed to the hilt. He saw the mirth in Jace’s features and the over exaggerated pout on his lips and rolled his eyes. He hadn’t thought Jace would have been that upset over the fact Eli hadn’t been in around much for him to talk to lately. Obviously he underestimated just how much Jace already considered him a friend after all.

“Chasing a lead Luke’s followed up for me.” Eli explained as Jace fell in step beside him on his way to the entrance.

“Luke? When did you become all buddy buddy with a werewolf, and why wasn’t I invited?” There was almost a hurt expression on the blondes face, which made Eli wonder if Jace had many friends other then Isabelle and Alec who were more like family to him and felt almost guilty that he hadn’t paid much attention to him lately. Eli was well aware of how lonely a shadowhunters life could be if one didn’t have friends, he didn’t have many either back at the London Institute. “I haven’t become ‘all buddy buddy’ with him, he’s just helping me with something” Eli shook his head and laughed.

“I could have helped you if I’d known you needed it.” He heard Jace mumble which was unusual for Jace, he never mumbled, and normally he wouldn’t be so down and wouldn’t have cared if Eli wanted to go out on his own to follow something up. At least that was the impression he had gotten of Jace. Eli stopped, turned to look at the blonde with a frown. “You can help me actually…” He decided and when Jace’s expression brightened and that familiar smirk turned up his lips, Eli matched it with one of his own.

“Talk to Clary! She owes me, she’ll have to talk to you.” He requested and slapped Jace on the shoulder before he continued his way out of the Institute leaving Jace looking a little stunned, clearly he hadn’t expected Eli to mention Clary.

[Yunalesca]

Audrina's eyes fluttered open as rays of light fragmented across her face, slipping through the blinds and curtains. She blinked several times and felt her body groan as she moved out of her sprawled position and glanced around. She hadn't remembered falling asleep, or even feeling tired for that matter. The last thing she recalled was runing her leg and feeling a new headache coming on due to her attempts of chasing away thoughts of Eli. It'd been unsuccessful, his scent was all over her bed and on her, though she hadn't dreamed of him when she'd seemingly passed out. She hadn't dreamed of anything which was pleasant for once. Her hand hit something hard as she rolled herself and attempted to pull herself to a seated position. She glanced over to see the wooden box that was usually hidden under her bed sitting open on her comforter beside her. She felt a panic set in as she noted that the picture that was supposed to be pressed to the lid wasn't there. Her heart began to hammer and she took shaky breaths as she looked hurriedly around the room for it. A sigh of relief escaped her as she saw it resting on the pillow beside her, still intact and in pristine condition. She gently took hold of the picture and pressed it back to the lid before closing it and putting the box back away under her bed.

Her first order of business was to shower. She hadn't in five days and couldn't fathom how Eli had managed to cuddle with her on her bed. She wouldn't say she stunk, but having known she hadn't bathed in several days couldn't have been a pleasant thought for him. She rolled her eyes at herself then, frustrated that her first thought was about him when she was trying to think of just the opposite. She'd shut him out again and made him angry while doing it. He wasn't going to be pressing to get back to where they'd been anytime soon and it was best if she forgot about him. But that was the thing. Try as she might she couldn't forget about him. He was on her mind even though she'd spent a significant amount of time last night reminding herself to keep her distance and to let him move on with his life. She was bad for him and he was bad for her. Flirting with this fire was going to get them both killed. There should only be one casualty and that was her.

*

She felt significantly better after the warm shower, her aching body no longer so achy. Her thoughts of Eli hadn't subsided, however. If anything they had become more prominent. SHe hadn't even thought about him this much after they'd kissed. It was his ultimatum and threat of leaving for London that was making her think of him, she was sure. She didn't want him to go even knowing that he should. She'd said she wasn't good for him and meant it even though she wanted him. Admitting that she did was the hardest part. She'd never felt this need for anyone. It was how he made her feel, how painful it'd been to hear him yell at her and look at her the way he did when she recoiled from him. She'd never cared about how anyone thought of her or felt about her until he'd come along. She sighed in frustration and guilt as she put her sweats in the hamper, leaving Alec's sweatshirt out to be washed first thing.

Finding something suitable to wear was a bit of challenge for her as she looked into her wardrobe and felt her leg throb at the mere thought of pulling leggings on her them. Even after applying an izratze rune it had yet to fully heal. She hadn't had a single defense against the demon poison and was paying the price for it. Alec had healed rather quickly for having nearly died a few months ago, but it seemed her process would take longer. It was time she didn't have to be wasting and was set on going out once more this evening to continue her hunt. The sooner she found her mother the sooner she could stop worrying about Eli. And the sooner you'll be dead that voice mocked as she pulled a semi loose pair of leather pants from her wardrobe and simple black t shirt.

She stopped dead in her tracks when she opened her bedroom door to make herself something in the kitchen. Alec stood there before her, standing awkwardly as though he'd been there for some time. Her jaw tightened at the sight of him and she saw a look of remorse creeping into his eyes. He barely showed any emotion and yet he couldn't hide this from her. "Get out." Was all she said to him as he stood in her path. She saw the muscles in his neck twitch before he took a breath to say something. "I don't want to hear 'I'm sorry'. It doesn't cut it." She said darkly with a pointed look at him. Whatever good graces he'd had from her he'd swiftly fallen from when he'd called in Magnus Bane to wipe her memories. "Move out of my way." She threatened and yet he still stood there.

"I shouldn't have done it. I just thought it was the best..." He started, but never finished as she hurtled her fist into his jaw and nearly sent him sprawling to the floor. She looked down at him as he stayed on one knee with a hand pressed to his face, almost looking dazed and somewhat shocked at how hard she had hit him. She leaned a little closer to him before making an attempt to leave.

"Be thankful I don't kill you like I said I would. Stay out of my way, Alec." She said coldly to him before she stepped around him and made for the kitchen. Though she'd wanted nothing more than to beat him senseless for doing what he'd done to her, she found even hitting him made a slight pain in her chest start. Eli had said the shadowhunter looked at her like a brother would his sister and that was what rang out in her mind. Was this why it'd actually mildly hurt her to hit him, did she feel the same way towards him? She brushed the thought from her mind as she continued down the hall to the kitchen. Nothing was coming out right, her thoughts were all wrong, the sooner she got back to the streets the better.

[Serendipity]

Eli returned to the Institute later that afternoon feeling very disappointed and mildly frustrated. Luke had met with his pack and questioned them again about what they knew on the rogue pack of werewolves living on the outskirts of the city, and had sent two of his members to check if the rogues were still where they’d last been sighted. Eli had arrived at Lukes expecting to be given information that would take him straight to the pack, instead he’d been turned away with nothing to go on but a name, Maddox, and a promise from Luke that he would keep looking into finding their location. Maddox was the pack leader and he would be the wolf Eli would have to face if he wanted to find out if the shadowhunter they had captured was his brother. If all they had done was capture him; Eli couldn’t help the horrible thought of if the shadowhunter had been killed or turned.

He hoped Luke would get word to him soon about Maddox’s whereabouts, and he find out for sure if his brother was the shadowhunter they had captured. Knowing Travis as Eli did, his brother hadn’t had many dealings with werewolves, and truthfully neither had he, but being more experienced than his brother he would have been able to tell the difference between a rogue pack and a pack who abided by the Accord’s. Travis would have gone to them for help, perhaps they had been the first downworlders he’d discovered after escaping the attack, and instead of help he was captured.

The dark haired shadowhunter made his way down the hall on his way back to his room where he could change into something more comfortable than all the gear he currently wore. He’d been lucky so far and hadn’t run into Audrina again, right now, when he was so close to finding his brother he couldn’t deal with all the emotions she would inflict on him even by looking at her. although he couldn’t keep thoughts of her completely from his mind, he was doing a pretty good job of distracting himself with other thoughts. If he saw her, thoughts of her and their argument would consume him again.

Unfortunately he wasn’t as lucky when it came to running into anyone else, not that running into Jace or even Isabelle would have bothered him, but it was Alec he was avoiding and it was Alec he saw coming down the hall towards him now. He was still holding quite a lot of anger towards the other male over how he had almost succeeded in wiping Audrina’s memories and he had nothing to say to the other male. Alec had his head back, his hand covering his nose and Eli thought he could see blood seeping through his fingers and in his other hand was a wad of gauze. At first the brunette didn’t see him and Eli didn’t say anything to acknowledge the male, but Alec caught his gaze, scowling behind his hand.

Eli knew immediately what must have happened to cause Alec’s clearly broken nose and couldn’t help the smirk that crossed his lips at the image of Audrina punching him. “Don’t say anything,” Alec warned darkly and Eli didn’t, he simply threw his head back and laughed, shaking his head.

[Yunalesca]

Alec's head had been down and he hadn't noticed anyone in his path until he was nearly running them over. He brought his eyes up and glared over the gauze he had pressed to his nose that was turning red with his blood. He saw the look crossing Eli's face and cut him off before he could say anything. It wouldn't be hard to figure out who'd punched him, but he wasn't exactly open to conversation about it. He'd gotten what he deserved, that much he knew. Under normal circumstances she would have filleted him like a fish after figuring out what he'd done. He was lucky to escape with a busted nose and a sore jaw. He would have let her continue beating him if she'd wanted to. As many times as they'd ventured close to brawling he wouldn't have fought back this time. For one she was still hurt and for two his guilty conscience felt he deserved a royal beating even if he still held belief that erasing her memories would let her live a happier life. But it had been wrong to do it while she was incapacitated, unable to speak for herself. It made him nauseous to think of what kind of damage could have been done to her because of what he thought was best.

He started past Eli again only to hear the shadowhunter laughing at him. He stopped and turned on his heel back to the older male, brows slightly furrowed and blue eyes turning feral. "Shove off it, Elijah. I deserved it, I know, but you deserve it just as much." He stated before stalking up to him, standing almost toe to toe and looking him in the eyes. He was aware that Eli had a bit of height on him, but Alec was stockier in build, all corded muscle from years of being the protector of his siblings. "Stay away from her. You're both going to get hurt. Take care of whatever it is you came here to do and leave. It's what's best for both of you." He said calmly in warning, reminiscent of how he'd tried to get Clary to leave those months ago after she'd first shown up. He knew he was scarier when he was this calm in comparison to an outburst. His voice held that underlying threat, that warning that would come to pass. He hadn't missed how Eli looked at Audrina and although it really wasn't his business he felt the need to make his thoughts be known. She had only become more unpredictable since bringing this shadowhunter back with her and it made it harder for Alec to keep a watchful eye on her. Although he'd sworn he was done with trying to protect her, he knew he wasn't. It was his job to protect all of them and Hodge had asked them all to do so with her. He had plans for her, for all of them, and couldn't afford for them to be spoiled by one of Audrina's tantrums.

He kept his eyes locked on Eli's for a moment longer before he turned away from him, feeling his point had been made. He should have let it lie, he knew, but he wanted the shadowhunter gone. He might have liked him if certain things hadn't come to pass or if he weren't so full of himself. At the moment it felt like he was just another dead weight, threatening to bring them all down to drown in his pursuit of Audrina. They would both get hurt if they even thought anything could work between them, but it would also affect the rest of them. Broken hearts led shadowhunters down the darkest of paths. The rune to mend one was the most painful and it didn't always work. It left a void in your chest and nothing could ever really fill it. Alec would know, even though he had been stepping back from his feelings for Jace. He was his brother and his love for him would have to be only in that way. Magnus had been filling the void, something most unexpected, but pleasant enough. He had no idea that the others suspected.

[Serendipity]

He couldn't help it, he'd had to laugh, although he did feel sorry for the other male, at least a little. It wasn't pleasant being punched in the face at the best of times, it certainly wouldn't be good for Alec's ego for it to have been Audrina who had hit him. Even still not at a hundred percent recovered she literally could pack a punch. Alec was just lucky punching him was all she'd done, she had threatened to kill him after all. His laughter faded as Alec's retort and he looked at the brunette with a mirthless expression, his blue eyes turning dark. But you deserve it just as much, those words ringing in his ears. Anger coiled through him at this statement and his hands curled at his side as he tried to push the anger down. Getting into a fight with Alec wouldn't do him any good, perhaps he'd feel better for a few minutes afterwards, but it would only create more tension throughout the Institute and there was enough of that already. "Oh, I deserve it? Who ordered a Warlock to wipe her memories when she had demon poison in her system after she saved your ass! It should have been you in that hospital bed. -You- should have checked she had the right protection before dragging her out on a demon hunt, she would have been safer with the vampires." Eli's voice had been on the brink of rising to a shout but he kept his calm, barely though.

He didn't appreciate Alec's threat, didn't appreciate being told what to do and he certainly didn't like the brunette telling him what was best for him. And how the hell do you know what was best for Audrina? He wanted to shout that at Alec, but sucked in a deep breath instead and kept his cool. Alec stared him down a moment longer, and Eli stared back just as hard before Alec turned and stalked away. "Don't worry, she's made it perfectly clear she doesn't want anyone in her life, I'll be leaving as soon as I'm done here. Your mission is complete." Eli called after the younger shadowhunter, "and you might want to put iratze rune for that, or let it heal like a real man!" He finished, voice dripping with sarcasm.

Eli glared after Alec as he disappeared down the hall for a moment longer before he too turned and stalked away. Halfway down the hall towards his room Eli stopped and turned back in the other direction, back towards the exit. It could be hours before Luke called with news on Maddox and his pack, and he really should have been saving his energy for that. Though staying locked away in his room so he didn't run into Audrina didn't seem quite as appealing anymore. Eli would just have to find something to keep him occupied until he heard from Luke.

---

Eli got the call he was waiting for as the sun started to set in the sky above Central Park. He had nothing to do with his time except walk and wait for Luke's call, and so he'd found himself wandering through Central Park watching the mundane's go about their daily lives, hidden from their view thanks to an invisibility rune. There were downworlders amongst the mundane's and so he'd kept himself busy picking them out one by one, a werewolf here, a pixie there. Anything to keep his mind occupied from thinking about Audrina.

Luke informed him that the rogue pack of werewolves had several hang out spots, and they often moved from one to the other thoughout the year. Reluctantly Eli was given their current location, Luke obviously doubtful that Eli would take back up, and he was right to be doubtful because Eli wasn't taking anyone with him. Still Luke had cautioned him again to do so before giving him the location, explaining again that this pack of weres would not be hesitant in the slightest to kill him if they wanted for invading their territory.

"Be careful." Were Luke's final words to him before he hung up.

---

He had been careful, as careful as any shadowhunter could be, but when you were trying to sneak into an abandoned meat factory surrounded by werewolves something was bound to go wrong. The Moon Children had pristine eyesight in the dark and with their keen sense of smell it hadn't been long before they'd known someone was trespassing in their territory. One shadowhunter, even with runes were strength and agility, and one for stealth couldn't match thirty odd werewolves baring down on him. Perhaps it had been a mistake to come here alone after all, or maybe he shouldn't have tried to sneak in whilst there was so many of them around.

But he didn't try to run as the pack descended upon him, it would be useless and he knew -that- woul only get him killed. He put up a good fight though as two of the wolves tried to launch themselves at his throat. Sidestepping, he grabbed the first by the collar and he tossed the downworlder aside slashing a deep gash in his back with his knives before he spun around and kicked the other in the chest sending him stumbling backwards, gasping for air. "I want to speak with Maddox!" He growled as another downworlder swung at him with deadly sharp claws, Eli didn't step back quick enough and they sliced through his cheek making him hiss with pain.

"I'm not here on behalf of the Clave, I'm here for my own reasons!" The shadowhunter shouted, somewhere out there as he kept them all barely at bay, he knew the pack leader would be listening and maybe he'd become curious enough to listen. "I'll kill as many of you as I can before you take me down, how many of your packs lives do you want on your hands!" To prove his point, he stabbed the next wolf straight through the heart and twisted his blade to make sure he was truly dead before pulling it out. The body dropped near his feet with a resounding thud before all he could hear was howls of anger.

Eli prepared himself for the onslaught but it never came as the group in front if him parted like a curtain and a stocky blonde with a beard made his approach. There was a loathsome look on the mans, who looked to be in his mid thirties, expression and Eli guessed this was the pack leader. "I'll give you thirty seconds to state your business here before my pack tears you to shreds, shadowhunter." Eli didn't doubt they would but smirked an 'I don't think so' kind of smirk before he explained what he was here for.

"There's a rumor going around that your pack intercepted a young shadowhunter on his way to seek refuge at the Institute. Where are they now?" Eli demanded, eying Maddox and the rest of his pack cautiously as the downworlder threw his head back and cackled. "And what would we want with a shadowhunter?"

"Kill them? Torture them just for fun? I don't know, you tell me..." Eli snarled his patience wearing thin as little by little the pack closed in on him more.

"Your thirty seconds is up, shadowhunter." Maddox announced and with the snap of his fingers several wolves launched themselves at Eli and everything went blank shortly after.

[Yunalesca]

Audrina had been fixing herself a fruit salad when she heard the door of the kitchen open and close softly. She continued to arrange the fruit and ignored whoever had come in. Were it Alec, she wasn't going to have a conversation with him. SHe felt her point had been made clear enough when her fist had connected with his jaw. He'd betrayed her trust, something she hadn't even known she'd even had with him. He of all people had done it, the one so adamant on being trustworthy and was seriously hurt when someone betrayed him. At the thought of it she began plucking the grapes from the step more furiously.

"Punching Alec not enough for you, then?" Came Jace's voice as he leaned against the island countertop, observing her from behind. She sighed heavily and dropped the last grape into the bowl before pressing her hands to the counter and leaning her weight on them. SHe wasn't interested in hearing a pep talk from Jace either. Or hearing a lecture about how she should've marked herself, or how she should understand where the other Shadowhunter had been coming from. It was getting late and she was frustrated her leg wasn't making the progress she needed to have a successful hunt. It'd be beyond stupid for her to go out with the way her muscles ached at every movement. The rune had only done so much and the rest was up to her body's natural healing process. The human half of her was weak and couldn't recover like her angel self could.

"Why, you looking for a good knock to the head?" SHe said before taking the bowl and moving away from him, trying to not noticeably limp in front of him. Regardless, it was clear she was still injured. He sighed before following her so he was now leaned against the counter in front of her as she took a seat at the small kitchen table and picked at the fruit in her bowl. "I'm sure quite a few of them would agree to that statement, but that's not why I'm here." He started and she sighed, dropping the strawberry she had intended to eat and raising her eyes up to him finally. He could read her better than she thought he could. SHe was hurting and it wasn't just physically. Her world had been seriously jostled and she didn't know how to handle it.

"If you're going to lecture me, save your breath. I've heard enough of it since I woke up." She stated with less enthusiasm than normal. She was distracted and Jace felt he would have to be careful in how he approached this. He had enough problems in his own life to not be concerned with hers, but he didn't want to see the things happen to her as had happened to him. If she thought she was miserable now it was only going to get worse.

"I'm not going to lecture you, I just wanted to say one thing. We all saw how he felt about you when you were out, how he still feels. Don't, let me finish." He paused, holding up his hand before she could protest. She closed her mouth and sat back in her chair. "What they don't see is how you've looked at him. I've seen it and I'm telling you to not hide from it. You shouldn't be making the mistakes I've made. You're hell bent on this path of destruction like I've been and you will lose everything. You think you can handle it, but you can't. You're hoping for death at the end, but fate has a sick way of not listening to your wishes. How would you feel if you survived and he wasn't there to even know it?" He finished, looking at her intently as he felt his own heart wrench. It's what he'd been trying to tell himself about Clary, but it instead came out for Audrina. "Just think about it before you're too far down that road to turn back." He ended and turned away, pushing himself off the counter and leaving her to herself in the kitchen. Her eyes stared after him as what he said echoed in her mind.

[Serendipity]

As Eli pushed past the blackness fogging his mind his whole body ached, wrists were especially sore and he could feel blood dripping down both arms which were suspended above his head. With a groan he opened his eyes, one only partially opened and it was difficult to see through it clearly, and lifted his head, looking up at his bound hands. A heavy chain wrapped around both his wrist, so tight it had cut into his flesh causing them to bleed; the chain had been hung on a hook between his hands and even without looking quickly down at his feet he knew he too was hanging from that hook. He spit out a curse through dry lips and when he licked them to get them moist he tasted the familiar coppery taste of blood.

Blinking to try and clear his vision which still felt fogged the shadowhunter glanced around the room he was in and realised it was a meat freezer that obviously no longer worked as it was hot and stuffy inside instead of being cold and dry. A light flickered on and off above and even that seemed like it was barely working. Sweat mixed with the blood he seemed to be covered in and as he twisted to see what else was in the room he cursed again at the pain slicing through his chest. He saw as looked down at himself that his shadower hunter gear had been shredded along with some of his skin underneath it all. Well this had been a bad idea, his mind chided coldly and Eli had to agree. He thought he might have been able to sneak in, find the other shadowhunter, rescue him and then sneak back out again; or his second plan had been to find the pack leader and talk to him rationally. None of it had played out like he'd planned, although he'd spoken with the pack leader briefly before he was attacked from all sides. It was a miracle that he was still alive, albeit barely he suspected as with each breath he took it became harder. His lung must have been punctured too, that would explain why it hurt so damn much to even breathe.

There was nothing near by he could reach, with his feet since his hands were bound, Eli realised deflatedly; even his weapons had been removed along with his boots and jacket. "Bunch of mutts," he whispered angrily and tugged at his hands to see if he could wiggly himself off of the hook. The chains only tightened with his movements, and he hissed and swore rather profoundly. If he didn't get free soon either someone would come back to finish him off or he would die of his injuries and starvation - for all he knew they had left him here to rot. That seemed like the most likely scenario, he couldn't hear any movement or voices outside the freezer room and he was sure they'd get some sick pleasure out of returning to his rotting carcass weeks later.

He thought of Audrina in that moment of certainty that he would die here and his heart swelled with remorse for the way they'd left things, for not fighting harder to break through her barriers. He regretted ever giving her that ultimatum, warning her that he would be going back to London soon and she would only have until then to decide if she truly didn't want anyone in her life. What was in London for him anyway? Nothing but demons to hunt an rogue downworlders to slay; that was the life of a shadowhunter, but it wasn't all this world had to offer, shadowhunters still married, had children and could live a happy life if that's what they chose. If even he had only a moments happiness with Audrina in his lifetime it wouldn't ever be enough but it would be something. Anything, no matter how minuscule, was better then nothing at all. You should have told her that...

His thoughts of Audrina were interrupted as he heard something creak open and as he looked sideways he saw it was the freezer door. They hadn't left him here to rot after all. With the light flickering above it was hard to make out figure coming towards him or if it was more then one person. He gritted his teeth to stop a foul string of curses leaving his lips at whoever it was as they drew closer. It was odd and he might have only been imagining things but he could have sworn the person coming towards him was doing so cautiously, looking back over their shoulder every now and then. Eli caught sight of a glint if tawny hair and for a split second he thought it was Jace. As the figure got closer however he realized it wasn't Jace, but couldn't help thinking they looked familiar somehow.

"Elijah..." The figure spoke his name as though they were on familiar terms and as they looked up he recognised those eyes, they had been his fathers eyes...his brothers eyes, he thought. He tried to speak but could only cough and hiss at the pain in his chest once more. "Elijah..." His name spoken again and he heard the regretful sound in the word. Eli coughed again and took a shaky breath in as he looked down into those eyes, that face he knew only to be..."Travis," He had hoped he would find his brother here, but his hope had quickly faded after speaking with Maddox. Now here he was standing in front of him, looking scrawny and under fed but alive all the same.

"Get out of here Travis before they come back," He found himself choking the words out as panic rose to the back of his throat. It hadn't occurred to him how Travis was standing in front of him if he were this packs prisoner, he had been to shocked at seeing his brother to think of the how's or whys. "You found me, you didn't believe I was dead." Travis said in awe, he seemed just as shocked at seeing Eli. "No," Eli tried to shake his head but it felt too heavy to do so, "I didn't."

Travis suddenly snapped out of his shocked state and sprung into action, his arms wrapped around Eli's waist, his scrawny frame managed to lift Eli's more solid frame up and off the hook he was hanging from easily. Travis stumbled back with his brothers full weight against him though, and dropped to the floor under his weight before he could set Eli's feet on the ground. Eli cried out a little as he landed heavily on his chest, albeit on top of Travis, and thought he felt part of his rib push further into his lung. He gasped for air as he rolled off of his younger sibling and onto his back. "They really did a number on you," Travis said as he got to his feet then leaned over to help Eli up next. "You think," Eli chuckled mirthlessly, winching as Travis helped him to his feet. His limbs felt like jelly and he was glad his brother kept hold of him because he thought he might have fallen straight back to the ground if he'd let go.

"How did you escape?" Eli questioned as he limped towards the door with Travis's help. Travis didn't answer straight away, but Eli didn't notice the struggle going on behind his brothers green eyes, his head was bent because it felt too heavy to lift. "Hang on...untie my hands." He interrupted before Travis could respond and sighed as Travis leant him against the wall beside the door and began untangling the chains around his wrists. They felt better instantly after the chain was gone and he could feel his fingers again as the blood was able to reach them. "Where are my weapons? I might...need them," Eli coughed mid sentence as Travis tossed the bloodied chain aside. "We don't have time, they could be back any minute, they've only gone hunting. Maddox didn't think I knew he'd kept you alive. If you don't get out if here now they'll do the same thing to you as they have me, I don't want that Eli, we shouldn't both be trapped in this hell."

"What do you mean by the same thing to me as you?" The look Travis gave him set Eli more on edge, specs of gold that hadn't been there before twinkled in his brothers eyes as a look of shame crossed his features. Travis didn't answer though and instead pulled Eli away from the wall and slung one of his arms over his own shoulders. Eli had no choice but to walk beside him, as difficult as that was, and the question became a distant memory as the fog of his mind chewed it up.

The more he walked, the more energy it took and Eli could no longer concentrate on anything else but walking with his brothers help. So when Travis walked him outside the fence that surrounded the meat factory and let go of him, leaning him up against the outside of the fence it took Eli a moment to realize what Travis was doing. "Travis...you're coming with me, right? Look at me...I can't get anywhere without your help, you have to come." Eli said suddenly sounding worried as the thought of Travis not coming with him had never occurred to Eli until now.

"He can't, he's not allowed to go beyond the fence boundary," A rough voice spoke from somewhere beside Eli and as he snapped his gaze in their direction thinking it was Maddox he was relieved, but confused to see Luke standing there. "Even if he wanted to, isn't that right Travis?" Eli looked back at Travis who was nodding solemnly and winding a thick chain around the gate he'd shut once Eli was out the otherside. Eli straightened as best he could and gripped the gate in a useless attempt to open it, to get to his brother and drag him out of here. "Trav, what are you doing? Open the gate, I can't leave you here,"

"Go with Luke. He's right, I can't leave...even if I wanted to. I'm part of Maddox's pack now, he's the Alpha - the pack leader-, he's told me I can't leave this yard...and I can't." If his mind wasn't so foggy and hurt so much he might have been able to understand what Travis was telling him, instead he thought his brother was completely out of his mind. "Don't be ridiculous of course you can leave, now open the gate and let's go home." As Travis shook his head again, a pained expression crossed his features before he turned his back on Eli and walked back the way they'd come. He felt hands on his shoulders pulling him away from the gate, an arm came up under his and across his back supporting his weight and in what felt like slow motion Luke was leading him away from the meat factory and his brother.

He didn't have the energy to fight back and Luke managed to get him into his pick-up hiding behind some bushes. "What happened to taking the others with you, huh? It's lucky I sent scouts out to keep an eye on this place in case they moved again before you got here, they told me you came alone, you bloody fool!" The downworlder growled as he got into the cab after shoving Eli in the back to lie across the seat. "Shut up!" Luke snapped as if he senses Eli was about to say something, the downworlder was clearly angry.

The trip back to the institute was a blur, Eli didn't remember Luke helping him out of the car or up the steps. He couldn't recall who had taken over Luke's help since the downworlder wasn't allowed in the Institute, but someone had helped him inside and into the infirmary. Someone also forced an iratze rune onto his skin to mend his broken ribs before wrapping them tightly to make sure they set properly. He didn't know who that had been either, but he was grateful to be relieved of some of his pain.

He passed out soon after, his body needing rest to recover properly, he wanted to fight it but upon realising there was no point he gave in and closed his eyes.[/i][/i]

[Yunalesca]

Just think about it before you're too far down that road to turn back echoed continuously in Audrina's mind as she ran the sanding stone over one of the blades from the weapons room. She was seated on her bed still in her clothes from earlier. After finishing her fruit bowl she had returned to her room to get ready to leave. She was running from Jace's voice in her head, wanting to kill something to remind herself of who she really was. She'd stared at her wardrobe for a long time, unmoving and not really seeing what was inside. All she could think about was what Jace had said. What they don't see is how you've looked at him had occupied her mind until she closed her wardrobe in frustration and fell to her bed. After that she had decided she needed to occupy her mind with something else which came down to sharpening the edges of the weapons she would use the next time she went out. The one resting on her legs now could slice through bone, but she kept at it. When she heard muted voices behind her door and she managed to stand and crack the door enough to see what was going on.

"Luke said he went alone. They beat him badly," Came Clary's voice as she was leading the way to the infirmary. "We can see that." Jace growled as he was holding someone upright, half dragging them with the help of Isabelle. Audrina's brows furrowed. She couldn't see Alec anywhere and could only assume it was him. But what would Alec do alone, where would he go by himself that would get him beaten so badly? It was uncharacteristic of him. She opened her door further and felt her breathing catch as she saw the naked back of the shadowhunter they were bringing past. The runes across his back she recognized, not even knowing how she did so. Eli her mind whispered before the sword she had been sharpening dropped from her hand and to the floor of her bedroom. How would you feel if you survived and he wasn't there to even know it? echoed Jace's voice in her head as she hesitated in the doorway. The smears of blood over him made her heart hammer. He'd been attacked and she found herself cursing like how she imagined he did everytime she went out alone. He knew the odds and went out anyway. Idiot her mind growled before she was out her door and following as quickly as she could to the infirmary.

"What happened?!" She hissed as she saw Jace and Isabelle lying the shadowhunter on one of the infirmary beds. Clary turned to her then, biting her lip and looking concerned. "He went after a pack of weres. Luke told him to take back up. They were too much for him." She said with her brows furrowed before looking back to the bloody body as Isabelle left to get water to clean the wounds. An Izratze had already been activated on him, but who knew the extent of damage. Should they be calling Magnus? He hadn't been walking when they'd brought him in. She tore her eyes away from him and to Jace as he looked up at her after searching the body for more wounds they'd missed. She could see it in his eyes, he didn't even have to say it. He was saying that she did care about Eli and should stop running away. He needed her whether she liked it or not.

"How'd he get out of there?" She questioned, still rooted in her place, afraid to make a step forward or back. Jace spoke this time as he gestured for Clary to grab bandages to bind the smaller cuts that weren't fully healing from the rune. "One of them got him out and handed him over to Luke. I'm not really sure who...or why." Was all he said before he was helping Clary bind the wounds with gauze and bandaging. Audrina could barely find herself breathing as she looked back to Eli. She knew who would have let him out, she knew what happened. The only person it could be was his brother which meant he'd been turned. She felt her chest tighten in a shock of pain for him.It was exactly as what had happened to her, only his brother lived and breathed and had a heartbeat. Her sister had been dead, had tried to kill Audrina, the opposite of what his brother had become. "Eli..." She breathed softly before she was moving toward his bed and taking his hand into her own. Clary stopped what she was doing at the sight of the blonde holding the shadowhunters hand, pure anguish plastered across her features as she did so. Jace nudged her to stop staring as Isabelle came forward with warm water and cloths.

"I'll clean the wounds...I'll stay with him." Audrina said quietly, not taking her eyes from Eli as she did so. Isabelle's eyebrows rose as she looked to Jace who merely shook his head. 'Not now' he was saying to what both girls were tempted to say. The brunette bit her lip before setting the kettle next to the basin beside his bed with the cloths. She hesitated, but Jace grabbed hold of her arm and led her out with Clary trailing. He had been right about the situation.

Audrina didn't notice the looks or silence that followed after she'd taken Eli's hand. The moment the others left she relinquished her hand from his and poured the water into the basin, soaking the wash cloths before turning back to him. She paused as she looked down at him, realizing she was about to touch his bare chest, about to wipe away the blood from him. As intimate as they'd been the last few days she'd never touched his bare chest. She took a breath and gently ran the cloth over a wound stretching across his pectorals, wiping away the blood and trying to be careful about not agitating the cuts. She was gentle in what she did and had taken his hand in her left as she cleaned him. His face was last and she took the most care with it, afraid to wake him. When she was done the basin was red and full of bloody rags. She stepped away only to wash her hands before she was at his side again. Should she stay, should she go? She didn't know what he'd want from her after he'd yelled at her, she didn't know what she wanted after he'd yelled at her.

The thought of leaving him alone, however, made her decision for her. She didn't want him to be left alone in this state even though she didn't necessarily want to be there when he woke. She still believed she should be putting distance between them and yet she found she couldn't do at this moment. She sighed heavily as she tried to deal with her emotions before she was resting her head on the mattress beside his, her hand still holding his. She had only meant to close her eyes for a second to try and clear her mind, but the headache had returned and it forced her into a sleep.

[Serendipity]

The feeling of something warm clutching his hand was the first thing he noticed as his mind slowly pushed through the darkness behind his lids, and his hand squeezed gently around whatever it was he was holding trying to determine what it was. The iratze he vaguely remembered being burned onto his skin had taken some of the swelling away from his eye and he was able to open both of them this time, instead of just the one. He groaned a little as the rest if his body woke along with his mind and began to ache all over, but more so in some places. The pain wasn't nearly as bad as it had been when he'd woken to find himself suspended by a hook in a hot and stuffy meat freezer, and his limb didn't feel so much like jelly anymore. He was already starting to heal, he guessed.

His head turned a little before he looked down at his left hand, another hand, small and slender, the skin soft to touch was enclosed in his. He knew that hand, and his heart began to hammer as his mind registered whose it was. He didn't have to move his gaze further down the bed to know Audrina sat next to him. She wasn't awake though, her head resting ontop of the mattress as she slept. She must have fallen asleep whilst she waited for him to wake up, he thought. She'd worried about him even though she had indicated she would never feel that way about anyone. Eli felt a small smile tug at the corners of his lips at the idea of her watching over him as he had her when she had been incapacitated for four days. He shouldn't read too much into her being here, he told himself, she may only be here out of some sort of duty, that she thought she needed to repay the favor.

Eli rested his head back against the pillows with a sigh, but as he did so another thought occurred to him. Who had cleaned all the blood off? Had Audrina done it or one of the others? He didn't know why that mattered but if it was Audrina who had cleaned him up, it mattered to him. She would of had to touch his bare skin to do so, and the thought of her touching him even if it was just to clean his wounds, sent a pleasant shiver down his spine. She would have hated to touch him, or maybe she wouldn't have...stop thinking of such trivial things, his mind scolded breaking him out of his thoughts.

Eli, not wanting to wake her yet, because if she saw he was fine she might leave, closed his eyes and reflected back on the nights events. It really had been foolish to go it alone, and wasn't that what they had all been trying to reinforce in Audrinas mind? And he'd gone and done the exact same thing. Foolish it might have been, but it did have one reward -he had found his brother, finally after all these months. Although his victory was short lived as he remembered that Travis hadn't escaped with him. His brother had stayed behind for a reason Eli was having difficulty understanding at the moment. It was all still a lite hazy and he hadn't spoken to Travis for very long on the reasons why he was staying behind to figure it out. Or maybe his mind just didn't want to admit what it knew was true...Travis had been turned. Even as he thought that his mind instantly denied it, he wasn't turned, he was still the same Travis - a shadowhunter, not a werewolf.

He didn't realise his grip was tightening around Audrina's hand as he thought about the possibility that Travis was no longer a shadowhunter. His eyes closed tight against the invading thoughts.

[Yunalesca]

The darkness that enveloped her prevented any dreams from coming through, only myriad thoughts that never fully processed into visions. It left her head feeling heavy and made her wonder anew of whether she would ever fully recover from the invasion of Magnus on her memories. She knew this was all tied back to that. She'd never felt more tired in her life, she'd never fallen asleep so much.She knew it was her body just trying to heal, but it shouldn't be like this. She'd been asleep for four days and was still passing out unexpectedly. It made her wonder if she would be able to stand up against a vampire again anytime soon. Their glamour generally didn't work on the Nephilim, but it possibly could with the way her mind was running. She could fall victim quite easily to the things she hunted if she weren't careful. Their pheromones would entice her, intoxicate her. They'd turn her own game against her.

She couldn't be sure how long she slept before she felt something crushing her hand. With great effort she slipped from her sleep and drowsily opened her eyes. Eli's own were still closed though his brows were scrunched and there were lines at the edges of his eyes showing signs of stress. She groaned slightly and managed to slightly wiggle her fingers under his grip. "Hey, mind not crushing my hand there, killer?" She said as she fully brought her head up and felt his grip even stronger around her hand. Her prior caution about waking him up to see she was there beside her was gone as she winced from his tightening hold on her hand. What was he thinking about so hard that he'd nearly crush her hand in his? It was a stupid question that she knew the answer to before finishing the thought in her mind.

"Eli." She said somewhat softly before her other hand was brushing his hair from his eyes before gently shaking his shoulder. She felt his hot skin beneath her touch, remembering anew that he was without a shirt. Instantly she felt herself flush and almost pull her hand away from him. It stayed, however, pressed against his shoulder in reassurance as his grip was beginning to loosen on her hand. She could see signs of anguish even without his eyes open. He was trying to process what'd happened to his sibling, she assumed. She was assuming all of it, but there were few other things this could really be. The pieces fit and she was feeling closer to him for it. SHe knew what he felt, the denial he would soon go through. At least for him he wouldn't have to murder his own brother to keep him from killing other people or even him.

SHe didn't feel pity for him, she knew how much he would hate that, but she did feel concern. Having her sister turned had nearly destroyed her. It turned her into this heartless thing she had become and she didn't want the same to happen to him. At least he still has him, alive and breathing. she thought and took a painful breath. Another assumption that he was indeed alive still. Maybe something had happened after Travis helped free him, maybe the pack leader took it as a betrayal and murdered him for it. What if he'd seen it happen? Her heart clenched in anguish in her chest at the thought. No, he couldn't have lost his brother after just finding him anew.