i never asked to be saved [r], mortal instruments - Seren

[Yunalesca]

She nodded softly to him as he suggested they continue their conversation in the greenhouse, somewhere a little more private and maybe more intimate than the current setting. The thoughts of him asking about her family kept her heart racing as she turned from him slightly and prepared to take the platter in her own hands to carry up with them. She was surprised when Eli’s hands slid before hers and took the platter, gracefully moving it to a serving tray along with their tea before he balanced two water bottles on it. She gave him a quick look before shaking her head slightly. “I could’ve handled it, but if you insist.” She said with a slight smirk before leading them from the kitchen and toward the staircase that ended at the greenhouse. All the while she was quiet as she felt him moving behind her, following as she stepped into the greenhouse air that emanated subtle perfumes of the exotic Alicante plants. She supposed she should have been enthralled with them as she had never been to the home world of the Shadowhunters, but to her they were just plants.



She settled on a more secluded place in one of the rear corners, a small patch of open area for them to sit as they talked about each other. The staircase she had argued with Eli on was still in view, but the entrance to the greenhouse wasn’t. She looked at Eli for approval over her shoulder before she sat on the ground, curling her legs up around herself as she waited for Eli to follow suit. “Those were carefully crafted, don’t drop them.” She said with a smirk to him, joking about the care she’d taken in slicing the meat and cheese. Her hands were so attuned to knives and slicing at this point that she barely had to look at what she was doing when she worked. She didn’t let him know this, however, as she watched him lowering himself with a Shadowhunters fluid movements. “Impressive.” She said to him as he found the ground and she shifted the tray from his hands to balance it to the level ground. “And not a drop spilled. I’ll have to remember that should I ever need steady hands.” She said to him, though after saying it she felt her cheeks turn a little pink at what the words could implicate. Intimacy, it always made her turn shy and red.



She cleared her throat and reached for a cup of tea to begin with, relishing in the heat that spread through her hands at the mere touch of the cup. She quickly brought the rim to her lips and took in the scent of chamomile, smiling as she did. “If anything will bring the caffeine level down, chamomile will do it. Smart thinking.” She offered before drinking a little of the hot liquid then placing it back on the tray close to her. She wasn’t particularly hungry yet so she avoided the snack food for now. She was also anticipating his question and didn’t want to try and answer with a mouth full of food. She may have a foul personality at times, but she did have manners and believed in civility when it called for it. She had been raised proper even if she was lacking in the social department.



“So, you were going to ask me a question?” She pressed, wanting to get it out in the air before she sat much longer thinking about what he could ask her. It made her squirm on the inside as she sifted through the hundreds of things he could bring up that could have her reacting in a range from angry to crying. She knew he wasn’t stupid and that he had been paying more attention to her than she had previously realized, but she was still nervous that his curiosity would win out over the assumption that certain things would make her uncomfortable. She had been able to speak of her father in bits and pieces, had even given his stele to Eli, but she wasn’t particularly open to discussing his death and what it had done to her. That had been the first blow that began molding her into who she was now. It had made her stronger, but it had also started the retreat into herself where she refused to discuss a lot of things that drew emotion from her.

[Serendipity]

He gave her a half-grin as he stole the platter away from her hands and relocated it to the serving tray he had gotten out. “I know. And I do insist.” He answered, being chivalrous and all was a quality he guessed he’d always had deep down somewhere and the more time he spent with this woman the more it seemed to resurface. On the flip side he could also be arrogant and a jerk which she had seen of him already and had still agreed to help him with his brother, as well as spend all this time with him tonight.

Eli followed the blonde from the kitchen, balancing the tray easily in both hands without spilling a single drop by the time they had reached the greenhouse even as they climbed the stairs. The whole time they walked from the kitchen to the greenhouse he was thinking about what he could ask her, usually he would just come out and ask whatever he wanted when it was with someone else, but he was cautious with Audrina. In the beginning it wouldn’t have bothered him so much if he upset her or angered her but now he hated seeing her upset, and he didn’t want to be the cause of her distress.

He allowed Audrina to find a more secluded area of the greenhouse, one where they wouldn’t be seen so easily if anyone else opted to pay the greenhouse a visit. He nodded as she chose the spot and seemed to look over her shoulder for his approval, honestly she could have chosen any spot and he wouldn’t have cared although this spot was private. “I wouldn’t dream of dropping them.” He assured her with a little smirk of his own and waited for her to sit down. Once she had sat and curled her legs up around herself he started lowering himself to the ground beside her, his movements as fluid as any experienced Shadowhunters who was carrying something delicate in their hands. Not a single drop of tea was spilt, even the bottles of water remained standing and he grinned across at the blonde as she commented as much and shifted the tray from his hands to the ground in front of them.

Her ‘steady hands’ remark had him grinning even further however before he could really stop himself, the implications from such a remark could lead to anything and he was already coming up with one or two scenarios that, really, he shouldn’t have. The way her cheeks flushed after she’d said it had him wondering if one, or even a couple of the scenarios he was thinking of she was also thinking of. “They’re at your service.” He replied without really thinking, again it was one of those times where the words just came out of their own accord.

Eli leaned back on his palms, stretching his legs out in front of him, crossing them at the ankles and decided to let the their talk of steady hands slip away to something perhaps more appropriate to talk about. He tilted his chin towards her as she praised him for his choice of tea, he’d had no idea that chamomile would help bring their caffeine levels down and had only chosen it because it sounded more appealing than peppermint with their midnight snack. Lifting a hand he’d been leaning on from the ground he tapped the side of his temple. “Who knew there was a brain inside this handsome head of mine,” He chuckled. “I had no idea chamomile would do that.” He amended honestly with a small shake of his head after a short pause.

“I am going to ask you a question, after I drink some of my tea and think of just the right one.” He told her playfully, hoping a playful tone would reassure her that he wouldn’t ask her anything that would truly upset her; he could see the worry lines in her expression and he took a stab at guessing she was probably preparing for the worst possible question he could ask her. As promised he leant forwards, sitting up straighter, and reached for his tea taking a few small sips as whilst he thought about this question he was going to ask. He wanted it to be something good, something insightful about her, but at the same time he didn’t want to cause any tension between them because of it.

“Okay, I’ve got one.” He announced and curled his legs inwards ‘indian style’ and shimmied a little so he was facing her better. “How many countries have you visited and which one has been your favorite?” He enquired with a small brow raise. This was the safest question he could ask, to start with anyway, it was probably a matter of easing into his other questions rather than coming out with them so directly. “Oh, and did you portal to each place or travel by plane?” He added as an after thought, his question turning more to ‘questions’ plural.

[Yunalesca]

Though this type of playfulness from him in the past had made her upset with him, now it made her work at hiding a humored smile. Normally she would have bit back at him for his 'handsome head' comment, but she refrained now and could only shift her eyes away to keep from noticing his looks. He was attractive, but he had already caught her looking at him enough times over the course of this somewhat shaky friendship. Though she was admitting to herself slowly that she did like him, she didn't want him to get the wrong idea if he caught her watching him too many times. More of her wanted to take that leap, but the dominant part of her reminded her she couldnt have him. Reminded her she was hardly a girl he would ever want. Her eyes dipped lower for a moment before she recovered herself. The last thing she wanted was for him to ask what she was thinking to make her appear downcast and distant for that split second when she had lost control over her expression. And luckily he had already moved on to considering what question to ask her.

"You must take me for the patient type." She said with a barely audible laugh. Her fingers laced together in her lap while she fought against the urge to tighten their grasp that would show the tension she was feeling. She was nervous and it was because of one silly question he could ask her. Few things in life had ever made her nervous, but lately he had been. It was further proof of how he had gotten in her head and how much she was feeling toward him, though she had refused to take an actual measurement out of fear of what she would find. When he put his tea back she took a breath and prepared herself for the worst. And yet it never came. Instead he asked a simple question that hardly pried into her life at all. The breath she had held left her as her brow rose in a cross between confusion and intrigue. He had the opportunity to ask her anything and he chose something that was hardly personal. Though the traveling she had done has been solely to find her mother, though she wouldn't disclose that bit of detail. It wasn't essential to the answer and so she wouldn't be lying or avoiding it when she spoke up.

"Hmm. I thought this would actually be easy, but its really not." She started as she leaned back a little more on her hip than her legs while she considered the second half of the question. Then he tacked on another and made her narrow her eyes slightly in accusation. "Three questions in one. You can add 'sly' to your resume." She said before her expression lightened and she smirked before returning her face to neutral. "Now if I can actually answer the question," she started with another almost scolding look. "Ive been to Germany, Italy, and India before coming here. So, 4. And you probably won't let me choose France since I'm from there...I would have to say India probably. The food in Italy is divine, for what I had of it, but the culture of India is unique. Not quite as wet and gloomy as everywhere else." She ended, remembering how little time she had spent in either Italy or India. Those had been dead ends. She had moved on quickly upon finding there was nothing there for her to learn. Germany had been the key point in her hunt. That was where she had come to the US from after deducing her mother had been there for many years before moving to Brooklyn. She left this out as well.

"As for travel I glamoured my way through airports or even trains. I actually have never used a portal. My...I was never taught." She had started to say her parents had died before properly teaching her, but stopped herself as that stab of pain hit her at the mere thought. "I didn't want anyone to know where I was either. I stopped trusting a lot of people and things about then." She informed lightly, though it wouldn't be hard to discern who she meant. She distrusted the Clave and held very few of their rules as useful. They still followed old 'commandments' that was useless in these times. She found it best just to stay under their radar so they couldnt control her. She reached for her tea almost nervously then and took a sip. The liquid cleared her mind before she looked at Eli over the brim. She returned the cup once more and folded her hands up again. "I take it you know about portals, then?" She asked, already figuring the answer. She was ill trained in the world of being a Shadowhunter, but she didn't for a second think of herself as incapable or unknowledgable. She worked around what she didnt know and was damn good at what she did.

[Serendipity]

From the look she gave him it was clear she hadn't expected the question he'd just asked, she'd probably thought he would ask her something more personal about herself. Eli chuckled as she scolded him lightly for being 'sly' after he'd tact on a third question before she could answer the combined first two. He cradled his tea in both hands while he waited for the blonde to come up with her answer. When she did answer he thought he felt himself lean forward just a bit whilst he listened to what she was saying, counting off the countries she mentioned in his head and coming up with a total of 4; his head bobbed a little as she continued speaking about her favourite country out of those 4. With a small grin he shook his head as she assumed correctly that he wouldn't have classed France as one of her favourites since she grew up there.

"I've never been to India, but I have heard that about it." Eli said between her answers to show he had been listening. Whenever he thought of India he always pictured people riding on large elephants with painted faces through the streets or monkeys as pets and the endless amounts of curried food. He'd want to see that one day, along with the a few other countries he'd read about in school but had yet to visit. He wondered if his parents hadn't both died if it would be different for him, he might have seen many other countries by now instead of throwing himself into demon hunts at every turn to distract himself from the guilt. As he thought of this he realised demon hunting wasn't his great distraction at the moment, hadn't been for weeks, and his latest distraction was sitting right next to him.

A small frown took over his expression which he quickly hid by lifting his tea to his mouth as Audrina explained that she had glamoured her way around the countries she'd spoken of since she'd never been taught how to use a portal. It was a reminder that she hadn't been brought up the same way as he had, learning everything possible about the Nephilim world and its perks. But not only that, her parents had died before they could teach her these things. At least his parents had been around long enough to teach their sons what they knew about being Shadowhunters.

Eli's frown deepened a little and he dropped his gaze from her as she spoke of another reason she hadn't tried to use portals. She didn't want to be detected by the Clave. He wanted to ask her why, he had a fair idea it had something to do with her mother, but also had a feeling there was a little more to it then that. He didn't question her about it though, it was one of those questions he was trying to steer clear from for the time being.

He set his tea aside as she asked if he knew how to portal although it wasn't so much as a question since she could probably already guess that he did. "Yep. It's not easy though, takes a lot of practice." He nodded. Eli reached for a few bits of cheese and sausage, they'd sat untouched since they'd arrived but he couldn't let Audrina's efforts in preparing it go to waste. "If you ever wanted to know more about them, I could teach you. Or you could probably just read about them in a book somewhere." He said before popping the pieces of food into his mouth.

[Yunalesca]

She nodded slightly in response to what he said, already having heard that it wasn't easy to portal. Her parents had been working on getting her focused on a location very specifically, but she had never had the opportunity to try. They hadn't had a portal at home and so it would have taken one of those trips to Alicante to actually see her efforts come to fruition. They had died before that ever happened. She almost sighed at the thought of more broken promises, though she couldnt fault them for this and she had never had the desire to go to this city to begin with. Her eyes dropped to Eli's hand as it reached out and paired off the cheese and meat for consumption.

Her eyes lifted as he spoke before the food disappeared into his mouth, brows raising slightly in response before she offered a somewhat shy smile to him. "I learned a little before...we were working on picturing the location to a tee. Sounds, smells, visuals. I never got to know if I was doing it right. My sister sped past me in the training. She was gifted." She reflected, eyes drifting away as she thought of her sister. She had been born for this life. She licked her lips and took a breath to make the thoughts fade away.

"But if you would want to work with me, that could be fun." She offered to him with an inviting , yet shy, smile. somehow he drew this sense of shyness from her. She almost felt inadequate in his presence considering she seemed to know so little about being a Shadowhunter. She was in her twenties and couldn't use a portal yet she knew Jace could who was clearly her junior. In her drive to be rid of this life she had apparently missed a lot.

"So. I'm going to ask the most pressing question of the night." She stated then paused, reaching forward and making a small stack of the snacks, disposing of it in her mouth and chewing to make him anticipate her next question. She could only imagine the thoughts going through his mind. She let him continue to stew in his own imagination before smiling a little more slyly at him after the food was gone from her mouth. "Favorite food. Scared you, didn't I?" She teased.

[Serendipity]

“Well that’s a start.” He smiled after swallowing down the food in his mouth. He didn’t comment on her sister being more gifted than she was, he didn’t know her sibling so really he couldn’t pass judgement either way. Audrina was gifted in other ways and just because they might not have anything to do with being a Shadowhunter didn’t make it a bad thing, not everyone was cut out for this life and she had stated many times already that this life wasn’t her first option. The only reason she was here now as a Shadowhunter was because of certain circumstances that had pushed her to it. “We can work on that,” Eli nodded. He had suggested helping her with portals because he’d sensed it was something she wanted to learn about and he was pleased that she did, and also pleased he would be the one teaching her.

He hadn’t used it yet, but he had come across the portal in the library in the first week he'd been at the Institute and he’d explored the building out of curiosity even though back then he hadn’t had any plans on staying more than the second week. They would need Hodge’s permission but something told him that the older Shadowhunter would be as pleased as Eli was over the idea. He gathered a few more pieces of cheese and sausage, deciding he’d liked the flavours and ate some more, picking up his tea again to wash some of it down. He was glad he hadn’t gone with peppermint tea, it definitely wouldn’t have gone well.

Audrina’s next statement had him catching his breath at the possibilities of what the most pressing question of the night she wanted to ask him would be. He had said she could ask him anything, and he still stood by that, but something in the way she was looking him suggested it was going to be a doozy. Would she ask him about his parents or something about his personal life? Maybe she might ask what he wanted with her and clarify his feelings for her. He wasn’t sure if he was prepared to answer that last one, not so soon.

When she finally asked her question it was none of the things he’d thought she would ask, in fact it was as innocent as a question could be. He let go of his breath and had to laugh, his relief was probably written all over his face. “Admittedly I was a little scared.” He chuckled. “Favorite food…” He repeated to himself as he thought about it. “Doritos.” He answered with a slight smirk, before shaking his head to indicate he was kidding. “They’re not exactly real food though. My favorite real food would be...Lamb hotpot.” He decided after a little more thought. “My mother used to make it every Sunday over the traditional ‘Sunday Roast’ because it was everyone’s favorite, I never got sick of her Lamb hotpot.” He reminisced.

Thinking of his mother brought a sadness to his eyes but he didn’t avert his gaze from Audrina as he might have before, and wondered if now was the time to tell her about his family and if she even wanted to hear it. It was quite a tragic story though it was something they had in common when it came to their families.

[Yunalesca]

She couldn't help but smirk a little at his expression as she pressed that this following question would be the most important of the night. She know how she would feel if he came to her with that statement. She would be afraid and defensive since she would believe that he would be asking of her dead sister and family. She had been rather close-mouthed about her family's history thus far and wanted to keep it that way for now. Telling him about her sister would lead to a slip of her mother's fate. She had been so quiet about it for so long that she had no doubts that inevitably she would let it get out if she didn't keep her mouth shut about it. He could pry it from her she was sure, but what would happen afterward was he question. Regardless, she was in charge"Sorry of the questions at this moment and chose something innocent after realizing how she would act if he asked about her family. She had caught on to his feelings about what had happened in his past and knew pressing for information about what had happened to his parents would hurt him just as much as it would hurt her if he did the same.

Her lips pulled into a half smirk as he answered her with 'doritos'. It was a horribly Mundane food and she couldn't picture it being his favorite considering he seemed to know so little about that world. She waited patiently for a real answer, her fingers reaching and enclosing around their snacks, popping them into her mouth and letting the spices soak into her tastebuds before swallowing. After he seemed to get that she didn't buy it he laughed and answered her for real. Her mouth pulled into a soft smile as he came forward with the meal his mother had made every Sunday for the family. She couldn't recall her mother having made something 'traditional' every Sunday, but then she had spent a lot of time trying to forget her past. "I've never cooked with lamb..." She admitted after her food was gone from her mouth and she was reaching for her tea to clear her mouth fully. After she finished a sip she set the cup back down and impulsively reach for one of Eli's hands, having seen a lingering pain in his eyes after he spoke.

"I could make that for you. Lamb is difficult, but I'd be willing to try if it was something you loved." She said softly, looking into his eyes as she did so. In that singular statement she was admitting things that she couldn't realistically say aloud to him or even to herself. She wanted to make him happy and if something like her cooking could do that she would. That earlier apprehension she had felt in letting herself bonding with him was gone while her thumb ran softly over his skin. She wanted to ask what had happened to make him feel so sad in remembering his parents, but couldn't bring herself to. If she couldn't tell him how could she ever expect him to tell her? It was unfair to expect it of him and so she kept her mouth shut as she looked at him and only offered a comforting gaze while she held his hand.

"Sorry if what I said brought back painful memories. I know all too well how that can feel. It's your turn to ask." She said, though her voice still held a comforting sound as she refused to break her gaze from him. She wanted to be as open with him as he was with her, but she was afraid. She wanted to say 'ask me anything' but couldn't get it to come out. She had extraordinary strength, or so she had thought before having met Eli. He had seen her at her weakest and said nothing about it. She should have felt comfortable in telling him her secrets, but she didn't. She wanted to feign strength still even after he saw her cry and had held her to keep the nightmares at bay. But having depended on herself for so many years she struggled with knowing someone had seen her vulnerable.

[Serendipity]

Eli received his answer about his thoughts on whether now was the time to tell Audrina about his family, when she reached out and took his hand and offered to cook his favorite meal that his mother had once done he knew it was a now or never kind of situation. There was something about the way she held his hand, the look in her gaze as she met his said everything he wanted to know, she did care for him. It was all he really wanted to know, he could worry about how deeply later, the fact was he meant something to her and it swelled his heart with hope. He returned her soft smile and squeezed her hand as a silent thank you. “The way you cook, you wouldn’t ruin it.” He told her sincerely.

He shook off her apology for bringing up painful memories for him, her question hadn’t been intended to that and it was simply something that couldn’t be helped. “It’s okay.” He assured her so she would know he wasn’t upset with her for it. He was preparing himself, mentally, to tell her about his family and what had happened to them but as she told him it was his turn to ask a question he realised she wasn’t expecting him to elaborate on further mention of his mother. As he didn’t want to bring up painful memories for her, she also didn’t want the same thing for him either. But maybe it was time to talk about it, and Audrina wasn’t just anyone to him, she meant something and so it would mean something to tell her what he was keeping inside.

“I want to tell you about my family, if you’ll listen. Promise that you won’t feel obligated to speak of yours simply because I spoke of mine?” He said gently, lifting their hands just enough so that he could loop his fingers through hers. He didn’t want her to feel like she had to open up about her past if she still wasn’t ready just because he was ready to tell her about his. “It might be time I get some things off of my chest, I’ve never felt like I could talk about it with anyone else, not even my brother.” There was a lot of emotions locked away with the things he was about to share with her; guilt, blame, anger and regret.

Eli waited for her to acknowledge what he’d said he wasn’t about to go into it all if she really didn’t want to know, if he’d only been guessing at her curiosity and it now turned out not to really be there.

[Yunalesca]

She almost blushed when he assured her that she couldn’t mess a lamb roast up, telling her that he enjoyed what she made. She never took into consideration whether or not someone actually liked what she did, but hearing this now from Eli made her feel a little warmer on the inside. He subtly complimented her and that small of a gesture seemed to have a larger impact than she had previously imagined. It meant he noticed things and that she had done and that she had done something right for a change. She had spent a lot of time pissing people off, but she had managed to make him happy in some aspect. She had forgotten how that made one feel, doing something good for someone else. She couldn’t help but drop her gaze as an almost nervous smile pulled at the corners of her mouth. The feeling was almost foreign, but she liked it nevertheless.



She had to bring her attention back up to him after he spoke again. She had expected him to ask her something, but instead he confessed he wanted to tell her about his family. Her breath caught in her throat as she looked at him with a mixture of emotions. She wanted to tell him not to, that she was okay with being in the dark, but she couldn’t deny that she was curious. And will you tell him of your past? a voice mocked and she had to bite her lip slightly before she recalled he had asked her to promise this wasn’t an obligatory thing. “I…can promise that.” She said softly, almost regrettably as she thought of all the things that weighed her down. She hadn’t released them to anyone, not the true stories anyway. Now could be a good time, but something inside her warned she wasn’t ready. It would break her to say it aloud. So a sense of guilt was settling in before he spoke again, though the way he threaded his fingers through hers brought back a bit of comfort.



Her expression softened after he finished confessing whatever it was he would tell her he hadn’t even been able to say to his brother. It showed he more than cared for her and it made her a little frightened, though she quickly masked it from her eyes. That could be combed over at another time. He seemed to need to tell her these things and it would be best if she let him rather than toying over the idea that he didn’t just think of her as a friend anymore. “I know how you feel. I didn’t really talk to anyone about it after my dad died.” She informed before she scolded herself on the inside. This was about him, not her, though she was trying to find something in common to ease him into whatever he was about to say. It would be painful, if it were anything like her own memories, but she wanted him to feel safe in telling her. Just from the look in his eyes she was beginning to learn that maybe she wasn’t the only one carrying around copious amounts of baggage. Something had happened to his parents, that much she surmised, but she was seeing now that it wasn’t just a killed in action scenario like the Clave had painted of her own father.



“Whatever it is, it doesn’t leave this room. It’s not like I have many friends to tell secrets to.” She assured with a haphazard joke that really wasn’t all that funny. It was her lack of communication skills coming through again, but she had spent enough time around him over the past few weeks that she felt he understood what she meant. Nobody else had tolerated her long enough to get it, but then she hadn’t tolerated anyone either. He was the first, and even then she was more than a little surprised with herself for not having run him off and was now sitting in the greenhouse sharing old stories with him.

[Serendipity]

He was pleased that she agreed to listen and also promised not to reveal things about her parents just because he was going to tell her about his. They shared similar backgrounds when it came to their parents, different circumstances but similar all the same so he could understand the difficulty there was when speaking of it. He also wanted her to understand that he wasn't opening up about this because he wanted information from her.

Audrina didn't pull away when he laced his fingers through hers and he gave him strength to say what he needed, it also reinforced that he was opening up to the right person and nothing he said would leave the greenhouse. Hodge was already aware of parts of his history, though he hadn't gone into great detail. "It's not the type of thing you can just tell anybody." He agreed and offered her a small smile.

He didn't want to go into her comment about not having any friends, it was a conversation they could have another day. He didn't have many friends either but his interaction with others was possibly better then hers, when they didn't piss him off. He took a small breath deciding on where he should start but there was really no easy way to start such an explanation down memory lane.

"My father was training us boys in the art of killing demons, we were learning about Shadowhunting in school but our father was teaching us the practical aspects. When I hit fifteen my father started taking me with him on certain missions so I knew what I was really in for. I clued on pretty quick, I loved it, the adrenaline rush was what I was really looking for though." Eli started and took another small breath to continue, his gaze was holding Aydrinas at the moment but he knew it would drift soon, move away and come back with certain parts of his story. "I had a thing for jumping in head first without thinking strategy, it was something my father was working on me with. Anyway, by the time I turned seventeen my father and I were making a pretty good team, we went on every hunt together, even had a tally going between us as to who could kill the most demons."

"One night we were on a hunt, Travis wasn't with us, he'd only been on a few hunts and this one was serious business. We were taking down a nest of demons and were doing pretty well..." His gaze averted, he was getting to the uncomfortable part and he sucked in a shallow breath. "Until I got carried away, caught up in the ridiculous tally we had going and broke my fathers number one rule 'never leave his side' - he was protective that way. I hadn't gone very far but I had turned my back and didn't see the demons swarming my father. By the time I did, it was too late...the wounds were fatal using my stele didn't heal him because he was already gone." His hand absently squeezed Audrina's for his own comfort as he recalled trying desperately to revive his father without success.

"I can't even recall how I got his body home, but I must have because there were members of the Clave waiting for us when we got back. I had the responsibility of telling Travis and my mother. The look in their eyes was awful, there was no blame there for me but there should have been. It was my fault." He swallowed the lump forming in the back of his throat and told himself to keep going before he lost the courage to get to the worst part.

"I stayed for his funeral but left short afterwards, I couldn't bare seeing their grief. It was probably the most selfish thing I've ever done. I left my fourteen year old brother to pick up the pieces of what I had broken. Travis wrote begging me to come home, our mother was falling apart. Six months later I did go back because of Travis's insistence, he feared our mother was going to hurt herself." He couldn't look at the blonde and instead stared down at there in twined fingers, speaking of this was harder then he'd thought. But he wanted to finish, get it all out.

"The night I returned home I found Travis crying at the bottom of the stares, he was a mess, couldn't tell me anything except mother had locked herself in her room. I had to literally break the door down to get inside but once again I was too late..." His voice shook a little as spoke of this part. "She'd wrapped a rope around her neck and jumped out the window. She couldn't live without him and ended her own life to be with him, she didn't even care that her bones wouldn't be buried in the city - or the two sons she'd left behind." He swallowed again, his words grating a little.

"But that wasn't the worst part...just after our father died we found out that she was pregnant, we were going to have another sibling." Eli lifted his gaze to Audrina's then, and she could probably guess what he was getting at. His mother hadn't only killed herself but her unborn child as well. He took in another deep breath getting past the swelling guilt and regret for not being able to get there in time. "I was only months away from turning eighteen, we could have stayed in our home, but neither Travis or I could do it so that's why we moved to the London institute. I threw myself into killing the things that took what I loved most, but I was always cautious about partners never keeping the same one for long. I wasn't there for Travis because of it...and that's how he ended up in all that mess with the werewolves." He'd done it, he'd told her his heartache he didn't have to dodge bringing it up all the time. They say a weight usually lifted off ones shoulders after getting such things off your chest but he was still holding his breath waiting for it. Audrina's reaction was possibly what he was waiting for, but it was a lot to take in so he gave her time too.

[Yunalesca]

She was silent after her attempt at a joke, glad that he hasn't gone into her lack of friend base. Regardless she was warmed again when he reassured it wasn't something he could just talk about with people. It was something that sat close to his heart and would no doubt be hard to speak with anyone about. She couldnt talk about the truth of what happened to her sister, but then she didn't think he had murdered one of his family. She had done it in self defense, but it still remained that she had killed her sister. It didn't matter that she was no longer herself and had split open her vein to get her bleeding out. There might have been other ways, but Audrina knew she was dying and had done what she could to get her sister off her. She swallowed the memories and refocused on Eli. This was about him. She wasn't about to confess to murder so there was no sense in dwelling on it.

She took a calming breath before he started, preparing herself for whatever was to come. It obviously meant a lot to him to confess to her, but it also meant something to her. He trusted her with something he couldnt tell anyone else. All the while he spoke her hand stayed in his and she didn't move for neither tea nor food, her attention solely on him. It started out as she expected, him talking of how he loved being born into this world. She couldnt relate to this, but she could get it. Everyone else she came in contact with was like that. You had to love it on some level or you would get killed. She was lucky enough to have not done that yet.

The attitude shifted, however, when he spoke of how his father died and he felt the blame for it. She wanted to reassure that there was nothing that could have been done, that mistakes were made even by the most experienced, but she kept her mouth shut. Now was not the time to interrupt as she could feel this was only the tip of the iceberg. Her hold on his hand tightened slightly in response to his for reassurance before he pressed on. What came next, however, made her feel empty inside. His mother had killed herself even knowing she carried one last reminder of their father. A child. She never had held an opinion on childbirth or even the Mundane 'abortion' thing, but she felt herself grow saddened at hearing of what she had done. Her own mother had lived for Adrean DuPage, but had survived his death for their children. She saw him in both her girls and that was enough to keep her going on. She swallowed the lump in her throat and had to lower her gaze for a moment to recover. She hasn't ever loved so she would t understand the pain his mother must have felt, but was it enough to abandon your sons and exterminate the last gift your dead husband had given? She didn't find it fair to judge the woman even if it left her feeling empty inside.

What he said last stuck with her most, however. He threw himself into killing the things that had murdered his family. This she could relate to, though she didn't say it aloud. Everything would come pouring out if she did and she wasn't prepared to open those wounds. Her thumb moved over his skin comfortingly before she managed to bring her eyes to him. She could feel a few stings behind her eyes forewarning that she would cry, it managed to control herself before it happened. "I'm sorry that happened to you. No one should have to live through that. The guilt..." She started, but stopped as she was overwhelmed with emotion and had to pause to regain herself. "I can relate to guilt, but what happened to you and your brother is so different. I don't think I could begin to understand how to cope with that. It shows great strength...on both your parts." She said the last as almost a choked up whisper before she was doing something uncharacteristic in raising her hand to brush his hair from his face before gently running it down to cup his jaw beside his ear. Her thumb stroked gently over his stubble as she looked at him with sincerity. "You grew into a wonderful person and found your brother. I would say that is enough to let go of your guilt. You can't change it, no matter what is wished. I don't think either of them would blame you for letting yourself move on." She said gently to him.

The moment was strong and almost begging for something climatic to happen, but instead she leaned close to give him a soft embrace, her lips grazing his temple in the process as a comforting kiss. She didn't know what he wanted from her, but she did what she thought would make him feel better, safe even, after exposing his soul to someone he still barely knew. The hand that had been at his face shifted around to reach into his hair softly as she separated their embraced hands to wrap the other around his waist. She was really bad at conversing, but she remembered what it felt like to be held when she was most vulnerable and hoped this gesture from her would translate into something comforting for him.

[Serendipity]

Eli felt that weight lift, some of the burden he’d carried around dissipating and making him feel a lighter somehow as Audrina finally spoke after absorbing everything he’d told her. He hadn’t told her all of that simply to gain her sympathy but it was there anyway, and it was sincere. He let his breath go as she brought her hand up to brush his hair from his face before running her fingers along his jaw to cup the side of his face. He leaned into the touch, not questioning the uncharacteristic nature of it, needing her touch in that moment to help still the different emotions flooding through him that the memories brought back. Her words were also comforting and if he hadn’t known he was in love with her 24hours ago, he would have known it in that moment.

Hearing someone else say that he was a good person was slightly strange, he’d never thought of himself in that manner before; he knew he could be arrogant, egotistical and stubborn, and some days he wasn’t the nicest person to be around. The fact that Audrina saw him as a good person underneath all that however helped lift some more of the guilt and pain. He felt better for telling her about his parents, now she would know that although their situations were different, he did know what that kind of pain was like. It might very well have been the reason he hadn’t given up on her so easily, because underneath all of her walls and tough facade she was just hurting.

Eli would have said something, responded to her comforting words but there was a strange kind of climax building that her words and gentle touch had brought along with them and for the life of him he couldn’t string a response together. As Audrina leaned in closer he caught his breath again, and when her lips brushed against his temple his eyes fluttered shut along with it. He wasn’t sure if the sigh he gave was audible or not or if he’d simply sighed inside his own head.

He could feel her hand moving around to slip into his hair and her other detaching itself from his hand before it was around his waist. Eli didn’t even have to think about it, his arm returned the gesture and came around her waist gently pulling her closer as he felt his heart rate increased and a warm electricity make its way over his skin. It was a gentle intimacy that they were sharing and it was more than he could have asked for so he didn’t ruin it by trying to kiss her, instead he brought his forehead against hers and whether she could see it or not, he smiled. “Thank you for listening, I know it wasn’t the most cheerful story.” Eli finally said. “What you said, it means a lot. Thank you.”

[Yunalesca]

She was nervous as she wrapped her arms around him in an embrace and it didn't get any better as she felt him gently sliding his own around her waist to pull her closer. She took in a shaky breath as she could feel his body heat radiate off him. He could easily pull her mouth to his in this moment, but he didn't and she was grateful. They had kissed a handful of times since meeting one another but she couldn't do it again. She had been promising herself this since the last time she had told him to forget it and a kiss would only ruin this moment. Even with her heart pounding in her chest at the closeness of him she wouldn't let herself bend to that want hidden deep down inside her. Instead she lowered her gaze to his lips as his forehead came down to hers before she shut them completely. Before her vision went black she saw the first signs of a smile. It warmed her to imagine that look coming to his face because of her offering her comfort to him. At one point she had found some sick enjoyment out of pissing people off, but now after hearing what he had to say she felt more alive in knowing she made someone happy.

A soft smile even managed to pull at her own mouth as he thanked her and subconsciously her fingers in his hair massaged his scalp gently as though to say 'you're welcome' for she found she couldn't speak in that moment. She couldn't remember the last time anyone had thanked her nor could she recall the last time she had tried comforting someone. Eli was special, but she couldn't say it to him. She could barely say it to herself. "I only speak the truth." She started before she cracked her eyes open enough to see the rise and fall of his chest as they stayed in this embrace, not willing to break from it just yet. It would be all too easy to close the space and make it into something more, but she held back. One thing she feared was sending the wrong messages. Despite showing a brave face for him she still felt vulnerable. "You might have been incessantly annoying when we first met, but after a while you seem to grow on people." She said with he softest of laughs. It was as close as she was willing to admit aloud that she felt -something- for him even if she couldn't define it yet. She was afraid of letting herself explore what it was and so it was carefully tucked away elsewhere in her mind.

She closed her eyes again and sighed lightly. "My past isn't too different from yours...but...I can't talk about it yet." She said softly to him as her brows scrunched a sign of pain at the mere thought of coming out with what had happened to her. She had vowed to keep it all locked tight in her chest, her own pain to bear, but yet a possibility hung on the air. She had said 'yet' as though someday she could come clean. It wasn't something she had ever said to anyone and it was further proving that he was different to her. She might never be able to tell him, but that chance still hung out there and she hoped he would accept that for now. He had made her promise that just because he spoke of his past didn't mean she had to speak of hers. She trusted that he meant what he said. "I wish I could, but I'm just not as brave as you are." She admitted to him, her eyes having opened again and she separated her forehead from his so she could look at him. Admitting her feelings were difficult, but admitting to her faults were even harder. Her hand was still in his hair, fingers moving gently as she held his gaze. She knew a million things were flitting through her eyes that would make it all the harder for him to guess what she was thinking.

She took a breath to say something more, but stopped as she noticed something starting to glow behind him. Her breath caught almost dramatically in awe as the muted colors of the flowers around them started opening up into vibrant shades, glowing with life. "Eli..." She said softly to get his attention as the garden around them began illuminating. "I've never seen it do this before," she admitted softly in a far away voice, lost to the wonder of the greenhouse. Her head turned away from him to look around the expanse of the garden to see every flower blooming with neon colors. When she looked back at Eli she was smiling with a flurry of emotions; amazement, joy, wonder. "Is this what it's like in the Glass City?" She asked of him. For the first time she was feeling that sort of pull that the others seemed to have toward the home city of Shadowhunters. If this was what it looked like every night she might see why it was considered the most beautiful thing to ever be seen.

[Serendipity]

It was nice to hold her like this, nothing more would come of it but that didn’t matter because she was already giving him more than he could have asked for. He wondered if she were even aware of her own ability to be compassionate, she always kept everyone at arms length, however little by little she was letting him in closer. He felt his chest swell further with affection for her, and his heart beat faster than ever against his ribcage. He had given her a part of himself when he’d told her about his family and how he blamed himself for all that had happened to them, it possibly wasn’t the best part of himself he could give but it was a part she could relate too, understand even.

He smiled further as she assured him that she only spoke the truth and he could feel her finger massage his scalp gently. He allowed Audrina to be in control of this embrace and as enticing as the idea was to hold her more firmly against him and let his hands explore the curve of her back, his hands remained still just around her waist. It was important that after everything that had happened with Maddox, who had taken that control away from her, that she felt like she had some of it back and she decided when and if the intimacy between them increased; Eli was just happy for this small embrace and however long it lasted.

He laughed softly and slowly opened his eyes at her comment of him being incessantly annoying at first but had started to grow on people, grow on her maybe. “I can be a prat.” He agreed on a small chuckle and a little grin. His grin turned into the smallest frown of concern as she went on to explain that her past wasn't so different from his though she still couldn’t talk about it yet. Her brows scrunched in despair at the mere thought of talking about, but he hadn’t missed the ‘yet’ in her sentence and with it a possibility that someday she would be able to talk about it. “I understand, I don’t want you to feel like you have to talk about it now, whenever you’re ready I’ll be here.” He soothed gently and rubbed a small circle with his hand where it sat against her back.

He felt her pull back slightly from him so she could catch his gaze, she had just admitted that she wasn’t brave and now that they could see each others faces a little better he shook his head lightly, disagreeing with her statement. “You are brave, maybe you just can’t see it yet but it’s in there somewhere, I’ve already seen glimpses of it.” Eli told her with a reassuring smile. She was so brave, she just hadn’t recognised it for what it was yet. She had never wanted to be a shadowhunter, yet she had taken up this life to seek justice for the wrongs that had befallen her family. Although he didn’t agree with how she was going about it, or that she thought killing her mother was the only way to gain peace, he could see the honorability in it. If he was in her situation he might be trying to do the exact same thing. She had also stuck by his side in their attempt to get Travis back, a cause that wasn’t even her own; not everyone could face off with an entire werewolf pack.

He couldn’t decipher the emotions he saw filter across her eyes there was too many of them and before he could really try and figure out some of them her gaze moved to something behind his head and he heard her catch her breath. She still had her fingers in his hair and he liked the feeling, he was torn between pulling back to see what she was looking at and not moving at all. As she spoke his name softly, there was something in her expression however that made his curiosity grow and he was pulled his head back just enough to see around her. He didn’t remember the greenhouse being so bright, though there had been a few lights on it they had only been a soft glow. As he let his eyes move around the garden behind her he saw the flowers all starting to bloom and realised that’s where the light was coming from, their neon colors shining brightly in the dark. His breath caught as he watched, turning his head slightly to look around them both. He hadn’t seen this in such a long time, he’d almost forgotten what it was like, how magnificent it could be.

A grin grew on his lips at the sight of Audrina’s smiling face as she looked back at him, amazement in her grey orbs washing away all the sadness that had been there before. “I’d almost forgotten what this looked like.” He sighed and watched in his own amazement as the greenhouse lit up with all the different neon colors. He loosed his arms from around her waist and shifted back to take her hand instead, he didn’t want to let go but this way it would be easier to appreciate the display of blooming flowers. “It must be midnight. They only bloom like this at midnight.” He said with a soft smile, suddenly feeling a wave of homesickness.

“They’re nicknamed The Midnight Flower. I’m not sure what their proper names are. There are gardens in Idris and the Glass City that have these flowers. ” He explained.

[Yunalesca]

She barely felt him shift to take her hand as her eyes lifted from his to the flowers beyond him once more. If they only bloomed at midnight that would explain why she had never seen them before. She was usually out fighting vampires at that time or tucked into her bed. She never had a reason to be in the greenhouse at this time until now. She was admittedly a little surprised that it was so late as she didn’t feel very tired. Her sleep schedule had changed over the past few days to that of a normal person and it was a little different to feel so awake yet. “That would explain things. I’m never up here this late.” She said softly before looking back to Eli, seeing the expression on his face. He looked reminiscent and it wasn’t necessarily a happy look. She recognized it as one she may have had when she first left home. He was homesick and she suddenly felt bad about it, like it were her fault.



She licked her lips before biting down on one nervously, wondering what would be appropriate for her to say in this moment. Her fingers tightened a little through his in an attempt to offer comfort again. "If it looks like this I think I can start to see why you would miss it. It's something worth staying up for every night." She said softly as she held his gaze, ignoring the illumination for a moment. She was feeling this urge to tell him maybe he could take her there someday, but it was a pipe dream. She didn't think she would live long enough for that. Forget that for a moment her mind sighed and she managed to brush the thought away. That was no way to end an evening, not after what he had confessed to her. She didn't know how she would feel if she bared her soul to him and he told her he wouldn't be there much longer to go on adventures with her. Actually, she knew how she would feel and it wouldn't be pleasant.



Her thumb stroked his skin absently at the thought before she shuffled the tray to the side with her other hand and moved to sit beside him, their bodies touching before she even leaned her head on his shoulder. As she settled in and stretched her legs out before her she brought her other hand over his and moved the coupling to her thigh as though it were normal. As though they were something and this happened every day. She sighed contently as the flowers twinkled back at them. "I'm not a flower girl, but it's hard not to appreciate something like this. I can't believe I've been here all this time and never knew about it." She said aloud without any real point to what she was saying. Yet somewhere inside her all she could think was she was glad to have found this with Eli. It was a special moment that she would lock away in her head. That had been happening more and more frequently. She was keeping little tidbits for herself, to think about later when the demons were encroaching on her again.



After a time of silence just to take in the scene and the feelings of the moment she lifted her head from his shoulder and looked at him again, a somewhat shy smile coming to her face. "I'm glad we did everything tonight. It's nice to pretend to be normal and just get away from it all for a while. I appreciate you coming along." She said, forgetting she had already thanked him once tonight. As she looked in his eyes she felt now would be the moment to kiss him like she wanted to deep down, but before she gave in she took a breath and dropped her gaze, shying away from him slightly. Intimacy with Eli was becoming different, evolving into something she wasn't quite so ashamed of, but every time she got close to pushing it further she was reminded of Maddox. He was nothing like the werewolf, but it had become imprinted on her brain. Every time she tried to break past her own barriers to reach out to him she felt the alpha's breath on her throat, heard his voice in her ear. She swallowed and bit her lip, still keeping her hands threaded with his. It'd been more than 24 hours since the incident and she still wasn't recovering very well. How long would this take?

[Serendipity]

Eli glanced sideways at the blonde as she stated that she had never been up in the greenhouse at this hour, he was reminded that she hadn’t ever seen these flowers in bloom before and was suddenly glad that she was experiencing this with him for the first time. It made the moment even more special, something he could reflect back on later with a smile; it would be a good memory of the two of them. He’s sudden feeling of homesickness was slowly fading as he watched the scene light up her face, the different colors of light reflecting in her eyes and he found himself watching her instead of the flowers. She was beautiful already but the lights shining in her eyes and coloring her features made her seem almost like an ethereal being and he wanted to imprint the image of her in his mind.

He averted his gaze as she tightened her fingers through his and began speaking again, the movement making him aware that he was staring at her again. Eli made a soft sound of agreeance and nodded his head, it really was worth seeing and he didn’t think it would ever grow dull seeing this every night. He wanted to tell her that it looked even more amazing from above, there were certain locations in Idris that looked down on the City of Glass and some of the surrounding estates where you could see almost every one of these flowers that grew there blooming beautiful colors at the same time. That was certainly something to see. He didn’t tell her this however, simply because from what he knew she had no plans of ever going to Idris and it seemed cruel to let her wonder what seeing that would be like.

Eli looked down wondering what Audrina was up to as she shifted the tray from between them and then like the flowers they were watching a smile bloomed over his lips as he understood what she was planning. She moved beside him, closing the distance the try of food had created between them and laid her head on his shoulder. There was no awkwardness at the closeness they now shared, it felt more natural than anything, like it was normal for them to do this. At her content sigh he smiled to himself before leaning his cheek against the top of her head following the line of her gaze. “I didn’t know either,” Eli said, but then he hadn’t been at the Institute as long as everyone else had. “Now we know, maybe we should come up here more often at this time.” He stated, not realising he was using ‘we’ as though they often did things together.

Silence gripped them, but it wasn’t a bad silence, as they both took in the scene. Every now and then his fingers would squeeze hers gently or his thumb would copy the movements of her thumb and stroke her skin. After a while he felt her stir and lifted his head so she could lift hers from his shoulder and look up at him, thanking him again for tonight. “I’m glad too, it’s been a good night. I think we both needed it.” He agreed.

[Yunalesca]

She hadn't missed the 'we' hidden in his statement. He wanted to come up here again but he wanted to do it with her. It made her chest tighten with several feelings and not all of them were rainbows and butterflies. She wanted nothing more than to come up here again at this hour and pretend away. She wanted to think she could have this, something she had fought against for so long. But there was that reminder in the back of her mind that this wasn't something she could have. She didn't deserve him and she was most definitely not a girl for him. It made her wonder why he fought so hard for her or why he was even with her right now. She had pushed him away at every turn until recently. Just let it be she thought as he responded to her, expressing he too was glad this had occurred. Regardless of the darker thoughts in her mind he got a slight smile from her.

"Even riding the dirty transit line like a Mundane and the subgrade popcorn?" She joked, thumb running over his hand again affectionately. She knew she should stop this now before either one of them got much more attached, that tomorrow things had to go back, but she was fighting it. She wanted this almost as much as she wanted to redeem her mother. But she could only choose one and unfortunately she couldnt choose against her family. She wasn't sure if this sadness reflected in her eyes or not as she dropped them from his for a moment to their hands entangled in her lap. He made this easy and that was dangerous. She should have never let it get this far, but having him as a friend until that day was plausible. Not enough had happened between them to make her think of him as anything more, though a part of her wanted that. Her mind continually went back to more depressing realizations when she was trying to enjoy what could be the last nice evening left with him. That was how it worked for her, she was a self sabatour.

"I just realized you never asked me another question." She said softly while trying to drag herself out of the rut she had dug. As her eyes lifted again she offered him a soft smile, the flowers illuminating his face. The more she looked at him the more she was realizing how utterly perfect he was. She had never noticed upon first glance. She had been too annoyed with his juvenile tactics to look at his face. And she had never allowed herself such luxuries before either. As always the more she looked at him the feeling of want came. She almost wanted him to ask to kiss her, but the moment she thought it she almost physically shied away from him. She remembered how passion driven their last kiss had been, fierce almost. But it also reminded her of what Maddox had wanted to do to her. He would have taken her mouth without asking, biting her, hurting her in front of Eli for his own pleasure. She knew she had to stop thinking about it, but it kept coming back. He had stolen away her free will and she still felt like he had it. Even from the grave he was instilling fear in her.

[Serendipity]

“Even that.” He agreed with a small laugh, “Though, without your company it mightn’t have been so enjoyable.” He informed her gently, and he meant it. If he had done any of tonight on his own he wouldn’t have had such an enjoyable time, admittedly he probably wouldn’t have eaten at that particular restaurant and try the movie thing. He wanted to say that they should do it again, but he wasn’t sure if that would be pushing things a little too much. There had been a reason they had gone out, after the events of the last 24 hours they’d needed a reprieve from the Institute.

Tomorrow or even next week would be a different story and he’d told himself this already but it was still disappointing knowing that they really had no reason to spend any more time together. Although they had made an excuse to train together, after that other than wanting to spend time together but that would mean Audrina admitting to the fact that she liked spending time with him. Even though Eli felt that their relationship had strengthened over the last few weeks, he could have been the only one thinking it had and perhaps all of this tonight had really just been a distraction for her.

He didn’t let himself fall into those thoughts as he felt her thumb running over his skin again and he was reminded that he should just be enjoying the moment now instead of worrying about the ‘tomorrows’. His attention was brought back to Audrina’s face as she spoke again and he caught her soft smile, returning it with one of his own. “I thought it was your turn to ask me something else...” Eli answered as he tried to recall whose turn it was in their ‘ask questions’ activity they’d had going, he’d become distracted by his story and then the midnight flowers and had lost count of whose turn it was. It didn’t particularly matter though.

“Have you ever been to a carnival?” He asked, his question sounding a little random but it wasn’t as random of a question as she might think it was. All the different neon colors from the flowers had reminded him of the carnivals he’d been too in London, they tended to draw demon activity and he’d often frequented them when they came to town although he’d never indulged in any of the rides or games they offered. “All these colors just remind me of some of the carnivals I’ve seen, of course they’re not nearly as spectacular as this.” He explained waving his free hand in front of him to indicate the flowers, which would start to close up soon, they never stayed in bloom for more than the hour.

[Yunalesca]

Her destructive path of thinking was halted when Eli spoke, his voice dispersing proverbial demons as he asked her a more random question. Her brow lifted slightly in quizzical fashion until her mind made the connection. She could see how the lights playing out around them might make one ask such a question. She smirked slightly at his comment before shaking her head. “No. They have them here in the city sometimes, but I’ve never had the time since being here. The others have gone because of the demon activity, but I didn’t do a whole lot of that.” She confessed, realizing she was leading toward coming out with why she hunted vampires again. She had told him she might be able to talk about it someday, but she didn’t want to do it now. He had just confessed something hard to swallow and she didn’t want to bring the night down again with her own story. Not to mention she didn’t entirely trust what his reaction would be. Hearing someone talk of how they had to slay their own mother wouldn’t be received well no matter how close they may have become.



“That could be something we check out. I’m not sure if we missed it already, they usually have one in the beginning of fall.” She offered, remembering something being set up in Central Park the year before when she had been floating through the city and hadn’t taken up residence at the Institute yet. “We didn’t really have them in France, at least not like here. Where I lived it was a small village, desolate. It was a lengthy drive to a town that would hold something like that.” She left out the fact that she felt this was what her parents had intended when they settled in the countryside before she was born. There was no sense in bringing other memories up that had potential to be harmful. She was self destructive and didn’t need to be bringing him down with her. She brushed the thought aside and smiled lightly at him again. She had never had intentions of going to one of the carnivals that made their way across the country, but if Eli was there she was more than willing to consider it.



She dropped her gaze for a moment to gather her composure, remembering their forgotten tea and tray of food. The cups were no longer steaming which led her to believe the tea had gone cold and it wouldn’t be particularly tasteful at this point. “Did you want more to eat? I should probably seal the cheese soon if we’re done with it, though I don’t think anyone else would know the difference in flavor.” She said the last part with near exasperation. She hadn’t cooked for them often, but when she did she didn’t gather they had a palate like her and so didn’t appreciate the care she took in selecting ingredients. Eli might not have that refinement either, but he always seemed gracious when she made something for him. Like he had never had anything better. This made her bite her lips slightly in a shy smile at the memories, a private thought she wasn’t about to share out loud. “I would ask if you had a favorite cheese but I get the feeling you’re scope is limited to choices like American and Cheddar…and now Irish.” She said to him with a slight smirk, fingers running delicately over his skin once more.



“I think I have one more question before we should wrap this up. I’d like to not be found when the others are lurking the halls.” She offered as she didn’t want to get into the particulars of where she’d been. It wasn’t that she was ashamed to have been with Eli, but it was the fact she felt it was a private matter and wanted to keep it between the two of them. She took a breath and looked out over the expanse of the garden to think of her next question. That one was still lurking in the back of her mind. Kiss me echoed in her ears, but she didn’t voice it out loud. She may want it now, but it was a bad thing to ask for. She could seize up under his touch, remembering Maddox, or she could be leading him on again. She had to remember that one day this would have to stop or she would get him hurt. “Alright, if you could have any pet in the world, what would it be?” She asked, looking back at him in that moment. It was another random question that wasn’t very personal, but she felt they had dwelled into his heart already tonight. He had bared a part of his soul and she cherished it. She couldn’t possibly ask to press him for more.

[Serendipity]

“We should definitely look into it.” Eli agreed with a small hopeful smile. Now that he’d asked the question and his thoughts had been turned to it, the idea that they could go to one of the carnivals held in central park together was growing on him. The few times he’d been, he had been on ‘demon business’ and hadn’t lingered long enough to be tempted by the carnival atmosphere. Going to one with Audrina seemed like it could be a fun idea, a place where they could perhaps let loose a little more. Eli had no problems with having fun, it was something he slipped into easily; Audrina on the other hand was more conservative, there were all those walls she was still sitting safely behind. For Audrina’s sake he was also being a little more conservative than he usually would. Eli didn’t doubt that she was capable of having a good time, it was in there somewhere, he had seen glimpses of it.

“No thanks.” He shook his head politely at Audrina’s offer of more food, he’d had enough and had been far too caught up in talking that his tea had gone almost stone cold. “Hmm. I’d like to think I’d know the difference, but I probably wouldn’t” He laughed softly at her reference to the others not knowing the difference in taste from fresh cheese to stale cheese. “I really like cheddar, but that Irish cheese isn’t bad.” Eli replied with a small shrug and smile. As her fingers ran lightly over his skin his own thumb automatically smoothed over her skin, appreciating the intimacy the light touch was creating.

The intimacy between them was steadily growing even with the lightest of touches between them, and it could possibly turn dangerous if they weren’t careful. He knew for Audrina’s sake he shouldn’t let it get any further, but it was still difficult to pull away or tell her they should go their separate ways for the rest of the night. So he was a little relieved, but of course still disappointed, when she announced that there was one last question she wanted to ask him before they both went to their rooms. He turned his gaze back towards her, giving her his full attention, the smile he’d had for the majority of the night still turned up his lips.

Her question was about as random as his question about the carnival had been and it wasn’t a personal question either, he figured like she had that there had been enough personal questions for one night. Hopefully though there would be more nights for more questions. He didn’t have to think long on his response, the answer came to him almost straight away and he wondered if somewhere in the subconscious of his mind he’d thought about having this particular animal as a pet. “A dog.” He answered simply and then had to chuckle because it almost sounded like that was a lame answer, the majority of the male population were probably dog lovers. “Maybe two. No particular breed, it would be more like the dog chooses me not the other way around.” He explained. “And you?” He asked, now curious as to what animal she would prefer as a pet.

[Yunalesca]

She hadn’t expected much from him in the form of an answer, but hearing him say a dog was different than what she had thought it would be. Her brow rose and she almost laughed before she bit back. A dog was generic, but she supposed they were called ‘man’s best friend’. She’d never had one so she couldn’t say she understood their appeal. If it all weren’t so fresh in her mind she might have found it a bit comical that he liked dogs and his brother was now a werewolf. Maybe over time he would have found that funny, but right now she felt it would be like throwing acid on the already aching news. She dropped her gaze to hide her reaction to the comment, licking her lips as a small smile tugged at her lips regardless of her efforts to hide it. Maybe he was just a lot simpler than she had previously imagined. She had thought he was complicated, but after spending time with him she was seeing more and more how false that assumption had been.



Her eyes turned back up to him as he turned the question back to her and she actually had to think. “Well…I don’t know. I’ve never really had one before.” She started, feeling his thumb run across her skin softly. She couldn’t end with that, but it was hard to choose something when you’d never had the experience. People in the village in which she’d lived had owned cattle, cats, dogs, and every other farm type, but all that had seemed a little too safe for her. She liked the feel of a cat curling up on her chest when she took naps outside in the sun, but she didn’t think it would be her choice if she could choose anything. As she sifted through her memories it came to her and her face lightened up, a small reminiscent smile coming to her lips. “Outside of the town I lived there were these foxes who would come out and play with their young every spring. They weren’t red like American foxes, they were kind of a brown and white, but they were what I thought to be the most beautiful creatures. If I could have anything it would probably be one of those.” She stopped and let out a soft laugh. “So I guess in a way I’d want a dog, too. They’re in the same family somewhere along the line.” She said to him with another smile as she ran her thumb over his hand in return.



She had said one more question before they went and now she was wishing she had chosen something else. Something that would drag out their conversation for a longer time, but it was getting late and she wanted to be in bed before the others came looking for her. She was reluctant to go, but she could feel the intimacy shifting. She had to stop it before something happened she might greatly regret. It may not come to her mind right away, but eventually it would come down on her and send her over the edge. As she looked into his eyes she felt that pull again, that want to close the distance. She almost did it, but she took a breath and averted her gaze. “We should go.” She whispered as her voice was failing her. She wasn’t sure if he caught on to what had almost just happened, but she wasn’t about to ask. Instead she lifted her eyes and smiled before finally separating their hands and grabbing hold of the tray. She found her feet on her own before turning slightly to him. “I can put this away if you want to head to bed.” She offered.

[Serendipity]

He hadn’t ever owned a dog himself, his parents had always been opposed to the idea for reasons he’d never thought to ask; maybe they’d thought getting a pet would be too distracting for their sons who had been on their way to becoming Shadowhunters. As Eli reflected back on those times he guessed he wouldn’t have time for a pet, not with all the study and training he’d been so immersed in; it would have been unfair for the animal, especially as he and his brother had grown older and after his parents had both gone he had been far too focused on other things to ever worry about getting a pet. He was too busy thinking back on the why he’d never had a pet before to make the connection that Audrina had made, his brother was now a werewolf, a wolf, a canine - a dog. He was coming to terms with his brothers transition, slowly, he still didn’t like to think about it much but he might not have thought that his pet choice of a dog was so comical since his brother now was one.

“What? Too predictable? Being man’s best friend and all?” He raised a brow slightly at the amusement he saw cross her expression at his answer, he supposed it might have seemed like a common choice for a male. He was curious then at what her choice of a pet might have been, if she’d ever thought about having a pet at all. Hearing her answer, Eli smirked a little but not in an unfriendly manner, he was just a little surprised by her response. He’d never heard of the foxes she spoke of, but that wasn’t to say there weren’t any. “A fox?” His brow quirked, intrigued by her answer. “That’s different but there’s nothing to say that they wouldn’t make a great pet.” He offered with a small smile.

It was time to go, they had had their last question as Audrina had said and as much as he wanted to keep the conversation going it was getting late and she had already stated she didn’t want to run into the others when they got back. Eli, however couldn’t look away from her when the time came to get up and pack everything away, he felt the air shift and knew she felt it too. It was as if they were both thinking about it, that this time was the perfect moment to share a kiss. It would only take one of them to close the distance and he almost did until she took a breath and dropped her eyes from his. He was disappointed but at the same time he understood that that level of intimacy between them was not something that could happen at the present time.

Biting down a sigh he nodded as she suggested they go, breaking the silence that had also fallen between them. He stretched his legs out in front of him as Audrina collected the tray, he pushed himself up then gently took the tray from her so she could stand. “I can help with this.” He said gesturing to the tray and attempting to draw out the inevitable, their night out was coming to an end. Eli followed Audrina out of the greenhouse and they both made their way back to the kitchen; he helped her clean off the tray and pack the plates and cups they’d used into the dishwasher before they slowly made their way to their rooms.

He stopped outside Audrina’s room, stifling another sigh because this was really the end of their night. He was reluctant to say goodnight, but it was something he was just going to have to do. His reluctance wasn’t only because it meant they would go to their separate rooms now, it was also due to his worry of how she was going to sleep, if she would be okay sleeping on her own tonight. It was only last night that she'd come to his room because she was afraid to close her eyes in fear of the nightmares that would capture her mind, and real or not Eli didn’t want her feeling that fear again. He had grown rather protective of the blonde shadowhunter, more than he should have and far more than she’d want to know about. “I guess this is goodnight then,” He said, turning to face her as she reached to open her door.

“Goodnight, Audrina.” Eli managed a smile and resisted the urge to place his hand over hers to stop her from opening the door. He wanted to tell her to dream of the midnight flowers they’d seen bloom in the greenhouse or their night together, but it may have only been a reminder of what he was asking her not to dream about. He also wanted to tell her that he was just down the hall if she needed him but that too was just a reminder of everything that had happened and why she might need comfort.

He was about to turn to leave after another smile as she said goodnight to him, but something pulled him back and before he could fully turn to leave he found himself turning back to her and before either of them could comprehend what he was doing he had lifted a hand to brush fringe out of her eyes and had lent in to brush his lips over her cheek. “I’ll see you in the morning,” He whispered as his lips past her ear and he dropped his hand away, this time he did turn around, a lopsided grin forming over his lips as he walked away leaving her to decipher his kiss on her cheek.

[Yunalesca]

She almost protested against his help as she needed some air after what she had almost done, but she didn't say anything as he took the tray and they started back down to the kitchen. She offered him a small smile of thanks instead. She had wanted more time with him and this was the opportunity even if they didn't say much while working to clean up. She packed away the cheese and sliced sausage in airtight bags before turning to help him with the dishes, managing to rinse a cup before he was done with all of them and stacked it in the dishwasher with the others. There were a few small smiles in between as they started back for their rooms, Eli walking her up to her door. A month ago she wouldn't have expected this kind of behavior from him, but then a month ago she wouldn't have accepted it either. She had been given the opportunity to see another side of him and in turn a few of her own walls came down for him. There were still secrets she held close she might never be able to tell him, but he still got wall a little deeper than anyone else ever had. He had seen her cry. She couldnt say the others had witnessed such a thing from her before.

Her gaze lifted to his as he sounded reluctant to leave her for the night, but uttered 'goodnight' just the same. She allotted a warm smile before saying the same to him, her hand on the doorknob. As she was starting to turn she felt his hand brush her hair which made her stop. Her eyes came back up to him before he came near and pressed a light kiss on her cheek. Her eyes closed as her heart raced from the touch, even before he whispered in her ear. She could feel there was more he wanted to say but he held back. Her eyes opened and an almost shy thankful smile was emitted from her. "The morning." She confirmed before fully turning and stepping through the threshold. She closed the door softly and had to take a deep breath once she was away from him. He could have kissed her, but he didn't. He read her and knew the trauma it could inflict. She regretted ever thinking bill of him as it was obvious he cared much more than she had thought possible. She had considered him egotistical and selfish when they first met, but she was seeing now there was more to him. He had let her get past that front to see something a little more raw and sensitive. She whispered his name before moving to get into her pajamas.

-

She had been asleep for a few hours when the dreams resurfaced. She had thought maybe she had put them away safely, but it was not the case as she was once more in a dark and damp room facing down her options. She had been hunted throughout the dream until she landed here, cornered as one in the shadows advanced on her. She knew it was Jarek come to claim her for Maddox. She quaked in her sleep as he stepped closer, revealing slivers of his face with were fangs being highlighted. Sweat beaded her brow as her eyes shifted beneath her lids indicating the rapidity of the dream, everything unfolding faster. Her hands flexed and tightened around her deep blue comforter, creasing the fabric.

"Nowhere to run. No one to save you." He said as she backed into the wall and an overwhelming sense of fear rumbled through her. She had been confident and cocky when dealing with him last, but she knew what was in store for her. She knew she couldnt overpower him. He was right in both respects. She had been cut off from help and had run herself into a dead end. Her fingers scraped against the cold stone wall as one heavy booted foot came closer. "Because of what you did Maddox gave you to me first. I get to..break you in so to speak." His voice rumbled with laughter as she tried to melt into the wall. She felt hot tears stain her cheeks before he moved at her, pinning her against the wall with his weight. She felt herself sob loudly as what was coming racked her brain.

"Don't..." She pled and he laughed at her before running his nose up her throat like Maddox had. She heard him whisper in her ear about Eli being unable to save her now. Her brows knit tightly in pain as she thought of him and how broken she would be if he ever got to see her again. "Please," she pled before his hand pressed her face to the wall and he sank his canines into her neck like a vampire. She screamed in pain as her blood dribbled down her collarbone, the sound coming out as a painful choke as she slept in her bed. As he bit down harder his knee slid up between her legs to signal what was coming. "Eli." She sobbed as Jarek removed his bite and forced his bloody lips on hers.

[Serendipity]

Eli had showered and changed into his sweatpant bottoms that he usually wore to sleep in and headed back into the room to at least try and get some sleep. He wasn’t sure if it was going to be possible, like Audrina he was a little fearful of what he might see once he closed his eyes. He knew what he would see -and it wasn’t either of his parents deaths-, he’d see the rogue werewolf, Maddox, and Audrina pinned underneath him as he made to break her completely. It was horrible to even think about let alone closing your eyes and witnessing the events unfold, helpless to do anything to prevent it. The worst part of reliving it all was that in dreams events of the past could be warped and play out very differently, and in nightmares the worst always eventuated.

He sighed and sank down on the edge of his mattress, reaching for the top draw of the table beside the bed he opened it and pulled out his witchlight setting it to a faint white glow. He felt like a child again, needing a night light of sorts, but the soft glow was better than a pitch black room. Lifting his legs up onto the mattress he shifted against the pillows and dared to close his eyes, restless sleep or not he still needed it if he didn’t want to be zombie-like the next day. He forced his mind to think on the good moments he and Audrina had had tonight, and seeing her again once the sun was up. These were the thoughts he drifted off to sleep with but they didn’t last, the images turning and warping into something dark and what he had feared he’d see once he closed his eyes.

Flashes of Maddox’s hungry gaze burned out of the darkness, his sick laughter rang in Eli’s ears and he knew what was coming next. This time there was no one holding him down, no one preventing him from getting to Audrina as Maddox pinned her to the ground yet he couldn’t move. He was on his hands and knees as though he were trying to crawl his way to them, but his limbs felt like they were made of stone and it didn’t matter how much he willed them to move they were cemented firmly to the ground. Everything else was faded out around the three of them, and there was no where to look except straight ahead, straight at the werewolf dragging his nose along the side of the blonde’s neck. He could feel his heart thumping in his chest, sweat bead on his forehead and his breathing ragged and coming out in quick succession but he still couldn’t move even a hand to wipe the sweat from his brow.

”Stop!” His mouth could move, he could yell, scream and cry for it all the stop but what good were words when the person he was pleading with had no compassion or morals to appeal to. Audrina’s head turned to look at him, her grey orbs pinned to his bright blue ones, her eyes shone of fear and tears fell freely down her cheeks. ”Please, Eli…”She pleaded, her voice choked with tears and he knew she was pleading for him to help her, save her from what was about to unfold. ”I can’t move. I’m trying, Audrina. I can’t get to you!” He cried and with every ounce of willpower he possessed he tried to crawl forwards without success. ”Help me, please!” She sobbed. ”I’m trying. I can’t move - I’m sorry….I’m so sorry, I can’t get to you…”

”Please!” She screamed as Maddox sank his teeth into the side of her neck, making a path of bite marks over her shoulders, chest, stomach…”Elijah!”

Eli’s eyes flew open, Audrina’s screams still ringing in his ears, and sat up sinking his fingers into his damp hair. He shook his head, shaking the images away, and sucked in two quick deep breaths. His heart was hammering loudly against his ribs and his bare chest was flushed with a fever like heat. His whole body shook as he drew more air into his lungs, trying to get his breathing and heartbeat under control. Audrina... Her name floated into his mind and without a second thought he scrambled off of the bed, his feet practically hitting the floor running. She’d called for him in his dreams, and he couldn’t explain it but he could feel her calling for him now; she needed him.

He didn’t stop to pull a shirt on as he flung his bedroom door open and raced out into the hall, his feet moving towards her room a few doors down. There was no thoughts of the repercussions of wandering into her room unannounced and possibly even more unwelcomed, all he could think about was getting to her, having a sinking feeling that she was trapped in a similar nightmare as he had been. He wasn’t even surprised when he found her door unlocked, although he should have been, and walked straight inside. He did take the time however to close the door behind him before he followed the sounds of her strangled whimpers, he even thought he heard his name in amongst them but they were mumbled and unclear.

He could see the shape of her figure outlined on the bed from the moonlight coming in through her curtains and it was just enough to see her expression scrunched in pain. His heart twisted just as painfully as her expression confirmed the kind of dreams she was having. Eli didn’t hesitate, didn’t care what she might say later if she woke and found him there, and climbed in beside her. At the same time she twisted in her sleep, rolling over so her back was to him, though it only made it easier for him to get in without waking her. He didn’t want to wake her, only sooth her nightmares away and turn her dreams to something sweet as he had done in the past.

Eli shifted onto his side and reached for her, gently pulling her in against his chest, his body curved around hers like a protective shell. “Audrina, it’s okay. You’re okay, it’s not real…” He murmured softly into her hair just beside her ear. One of his arms came over side and found her tightly balled hands. “You’re with me, you’re safe sweetheart.” He whispered and smoothed out her hands so he could thread his fingers through one of hers. “He can’t hurt you. No one can hurt you, you’re with me, think of me - think of the greenhouse.” He said softly, speaking over her whimpers and moans. “The flowers, think of them.”

He wasn’t sure if his words would get through to her or not, but he hope they would, hoped that he could paint a different image in her head and get her to dream about something else. The only thing he could think of off the top of his head was how amazing the greenhouse had looked when the midnight flowers had bloomed. “You’re safe in the greenhouse with me, nothings there that can hurt you. We’re watching the flowers bloom and there’s so many different colors; pinks, greens, blues, purples - they’re lighting up the whole place. It’s magical, beautiful...nothing can hurt you.” Eli continued, his voice soft and soothing, and gentle in her ear.

[Yunalesca]

Jarek's hand had wrapped around her throat cutting off her air when Eli entered the room and she struggled to breathe as her mind thought this was real. She had been able to understand things were dreams in the past, but this all felt too real for her. She could feel his hand running over her abdomen and fingers digging around her trachea. He could sniff out her life and was ultimately giving her the choice to endure or have him kill her. Her fingers tightened around the comforter as she turned over, doing the same in her dream as she tried to roll away from him. As Eli slid into bed with her, arms wrapping about her, it translated into her dream only it was Were arms pulling her in. She shivered and whimpered at the feeling, brain not registering Eli's scent or even his touch as the nightmare continued. By the time Eli was talking in her ear Jarek had shredded her shirt and was threatening to continue with the rest of her clothing. She felt the dream fading in and out as Eli's voice filtered in, pulling her from the trauma that was about to happen.

The flowers, think of them she heard in his voice as her brain threw new images at her. Marek was fading away with a howl as she tried to remember their time in the greenhouse. Her brows furrowed in pain as the nightmare kept powering through to take hold again. She wanted to think of Eli, but something wasn't letting her. Were claws raked across her exposed belly, blood trailing down her side. She cried out faintly before she took in a sharp breath and broke free of the dreams altogether. She was shaking beneath Eli's arm as she woke gasping for air. She didn't have to see him to know it was him, that he had come to her in her time of need. "Eli," she sobbed before turning into his bare chest, curling herself against him and crying momentarily. She could still feel Jarek's hands on her. As she cried she felt Eli soothe her, kiss her hair, whisper in her ear. She needed him, but hadn't known just how much until he was there at her worst. "It was Jarek," she started, but couldnt finish as she buried her head deeper into his chest. In the past she would have been angry with herself for allowing him to see her like this, but fear had been driven through her heart and she admitted to needing him.

"I thought it would stop." She managed as her crying slowed, leaving out how she wished she were as brave and strong as she put on in public. Shadowhunters were a brave species, but as of late she had begun to feel she wasn't. "Oh Eli." She said in pain before her hand slid out between her body and his to wrap around his torso. She felt his smooth skin under her fingers and realized finally that he was without a shirt. It should have made her feel wary, made her afraid of intimacy, but she knew now he only had good intentions. His lack of clothing didn't bother her as it once did. "How did you know I needed you?" She questioned without expecting much of an answer. Admitting to herself she needed him was kind thing, but to vocalize it to him was something else. Her other hand pressed to his bare chest and moved her fingers over his skin as though she were the one comforting him instead of the other way around. She needed the contact, needed to feel that he was really there. Her head rocked back and forth against his chest as her heart rate began to slow and with it a relaxation came. He was warm and familiar. Her nightmare was slowly becoming a distant memory.

"Please stay. I don't care if anyone notices...I need you." She asked of him truthfully, admitting again that she wasn't as strong and that she did need to lean on someone. She was afraid he would go now that she was awake and knew he was there, could feel his naked torso beneath her hands. He knew how she felt about intimacy, her blatant fear of it, but she trusted him and could care less about his bare skin under her hand. All she wanted now was to fall asleep with him again. She had told herself it couldn't happen again and that she would have to begin severing ties, but now that he was there she didn't want him to go. He chased away nightmares and his body heat helped lull her back to sleep. She took in a breath, his scent filling her nose, before she pulled her head away from his chest finally and looked at him, eyes pleading. Nothing else mattered to her in that moment but having him there.