i never asked to be saved [r], mortal instruments - Seren

[Yunalesca]

In a flash the dream of holding her sister to her ended and the next began. She could feel a quake coming up inside her as she knew exactly what was about to happen. She was her child self again, wandering through her home in France looking for her sister. She had been out much of the day working to bring home food and other necessities her sister needed for survival. She knew she could have gone to the Clave at any point in the past few months since her mother had died, seeking asylum, but she hadn't. She didn't want to go to a foster family and didn't want to be separated from her sister. She couldn't bear the thought of losing the last of her family. Couldn't bear the thought of being forced head first into a shadowhunters life that she had forsaken long ago. She tried to live as a mundane and was trying to bring her sister up as best she could in that world, though it wasn't what the younger girl wanted. She had fully embraced the shadowhunting life the moment she had taken her first mark from their father. "Aurelie? she called out in the dream even as her mind was trying to desperately pull away. Her footsteps began leading toward the kitchen and she felt herself shrink back, curling tighter into a ball on her bed.

Before she fully stepped into the room in her dream she felt the warmth again, then heard murmurings of a voice. "It's just a dream" the voice called and she felt herself clinging to it, trying to desperately beg for it to help her. She didn't want to relive this moment again. It was the most traumatic experience of her life that she had tried to bury deeper than any other, deeper than her father's ceremony or the death of her mother. She took in a breath and smelled those familiar scents again. Soap, leather, masculinity. Who was trying to wake her from her terrors, trying to bring her back before her mind broke from the struggle. Don't leave me... her mind murmured before the voice came to her again and she reached out to it. Her child's self was stepping into the kitchen now, but flashes of light were making holes in her vision so she couldn't see the girl lying on the floor in the center of the room. "Audrina" she heard from the comforting voice again and her eyes tried to flutter open as her first steps started toward the body on the floor. She felt a soft sob escape her as she tried to open her eyes, the flashes of light becoming more prominent and starting to completely cut through her dream.

As her young hand reached out for the girl on the floor, she felt her eyes open at last and her arms grabbed for the body beside her. She didn't know who it was, if it was even real, but she clung to it as though it were a lifeline as her ragged breath fought to come under control. She could see the blood on the kitchen floor imprinted on her eyes as she squeezed her eyes shut and her skin broke out in goosebumps, feeling suddenly cold at the memory. She took in the scent of the person she clung to. It was the one she had smelled in her dreams, that comforting one that had tried to bring her out of the nightmare. Was she even truly awake right now? Had she just managed to stumble into another dream that seemed to be more pleasant? Her eyes were so heavy she felt she must have. She felt her face was buried into someone's shoulder, hands gripping onto their shirt as though it were all that was keeping her in this quasi happy dream. With great effort she managed to lift her heavy head and see that she was clinging to Eli, concern etched into his features. She had to be dreaming. He would never look at her that way, would never be in her room with her. She had fallen asleep at the library table. She was still dreaming, and she was dreaming of him.

"Hold me, Eli." He voice whispered before her head buried into his shoulder again. She felt the warmth of him soak into her, this dream feeling much more real than the last. She was so confused as to why he was part of her dreaming, someone she had been trying so desperately to avoid, but he was there and she felt it couldn't be any better. She wasn't dreaming of her sister or her mother and was content with it. She felt warm and oddly safe in this dream, wrapped up in the shadowhunters arms. She felt her heavy lids closing again, seemingly falling asleep in her own dream. Before she did so fully, her head lifted slightly and her lips pressed to Eli's neck, wondering if she felt just as electrified in her dream as she had when he'd kissed her in real life. She felt the spark almost instantly before she sighed his name and pressed her head into him again for comfort. She could be content with this dream.

[Serendipity]

“It’s just a dream…” Eli murmured again, his hand still smoothing down her hair in a soothing motion. He sensed, as a soft sob escaped her lips, that her dream was becoming worse and repeated her name again, sounding as pained as the expression on her still sleeping face. He’d hoped to wake her up before it got worse, but she was deeply immersed in the dream; and it seemed to Eli that soft murmurs weren’t doing much good, unaware that they were actually having a comforting effect on the blonde. The rest of his body, apart from his hand smoothing back her hair and wiping away her tears, remained completely still on the bed, unsure of what else he could do other then talk softly to her to bring her out of her bad dream.

A small gasp of surprise left his lips as Audrina suddenly lifted just enough from the bed to reach for him, her arms wrapping around his chest and clung to him desperately. At first he wasn’t sure how to respond, was she awake and knew who she was clinging to? It was hard to tell since her eyes had also opened slightly red rimmed from the tears that had spilled from behind her lids. He didn’t know for sure, all he knew was that she wasn’t pushing him away but clinging to him, her hands curled tightly into the back of his shirt. As her eyes shut tight once more he felt a shiver go through her and felt her head press into his shoulder, he couldn’t bring himself to disentangle himself from her arms and remind her who she was hugging.

He was shifting a little closer, his arm wrapping around her just as she spoke again, ‘Hold me, Eli’her voice not sounding as distant as it had before, she must be awake he realised. His breath caught in his throat for a moment as he tried to contemplate why she was clinging to him for comfort if she knew that it was him she was pressing herself to. He could only guess that coming out of a dream that must have been worse than he could imagine she was desperate for someone to comfort her regardless of who it was. If Jace was sitting here with her, she’d probably be doing the same thing, Eli thought. He didn’t mind though, she was clearly rattled from her dream, he was just glad someone was here for her even if it had been Jace or one of the others.

Eli’s hand curled gently into the hair at the back of her neck holding her head against his chest. Trying to keep his heart beat at a steady pace became difficult having her this close to him, but he managed to keep it at a steady beat. Now wasn’t the time for her to find out just how much she affected him just by holding her, he was just realising this himself and was trying to get his head around it. His blue eyes dropped to her smoky grey orbs as she lifted her head to look up at him, her eyes still heavy with sleep. He smiled down at her, unlike any smile he had given her before, this one void of mirth or arrogance, but but something else entirely, a warm reassurance that he was there for her.

His eyes fluttered shut and he stifled a sigh as she turned her head into his neck and pressed her lips softly into his skin sighing his name. “I’m here,” He spoke, a seemingly automatic response. Her breathing became less ragged and more even as the minutes ticked by and they stayed as they were and he thought she must have drifted back to sleep again. Worried that she would fall straight back into her nightmare again if he left her now, Eli shifted Audrina’s legs a little, making room so he could lay beside her - she was still holding onto him and hadn’t let go. He was careful not to make too many sudden movements as he arranged himself on his side facing the wall, and Audrina lying on her side facing into him, her head tucked into the groove between his neck and shoulder, and he felt her warm breath through his shirt as she slowly breathed in and out.

Eli had thought kissing her, having her fingers curled into his hair pressing herself into him as their lips had moved heatedly against each other had been intimate enough, but this...this was a much more different kind of intimate, one that was foreign to him but pleasant all the same. Eli had to remind himself quickly as he tried to determine what this foreign feeling was that soon she would push him away as she realised what she was doing, as the hard exterior she always had up around herself came back and he should be preparing himself for that and not be hurt by it when that hard wall did come back pushing him out.

[Yunalesca]

She was barely conscious as Eli lay her back to her bed, still holding her close and adjusting her accordingly so he could lay beside her. She was still convinced this was but another dream and strangely enough, wasn't fighting it. Her subconscious knew she was physically attracted to him and could see no harm in letting the dream continue. It was pleasant to be cradled against him, taking in his scent as her head rested close to his collarbone. She didn't even realize just how real it all felt and that no dream could touch you, permeate your senses like what was happening in those moments. She probably would have immediately shied away if she knew that it really was Eli holding her and that she had really just pressed her lips to the soft flesh of his neck whilst sighing his name. She would have welcomed the horrors of her dreams in comparison to knowing the reality of the situation at hand.

Her breathing grew quiet and content as the comfort of being in the shadowhunters arms seeped through her. She had never entertained an idea of being held by anyone, by any man, but there was no harm in dreaming about it and so she allowed herself the indulgence. "Eli?" She murmured, voice quiet and almost distant as the heaviness of sleep still fogged her mind. She could have a conversation with him in her dreams. It wasn't really him, after all, and he would never know of it. She could ask anything she wanted in that moment and only she would be aware of it. That was if she remembered this dream at all. There were very few of those she could recall after having them. Just the nightmares of her past were the ones that were the most vivid. "Do you...feel something for me?" She asked quietly as her head adjusted to the side, face toward his ear as her eyes remained closed.

She felt like this was how she could have been if her parents hadn't been taken from her, if her sister were still alive as well. This was who she really could be if she let herself. But that deep seated fear of being left alone again and being trampled for being too soft had a firm hold on her when awake. This part of her could only be entertained in her dreams. She could feel the rumblings in his chest as he seemed to try to voice what he wanted to say, it feeling like some sort of struggle inside. "Don't...answer." She whispered to cut him off from the struggle. Her subconscious seemed to be projecting him pretty well, she thought.

Without thinking much of it, her head came up closer to his neck and she pressed her lips softly to the flesh again. She enjoyed the ability to feel -something- as she did this, even if it were just a dream. Only this time, she didn't stop with the one soft kiss, but continued a line up his neck before stopping just over his lips. "I liked it...the last time." She whispered as her far away looking eyes looked into his, still not really seeing that she was in reality and not in a dream like she was projecting. Her eyes closed as she delicately kissed him, wanting to feel something more intimate and not just the white hot fire that had raced through her when she'd kissed him last. She had felt so alive under his hands in the training room, the kiss they shared making her need him and want him to fill the void. This one, however, was full of a different kind of need. A need for delicate intimacy. A part of her was desperately hoping to remember this particular dream and keep it close when the times of being able to feel nothing hit her hard in the chest.

[Serendipity]

Eli’s own breathing slowed and fell into a matching rhythm with Audrina’s and he allowed his eyes to drift closed, his head resting half on his shoulder and half on her pillow. He opened them again, deciding it might be a bad idea if he allowed himself to fall asleep beside her, if she woke up next time and found him there he might not be as welcomed. But it felt comfortable lying there with her in his arms, soothing her back to sleep hopefully without the nightmares unfolding in her mind again. Her face, he saw as he opened his eyes, was no longer contorted with painful memories, but soft and peaceful. If he hadn’t already seen it first hand he would never have guessed that this woman could have such a tough exterior, she almost looked like a sleeping angel now and the sunlight streaming in from her window made a halo of gold around her head. He smiled at the thought, shadowhunters after all were part angel, but he doubted Audrina would appreciate being thought of one.

He was surprised at how right this felt, natural even, and If she let him in behind those walls of hers they could very well have something quite special together. Do you want that? A voice asked in his head as he continued to look down at her, watching her intently. Do you want more than just a fling, more than just something to keep you occupied whilst you’re here, with her? He was caught off guard by the question and even more so by the sound of his name whispered sleepily from her lips and didn’t have a chance to think about an answer. She was talking in her sleep, dreaming, but dreaming of him, he realised almost horrified; her eyes were closed although her head was tilted as though she thought she was looking up at him. He’d thought she was awake before - just a little sleepy still- but maybe he’d been wrong, it was quite possible that she still thought she was dreaming.

So her question had taken him by surprise, she really thought she was just dreaming that he was here, she’d never have asked him such a question if she were really awake, he was almost certain of it. Did he feel something for her? He felt a lot of things for Audrina; annoyance, frustration, attraction, a pleasurable warmth every time he touched her, a stirring heat when they’d kissed - a desperate need for her and engulfed him. But he suspected she meant something else entirely by her question. “I…” His chest rumbled as his words caught in the back of his throat, unable to get them out. Then she was telling him not to answer, and he complied because honestly he wasn’t sure how he would.

Eli felt her stretch a little in his arms and quickly found out why as he felt her lips once more pressed to the side of his neck and his heart flip flopped in his chest as heat welled up beneath the section of skin she’d kissed. His breathing grew a little ragged no longer matching the steady rhythm of hers as her lips trailed more kisses up his neck and over the line of his jaw. He thought he’d stopped breathing completely as her lips then found his, and he thought maybe he was the one dreaming now. ‘I liked it, last time.’ He heard her say and knew exactly what she was talking about - the kiss in the weapons room they’d shared, well the one he’d pretty much forced her into. She’d said she hadn’t felt anything, nothing, and had walked away leaving him feeling empty. Now she was admitting that she had felt something after all.

Her lips pressed into his before he could respond, but again he was baffled at what to say, especially when he realised now that she thought she was only dreaming of him being there. He tried to resist kissing her back at first, feeling as though he would be taking advantage of her if he did, but as her lips willed his to open with the soft pressure she was placing upon them, he couldn’t resist and kissed her back. This kiss wasn’t anything like the one they’d shared just last night, it was delicate, slow and set a different kind of flame alight in his stomach. Instead of a white hot fire burning there, it was a gentle warmth that spread through his entire body.

“Audrina…” Eli sighed her name between kisses, his fingers brushing lightly over her cheek before they sunk into her hair and he held her face close to his so he could deepen the kiss, but still kept it slow and tender. Stop! Someone suddenly shouted in the back of his mind, and he thought it sounded like the woman he was kissing. This made him pull back as he remembered that she didn’t realise this was real, that she was really kissing him. A wave of guilt washed over him at his own selfishness making him not care that she was dreaming because this was what he wanted from her. It was wrong though, and carefully he detached himself from her and got off the bed.

He walked away from her, glancing back at her once over his shoulder almost regretfully, as he left her room, quietly opening the door and slipping out. His lips still felt warm from her kiss and as he run his tongue over them he could taste her there. Eli groaned and closed his eyes tightly, getting on that bed with her had been a mistake, he’d thought he had been doing a decent thing, staying with her and coaxing her out from her nightmare. But he’d just made it worse, if she ever realized that she had really been kissing him and he’d kissed her back, she would be furious. Not to mention now he was aware that she did feel something for him, she had admitted it, and she’d been dreaming of him too. How could he not acknowledge that, not pursue her any longer when he knew that.

Eli shook his head and quickly walked away from her bedroom door, glancing around to make sure no one had seen him emerge from her room as he stopped outside his room and slipped inside.

[Yunalesca]

The moment she felt the kiss being returned, the gentle murmur of her name against her lips, everything inside her began to warm. Her hand had delicately delved into his hair almost exactly as he did the same to her. Parts of her that had been long buried rose back up and willed for this moment to be real. She almost whimpered against his lips at the thought, but was stopped as he broke from her. She felt confused at his sudden departure, the spot he had just occupied still warm to the touch as she lay back down upon hearing her door close. Dreams were fickle and did not always go as one thought they would. Apparently it was the case here. She felt herself yawn as she snuggled in tighter with her pillows, a new exhaustion taking her over.

*

It was past mid-day by the time she woke up from what she had thought was her dream of Eli. She still remembered it and felt her fingers brushing her lips as though to recall it before fully realizing where she was. She sat up straight in a panic as she looked around and saw she was in her bed. When had she come here? All she could remember was reading a passage from the vampire book and then she woke up in her room. Her boots were off and she vaguely recalled removing them, but she was still cinched in to her dress which now made her body ache at this realization. “How…” She breathed as she sat there in her bed and tried to recall anyone having woke her or having stumbled back on her own. Nothing came to mind and she bit her lip, desperately trying to recall anything. Someone must have seen her passed out and brought her to her room. It had probably been Jace, it sounding like something he would do. Sighing, she rolled out of the bed and made for the bathroom to clean up.

She peered at herself in the mirror and noted her scratch had been cleaned. Another thing Jace was likely to do, she presumed. Alec would have dropped her in the infirmary and forced another of his healing runes on her. That left only Jace to be concerned enough to clean the blood from her face. She sighed anew before starting to remove the dress, feeling her body almost sigh in relief with her as it hit the floor and she could breathe properly again. She quickly turned the shower on full blast and stepped in to wash away the grime of the night before. She wasn’t even aware of what time of day it was. All she could think about was the dream she’d had of Eli. The feel of his lips against hers…it’d felt so real and so pleasant. It was something she could never let happen in real life, however. It was a liability that would just leave her more hurt than before.

*

She emerged from her room after the shower and having dried her hair out, donning simple denim jeans, a tank, and black blazer. She opted for comfort as her body ached all over from the last fight she’d gotten in and having slept in her dress. As she stepped into the kitchen for tea, she noticed Isabelle poking through the refrigerator for food. When she heard the blonde enter, she spun around and smirked. “Rough night?” She questioned and the blonde sighed.

“You might say that.” She offered simply as she put the kettle on. The brunette was looking at her knowingly, like she knew something the blonde didn’t. “What?” She asked and got another smirk from her.

“You were after vampires again last night. Don’t deny it. We saw you throw the one over the balcony at the club.” She said with an amused glint in her eyes as she hopped up on the counter top to sit.

“Ahh. Well, he was too forward. I did the world a favor.” She lied and turned the stove up higher to speed up the process. She could not be having this conversation. Isabelle was digging for something and Audrina didn't want her to find out whatever it was she was looking for. Especially if it had to do with Eli in some fashion. She couldn't get over the vivid dream she'd had of him, the way his lips had pressed down on hers delicately. It was something she could have, but never would.

"Wow. You didn't hear a word I just said." Isabelle exclaimed and Audrina jolted from her memory. She felt her cheeks begin to turn pink and turned away from the shadowhunter. She didn't need any more fuel for the fire.

"Forget the tea. I've got some reading to do." She said and flipped off the range before making a hasty exit for the library.

[Serendipity]

Once inside his room he leaned against his door as his mind reeled over what had just happened. Audrina had kissed him, he could still feel her lips on his, the taste of her there as a reminder that it had actually happened. Audrina had been the one in a dreamstate, not him. He had thought she was awake though, perhaps still a little groggy from waking up from her bad dream. If he’d known she was still sleeping, or thought she was still sleeping and only dreaming, he would have never climbed into her bed with her even if it had proved a good way to alleviate her from waking up shaken from her nightmares. He’d gone a step too far again he realized and it had ended up with him kissing her again.

But, dreaming or not, she had told him that she had liked it the last time he’d kissed her and in doing so admitted that she’d lied about what she’d actually felt in the weapons room with him. She had even said his name, twice, so there was no confusion as to who she thought she was seeing in what she believed to be a dream. Now that knowledge was locked away in his mind, playing on his thoughts and making it difficult to decide what he should do about it. She would just deny it if he told her she had really been kissing him, or worse accuse him of tricking her into it. He couldn’t tell her that it was real, he would just have to go on allowing her to believe she’d only been dreaming.

Eli ran his fingers through his hair quickly and pushed off from the door headed straight for his bed, with all the conflicting thoughts and emotions he was having at the moment he wouldn’t be very good company for anyone and the others may still be asleep anyway. He tugged off his boots which he had put on earlier and kicked them away, almost angrily, before he flopped back onto the bed and covered his eyes with his hands. This was proving to become all too difficult, but it was his own fault, he had started it, he had been the one to insist on chipping away at the walls Audrina had up around herself. It made him wonder though, why hadn’t he given up on her yet, at one stage he’d told himself he would but then he was right back to it.I liked it...the last time. He shut his eyes tightly behind his hands as he heard her voice in his head repeat those words and turned quickly onto his stomach, punching the pillow in frustration.

--

It was almost sunset again when Eli emerged from his room, deciding he couldn’t hide away in there all night. He hadn’t fallen asleep like he hoped he would, his eyes had been closed but his mind was wide awake. He headed, barefoot because he hadn’t bothered to pull his boots on, towards the kitchen in need of a coffee. He almost walked straight back out when he saw a familiar blonde head standing by the stove watching the kettle boil. Of course, as fate would have it, Audrina would be the first person he’d run into. He sucked in a breath at the sight of her, the memory of her soft kisses along his neck and then his lips hitting him like a slap in the face.

Eli clenched his jaw and forced himself to continue into the kitchen, putting on his usual smirk he always gave her when he saw her. “How many bloodsuckers did you manage to dust last night?” He asked in greeting, but didn’t catch her gaze as he headed for the fridge, walking straight past her as though nothing out of the ordinary had happened between them. “Alec’s pissed by the way, but when isn’t he when it comes to you. You were apparently staying home,” Eli drawled, making sure there was an equal measure of sarcasm in his words as there was humor over the fact that Alec was angry with her again.

He pulled out a half full container of leftover Indian food he had brought home the night before and flipped the lid off of it. Forgetting that he'd actually come into the kitchen to make a coffee, but since Audrina was by the stove food would do instead. As he waited for her response he shoved the dish into the microwave and pushed a couple of buttons before it started its heating process. Eli didn’t turn back around to face her, instead he stood watching the microwave turn his dish around and around as it heated up. He couldn’t look at her, his guilt for kissing her back when he shouldn’t have threatening to bubble to the surface.

[Yunalesca]

Her mind had hardly been able to focus on the dry text of the vampire books she had been able to find in the library. Her thoughts constantly drifted to the vivid dream of Eli and she'd finally given up near nightfall, slamming the book closed in frustration before making for the kitchen to possibly find food and attempt to make her tea once more. The books had been utterly useless anyhow, not mentioning anything remotely like what had happened with her mother once. It appeared it was some sort of phenomenon the Clave had yet to catch onto. Or maybe shadowhunters almost never got turned and her family was just the exception. That meant she should be more careful, but when had she ever been that?

She sighed as she turned the stovetop on once more and stared at the kettle, waiting for it to boil. Her head hurt from trying to force the dream out of her mind to focus on the text and from forcibly remembering her mother's dead, electric blue eyes as she stared back at her through the cracks in the cupboard. She stifled a shiver at the memory when she heard Eli's voice from behind her. She almost jumped at it, somehow managing to keep her composure as he seemed to offer a joke with her. "Enough. I never actually lied to him. I had every intention of coming home uninjured. I never said I was -staying- home." She affirmed, trying to keep the conversation light even though her pulse had started to pound at the mere thought of his voice. It brought back that dream in full force, his hands in her hair, arms folded protectively around her, his lips...Stop.

"Alec just thinks he knows what's best for everyone and doesn't approve of my 'desire to consistently put myself in a position to flirt with the reaper'." She mocked, reiterating one of the shadowhunters more favorite phrases when it came to her choice of lifestyle. She felt like this was easy, getting along with him, making jokes. The reality of it was that she was feeling different since the dream she'd had of him and was mildly terrified and intrigued at the same time. Half of her wanted to embrace the thought of him whilst the other, stronger, half wanted to push him away once more. Being involved was dangerous and she was more than likely going to die in the coming months once she found that last lair. Why drag anybody else down into that?

She felt herself pause as the kettle began to hiss, permeating her thoughts. Why was Eli so frustrating and yet finding his way into her dreams. She wasn't attracted to any part of him. She'd dealt with men like him a million times in her life and had never dreamed of them. What made him so different? It was his persistence, she assumed. And the fact she had let him kiss her. She hadn't let that happen in...well, she couldn't remember the last time she had allowed anyone's lips on her own. She swallowed the anxiety that had started to come up and reached for the kettle with a potholder, pouring the hot liquid over her tea leaves. "Interested?" She asked quietly, raising the pot to insinuate the tea, but unable to make eye contact with him. How long would this go on, this awkward dance? She wanted to be cold toward him, but couldn't muster it at this point. Maybe she just needed more sleep.

[Serendipity]

It almost felt strange talking to Audrina, without raised voices or snide remarks, and especially without her glaring at him because she loathed the mere presence of him. If he wasn’t so conflicted inside after what had happened earlier in her bedroom, he might have realized that this could be seen as a glimpse of how it could be between them if they stopped rubbing each other the wrong way. He also might have taken note that she was looking at him differently, as though she were trying figure something out, about him, in her head. But he kept his back turned to her; looking at her and seeing that dark look that she often gave him would only pain him to see it, especially after that sweet moment they’d shared only a few hours ago.

He chuckled, and hoped he had made it sound not as stiff as it felt, as she affirmed that she hadn’t actually lied to Alec, he had just assumed she would stay home because she hadn’t come out with him. “Is that cut on your cheek what you call uninjured?” He asked, and winched, he wasn’t looking at her now to be able to see it, although he could have seen it when he’d walked in. “You don’t actually do that do you, flirt with them?” Eli found himself asking and slowly turned to face her, his brow raised quizzically. He sounded almost jealous, he realized, and quickly turned back around with a shrug as he said, “It’s your business what you do and don’t do with them I guess.” The microwave dinged announcing his food had heated through and pressed the button to pop the door open.

He still hadn’t asked anyone about Audrina’s past, if they knew anything of what had happened to her, something he had been meaning to find out since he couldn’t ask her himself. Every time he thought about talking to Hodge, something would come up and he’d put it off. He knew it wasn’t any of his business, but a part of him wanted to make it his business, make her his business. He’d glimpsed a side of Audrina today, a side he suspected no one else knew existed; a soft side, and a vulnerable one. Knowing what had her putting up her hard exterior could very well help him understand her better. He should find out soon, he told himself as he reached inside the microwave and pulled out his steaming tub of food.

“What?” Eli said as Audrina asked if he was interested in something, he spun around towards her, but at the same time he burnt his finger as it slipped into the steaming food. For some reason he’d thought she was referring to whether he was interested in her, she had asked a similar question earlier after all. “Fuck.” He hissed, more from the shock of burning his finger then from the pain, he had felt worse in the past. He dumped the tub on the counter again shaking his finger a little before he popped it into his mouth to soothe some of the sting away. He looked over to Audrina and realized she’d been asking him if he was interested in some of the tea she’d made and not herself.

Eli shook his head and pulled the tip of his finger from his mouth, “Tea and curry...I don’t think they’d mix well.” He said went to open the top kitchendraw, in doing so it meant moving closer to her which he was acutely aware of but tried to ignore, and pulled out a fork. “Are you going out tonight?” He posed the question casually, as though it were just to keep the conversation going, but really he was curious and also curious about how he’d feel about that if she were going out. He remembered the anger he’d felt at her when they’d discovered her out last night slaying vampires when they all thought she was at the Institute.

[Yunalesca]

She took in a sharp breath as he pointed out the scratch across her cheek, almost sounding upset, angry even. Their whole dynamic was off and she felt it, or was she going crazy? Had the dream permeated into the deepest parts of her and made her want to look at him a different way, want to hear everything he said differently? "A mistake I made close to sun up. It's just a scratch." She said flatly, devoid of any emotion as she stood there trying to really figure out what was bothering her. She was flirting with the idea of him caring about her and she starting to feel likewise. It went against all she had ever been. She'd never wanted nor needed anybody and yet her mind continually reflected back to how she had felt in her dream. She'd wanted it to be real. I haven't eaten today and I was exhausted. That's all. she tried to convince in her mind, even knowing that she had really enjoyed it. She had enjoyed kissing him in the weapons room and there was no other explanation for her behavior other than she was indeed attracted to him on some level. She had lied and said she felt nothing, but he'd made her pulse race and her body catch on fire. That didn't just happen for her.

When he did turn to her and ask about her dealings with vampires she felt herself flush. She couldn't even answer him before he turned back from her, her hand gripping the kettle tightly at the thought of actually 'flirting' with the undead and meaning it. She nearly jumped as he yelled an obscenity, nearly dropping the food he'd pulled from the microwave on the floor. She was still rather rocked from his statement earlier and didn't move to help him before he denied the tea. A part of her mind was trying to alert her to something, but she could barely hear it as her irritation with his statement was flowing over. He's jealous! her mind was trying to tell her, but she didn't hear it. She was too appalled by what his question had been to hear it out. She was shook from it when he asked another question, voice lacking any particular emotion this time. Was she going out? She hadn't really thought about it yet. She probably would, closing in on her mother's location, but that earlier question from him was making her shy away from it. She wasn't sensual with vampires. "I don't know." She stated flatly as she looked down at her tea, watching the water ripple slightly at her voice and his. She couldn't let discomfort get in the way of what she was about.

"Why does that matter to you?" She asked suddenly, turning her head to look at him as she waited for an answer. She still had yet to hear the signals her brain had been trying to give her about him and didn't particularly expect anything from him. He had consistently been bothered by her excursions and she was wondering why. Maybe she wasn't projecting, but really was seeing something from him. Was it that he was bothered she was slaying vampires or bothered by her being in danger? He'd asked for her to kiss him in the weapons room and she'd only thought he'd done so to irk her further, but maybe it was something he'd truly wanted. Maybe he dream had been an attempt to help her see what was really going on with him. At the realization that he might actually -feel- something she felt herself wanting to shrink away. She couldn't have this now. She knew she wanted it, possibly wanted him even, but she couldn't have it. She instantly felt herself withdrawing from her fantasies and burying the dream she'd had of Eli. This wasn't who she was.

Almost out of nowhere the air in the kitchen shifted in tune to her new cold exterior, emotions shutting down and escaping her face as the mask fell firmly into place once more. She didn't care, she assured herself. "If you knew anything about me, you'd know I hate them and won't stop until their beloved Queen is dead...or I am dead." She hissed, the tea kettle falling back to the stove coils in somewhat of a crash before she grabbed hold of her tea cup and stalked from the kitchen. Space, that was what she would have to keep from Eli. He brought things from her that she didn't want him or anyone else to see. He had found some chink in her armor and was weaseling his way into her dreams, into her thoughts. She locked away the memories that made her pulse race as she made for some sort of sanctuary from him, any place in which he couldn't find her. Where that would be she didn't know. He knew the library, knew the greenhouse, knew where her room was. It was almost like the walls of the Institute were closing in on her. Was she having a panic attack? Her mind scoffed at the idea, shadowhunters didn't have panic attacks and most definitely didn't have them because of a bothersome man. Her feet carried her away from the bedrooms and library, deeper into the Institute, down into the cold of the lower levels that stored potion ingredients and where many weres had been slain by demons. She shivered at the thought, but continued forward until she was standing in the small room where Jocelyn had been held in secret. She lowered herself down in a corner and gripped the teacup in her hands, ignoring the burning sensation it sent through her hands as she felt herself building walls again. They never should have been lowered in the first place.

She took a sip of her tea as she stared unseeingly across the room at the ravaged doors that demons had destroyed some time ago. Distance, she had to keep away from Eli and the others. Alec had seen the chinks in her armor, seen her 'skin showing' and warned her, but she hadn't listened. Now she was dealing with things she had never thought she'd have to. Emotions, feelings, complicated matters that shouldn't be in her path. She was feeling them all for the shadowhunter she had saved from vampires that night some time ago and it didn't want to be contained. He would cost her what she'd worked towards for eight years and she couldn't afford that. In frustration, the cup flew from her hand and shattered against one of the stony walls as she felt her chest grow heavy. She'd done a million things she shouldn't have. She should've kept her distance from the start and none of this would've happened. She wouldn't be able to recall his taste on her lips, his hands sliding over her bare skin...Stop! she yelled in her mind and closed her eyes, covering her face with her hands as her head thumped back against the stone.

[Serendipity]

The air shifted almost immediately, into something cold and hard, and Eli knew that her barriers had gone up once more. He’d said the wrong thing, he realised. Although he couldn’t pinpoint what part of anything he’d said that could be blamed for Audrina’s sudden iciness. Eli had thought he was keeping his voice in check, void of what he was feeling inside about the idea of her flirting with vampires; clearly he hadn’t been careful enough. He ignored the food he’d dropped and stared at the blonde shadowhunter whose words had turned as cold as her exterior had become, and he almost shivered as though he could feel that iciness emanate from her into him, turning insides frosty. It doesn’t matter to me, he thought of saying, but that wouldn’t be true. It did matter, more than he cared to admit out loud. He had never been a jealous person before, although now he was realising that he could be and he didn’t like it much.

Eli was taken aback by her last statement before she sent the kettle crashing back to the stove top and left the kitchen, he didn’t have time to respond or the words to do it with as an icy hand seemed to reach into his chest cavity and curl around his heart. ...or I am dead Something about the way she said it, as though she meant it to be the truth, struck a chord inside awakening something dark, something he had kept locked away for such a long time he hadn’t realized it could still affect him so much. or I am dead, Audrina’s words replayed in his head as he stood frozen on the spot even after she had long since left the kitchen. Eli didn’t have to dissect those words and figure out what she had meant, he knew…

And it sent him charging from the kitchen, forgetting the flood he’d dropped or that he was even hungry, in search of the blonde shadowhunter. He raced up the corridor of bedrooms and pounded on her door, but there was no response so he opened it. Upon realising she wasn’t in her room he shut the door a little too firmly in his haste and went to the greenhouse next. He wasn’t sure why he was in such a panic to find her, it wasn’t as if she had said she was going after the vampire Queen tonight and ultimately to her death, he just needed to find her, talk, yell, scream some sense into her. Her words were on replay in his mind and old memories, dark and painful ones, followed.

She wasn’t up in the greenhouse and he hurried back down the spiral stairs from the roof and ran straight into Jace. “By the Angel...where’s the fire?” The boy asked a little amused to see Eli in such a hurry. Eli didn’t hear him, or if he did he blocked the words out, he didn’t have time to talk to Jace. He ignored the boy and pushed past him before racing off to the library, the next place he could think of that Audrina might have gone too. He wasn’t aware of the lower levels of the Institute and they weren’t in his mind to look for her there. Eli took one look inside the library and knew she wasn’t in there either, although it was big space and she could have been hiding behind any number of bookcases. He was running out of places to look; but his panic was starting to twist and warp into something else, a pain that felt like someone had plunged a dagger straight into his stomach.

The last place he could think of to look for Audrina was in the weapons room, although it seemed like a long shot considering what had occurred in that very room between them only yesterday. But she wasn’t in there either, and by this stage he had no clue as to where she could have gone. Instead of leaving this room the moment he knew she wasn’t in there, Eli moved further into the room, shutting the door behind him. He spotted something over in the far corner of the room lying flat on the ground and as he drew closer he saw that it was a punching bag that looked like it hadn’t been used in a while. He picked it up, heaving it over his shoulder before his eyes searched for the hook that went with it that should have been hanging somewhere nearby. His search for Audrina it seemed was done, and now he needed something to take his frustration out.

Eli found the hook to hang the punching bag on and walked over to one edge of the mat and lifted the bag onto the hook. He didn’t bother with gloves before he started pounding into the bag, at first it was only Audrina’s words in his head that he heard as he hit the bag with his fists, but as he continued her words turned into images flashing across his mind every time one of his fists connected with the bag. He punched the bag with his right fist -his father’s laughter ricocheted around a brightly lit room, warm and pleasant, as he looked upon his young son’s sitting on either of his knees. Eli’s left fist hit the bag next with bruising force - his father handing his eldest son a long curved sword, the hilt etched with runes.

Sweat built on his brow in heavy beads that slid down his face as he the more he hit the punching bag the more force he was putting behind each punch. The memories whirled in his mind now as though they had escaped their prison he’d locked them away in and wanted to seek their revenge on him. The first memories were of his father: It was Christmas time, their house lay just beyond the borders of Alicante in Idris, and every window was lit with bright twinkling lights of various colours, images of snowmen had been painted in white around the edges of one window, and santa’s reindeer in another. Carols were being sung within the walls of the two-story country house, high pitched and out of rhythm, but cheerful all the same. Two little boy’s, one several years older with dark brown hair, the other much younger with a lighter brown hair, sat on their father’s lap, each of them to one knee. As they sung the Christmas carols, they bounced on their father’s knee as his laughter enveloped them and his arms kept them upright.

There was a woman standing by a fireplace lined with red and green stockings nailed into the wooden lip and she held a steaming cup of hot chocolate between her hands as she swayed to the sound of their voices. Her hair was braided down to her waist, a light brown like her youngest sons and but her eyes shone bright blue like her eldest sons and she was singing along with the three males. It was happy times for Robert and Elizabeth Ashdown, and their two sons, Robert had taken time off from his shadowhunting duties to spend time with his family. Since Elijah was getting older now, Robert had wanted to be there to see him through his training as a shadowhunter which would start soon. Eli sucked in a breath as he pulled his elbow back preparing for another punch to the bag. He remembered that Christmas, how proud his father had been that he had decided to follow in his footsteps and receive the necessary training it would take to become a fully fledged demon killing machine. Of course being that young, only seven or eight, his training had begun with books and exams instead of swords and seraph blades.

Another memory flooded his mind: The sound of metal slamming against metal rang in the eleven year olds ears as he blocked the oncoming blow of his father's sword with his own, he spun away quick as lightning as the man pulled back and went for another strike at his son and he blocked that blow as well. “Good, keep it up, son.” Robert Ashdown chuckled, brimming with pride. The eleven year old Eli grinned, and with a strength he was only just discovering he had he pushed his father back a few steps and they started again, Eli side stepping and dancing around the man as their swords slapped together with loud clunks. This memory warped into another: ”All ready?” Elijah asked eagerly, he was fifteen now and already had several rune marks burned into his flesh, signs he was welcoming the life of a shadowhunter with open arms. “Ready.” He heard his father say with a nod and a wink before the two of them bid their goodbyes Eli’s mother and younger brother. It was Eli’s first demon hunt with his father and he couldn’t be more excited, and more prepared.

Darker memories quickly followed: ”Father?” A seventeen year old Eli called out from the darkness, his hand reaching inside his pocket to retrieve his witchlight. A white glow shone from the stone lighting his way as he stepped over the remains of demons, although their bodies had shriveled into themselves and disappeared their blood was still splattered over the ground. A panic rose in the back of his throat, his father had never strayed too far from his side before, but Eli had become so distracted by the thrill he got from slicing into a demon he hadn’t noticed that he’d been the one to stray from his father’s side and not the other way around. “Father!” His shouting desperate as he glimpsed a body, a human body, lying face down in a pool of its own blood. Eli skidded to a halt beside the body, dropping to his knees, he hadn’t even realized he’d started running. With shaking hands, and bile rising up into his mouth, the young shadowhunter gripped the broad shoulders of his father and flipped him over onto his back. He fell backwards with a cry of horror as his father’s face stared up at him, mouth open, eyes wide and lifeless, a gash so deep Eli thought he could see bone at his throat.

“No! No, no, no...father’s please…” He cried and before he knew what he was doing he pulled out his stele, ripping his father’s shirt open at the collar, his hands now sticky with blood. He pressed his stele into the flesh at the base of his father’s throat and drew the healing rune there, the black lines burned into flesh but nothing happened, and almost immediately the rune faded as though it had never been there. Eli flung himself at the man’s lifeless form, pounding at his chest, “Don’t be dead, don’t be dead!” He wasn’t sure how long he lay over his father’s body, the man’s blood covering his shadowhunter gear and exposed flesh, before he found the strength to stand up, pulling his father’s body up with him.

Eli shut his eyes tightly, leant over himself clutching his stomach as he allowed another painful memory to take over, this one more devastating than the last: Eli stood in the doorway of his family home, fighting with himself to step through the threshold. He hadn’t seen his mother since his father’s funeral, the moment that was done he’d left Idris. He couldn’t bare to see his own pain reflecting in his mother’s eyes, the same eyes as his. That was almost six months ago, and now he felt like he had much more control over his emotions, that he had done all the grieving he could do and was getting on with his life. At least he thought he had, until he’d returned home and found himself balancing on his heels in the doorway ready to bolt in the opposite direction. He’d received a fire message from his brother who had remained in Idris to take care of their mother who had since found out she was pregnant and wasn’t taking the news very well at all. That was why he was here, to help Travis help their mother get through this next stage in her life.

He sucked in a breath and stepped through the door, and that’s when he saw his brother’s slumped form sitting at the bottom of the stairs, how he hadn’t seen him before Eli didn’t know. Travis looked up at Eli as he entered and he saw the hazel green of his father staring back at him, rimmed red with tears. Travis started shaking his head, opening and closing his mouth to try and spit words out, but it all came out in a gurgling sob. “Trav, what is it?” Eli demanded at the fourteen year old, his brother had never been lost for words in his life, the Ashdown’s were known for speaking their mind. “Mother…” Travis choked out and Eli was racing up the stairs before he could finish. He burst into his mother’s room, but it appeared as untouched as ever, except the window was open. As Eli took a better look around he realized that a thick heavy rope had been dropped out of the window, it was tied to the large four-poster bed. His mother was nowhere insight.

The seventeen year old Eli hurried over to the window only to pull the rope up and close the window, it was cold out and already the room had become chilly. HIs mind wasn’t registering why the rope was out the window, or why it was tied to the bed, not until he tugged on it and felt a heavy weight at the other end. He felt the chilly air wash over him as he stuck his head out the window, and something more than just the cold air chilled him to the bone at what he saw. With a blood curdling cry he tugged at the rope harder, furiously, pulling it up. He fell backwards with his mother’s body wrapped in his arms and tore the rope from her neck. “She hung herself…” He heard Travis’s voice coming from the doorway, the words he’d been trying to say before finally coming out.

“Shut up Travis! SHUT UP!” Eli shouted as he sat on the floor with his mother cradled gently in his arms.

“Enough! No more.” Eli was rocketed out of his memory at the sound of a loud voice shouting out at him. He hadn’t realized anyone else had been in the room. He dropped his hands to his side, which were bloodied and bruised and blinked at the sight of his own blood on the punching bag, he hadn’t felt any pain, his hands were numb. He saw Hodge start towards him, his expression void of any emotion, until he reached Eli’s side and he saw a kind of bewildered horror behind the man’s eyes when he saw the state of Eli’s hands. Hodge’s stele was out of his pocket before Eli could say anything, but Eli pulled his hands away and stepped back shaking his sweat covered head. “It’s alright, it’s nothing…”

[Yunalesca]

Hodge had been standing by the door of the weapon's room for a short time before he yelled for the young shadowhunter to stop, noticing how broken his hands were becoming. He was not one to stop a person from their own form of grieving, for he could tell this was a grief stricken rage that was being taken out on the punching bag. When the grief began to cause physical harm, however, he could not just stand by. He watched as the young man turned toward him as he started down the stairs somewhat hastily, already pulling out his stele to heal the bleeding knuckles. "It's not nothing, give me your hands." He pressed with authority, lacking gentleness in his voice in favor of being stern, knowing he got further with Jace in that venture. Maybe it would work in this case as well. "Hands, Elijah." He said again as his stele glowed expectantly before him.

"It's not my business to pry, but I would like an explanation of what's troubling you, Elijah. I will have to clean your blood off my mats, after all." He said more gently before he was forcing his stele to the shadowhunters hands and healing them. The amount of tension running around the Institute as of late was giving him a headache, slamming doors and raised voices. It was almost humorsome to him to know that this shadowhunter had managed to get under the skin of Audrina so easily, almost humorsome except for the fact that it was making the shadowhunter more hostile than usual and causing damage to the Institute. He'd had to repair some wood paneling around the entrance door to his beloved greenhouse only a day before, courtesy of a dagger she had thrown out of anger. He presumed it was better it had been the wood and not the body of one of the other shadowhunters.

It was from the greenhouse in which Jace had come to the elder shadowhunter in concern for Eli moments earlier, explaining he had nearly been mowed over by the frantic young man, apparently searching for something. Hodge had been resistant to the thought of having to go after the man to find out what was the matter, but it appeared that Jace thought only he could truly reach the shadowhunter if he found him to speak with him. Maybe it would be so as he raised his eyes expectantly to him after having healed his hands fully. He knew practically nothing about the male, which normally wouldn't bother him, but if he were going to be staying for an extended period of time he'd like to know what it was that set him off. And if he was going to have to continually be making repairs to the Institute after Audrina's rampaging.

*

Her mind was made up after having spent a good amount of time in the depths of the Institute. SHe would be going out that evening to find more of a trail that led to her mother. She shirked the thought of having to flirt with another vampire to lure him out to a private place to interrogate, but it was the easiest way in which to do it. SHe was closing in, she could feel it. She would find this Dumort vampire and get the answers she desperately wanted. Maybe she would managed to find the lair in the next few days and be done with it. Be free of Eli permanently. In turn he'd be free of her. She found her way to her feet just as a shadow spilled out across the floor and made her pause.

"You're coming demon hunting with us tonight." Jace said with his arms crossing over his chest. Had he somehow read her intentions. Her eyes narrowed as she started past him. She couldn't be told what to do. "You are coming. Isabelle is busy and we need a girl for..."

"Bait." She cut him off, stopping beside him and giving him a glare. "Not interested. Use Clary." She said, but the shadowhunter wouldn't let her pass. "Clary doesn't have the...presence you do. You've stayed at the Institute for a long time and never helped out. It's time to pull your weight. Be ready at sundown." Was all he said before turning away from her. She stood there in irritation as his steps receded back upstairs.

[Serendipity]

He hadn’t realized his voice had shook, with a deep seeded sorrow and exhaustion from going at it with the punching bag for so long, when he’d told Hodge his hands were nothing he couldn’t fix on his own. Obviously Hodge had heard it, and disagreed immediately, demanding he showed him his hands. He didn’t know Hodge all that well, but in the times he had spoken to the older shadowhunter, he had never heard the harshness in his tone as he was now. Eli held his hands out for Hodge who was ready with his stele to heal the bloodied and quite possibly broken fingers. Eli’s breath was heavy as he sucked in air as though he’d been deprived of it for a long time, and grimaced as Hodge began drawing runes into his flesh.

“I can clean it up,” Eli snapped, he hadn’t meant to and sighed straight after, “I’m sorry.” He quickly apologised, he shouldn’t take his frustration out on the man who had put a roof over his head and gave him a bed to sleep in. His hands were already beginning to heal as Hodge put his stele away, but continued to watch Eli waiting for an explanation. He’d wanted to talk to Hodge, he reminded himself, but not about himself; it was Audrina he’d wanted to talk about. But perhaps it might do him some good to talk to someone about his own issues, issue’s he’d thought he’d long ago locked away for good until something Audrina had said bought them all rushing to the surface again.

“Something...someone said,” Eli began not feeling it right to bring up Audrina’s name, it might sound as though he were putting blame on the blonde for his actions. “Brought up things...memories I thought I had dealt with.” Eli told the older shadowhunter as he wiped his bloodied hands on his jeans and began pacing the mat. It felt like someone had a tight grip on his heart and they were trying to rip it from his chest, but it wasn’t just because of the painful times in his past he’d recalled. Audrina had said, as though the thought of it didn’t bother her at all, like she didn’t feel conflicted with her decision, that she was either going to kill the vampire queen or die trying - it was suicide and something in her tone had let him know she knew it too.

“I told you about my brother, that he’s missing, presumed dead even. If there is even the slightest chance he is alive I need to find him, he is the only family I have left.” Eli went on, though his words were distant as though he were speaking to himself. “My father...he died when I was seventeen - it was my fault, I shouldn’t have been so reckless, thinking I could handle the demons we were hunting on my own.” His nose scrunched at the word ‘reckless’ as if it were something sinful. “They slit his throat.” Eli swallowed hard and ran his bloodied fingers through his hair distractedly. “My mother was devastated, she never said it, but I knew she blamed me. I couldn’t stay with her and my brother after that, I had to leave. I was gone six months when I got a fire message from my brother asking me to come home, things were getting worse with my mother. She hadn’t gotten over her grief, especially after finding out she was pregnant again - a miracle some would call it, at her age. She didn’t see it that way, she was grieving still and for her it was like a slap in the face. She wanted to abort the child she was carrying - my little brother or sister.”

“We convinced her not too. I was planning on coming home, to help her look after Travis and the new baby when it came. Anyway, I got there too late. Grief stricken, she’d tied a rope around her neck and jumped out her bedroom window -probably knowing the fall wouldn’t kill her. She couldn’t be buried in the City of Bones in Alicante alongside my father, the Clave wouldn’t allow it since it was a suicide.” Eli finished darkly and turned on Hodge. “Her hatred for vampires, it’s going to get her killed and she doesn’t even care! She’ll throw her own life away, for what? Her own grief - like my mother did?” He was angry again, but his anger wasn’t aimed at Hodge. Although he hadn’t said her name as reference to who he was speaking about, he suspected Hodge would know. Eli was also confused as to what could possibly have happened in Audrina’s past that made her think the only way she could free herself from it was get herself killed.

“Do you know what she plans to do - Audrina, I mean?” He couldn’t comprehend how anyone could care so little about their own life; his mother hadn’t and for a long time he’d hated her for that, she hadn’t realized how much it would affect her two sons. They had not only lost their mother after losing their father so soon, they had lost a sibling too. Travis was only fourteen, he couldn't raise a teenager when he'd still been a teenager himself. The Clave had took pity on them and sent the two boys to the the Institute in London to be trained by the shadowhunters there. Unlike Audrina it seemed, and even their mother, both he and Travis were able to overcome their grief and get on with the lives they'd been born into.

[Yunalesca]

As Eli started in with his traumatizing story of his past, Hodge remained quiet and gave his full attention to the young man. It seemed many of the young shadowhunters these days had a hard tale to tell, losing their parents, their siblings. He felt some sort of guilt for it, like it was personally his fault. He felt in some ways for a few it was. He had been a part of the Circle that had caused many deaths, many children left without a parent or both because of what they had dreamed of doing. Hodge swallowed his pity and guilt, aware that Eli would probably not appreciate getting pity. He could tell this story hurt the man greatly, but he was prideful and grown. Grown shadowhunters didn’t seek pity from anyone and so the elder kept this in check. When the shadowhunters demeanor changed, however, he felt himself set a jaw in thought of how to handle what was about to come.

He took a breath between Eli’s outburst and his next question, trying to figure how exactly he would venture into this. He knew this would come up some time over the course of the shadowhunters stay and still hadn’t figured out quite how to approach it. It wasn’t something he was necessarily at liberty to disclose, but the young man needed to feel some sort of understanding. She would never come out with it again after having told Hodge and the others her brief story the first time. It was too painful for her even after all these years. This would leave it up to him to inform Eli as delicately as possible. Still, he sighed before settling on how he would go about this. “She has her reasons and I can’t interfere in her affairs, even if I wish it.” He started and saw the shadowhunter bristling. He held up his hand to silence him before managing his way to a small bench at the edge of the room. His hands rubbed together somewhat nervously before he sighed again.

“Her story isn’t quite unlike your own. Tragic and painful. Though she was a lot younger when it all started. The DuPage’s moved from Idris when Gabrielle, her mother, learned she was pregnant with Audrina. They wanted a different upbringing for their children than what was enforced in the walls of the Glass City, though I could never fathom why they would want it. They settled in France before Audrina was born. Her sister, Aurelie, followed a few years later. Everything was fine in their lives until her father, Adrean, was killed when she was thirteen. Demons I suspect though the information was never disclosed. It crushed her mother, but she continued to raise the girls as best she could. Roughly two years after Adrean’s death, vampires came for Gabrielle. I still don’t know why, or how even, but they turned her. Audrina was hiding in the room and watched it happen, too afraid to move as her mother’s life blood drained out onto the floor and was replaced with that of a vampire’s. She raised her sister alone after that, but she also died. Audrina never disclosed what happened, just that her sister had died in her arms one night in their home. When there was nothing keeping her there, she left and began hunting vampires.” He concluded her story sadly, though he had tried to keep emotion from his voice as he told Eli of the girl’s past.

“As for her plans…” he started before sighing heavily. “She’s been tracking down her mother since her sisters death. She is the Queen she spoke of. She plans to kill her so she can be released from this world and rest in the City of Bones with Adrean. A noble cause you could say, if it weren’t so morbid and grief stricken. She never recovered from her sisters death. I feel something far worse than what happened to her mother occurred there, but she won’t speak of it so I never press. That is why she does what she does. I just hope you understand her a little better. She’s afraid of attachment, afraid of being abandoned. Now you know why.” He said simply, looking at Eli with a pained expression.

[Serendipity]

As much as he wanted answers, he knew that Hodge could only give him a small insight to what had occurred in Audrina’s past, and even that it seemed, was reluctantly. But it appeared the older shadowhunter knew he needed to give Eli some insight to what had happened to her, so he could understand why she was the way she was. Eli was still extremely shaken by his own retelling of his past to Hodge, but as the man began to speak Eli found himself putting aside his own anger and guilt for his past and concentrated on what Hodge was telling him. It didn’t do much to calm his nerves though, on the inside he was squirming at the story Hodge told, but he’d stopped pacing and had turned his full attention on the other male.

It was like Hodge was a narrator speaking the events that Eli could only guess had unfolded in Audrina’s dreams earlier that day. He felt that same feeling in his chest, it tightened and his heart twisted as he imagined Audrina as a little girl hiding in a cupboard witnessing her mother’s death right in front of her eyes. But it was worse than that, they had turned her instead, out of some kind of sick retribution they had made her one of them. Eli felt his mouth run dry as he continued to stare at Hodge almost in disbelief at what he was being told. Her sister had been killed too, a while later - had died in her arms. Eli had never witnessed his parent’s life fade from their eyes when they had died, he’d been too late both times. In a way, he was starting to realise, he’d been saved from more heartache; he couldn’t imagine what it would be like to watch someone’s life fade out of their body as though it had never been there in the first place.

He must have looked as though he’d stepped out of a horror film, with his hands and jeans bloodied, and now his face as he dragged his hands over it as if to hide what he was really feeling from Hodge behind his bloodied hands. He couldn’t speak for a long time after Hodge had finished talking, he’d gone to sit on a bench seat by the wall and was looking at Eli with a pained expression. Eli now knew why Audrina was so afraid of receiving affection from other people, why she felt she couldn’t let them in. He understood why she felt like that now, and also why she felt so much hatred for vampires - they had taken her mother from her, and possibly her sister too. “I...christ…” Eli started to say something, but sighed heavily instead.

“I’ll clean this up,” Eli dropped his hands from his face and indicated to the punching bag stained with his blood and the drops of it on the floor. “It’s my mess, so I’ll clean it up,” He said again, this time he wasn’t even sure himself if he was referring to the mess in the weapons room or the mess he’d caused with Audrina - if it could be cleaned up.

[Yunalesca]

Hodge watched Eli as he seemed to struggle with her story, fully realizing why she was what she was. She was severely damaged and looked to no one to repair her. It was how she wanted it, keeping her pain close and her hatred even closer. It was something that would destroy her and Hodge could do nothing about it. She was a grown woman and was intent on getting what she wanted. You couldn't deter anyone from that path. Well, he couldn't, but perhaps this shadowhunter could. He read every emotion that flitted through the young man's eyes and started to see what had begun to emerge. He genuinely cared for the girl and she was probably none the wiser. His heart went out to him, and to her.

"No, Elijah. I am capable and will take care of the matter. You need time to...grieve and...digest what I've told you. However, you mustn't let her know that you know. Bringing those memories back would only hurt her more and make her grow farther from you. Pushing her has never been the way to get to her. She pushes back, and she does it in the hardest, cruelest manner. Be careful, but don't give up. Go and think about it." He said to the shadowhunter before rising from the bench and making for a wooden storage table, rummaging through the drawers for cleaning material. At times there was no shortage of blood spots in this room, especially when things became a little tense between the hormone and adrenaline driven younger shadowhunters.

*

After Jace had left, Audrina guiltily cleaned up the broken teacup and dumped it in a waste bin in her room as she resorted back to her sanctuary. She was physically drained from thinking about her feelings and how to lock them away. She'd never had such a dilemma before, locking up feelings that had become so strong. She hadn't even realized their potential until Eli had kissed her which then brought on the dream of him. She didn't want to -feel- anything. When she began to come out of the cold was when the nightmares started anew and the painful memories shook her to her core. Letting that part of her die and be buried had been a defense mechanism that she wasn't so sure she could put in place again.

She turned her attention to what she would wear instead, rummaging through her armoire for something that would be suitable. She settled on a black dress (here)she had never worn and slid out of her clothes to fit into it. It wasn't flashy like what Isabelle wore, but Audrina was confident enough in her own skills to be noticed regardless. She'd spent enough time seducing vampires she should know what she was doing by now. Demons couldn't be all that different, except for ocassionally being more attractive than the creatures she usually slew. By the time she had finished assembling her outfit with leather leggings and over the knee boots, there was a knock at her door.

"You ready?" Alec asked, looking her over. "Those leggings are..." He started but she silenced him quickly with a raised hand. "You dragged me into this, I'm wearing what I want to wear. I don't want the world seeing my glorified undies when I'm kicking demon ass. Get over it." She stated before stepping past him and closing her door behind him. She could see the fresh marks across his skin, runes that had been drawn in defense against demon poison and to aid in the slaying. She had added none, which was part of the reason she'd chosen the dress. It covered what skin she could have marked, but didn't. They'd be none the wiser.

[Serendipity]

Eli glanced over at Hodge as he announced that he was more than capable of cleaning up the mess he’d made in the weapons room. Eli supposed that he had done so in the past and was probably used to it. The dark haired shadowhunter nodded and made for the short steps leading to the door, he paused as if he were going to turn and say something to Hodge, but decided against it. Enough had been said already. Hodge had asked him not to say anything they’d discussed about Audrina to anyone, and especially not to her, and he wouldn’t. He’d also mentioned not push Audrina too much because she would only push back harder, but he’d already figured that much out, although it hadn’t stopped him. Now he was aware of what made the blonde how she was and would take that piece of advice on board.

Eli left the weapons room and proceeded to make his way back to his room, he needed a hot shower and to get his head around everything that Hodge had told him about Audrina. He wasn’t sure how he was going to manage to sleep tonight, and if he even wanted to because the memories of his past were still so fresh in his mind and it would take a while to lock them tightly away again. But as he neared his room he realized that he wasn’t as concerned about his memories, as horrific as they were for him; his concern had grown for a certain blonde shadowhunter, her icy exterior and all.

“By the Angel! What happened to you!” A female voice gasped. Eli hadn’t even noticed Isabelle making her way up the corridor, dressed in shadowhunter gear, her whip coiled around her wrist and her hair pulled back tight from her face. Even in the light of the gas lamps that burnt along the walls she could probably see his bloodied hands, he realized. Eli simply shook his head, he didn’t want to have this discussion with her right now. But the brunette shadowhunter persisted and wouldn’t let him past, standing directly in front of him. “Elijah...if you’re injured you should-”

“I’m not. Isabelle, if you don’t want blood all over you, move out of my way,” He said in almost a growl, he could see the concern in her eyes and any other time he might have been grateful for such a thing, but right now it only annoyed him. “Okay…” She sighed, he could hear the frown in her voice as she stepped to the side so he could rush past her. “We’re going demon hunting again, just so you know!” she called and shrugged when the older shadowhunter didn’t respond. Demon hunting wasn’t on his agenda tonight, he just needed time to himself.

He made it to his room without running into anyone else, and shut himself in. He went straight for the bathroom, not bothering to even glance at himself in the mirror, he knew what he must look like. He stripped out of his bloodied clothes and stepped under the hot spray, it scolded his skin until it turned pink, but the burn was a welcome distraction. He scrubbed the blood from his hands, healed now thanks to Hodge’s healing runes, but there were extra tiny, thin, scars over his knuckles now. Eli washed his hair and stood under the spray for an extra couple of minutes before turning the taps to ‘off’ and stepping out.

Back in his room he pulled on the dark grey pair of tracksuit pants he used as pajama bottoms and sat down on his bed, his head falling into his hands; he suddenly had quite the headache. Eli closed his eyes and fell back onto his pillows, staring at the blackness behind his lids before he gave into the images that flashed in and out of his mind. They were the same ones he’d seen in the weapons room whilst he’d been punching the hell out of the punching bag. Instead of fighting the grief like he had earlier, he let in flood through him. He hadn’t grieved for his family for so long, perhaps it was time to do so again.

[Yunalesca]

Seducing demons proved to be all too easy, their success in slaying leading them on somewhat of a spree. At one point Jace had become excited and suggested they ditch the nightclubs for something a little more challenging. Both Audrina and Alec had been apprehensive for different reasons. Alec was concerned with Jace's safety and Audrina was concerned over the fact she wasn't protected like her brethren. She didn't speak of this, however, and went along with the group as they meandered their way down to the subway tunnels in search of a different type of demon. It felt like they'd been searching for hours, Audrina's eyes growing somewhat heavy as they stalked down the side of the subway line, searching for some demon the younger blonde had heard about. All of this sounded like a bad idea to Alec, but he was aware of the fact once Jace's mind was set there was no changing it. He'd stay down there hunting by himself if they chose to leave, and he couldn't have that. "Wait, hear that?" Jace said before turning a look to them, glint in his eyes. Apparently they had found the demon in question at last.

It seemed the demon wasn't any better than the others they had been slaying throughout the night, clumsy and hardly ever coming close to striking any of the shadowhunters as they played with it's blind spots in an attempt to stab a blessed blade through it and send it back to whatever dimension it came from. "Just end this, Jace." Alec panted as he watched the shadowhunter seemingly toying with the demon. It was almost out of character for him to be doing so, but apparently his want to flirt with disaster had become stronger since Audrina had last seen him. She was standing back with Alec thinking this over when she sensed something coming up from behind. She wheeled about to see a rather human looking demon sneaking up on them. "Alec!" She yelled, seeing the trajectory the demon was now running in. He'd never respond fast enough and the others were too far away. Without a thought, one of her sais came out of her boot and she intercepted the demon, throwing it off course and trying to stab it through. Although it's appearance looked like the other demons they had been slaying, this one was much higher on the scale and knocked her weapon away easily. She found her feet and began reaching for her second sais when razor sharp teeth drove into her quad, making her stop mid motion and let out a muffled cry of pain. She pried the demons face from her leg and tried to shove it away as she staggered, the wound pulsating and feeling like she had just been severed from her leg. The demon came at her anew, raking claws across her chest and throwing her down. She hit the tracks of the subway hard and groaned before rolling back just in time to see Isabelle's whip fly and Jace drive one of his blades home through the demons chest.

She covered her face as it began to writhe and burst into a sort of goo before disappearing altogether. She removed her arm just as Alec grabbed for her and pulled her to her feet. "That was incredibly stupid. Let's go." He said as she found her feet and noted the other demon had been dispatched. She could only nod her agreement before following the others, letting them help her back up onto a platform before starting after them up the steps to the streets above. She could hear the others laughing and talking on the route home, but couldn't make sense of what they were saying. She felt off, but didn't say anything to them about it. She was just shaken from being taken down by the demon. Her wounds would be healing now and she'd be fine by tomorrow most likely. This was what she kept saying to herself as she started breaking out in a sweat.

It was at the doors of the Institute that she became fully aware that there was something wrong with her, that it wasn't just her being tired or hungry or dazed even. Her hands had grown clammy and it was harder to walk. As Jace turned his stele to unlock the doors and opened them, she half staggered through. She managed to keep her feet under her as the doors closed behind her and the others seemed to not notice her limp or the sweat beading at her brow. They were starting away when she reached for Alec, staggering and falling to one knee. "Alec...Something's wrong." She breathed as pain shot up her leg and through her abdomen. At the weak call of her voice the others turned just in time to see her fall back and hit the floor.

"Audrina? What happened?!" Isabelle half yelled as Jace felt her neck for a pulse. Satisfied her heart was still beating his hands began running over her, searching for something. "What are you doing?!" The female hissed at him, but he ignored her as Alec stood back, dazed. His hands finally stopped just above the top of her boot on her right leg, fingers having felt something wet. He pushed the skirt of her dress back and pulled at the leather leggings to see the bite in her leg, a greenish cast to the skin surrounding the wound and blood seeping slowly from the indentations. "Demon bite." He hissed before pulling out his stele. He tried drawing a healing rune, but it faded instantly each time he attempted. "Why aren't they taking?!" He yelled before scooping the girl up in his arms and making quick pace toward the infirmary.

"Hodge!" Isabelle started yelling frantically as she led the way to the medical wing, blasting the doors open with her hands and quickly gesturing to one of the beds. "I'll go get the medicine that helped Alec." Isabelle said as her brother looked down guiltely at the blonde shadowhunter as Jace laid her on one of the beds. "Alec, help me get this off her." Jace requested, pulling at her boots to get them off her legs. It was then that he noticed the scratches across her chest, the cloth of her dress shredded. "Alec! Cut her leggings off!" He hissed at the brunette, bringing him out of whatever trance he had slipped into.

"It's my fault. She took that hit for me." He started and Jace stepped away from Audrina to shake the shadowhunter. "No, it's not. She wasn't marked to protect herself. It's not your fault, now help me!" He yelled at the brunette before turning back to Audrina and pulling her other boot off, dropping it with little care to the floor. He checked her pulse again as Alec pulled out his phone and started dialing. "What are you doing?!" Jace hissed before ripping open the drawer to the bedside table and searching for scissors. "I'm calling Magnus." Was all the shadowhunter said before stepping off to say whatever it was in private. Isabelle was running down the infirmary hall with her arms full of supplies as Jace started cutting away Audrina's legging to fully expose the bite.

Isabelle dropped the ingredients on the bed next to them and felt for the girl's pulse again, turning a worried look to Jace. "She's getting worse. It shouldn't be like this, the demon wasn't..." She started but the blonde quickly cut her off. "She wasn't marked, she had no defense whatsoever." He explained hastily before trying a healing rune again to no avail. "Damnit!" He yelled as the burn faded and the wound continued to seep blood over the green looking skin surrounding the bite.

[Serendipity]

Eli was in a restless sleep when the others returned home from their demon hunt, he was half in and half out of a dreamstate, the images of his family flashing behind his eyes. He heard their muffled shouts, they were distant and his mind didn’t register the urgency in their sound. For all he knew they were only arguing amongst themselves, one of them had probably done something rash, putting the others at risk. Whatever it was it was none of his business, he thought, and he was going to keep out of it - if it had anything to do with Audrina, then that was the best decision he’d made in a while. No doubt he would be filled in on what had happened in the morning anyway.

The voices faded away down the hall and his mind fell back into its restless state, and turned on his side, throwing a pillow over his head to drown out their voices if they came back again. Eli ignored the niggling feeling felt in the pit of his stomach, it could mean anything after all, it didn’t necessarily mean something bad was underway. It was quite possible the feeling was brought on by the next stream of images skimming through his head as he continued to fight against them for a deeper sleep where all he’d see was darkness behind his lids.

He no longer saw his family, but a little girl instead, blonde hair down to her waist, she couldn’t be more than ten-years old. The face was familiar to him, although he knew he had never seen this little girl before. He thought she must be the image of his mother’s unborn child, they had never found out if she was having a boy or a girl. But as the dream continued and he watched the girl run into an unfamiliar kitchen, he could still remember what the Ashdown Manor’s kitchen looked like and it was nothing like the one he saw now. She crawled into a cupboard under the sink and Hodge’s voice relayed through the dream, ‘Audrina was hiding in the room, and watched it happen...’.

Eli’s eyes blinked open then, he couldn’t watch the dream unfold any longer as he realized that it wasn’t his unborn sister he was seeing but a child version of Audrina and she was about to watch her mother be killed. His breathing was shallow as he stood up and his long strides took him into the bathroom, splashing his face with cold water. He was patting his face dry with his towel when his stomach growled and he was reminded that he hadn’t eaten a single thing in at least twenty-four hours. That was probably why he couldn’t sleep, he thought, and exited his room to make his way towards the kitchen.

The halls of the Institute were deathly quiet, he’d never heard them this quiet before and it sent a chill through his spine. It was probably due to the fact that he was shirtless and barefoot, he concluded and didn’t think anything else of it as he entered the kitchen. Eli was pulling out some bread and butter from the fridge when he heard muffled voices making their way up the corridor just beyond the kitchen.

He thought whoever it was would come inside, but he’d left the door open and saw two figures streak past, one was tall and slender and covered in a grey cloak, the other was shorter and more broad shouldered. His curiosity, which normally got the better of him, was snuffed out as his stomach growled again and food seemed more important than anyone else’s business. Eli popped two slices of bread into the toaster and pushed them down, grabbing a knife from the draw and opening another cupboard in search of some spreads. He would some peanut butter, screwed his nose a little, he didn’t like it very much but he supposed it would do.

Eli was biting into his second slice of toast when Isabelle shot into the kitchen like an arrow from someones bow. She didn’t seem to notice him at first as she rushed towards the stove, plucking the kettle from it and turning to the sink where she filled the kettle until it was full. She was sitting the kettle back down on the stove and turning it on to heat when she finally noticed Eli leaning against the far counter by the door she had walked through only moments ago. “Oh, Elijah. I didn’t realize you were awake.” Her voice shook, not its usual steadiness and she sounded a little breathless as though she’d ran from wherever she’d been straight to the kitchen as fast as she could.

“Couldn’t sleep.” He answered simply, but his blue eyes watched her closely and that was when he noticed that her cheeks were also flushed and her eyes a little red as though she were on the verge of tears. He wondered if Jace had said something to upset her, or perhaps her brother even, boys could be mean when they wanted to be. “You look upset, what mean things have your brother’s said to you?” Eli asked, including Jace as one of her brothers, he’d gotten the feeling that Jace was just as much family as Alec was to her even if they didn’t share the same blood.

“Oh, Eli…” Isabelle said so quietly he almost missed it, she’d simply sounded like she’d sighed and not actually said words. “It’s terrible…” Isabelle bit her lip and shook her head, “...why wouldn’t you mark yourself appropriately if you were going on a demon hunt, I mean, their bite is poisonous!” Her words had taken on a slightly frustrated tone but they quivered when she spoke and he thought he was about to witness a fresh wave of tears spill down her cheeks. Did she realise he had no idea what she was talking about, he wondered briefly before he set his remaining slice of toast aside. “Who didn’t mark themselves, Jace?” Eli asked, wishing Isabelle would clarify what she had meant.

“Oh, Eli…” She shook her head and bit down harder on her lip. “Audrina...we should have known, she’s always been against marking herself, we just didn’t think she’d be so reckless-” Eli was out of the kitchen before Isabelle could finish, he’d moved so fast she was left blinking in the empty space of where he had been standing.

He didn’t think he’d moved so fast, not without a rune to improve his speed, in his life as he sprinted up the hall and around a corner on his way to the Infirmary. Demon poison was deadly to shadowhunters, and more so if they hadn’t been marked to protect themselves against it. Depending on the level of the demon a shadowhunter had been bitten by determined how long they had until it was too late to reverse the effects of the poison.

Eli was about to burst through the infirmary doors when Jace came through from the opposite side and seeing what Eli was about to do, arms engulfed him and Jace was pushing him back with his whole body. “By the Angel, Jace if you don’t let me through!” Eli struggled against the boy who was quite strong for his age and wouldn’t let him past.

[Yunalesca]

Jace couldn't stand to stay in the room as Magnus entered, knowing full well what was about to happen, and he didn't mean the healing. "Don't do this, Alec. She's going to be pissed when she wakes up." He started and got a firm look from the brunette as he stood at the end of the bed, arms crossed as Maguns ran his hands over Audrina in an attempt to draw the poison out. "I'll be doing her a favor. She wouldn't be in this position if she didn't remember her past. She won't wake up at all if we don't do something about it." The shadowhunter urged as he continued to watch the warlock work, studying what he did in curiosity. This was how he had saved his own life those months ago.

"I don't support this." Was all Jace said before he left and Alec took a deep breath, managing to keep himelf from going after the boy. He'd never had an argument with Jace before and it was physically hurting him now that he had. He was in love with the shadowhunter and could never express it. "She's resisting." Magnus said and Alec's attention was brought back. "What do you mean? I responded..." He started but the warlock looked to him, fully pulling his hood back now. "Her body is fighting the intrusion, I don't know if I can penetrate..." Alec grabbed hold of the warlock then, knowingly stepping over bounds as he did so. "You're the high warlock of the area, fix her!" He pleaded and the warlock sighed before nodding and turning back to Audrina.

Magnus pressed his magic harder into the girl then, brow furrowing in concentration as he began chasing the poison from her system. As he felt it dissipating he began to move his hands over her head, beginning to penetrate into her memories. Almost instantly he was transported into a kitchen, the lighting almost blinding as he felt himself become part of one of her memories. He watched silently as a little girl ran and hid in one of the cupboards beside him. As a woman began backing into the room, he felt himself thrust from the memory. He took in a sharp breath as a pain shot through his arm. He turned a concerned look to Alec and only got a darker one in turn. Understanding, he tried once more.

He was in the kitchen once more, but this was different somehow, aged by time. He turned to see a girl resembling the one he had seen before sprawled on the floor, blood pooling around her. His nostrils began to sting at the smell of metallic blood and death. He looked back to the entrance to the kitchen and saw the girl he'd seen in the last memory stopping in the doorway. Aurelie she cried before she was falling to the girls side. He felt a pain in his chest, Audrina's pain, as she cradled the girl in her arms and sobbed. He began to weave his spell then, winding it in her mind to block the memory out. He could not work fast enough, however, and was forced to pause as the bloody girls eyes opened. Their electric blue gaze made his breath catch before a sadistic smile flowed over her bloody face. Aurelie came Audrina's young voice before the child in her arms began laughing. Mother came home, Dree. Join us. Be a family again. Blood for blood! the child yelled before she raked her clawed hands down Audrina's forearm, sending blood gushing across the already bloody kitchen floor. He felt a pain rocket through his own forearm as Audrina's scream rocketed through his brain. He had to work his spell quickly.

He was in the midst of this as the two girls wrestled for control across the kitchen floor, rolling through the blood puddles and splattering it everywhere. It was the sudden intake of breath and choking sound that had him turning his attention back. A dagger stuck out of the young girls chest, her gasps making Magnus' own chest hurt. Im so sorry, Aurelie Audrina cried as she cradled the girl to her once more, watching the life drain out of her eyes. MAgnus locked eyes with the young Audrina and felt his chest caving. He was rocketetd out of the memory, falling back against another bed as he gasped for air. "Magnus!" Alec was yelling as the warlock sat there, panting.

"I don't know if it took, Alec. She resisted. She pushed me out. Those memories are too much a part of her. I don't know if it worked..." He was saying rapidly while clenching a fist to his chest.

[Serendipity]

“You can’t go in there. Just wait!” Jace grunted as he pressed all of his weight into the much larger shadowhunter in order to keep him back from the door. He didn’t want Eli interrupting Magnus’s healing, the warlock needed to concentrate on what he was doing. He also didn’t want Eli finding out what Alec was up to either, he realised. Eli didn’t like him at the best of times, and if he found out that Alec was messing with Audrina’s memories, who knew what he was capable of. He disagreed with Alec’s decision entirely, there wasn’t anything he could do to stop him, not when there was a warlock present. A warlock, it seemed, who would do anything Alec asked of him. Jace had seen the way Magnus had looked at Alec, and even caught glimpses of something undeterminable in Alec’s whenever he looked at Magnus Bane.

Eli only seemed to grow more angry as Jace continually pushed him back, he had even encircled Eli’s arms inside of his and pressing them hard to the older shadowhunters side, refusing to let him in. Eli could only wonder why, why wasn’t Jace letting him through? He couldn’t help but think the worst, that they were too late, the demon poison had killed her. “You should have checked her! You should have made sure she was marked right!” He heard himself shouting as a renewed fury took over him and he managed to bring his arms up between Jace’s and shove the boy away. Jace stumbled but didn’t fall, steadying his footing easily, but Eli was through the door before the young shadowhunter could get ahold of him again.

Eli hurried to the middle of the infirmary, on his way over to the bed Audrina was lying in, when he paused, only now noticing the tall figure, in a grey cloak, he’d seen rushing past the kitchen, sitting on the edge of the bed beside Audrina’s limp form. He had a hand pressed over her forehead and blue sparks rose from beneath his palm, and all Eli could see beneath that hand was Audrina’s pained expression, her skin pale and almost transparent. But he’d glimpsed the rise and fall of her chest, although it was rough and almost fitfull.

Eli found that he couldn’t move, the man in the grey cloak, who he could only assume was a warlock, was so deep in concentration that he thought if he interrupted he might hurt Audrina more in the process. The warlock gasped, his hand pulling back from Audrina’s forehead as though burnt and stumbled back onto another bed. Alec was beside him instantly, looking worried. Eli stepped forwards slowly, neither of them had noticed his presence yet and that was when he heard the conversation between them.

“Don’t know if what worked?” Eli asked icily, his eyes locked coolly on Alec’s startled face. Something told him they weren’t talking about whether or not the poison’s effects on Audrina had been reversed.

[Yunalesca]

Magnus had only started to rise when Eli burst into the room, having made his way past Jace somehow. Alec only momentarily flicked his gaze to the shadowhunter before he was moving to check the pulse on Audrina. He could feel it throbbing stronger beneath his fingers, though her skin was still hot to the touch. He looked back to Magnus as he started to stand. “Pulse is stronger, but she’s still burning up.” He said before the warlock was rubbing his hands as though he’d lost feeling. They were pointedly ignoring Eli’s question, the warlock taking Alec’s lead and keeping his mouth shut in the matter. “I’ll need the hot water from Isabelle to mix the ingredients. It’ll kill the last of the poison and keep it from her heart.” He stated, before raising his gaze to the shadowhunter he didn’t know. He read the body language and knew immediately how he felt about the girl he had just been working on.

“She’ll improve. I’ve saved others from worse. Her memories are what might be broken.” He admitted and got a look from Alec as he pulled away from Audrina. If the shadowhunter pieced it together, like Alec knew he would, he was going to be irate. He was capable of handling his own, but Eli was still a big guy and would bear down on him quickly if he thought he had suggested Audrina’s memories be wiped while she was incapacitated. It was the best thing for her, he was confident in that. She would reach her full potential and stop trying to get herself killed if she didn’t remember what it was that haunted her so.

“She knew I was in there and she repelled me. I don’t know if I did any damage trying to put in the block.” The warlock explained further to the other shadowhunter, feeling Alec beginning to tense as he reached for bandages to wrap around the open bite wound. Her leg was almost fully exposed from Jace cutting away her leggings. Her dress was in tatters from the scratches across her chest and the scuffle that had ensued with the demon. Those had yet to be tended to and Alec wondered if they had seeped more poison into her system, dangerously close to her heart. “It’s the bite that did it. That’s why it took so long to take effect. You said she fell when you got back?” Magnus asked, having seemed to have read the boys mind. Alec could only nod as he felt like Eli was about to jump him.

“She saw the demon coming and got in the path because I didn’t react fast enough.” Alec informed and Magnus rolled his eyes. “Not your fault. It’s what you shadowhunters do.” He said in a bored tone before averting his eyes to Eli.Everything about him read that he was going to explode and the warlock felt himself preparing for it, gathering his magic about him. Then Isabelle was running across the infirmary with the tea kettle in hand, setting it on a nearby table. “Is she better?” She asked frantically, eyeing the wound on her leg.

“When I apply the medicine, she’ll fully recover.” Magnus responded, eyes still locked on Eli.

[Serendipity]

Eli could tell that the warlock and Alec had heard him speak, they’d glanced briefly his way before turning their attention back to Audrina, trying to heal her. He would have no problem letting them continue what they were doing without interruption...if that’s all they were doing. He suspected not. But decided that he couldn’t just start yelling at the two for them to stop, when really, he wasn’t sure what they were doing. What if they were really just healing Audrina? After all he didn’t know the extent of her injuries, just that she’d been bitten by a demon. The way the warlock had his hands hovering over Audrina’s forehead when he’d first walked in could have just meant that she had a head injury.

His eyes flicked to Audrina as Alec moved over to the girl and felt for a pulse, he hadn’t realized he had been holding his breath until it expelled from his lips. To hear that Audrina still had a pulse, and that it was growing stronger, put some relief back into Eli but concern still sketched his features as he looked down at her. He wanted to move closer, sit on the bed by her side, but Alec probably wouldn’t allow him to. He wasn't aware that Audrina and he had shared a few moments together now that could insinuate some type of relationship, even if it was only one sided on Eli’s part.

Eli’s blue eyes hardened as they snapped back to the warlock’s face, his cat eyes glinting with specks of gold. Her memories might be what’s broken, he said. What did Audrina’s memories have anything to do with being bitten by a demon? It all slowly began to make sense as Alec and the warlock, whose name he still did not know, continued to converse between each other, still ignoring him. He was becoming more and more frustrated that the two males didn’t say a word to him, however he had caught the warlock’s eyes a few times.

His eyes moved back to Audrina worriedly as the warlock continued to speak, this time Eli thought he was speaking to him but couldn’t be sure. Heard the man say the word ‘block’ and his fists curled at his side. He kept his focus on the blonde girl lying in the hospital bed, her clothes in tatters, her legs bar underneath her short dress for the world to see. She wouldn’t that, Eli found himself thinking and felt the sudden urge to find a blanket to cover her.

Isabelle burst into the room then, the kettle he’d seen her heat in the kitchen in her hands as she rushed towards the bed Audrina was on. Why was it that everyone else was able to be so close to her, but Eli felt like he had to stand back and simply watch. “Heal her and get out,” He suddenly heard himself saying, louder this time so no one could pretend he wasn’t there and he glared pointedly at Alec. Isabelle spun around, startled by his words; Alec only glowered at Eli and shook his head. “She’s not your concern, Elijah. You haven’t a right to tell us to do anything,” The brunette boy said firmly.

Eli stared at Alec long and hard before he turned and left the room, ignoring jace who was still standing outside the door, his arms folded across his chest. Alec was probably looking so smug right now, he thought as he made his way down the hall back to his room. He could look as smug as he liked, Eli decided as he reached his room and grabbed his hibben knives. Alec wouldn’t look smug soon, though. Eli wasn’t quite sure what he was planning to do, but he was going up against a warlock and another shadowhunter, possibly two if Isabelle was still in the infirmary.

They were playing with her memories, he wasn’t sure how he knew that for certain, but he knew he’d pieced several things the warlock had said together and that was the only thing that made sense. He came back into the infirmary,and saw the warlock with his hands over Audrina’s forehead again and a fury burst through him. He closed the distance between himself and the bed Audrina was in, holding the tip of one knife near the warlocks chin and the other at Alec’s throat as the other shadowhunter came to stand between Eli and the warlock. “Get out of her head.”

[Yunalesca]

Magnus' defensive posture relaxed as the shadowhunter left, seemingly taking Alec's advice to heart, though he seriously doubted it. "Try again. I don't want her remembering anything." Alec stated simply which made the warlock sigh. He caught Isabelle pause in her mixing of the ingredients, realizing what exactly was giong on and yet saying nothing. It seemed they all wanted the same thing, for this girl's memories to be banished. He could see why, he'd been there first hand to see the grief she carried with her. It had physically hurt to witness the scene play out and couldn't imagine how the girl had ever coped. He looked back to Alec to see he hadn't changed his mind. He sighed heavily once more. "Alright." He stated reluctantly.

He delved himself back into her mind, struggling more this time as she seemed to expect him. She was throwing up walls in his path, but they fell rather easily to him. Her body was too weak to fight off both him and the poison still snaking through her system. The moment he felt himself fall into what seemed to be a funeral of some kind, his concentration broke and a cold tip of a knife was at his throat. His eyes refocused as he rose up, removing his hands from the girl's head and preparing to knock the shadowhunter away from him. That was until a second knife found its way to Alec's throat, almost daring the warlock to do something. He heard Isabelle hiss the shadowhunters name before he spoke.

"It's what's best for her." Alec hissed even with the blade at his throat. Magnus felt himself feel almost panicked for the first time in his life. The shadowhunter would get himself killed if he egged the other on. And the warlock could do nothing to remove this 'Elijah' from the equation without the risk of Alec gettng hurt. He wasn't prepared to make that sacrifice. His cat-like eyes stared down the attacking shadowhunter and tried to think of how to quiet the situation.

"Stop this!" Isabelle hissed, stopping her mixing of the ingredients as another set of boots made their way up the infirmary. Jace had seen the look in the shadowhunters eyes and found he couldn't just stand by any longer. It seemed he would have to interfere after all. "Elijah, stop. This won't help her, she still needs help." The blonde tried to persuade the shadowhunter, gesturing to Audrina as her cheeks began to flush red from her internal body heat. "Magnus, I think it's time you leave. You've done what you can and we can handle the rest." Jace pressed, looking to the warlock and back to Eli. "Please, Elijah. She's dying." Isabelle pleaded anew, concern etching her brow as she felt the girl's pulse again, the thrumming growing quiet again as her body needed more than the warlock's healing.

[Serendipity]

He wasn’t sure what he was capable of at that moment, and the warlock seemed to sense that as he backed off. For a moment he thought the man would fling him aside with the snap of his fingers, but his cat-like eyes went to the second knife Eli had placed at Alec’s throat and hesitated before deciding that any movement he made would be putting Alec at risk. His eyes burned an angry blue fire as Alec stated, with a hiss, that what they were doing was the best thing for Audrina. Eli disagreed, obviously, otherwise he wouldn’t be holding the tip of his two hibben knives at these male’s throats. Although it might come back to bite him in the ass one day; whoever this warlock was, he seemed pretty high ranked and he doubted he liked having a knife pointed to his throat.

“I know what you’re doing.” Eli told them, his voice strangely calm now. He wasn’t calm however, his heart threatened to break through his ribcage it was beating in his chest so fast, he was surprised no one could hear it.“What happens if suddenly one day the block you’ve put in her mind stops working? It’s been known to happen.” His question was for the warlock, and his brows shot up as though daring the warlock to deny it. “Sure, it might be ten -twenty years even, if it happens, she’ll have those years pain free, she’d have started a new life for herself,” Eli ignored Isabelle’s protests, and even Jace’s as the boy came to stand by his side, he was looking pointedly from Alec to the warlock. “One day something or someone will trigger her memories. They’ll come flooding back all at once, and she won’t be able to cope. It’ll kill her.”

“You’re not doing that too her, I won’t let you.” Eli finished as he dropped his knives from the two male’s throats as Jace’s words still rang in his head, followed by Isabelle’s pleading words. He stepped aside so that the warlock could leave like Jace instructed him to, shot another glare at Alec and then sank down to his knees beside Audrina’s still form. His point, he thought, had been made and unless he planned on killing Alec and the warlock he could do no more; he just hoped that the warlock would leave as Jace asked and leave Audrina’s memories alone.

He set his knives aside on the floor next to him, in reaching distance if he needed them, but he hoped he wouldn’t. He reached a hand out and placed it on Audrina’s forehead where the warlocks had been, almost as he were looking for telltale signs of what the man had been doing, if it had left a scar. Her skin was smooth, but clammy and extremely hot; sweat beaded and he wiped it away, smoothing back her hair sticking against her clammy skin. He looked up at Isabelle expectantly and found that she was already finishing off the preparations for the potion they needed as quickly as she could.

The warlock and Alec had moved away from the bed, it appeared as if Alec was walking him out of the Institute.

[Yunalesca]

Jace watched the scene play out with an intense focus, his eyes hard as they flitted between Eli and the two he currently held at bay. Everything he said reflected what Jace felt, though he never said them. He could see where Alec came from in wanting to purge her of the painful memories that kept her from morphing into a full fledged capable shadowhunter, but he had seen the effects it'd had on Clary. Her whole life had been a lie, but she had managed to handle it fairly well as a whole new world was brought to her. He wasn't so sure Audrina would recover in that way. Clary's memories had been of the shadowhunter world, Audrina's were traumatic experiences that made up who she was. If she lost those and suddenly remembered one day he had no doubt she could be quite possibly killed by them as Eli said.

His tension dissipated as Alec left with Magnus and Eli dropped beside Audrina, brushing his hand over her forehead in such care that Jace's brows furrowed. The shadowhunter cared for the girl and the blonde felt a pang of fear that it would break his heart to fall for Audrina. He could recall when he fell hard and fast for Clary only to have her love ripped away from him shortly thereafter. It left a gaping hole in his chest and he wouldn't wish it on anyone. He would hate to see this happen to Eli, even though he still barely knew the guy. He feared the girl would do just that, rip his heart from him as she denied him to protect herself. He sighed heavily before stepping forward and leaning over on the end of the bed, the metal frame creaking under his hands. "We'll have to put this down her." Isabelle informed quietly before stepping up to the incapacitated girl. She looked to Jace in question before he nodded. They had to save her. Maybe she would be different when she woke. Maybe she wouldn't hurt Eli after all.

Isabelle gently pulled the girls mouth open and slowly started pouring the potion down her throat. Almost instantly the girl groaned and spit it back up, barely a few drops making it down into her system. He saw her tensing up even though she didn't appear to be awake. "She's putting up a defense. She threw Magnus out of her mind, she probably thinks he's trying to get back in. Eli, help me hold her." He said before moving around to the other side of the bed beside Isabelle and leaning over to hold her arms down in case she did somehow manage to start fighting back. "Hold her head. I've got her arms." Jace said to the other shadowhunter before Isabelle took a breath and tried again. Once more the muscles in Audrina's arms tensed and Jace pushed down harder as he saw her eyes moving beneath her lids rapidly. Another groan came, turning into gurgling as Isabelle poured the potion down her throat and quickly pressed her palm under the girls chin to close her mouth and keep it locked to prevent her spitting the liquid up again. Jace tensed as the girl's hands balled into fists and she seemed to almost sob. He couldn't begin to imagine what was going on in her mind. She was reacting as though she were being attacked, but he supposed that was to be expected after having your mind penetrated by a warlock. "Damnit Alec." The blonde breathed as he pressed down harder on Audrina's wrists.

Only when she quieted and they were sure the fluid was in her system did Jace let her go. "And now we wait." Isabelle sighed, concern reflecting in her voice. She turned her gaze to Jace, then to Eli. "It could be days before we know if she's going to wake up. Alec didn't respond right away and slept through most of his healing. When her fever breaks is when we'll really know." She said softly to the older shadowhunter, having also sensed that he felt something for the girl. The way he'd bolted from the kitchen had been sign enough alone. Jace nodded his agreeance before grabbing the bandages that Alec had been unrolling to wrap the leg wound with. "Eli, will you wrap her leg while Isabelle cleans her scratches?" Jace asked, offering the bandages to Elijah. All of this felt far too familiar to him and he wanted to speak with Clary, the memories of her after she'd been bitten still fresh in his mind. He noticed Isabelle giving him a look as she dipped a rag in the now lukewarm water from the tea kettle, wringing it out and turning to dab at the scratches across Audrina's chest, trying to be careful as she did so.

"I'll go grab some blankets." Jace said simply before turning away and leaving Isabelle and Elijah to look after the girl.