i never asked to be saved [r], mortal instruments - Seren

[Yunalesca]

When her coffee was set before her she wrapped her hands around the mug, warming her fingers before bringing it to her lips and blowing away the steam. Her index finger throbbed once more at the movement, but it was more easily ignored now that it was padded and had a salve on it. She was sipping the divine drink when Eli answered her. She paused and gazed at him over the rim of the mug. She could tell he was partially lying to her from the start and was pleased when he corrected in his preference for strawberries anyway. “Blueberries are better for you.” She commented lightly before resuming her drinking of the coffee. She wondered if it made much of a difference between humans and Shadowhunters when it came to something as miniscule as antioxidants in blueberries. She knew to eat healthy, but with angel blood did it really matter as much as it did with humans? She tossed the question aside as it was unanswerable and turned to her waffles.

She cut the waffle into small squares after dolloping some of the cream on top and adding the fruit in a somewhat pretty arrangement. She wasn’t artistic like Clary, but she did consider food an art, her plate her canvas. She had guiltily watched cooking programs while passing by shops when she first came to New York, reveling at the creations Mundane chefs presented in artistic fashion. She had learned to cook, but never had looked at food as an art form until recently. She took a moment to appreciate the arrangement before spearing a piece of waffle and fixings with her fork. She took her time with the first bite, analyzing the flavors before fully chewing and swallowing. She was moving toward another piece when Eli spoke up. She flicked her gaze softly to him, a miniscule smile etching at her lips while she speared another portion. “That was you. I just set the ingredients up for you. Take some credit.” She said to him with a broader smile before working at her food once more. “You could have easily messed up the batter consistency, but you didn’t. And yes, you make splendid waffles. Next time you’re on your own.” She said with a small smirk.

She was quiet for a while before something began egging at her, causing her to pause in her eating. “Were you always from London? I mean, you were born in Alicante, right? But did you move away?” She asked him, suddenly not able to remember if they had discussed this previously. She was curious if her family had been the only ones to pick up and go, though she was entirely different from Eli. She’d never been to Alicante, hadn’t been born inside its walls. She had hoped that maybe that alone would have given her more of a choice in what she would do with her life than it had. She had been cemented in the world as a Shadowhunter at birth whether she wanted it or not. She was curious if Eli had ever wanted to be anything else, but didn't ask. She couldn't picture him being anything other than what he was and he didn't express self loathing in the way she did.

It seemed in her attempts to distract herself from the problems of how to deal with what had happened to her she had turned to being curious of him again. They hardly knew each other, she realized after thinking about it. They had explored each other mildly at the diner with simple questions, but for having slept together (though not in that sense, she couldn't handle that) they were oblivious to each other. She had told him she had grown up in France but little beyond that. The fact he had even gotten that much out of her spoke something of him. Most of what the others knew had been acquired over time and from Hodge when she knew she had to give him something of herself in order to stay at the Institute. She returned to her coffee then after another bite of waffle and waited for him to open up to her more, though that was entirely selfish of her.

[Serendipity]

"On my own after one lesson, I'll need at least another one before then." Eli informed her after hearing if he wanted waffles again he'd be making them on his own. Apart from the slight mishap she'd had with the knife in slicing her finger, he had been very content working alongside her in the kitchen. To hear that maybe next time she would leave him to his own devices in the kitchen unsettled Eli a little, he didn't let it show however that he would be disappointed if they never cooked a meal together again. He'd been telling himself it would happen eventually, after they freed Travis and no longer -needed- to work together, that things would go back to them avoiding the issue's of their feelings and do their separate things. There really was no real reason why they had to be around each other anymore, save for keeping each other company, and it was discouraging especially now that he'd realised his feelings for her were ran deeper than originally thought.

Eli glanced across at her and wondered if that had been Audrina's way of telling him last night and this morning wouldn't happen again before he told himself to drop the thought and let what they had at the moment continue as it was, for however long that might be. He let the silence fall between them as they ate, letting the subject drop, guessing he would find out sooner or later and would just have to deal with it then. He'd noticed the way that she arranged almost every bite of her breakfast in an artful manner before eating it and he let his previous thoughts wash away as a small smile came over his lips but didn't say anything. Although there was silence between them it wasn't an uncomfortable one and as they were both enjoying their breakfast it didn't matter if nothing was said whilst they ate.

Her question had him lifting his eyes back to her and he set his knife and fork aside as he decided on how to answer it. It had been a question out of the blue, but it hadn't caught him off guard as it might have if someone else asked it because with Audrina he was comfortable letting her in even if she wasn't so comfortable letting him in. "I was born in Alicante, but we lived just outside its borders and that's where Travis and I grew up." Eli explained with a small nod. Although he didn't mind telling her any of this stuff he gave a pause before continuing as he pondered how to answer her other questions without it turning the conversation from light and curious to something serious and a little dark. "Travis and I were sent to the London Institute when I was seventeen, Travis fourteen. We lost both our parents only six months apart and as I wasn't quite eighteen yet the Clave thought it best if we finished our training in London." He finally continued seeing no way to answer her question truthfully and keep the conversation light at the same time though he didn't go into detail about his parents, its wasn't a conversation to have over breakfast.

"We haven't been back to Idris since. Our family home is still there and it fell to my possession after they died but I can't bring myself to sell it." Eli explained some more as he saw the curiosity spark in Audrina's eyes along with something else he tried not to recognise. He reached for his coffee as she processed what had been said and sipped on the cooling liquid.

[Yunalesca]

Her gaze dropped away as he spoke, confirming suspicions about his parents death. How hard he had searched for his brother and mannerisms alone had led her to believe that his parents were likely gone. It wasn’t uncommon in the Shadowhunter world to die young or lose parents young, but generally they lived a lot longer. They usually at least saw their children’s’ thirtieth birthday, saw them have families of their own and got to play with grandkids. She swallowed a lump in her throat as she thought about how that wouldn’t happen for her. She couldn’t imagine living long enough to even marry let alone get over her sensitivity to intimacy. “I’m sorry, I didn’t know.” She said as she Her gaze dropped away as he spoke, confirming suspicions about his parents death. How hard he had searched for his brother and mannerisms alone had led her to believe that his parents were likely gone. It wasn’t uncommon in the Shadowhunter world to die young or lose parents young, but generally they lived a lot longer. They usually at least saw their children’s’ thirtieth birthday, saw them have families of their own and got to play with grandkids. She swallowed a lump in her throat as she thought about how that wouldn’t happen for her. She couldn’t imagine living long enough to even marry let alone get over her sensitivity to intimacy. “I’m sorry, I didn’t know.” She said as she allowed her eyes to come back to him. It was the perfect opportunity to bond with him, tell him her own past, but even as she looked at him and felt sorrow for him, she couldn’t bring herself to.

She bit her lips slightly as her eyes went down to her plate, her fork pushing some waffle around as a silence began and she struggled with what to say. “Maybe you’ll go back. Start your own family there. I’m sure that’s what my parents would have wanted.” She said without making eye contact with him, letting him figure it out on his own. He already knew her sister was dead, though he also knew the rest thanks to Hodge but she wasn’t aware of that, but she couldn’t just come out and say her parents were gone. Her mother was still alive, if being a vampire could be considered ‘being alive’. She swallowed the lump forming in her throat at the painful memories this was bringing up. She hadn’t intended for the conversation to go dark, but as with most things around her it had. It made her think of her abandoned home in France, likely still exactly as she had left it. Nobody would come back to reclaim it. There would be nobody left alive to do so.

“My dad died when I was you, too. Though I was only 12 when it happened. We never really got many answers about it. Those kinds of things still hurt, but it dulls after a while. His stele was one of the few things that we did get back before his ashes were spread in the City.” She paused and looked up to him finally, the somberness of the conversation surprisingly easy for her to handle. She had come to peace with her fathers death even if the details were not all there. It’d been more than ten years since he passed, time for her to grieve and accept it. Her mother was something else entirely. “I’m glad to have given it to you, though. It’s what he would have wanted. When I said you could keep it, I meant it. It was meant for a soul like yours.” She finished, unable to bring her eyes away from him now. His soul was gentle, strong, full of life like her fathers. She wasn’t comparable with that, her stele glowing purple instead of the steady blue like her fathers.

She licked her lips briefly before reaching out and taking his hand in hers, an action that was mildly surprising even to her. “Let’s talk about something else. Your choice, I tend to bring things down a bit.” She admitted to him then, her thumb running over his skin as she spoke as though she were comforting him when really she needed the comforting. She had always dealt with things alone and never knew how human contact could make things better. After having touched him she felt brighter, like a weight was being lifted off her. She had never known she needed this kind of comfort and walked around with the world on her shoulders. She hadn’t been able to see that she did need things. Admitting that was the hardest part after living alone, looking out for yourself after so many years. “You all seem to love Alicante a lot. Describe it to me, maybe I’ll understand this crazy fascination.” She said lightly, her smile small as the darkness began receding from her eyes.allowed her eyes to come back to him.

[Serendipity]

Usually Eli found that he’d normally shut down at any questioning over his childhood or where he’d grown up. It brought back to many harsh memories and even the good ones were clouded by the reality of what had unfolded. When Audrina asked the questions however he discovered that answering them came easier than he’d expected and he actually wanted her to know these things about him. He guessed the only reason why he wasn’t going into detail with his explanations was the fact that mentioning the darker aspects of his late teenage years could possibly bring up bad memories for her. He saw already the sadness in her gaze even at the briefest mention that his parents had died and any more detail about the circumstances would only bring her more grief. Her empathy, he thought, was one of the qualities Eli had discovered since knowing her but he wasn’t sure if she was even aware of it. “Not many people do,” He assured and offered a gentle smile, it wasn’t her fault that she didn’t know this stuff about him because it wasn’t as if he advertised it for all to know.

“Maybe,” Eli said with a small nod and an even smaller shrug and drank some more of his coffee before setting it aside. He hadn’t thought about ever going back to Idris and visiting his old home, had shied away from even the mere idea of it. Yet he also hadn’t been able to sell the property there either. He and Travis had been born on the Ashdown Estate as had their father and grandfather, even if he wanted to sell it he’d never thought he had the right too. He didn’t miss her reference to his starting a family either or that going back to Idris was what her parents would have wanted for her. Starting a family hadn’t been on the agenda for him yet and it was another thing he wasn’t sure if he wanted.

He wanted to ask her if she would go back to Alicante one day but had already guessed that she didn’t want to talk about that or anything to do with herself really and that was okay, at least for the time being. So it was a surprise when she started talking about her father, opening up and telling him that he died when she was young. She’d been younger then he, only twelve and even now she didn’t know the real circumstances of his death. “They do, eventually.” He agreed softly as she said the pain of the loss dulls after a while. It did, but then there were moments when it crept back up on you and the pain started all over again, it was the case for him anyway. Maybe he just hadn’t accepted either of his parents deaths yet and that was why.

Eli couldn’t help but avert his gaze as Audrina continued to say that she was glad she had given him her father’s stele, that it was what he would have wanted. His eyes lifted to hers once more and held this time as she then said that it was meant for a soul like his. There was something about the way she said it that made him wonder if it was disappointment he heard, however he had no idea why. She’d said that she was happy to have given him the stele and he could keep it so he didn’t think that that was the reason for the disappointment he thought he’d heard. He shook the thought away quickly and smiled across at her, “I’d be happy to put it to good use.”

His eyes dropped to her hand as she took his and watched as his own fingers curled around hers. The contact was a needed comfort, for the both of them and he felt his heart grow less heavy with past memories. Eli smiled and squeezed her hand lightly as he felt her thumb run across his knuckles, and was about to ask her what she wanted to talk about when she answered his unspoken question for him. “It’s not hard to love it. I bet if you ever decide to visit you’ll be the same.” He pointed out with a small chuckle as she asked about Alicante and what the big fascination was.

“You know that they call it the City of Glass, there’s a reason for that.” Eli started guessing that she would know the history behind Idris and its only capital city already. “The demon towers that surround the city, when the light reflects off of them they appear as if they’re made of glass, hence ‘City of Glass’.” He continued and then thought on how best to describe Idris itself. “Idris is surrounded by mountains mostly some of which are mostly only passable during summer. Picture all the European countrysides you can think of, and blend them together, forests and lakes, rolling hillsides that are always green.” Eli recalled from memory, it had been years since he’d been back, but a place like Idris was hard to forget. “You really have to experience it for yourself to understand.”

They talked more about Idris, Eli telling her about the country Shadowhunters called home in more details as she asked more questions about it. He could sense her curiosity about it and was happy to tell her everything he could remember about living there. The whole time he spoke of Idris, her hand was in his, occasionally her thumb brushed over his knuckles and it felt right talking to her like this, a subtle intimacy between them but nothing serious. It was when he reached for his coffee and went to take a sip that he realised it had gone stone cold, he’d forgotten about it while they’d been talking and had even forgotten the rest of his breakfast, though he had eaten most of it already.

“Cold coffee,” He frowned into his cup and set it back down, but realising his coffee had gone cold was enough to remind him that although he would have liked to stay here with her all day and talk, they couldn’t. Eventually the others would be up and could walk in on them which might prove uncomfortable for Audrina, and also he suspected his brother and Luke would want to talk to him about last night at some stage. “As much as I’d like to sit here all day with you, we should really clean up here. I promised Travis I would pay him a visit, I know he’ll want to discuss a few things.” Eli explained reluctantly and he he hoped that reluctance portrayed in his voice because he’d have hated for her to think he was making excuses to get away from her, it was quite the opposite, he’d rather find excuses to stay with her.

[Yunalesca]

She listened intently as Eli began describing the city to her, his voice making her smile as he seemed to lose himself in the telling. At one point her eyes glanced down to their intertwined hands and ran her thumb across his knuckles again. This was surprisingly easy to listen to him, ask questions, and have hold of his hand. It made her feel as though this was normal. It could be if she let it, but that inkling of fear was ever in the back of her mind when she considered this. He had expressed he cared for her on some level deeper than either of them had thought, but with relationships came other things. Regardless of how okay she had become with being around him she couldn’t bring herself to believe she could just accept all the intimate things that came with a relationship. We can’t do this. She heard her own voice in her head for a moment, shortly followed by Eli’s angry why not?! from a time before when she had stepped away from him again. He seemed to understand the why’s a lot better now, but she could see in him that he wanted her to accept him. Being a guarded person for so long led her to be skeptical and wary. She craved attention from him now, but she still couldn’t bring herself to commit. It wouldn’t be fair to him she reminded herself before bringing her eyes up and letting herself fall into his telling once more.

She felt him come to a close on his descriptions of the city as he reached for his coffee. Hers sat beside her ignored, most of it drained though she was sure it was also cold as his was. She had eaten most of her food with a small bite of waffle left, all the fruit and whipped topping gone. It was probably the most she had eaten in one sitting in a while and led her to further think about the effect Eli had on her. Rarely had she made time to eat for herself or even make normal sized portions when she did eat. She could feel her mind trying to tell her he was a positive thing for her, but old habits die hard. She lifted her mug and set it on her plate to be cleaned off once they were done which she was assuming would be shortly based on signals from him and the obvious realization it was getting later. She enjoyed the warm feeling that came with being in close contact with him, but she couldn’t do it with the others around. It was out of character and she didn’t want to deal with what would come if they saw her connecting with him. It was a selfish notion, but she was private and felt no need to bring them down on them when there was nothing going on.

Her attention reverted to him when he spoke again, confirming her thoughts that this was over. She was surprisingly reluctant to let him go until he finished and her eyes dropped away from him. The warmth she had felt moments ago quickly left her, sliding right through her fingertips and leaving her cold on the inside. Memories of what had become of Travis made her feel sick again even as she tried fighting it. Eli had assured her he was alight with what had happened, but she wasn’t. She had put it all to the back of her mind, but now it was coming back to remind her she wasn’t alright with any of it. “Sounds like a good idea. You should be there for him.” She said quietly while trying to march the thoughts and feelings back into the box from whence it had escaped from. She couldn’t stand in the way of what he had to do and hearing her upset again would do just that. She was stronger than this. She forced her eyes to him and let the smallest of smiles crack her lips. “I kinda need to get out anyway, clear my head. Just…walk around without anywhere to go.” She offered as her thumb ran across his knuckles once more in consideration before she slowly drew her hand away from him. “I’ll take care of it, cook doesn’t clean. Go on and get ready.” She offered as she began to stand and collect his dishes before he could stop her.

She hadn’t lied to him in saying she needed to get out of the Institute. She’d been cooped up inside for a while and needed the air. She was feeling suffocated by everything weighing down on her. Maybe going out to see that life did indeed go on would be refreshing. Every time she had left her room had been to hunt something and a change of pace could be welcoming. She was still too fragile to think of looking for a vampire to slay, or even draw in a demon. She used sex appeal to do it and couldn’t fathom doing it now. The moment one got too close, pressed foreign lips to her skin, she would snap. She would either lash out to protect herself or ultimately crumble in their hands. She couldn’t afford either outcome at this juncture. She would just go out to go out. No other reason. As she scraped off the remaining food from the plates into the trash she took a deep breath. Life went on, she would overcome this in time.

[Serendipity]

Eli reluctantly left Audrina in the kitchen to clean up after their breakfast, he'd wanted to give himself another excuse to stay in her company longer by offering to help clean up, but she'd already told him that she would do it. He knew not to argue as that would only make things tense between them and it may have had her thinking he didn't believe she was capable of accomplishing the small task on her own after what she'd endured last night. That wasn't the case at all, however he had a feeling she might see it that way. He headed back to his room for a quick shower, which was necessary after Audrina had attacked him with the egg all down his back. Afterwards he dressed in his usual attire of jeans and a shirt, this time choosing a long-sleeved shirt that buttoned at the collar, leaving the top two unbuttoned. The days were starting to get cooler and the nights even more.

He had called Luke before he'd showered and dressed and found the Downworlder waiting for him outside the Institute. He knew Luke wasn't a taxi service but he was the only one Eli knew of, apart from Audrina and her bike, that had a vehicle. He'd have to look into purchasing something if it was decided that he would stay in New York, Eli thought as he got into Luke's pickup and they pulled away from the curb. "How are you?" Eli heard Luke ask a little awkwardly and turned his attention to the male, putting his thoughts about purchasing his own vehicle aside for the time being. "You know, a couple of Iratze's and we're fine." Eli answered with a casual shrug but he knew that Luke wasn't asking about him, he could see that he was okay, and was actually enquiring about Audrina.

When Luke shot him a look that said 'don't mess around', Eli sighed and leant back heavily in the passanger seat before he answered. "She doesn't want to talk about it yet, which I can understand. She just needs time." Eli explained, he felt he could trust Luke not to pass on what he might say about Audrina to anyone else but he still didn't feel it was right to say anything more then he already had. She wouldn't like being talked about and whether it was only because they concerned for her didn't matter. Luke nodded and Eli supposed he was just relieved to hear that Audrina wasn't highly emotional about it all.

"You and your brother have a lot to talk about so I'll just drop you off and come by later, Clary has something she wants to talk to me about anyway back at my place." Luke explained after the silence that fell between them became too much. "I know. Thank's Luke." Eli nodded in agreement, he paused for a moment and then turned his gaze to the other male. "And thank you for all your help last night." He added, not sure if he had thanked Luke for involving himself at the last minute when he'd seen things turning sour.

"Don't mention it. I'm just glad things turned out okay in the end." Luke replied and they fell into silence again for the remainder of the drive to the meat factory where Travis was still staying though this time it was out of his own doing.

---

Elijah returned to the Institute feeling much better about Travis's new situation. Though the responsibility of looking after his new pack and setting them on the straight and narrow would prove to be difficult for any alpha let alone someone who'd only just recently been turned Travis had set Eli's mind at ease that he was capable of handling it all. Luke of course had told his brother that he'd offer as much guidance as he could and they were already in talks about how to explain what had happened to the Clave. Audrina's name wouldn't be mentioned which also put his mind at ease since he knew she was dodging them for reasons she had yet to fully disclose.

Eli would need to write a formal letter to the Clave explaining his version of events and another letter to the London Institute to say he and Travis wouldn't be staying there any longer. He'd thought his brother would want to eventually go back to London, it wasn't impossible to relocate the pack, but there had been no mention of going back permenantly and only to get some of his belongings. That could come later though after Travis had found a new residence for himself and those pack members who didn't have homes. However there was mention of Travis leaving New York and possibly living in another state over, but not too far away. His brother had informed him that having two Were packs, his own and Luke's, could cause tension between members later on and it would be better if they didn't live in the same state.

At least he knew that if he decided to stay in New York, Travis wouldn't be far and they could still visit easily. They were both grown adults but Travis was the only family Eli had left and he didn't want to be too far out of reach if he ever needed him. He wondered what Audrina would think of him staying at the Institute for longer or even permenantly. He didn't necessarily even have to stay in the Institute, he had plenty of funds to buy or rent somewhere else close by but he had made friends with Jace although he was a lot younger and enjoyed their training sessions together. He also couldn't deny that he liked being close by to Audrina. He more then liked it, he admitted to himself, it was as though he needed to be around her and the thought of moving elsewhere, even if it was somewhere still in the city, felt wrong somehow.

Returning to his room, Eli set the items his brother had returned to him -his favorite leather jacket remarkable unscathed, his stele, witch light and Hibben knives- on his bed which was still unmade since he and Audrina had shared it last night. They had all be cleaned, probably by Travis himself, and he felt somewhat better knowing he had them back. Eli didn't stay in his room long before left and made his way down the hall.

He still had one more stop to make before searching Audrina out, he wanted to see her, ask about the last few hours he hadn't been with her and what she had done in that time. He was by no means checking up on her, he merely had an urge to find out how her day had been. Hodge's office door was ajar and Eli knocked loudly before pushing it open further, Hodge's call for him to come in was immediate as though the older shadowhunter had been expecting him. Eli sat down on the otherside of his desk this time, the few times in the past he'd stayed standing. The conversation was kept to as minimal detail as Eli could manage for Audrina's sake but he felt he had to explain what Maddox had attempted if only so she didn't have to do it herself.

He assured Hodge that it hadn't turned out nearly as bad as it could have thanks to Travis's help. Hodge was also satisfied to hear that Travis would be doing the right thing by also informing the Clave if what had happened and had even offered to grant Travis entry to the Institute for visits if he so wished. Eli suspected it was because Hodge wanted to meet him and discuss his situation in greater detail. He wasn't happy to hear however that Jace had got himself involved, Eli had been trying to avoid telling him about it but it seemed Hodge had already had his suspicions and only wanted them confirmed.

"You'll find Audrina in the library." Eli heard Hodge say as he went to leave and thought he caught a glimpse of a smirk on the mans face. He didn't respond as he closed the door behind him, but the moment it was closed he headed for the library.

[Yunalesca]

Even though it had made her feel uneasy the last time she had walked out of this park, she was finding herself sitting there not long after Eli had left and she’d readied herself for the day. She had let her feet lead her where they would, trying to keep her mind as blank as possible in an attempt to filter out the bad things that had happened to her since her sister’s death. Considering how much that actually was she didn’t particularly have a hope that this trick would work. She had said she needed to go out and clear her head. In reality that would be giving herself time to think over, to evaluate what had happened to her and how to prevent it from happening again. The only thing was that she wasn’t ready to relive it. She considered herself a strong person, but what had nearly occurred, and what had occurred, actually made her feel weak and vulnerable. With her life being as it was she could run into the same thing more. With the way she flirted with the reaper she would bite the bullet soon enough, and it wouldn’t be the most pleasant way to die either.

Her hand came up and combed through her hair as she leaned back against the tree and sighed. She should be evaluating her life and realizing this path would kill her. But that was something she already knew. I can’t abandon her, I can’t let her go on this way she thought in her mind. She saw a flash of her mother’s empty eyes as they’d carried her out and she had to close her own to prevent herself from crying. She couldn’t abandon her mother to that fate. She had literally given her life in protection of her daughter. Audrina only knew of one way to repay her. What would Eli think? came suddenly to her mind, making her eyes open again and stare up through the falling leaves. She knew what he would think and he would never let her go. That was the original reason she had assisted him with his brother, to keep him distracted. She took a breath and felt something heavy on her chest as she did so. It was one or the other and for the first time the choice was hard. I feel more than I should. I… she couldn’t say it even in her mind and had to get to her feet before she thought much longer about this.

The sun was beginning to curve around from the highest point when she stepped back up the Institute and subconsciously pulled her light peacoat a little tighter around herself before entering. The weather was changing, though she was sure that wasn’t the only reason she suddenly felt empty and cold. She realized she felt something for Eli that could very well destroy her and everything she had worked for. It should make her feel warm, but all it did was make her feel afraid. She pushed it aside as she ducked in the doors and hung her coat up on the rack besides Isabelle’s. Her fingers trailed over the Shadowhunters jacket in consideration for a moment. How did she do it, just run headlong into relationships? She doesn’t do it because she lo…cares about them she quickly corrected in her mind. The word was too foreign and strong to even utter in the silence of her mind. She couldn’t feel that strongly for Eli. It wasn’t possible for her, or so she had told him once before.

“Audrina, are you faring well?” Came a voice that made her jump, nearly knocking Isabelle’s coat from the rack in the process. She turned and saw Hodge standing at the top of the steps as though he had been waiting for her. She recovered herself and cleared her throat while starting toward him. “I’m fine, considering. I’ve got a few things to look at in the library. Excuse me.” She said, slipping around him and choosing not to discuss it with him. She wasn’t ready. She couldn’t even open up to Eli about it, Eli who had held her until she stopped crying. At the thought she brushed her hair back aggressively once more before entering the library.

She didn’t know what she was looking for when she actually entered the library, but had said anything to get away from talking with Hodge. She knew he was concerned with her mental state, had undoubtedly spoken with Eli, but she didn’t want to talk about it. When she ended up in one of the upper echelons of the library she couldn’t exactly say she remembered going up there. She hadn’t explored much of the library since taking up residence in the Institute and so had no reason to think she’d find anything up there. But to her surprise her fingers found something of interest as they glided across the books in her distracted state. She paused as she read the title on the binding before pulling it gently from the crammed case. Shadowhunter Familial Records volume 5 it read and she flipped it open. She didn’t believe there would be anything about her in it, but she recalled saying something to Eli earlier. We never got many details about it her voice echoed in reference to her fathers death. Her fingers hooked around the cover and flipped it open. She spent what seemed like hours skimming the large book for names she recognized or, more importantly, her parents names. Her booted feet were crossed and resting on the second wrung of the walkway bars, her back pressed to one of the bookcases in an almost awkward and uncomfortable fashion. The walkway wasn’t very wide and so it was the only way for her to comfortably stretch out while reading. Lucian Graymark popped out at her after a while, making her pause. “It can’t be…” She started before reading further into the detailed entry about him. It ended rather suddenly, giving no remarks as to whether he was dead or missing. It just ended. “Luke…” She whispered aloud before flipping further in the book and stopping with a slam of her hand on the pages as one name popped out at her, DuPage. Her heart thrummed faster in her chest, it deafening out the sound of the door to the library clicking open and closed while her eyes scanned the text frantically. She was reading the names of her father’s family, brief histories that stretched on as she searched for the name ‘Adrean’. “Where are you?” She whispered to herself as she flipped another page looking for him.

[Serendipity]

Eli rolled the sleeves of his dark grey shirt up to his elbows as he made his way to the library, he was suddenly very warm and wondered if it had anything to do with seeing Audrina again, the mere idea of being with her again warming him through. Thoughts of her had popped up in his mind every now and then when he’d been with Travis, he hoped that his brother hadn’t noticed him becoming distracted when they did but if he had he hadn’t said anything. Audrina was incredibly distracting, at no fault of her own, and at times she was all he could think about. He smiled a little at the knowledge knowing it wasn’t the first time he’d admitted she was distracting for him, and his mother would have called it the best kind of distraction. Eli hadn’t been so sure of that at first but now he could see why being distracted by someone would be classed as a good thing, it proved what he felt for her was real. He had to bide his time before he told her how he felt, if he told her now she would only think he was rushing into things and even perhaps that he only wanted one thing.

Eli pushed thoughts of telling her how he felt from the forefront of his mind as he reached the library and opened the door. At first glance Audrina was no where to be seen but as he quietly closed the door behind him and looked up, remembering the other levels the library had to offer. He saw her sitting on a level above, her back resting against a bookcase and her legs stretched out and resting on the walkway bars. It didn’t look all that comfortable in Eli’s opinion. Quietly he made his way up to the level she was on and came to a stop beside her before he lowered himself to the ground, using the bookcase as a back rest though he crossed his legs instead of stretching them out as Audrina had done.

He didn’t say anything as he sat down beside her, content to just sit beside her and she looked lost in the book she had open in her lap, her eyes scanning the pages furiously as though they were searching for something in particular, important even. He leant back a little more into the bookcase and folded his arms over his chest before closing his eyes, he was curious about what she was looking for in the book but knew if he tried to sneak a peek or ask he wouldn’t get any answers anyway. She would notice his presence eventually and if she had noticed his presence she would say something when she’d finished searching for whatever it was she was looking for in her book.

[Yunalesca]

In her frantic search for her father's name she didn't even notice the vibrations coming through the walkway, indication that someone had stepped onto the platform. She was completely lost to the text, skimming through births and deaths of her ancestor's. The only thing she was noticing was how short her forefather's lives we're becoming. When once they lived into their eighties they were fortunate to make it to fifty. There had been a shift in the pull to give demon the favor. This was barely a thought in her mind, however, s she began to get closer to the year of her father's birth. She was a page away when she felt a warmth at her arm. She stopped her place and glance over to see Eli seated beside her with his eyes closed.

She took in a sharp breath of surprise at his presence considering she hasn't noticed and didn't know how long he'd been sitting there. "You scared me," she said lightly in acknowledgement of him. "How long have you been there?" She questioned as she felt herself growing red in embarrassment of having not noticed him earlier. Her eyes flicked back to the book quickly and indecisively as she wasn't sure what to do about it. Should she continue on and let him see what she was looking for or put it away for another time? The ache in her chest began to strengthen at the thought of having to come back to this later. She wanted desperately to know what had happened to her dad. She thought she had come to terms with his death, but it would seem that wasn't the case. There was too much mystery around his death. Something happened that they didn't want his family to know. She swallowed and had to look away from him then. He could read her eyes now and she didn't want him to see her frantic storm brewing. She hasn't completely let go of her father and it was all coming back now.
"Just one more minute, I'm almost done." She responded as calmly as she could before lifting her hand from the text to read further. She almost quit breathing when she did finally find his name with an annotation for his marriage to her mother who was in a different book. She swallowed the lump in her throat as she read down the history to the end. "Killed in action...that's all they have to say?" She whispered in anger and despair. No details on where he was, what he was doing, why he was battling. Just K I A beside the last entry. Her brows furrowed as her hands fell away to her lap, her body growing cold as it set in. She may never know and it would eat at her. She could feel something was amiss and yet didn't know what that something was. She felt the first stings of tears in her eyes before she took a deep breath and closed the book. She should have expected this. Why would they write it down when they couldn't even say it out loud? She closed her eyes and thumped her head back against a bookcase while willing the memories away. There was nowhere else to turn, he was gone and she still didn't know why.

"How's your brother doing?" She asked lightly in hopes of changing the subject. She allowed her eyes to come open and look at him, head coming off the bookcase so her eyes were level with his.

[Serendipity]

Eli smiled and peeked a look at her through his lashes at her as she finally realized he was there sitting beside her. “Sorry. Not long,” He told her and nodded slightly and closed his eyes again as she asked for a few more minutes to find what she was looking for. The events of the previous night and the late hour that he had finally gotten some sleep were starting to catch up with him now, though he wasn’t desperate for sleep it was nice to close his eyes for a bit. There was nothing pressing he had to do for the rest of the afternoon and so he was content to do nothing really, as long as he was doing nothing with Audrina.

His breathing slowed to an even motion as his mind relaxed but he was still aware that she was beside him reading the pages of the book. Eli’s eyes flickered a little as he sensed some tension coming from the blonde, but they stayed closed a little longer giving her a few more moments of privacy. Only when he heard her whispered words did he open his eyes and turn his head in her direction, his gaze dropped to the book she still had open on the same page but he only glanced at it before lifting them back to her. Who? He wanted to ask but she wouldn’t want him to know what she had been looking for in the book, though whatever it was he had a feeling it had something to do with her family, possibly her father.

He pushed back the concern he felt at whatever information she had or hadn’t found that had upset her, if she wanted to tell him about it she would and it didn’t matter if it was right then and there. “What did the bookcase ever do to you?” He quipped lightly instead upon her thumping her head against it. “Comfy spot you’ve got here.” He muttered more to himself as he uncurled his legs to stretch them out in front of him, his legs were longer than hers which meant they hung out over the wrung well past her own rather uncomfortably.

“Travis is doing well, sorting everything out with Luke’s help. He’s already gained some headway with half of the pack.” Eli answered and a grin broke out over his lips as a thought occurred to him. “I think he’s rather enjoying himself actually, bossing people around, I was always the one doing the bossing.” He chuckled, the grin reaching his eyes now. “I’m not too keen on bossing around an alpha werewolf though.”

“How was the rest of your day?” Eli asked, it had been what he’d sought her out for in the first place, to talk and find out how she’d spent the rest of her morning before she’d eventually ended up here in the library.

[Yunalesca]

“It existed.” She muttered in response to him before he spoke further, trying to decide if he was trying to bait her into being rude to him again or if she was just looking for an outlet for her frustration. It was likely the latter considering how he’d been trying to keep things civil between them. Although she couldn’t say he had to ‘try’ at it. She had been seeking him for comfort more times than last night. He had come to her when she’d been hurt, he’d slept beside her when she was having bad dreams, he’d been –in- her dreams. He didn’t deserve to be punished for her inability to control her anger, an anger that had nothing to do with him. She took a breath and closed her eyes for a second to clear her mind before opening them again to watch him while she listened to his events of the day. She offered him a small smile as he commented that his brother seemed to enjoy what he was doing. It was good to hear, but inside she still carried a guilt and she was beginning to believe it may never go away. This wasn’t the worst outcome for him, but it wasn’t what she had hoped to accomplish.

“Imagine you, a bossy kind of guy. I never would’ve guessed.” She teased even though since they had met she had clearly been the more bossy of the two. She offered him a small smirk before bumping his shoulder with hers to show she was indeed teasing him. As the conversation was directed away from the contents of the book, for she had feared he would ask, she felt the irritation lifting to be replaced with nonchalance, a calm. It used to be he would do nothing but irritate her. Somewhere along the way that had changed so he was becoming something like an emotional rock that kept her grounded. She dropped her gaze at the thought as she analyzed it. He was developing into something more than what she had ever thought he would and a part of her still wasn’t sure how she should feel about it. Don’t think about it. Not here. Not now. she thought to herself before her eyes came back as he asked about her day.

She stretched her arms out a little bit while shrugging in the same motion. “Wasted the day mostly. Walked around, but didn’t really clear my head like I wanted to. Getting fresh air was nice, but I think I need more than that.” She said, her voice tapering off slightly at the end. At one point she had felt she might need a psychologist, but Shadowhunters didn’t have those nor did they go to them. They were built to deal with the pressures of this life, but nothing had prepared her for what had happened last night. Her aversion sex and intimacy only made it worse for herself. You couldn’t have control over something you didn’t know anything about. She may have been able to better defend herself if she hadn’t gone into shock the way she had. She had shut down as she felt it was the only means to bear through it. She felt disappointment in herself for that, but couldn’t say it to Eli. Couldn’t say it to anyone.

“Things have just been getting progressively more complicated every day I wake up. It used to be easy. I’d go with the flow, follow leads and not care where I ended up. Then I came here and everything went to hell. People started getting hurt because of me, you’ve been hurt because of me. How does someone deal with that?” She said, going off on a tangent of something that had been bothering her for a while now. She blamed herself for his injuries the night before, blamed herself for every scrape the others gained when they came after her. There were few times in her life in which she’d felt this horrible and it was beginning to pile up. She felt it come out of the blue on her after having tried to keep conversation light with him since this morning. Thinking about her disappointment with herself seemingly brought it on. Her hand came up and rubbed between her brows as though it would help.

[Serendipity]

He was glad he hadn’t asked her what she’d found in the book after she reacted darkly to his joke about the bookcase. He’d sensed her tension creeping in and keeping the conversation light between them had been a good idea, at least he’d thought it had. Except now he realised he’d caught her at a bad moment and his moods weren’t so easily darkened by her anymore when it came to Audrina, now that he understood her a little better. He was just glad that she didn’t let herself fall into a deeper pit of despair over whatever it was that had upset her. His next joke about his brother now getting to boss everyone around went down better than his comment about the bookcase. Her teasing tone put a smile on his face and he nudged her back gently with a small chuckle.

When she started telling him about her day he listened intently, pleased that she’d kept herself busy even if she only saw going for a walk as a waste of a day. He could guess that she would have gone over things in her head, perhaps tried to sort them out or make sense of them. It wasn’t as easy as just going for a walk to get some fresh air though, if it was that simple then no one would be carrying around their own demons. “It’ll take time,” He nodded sympathetically, he knew that much at least, however he wished he had a simple fix for her, someway to ease her troubles overnight so she would never have to worry about them again. He didn’t.

He watched her closely as she continued on in a bit of a tangent, trying not to frown as she said that things had started to go to hell when she’d come to the Institute. He hoped that she wasn’t referring to the fact that he’d arrived here, they’d certainly had their ups and downs and at one point he’d even thought she’d hated him. He felt a pang of guilt at the thought that he might be the reason everything for her had started to spiral out of control, forgetting the fact that she’d been here long before he’d arrived on a mission to steak every vampire she could get her hands on.

“No…” He drew the word out, hoping it would catch her attention. “I got hurt because of me.” He told her firmly, refusing to allow her to take any blame for his injuries. If he hadn’t have fallen into Maddox’s trap and ran after him she would never have been left alone. Eli sighed at her final question, she probably hadn’t been looking for an answer when she’d asked it and he didn’t have one for her. “There are things from years ago, that I still haven’t dealt with properly or found answers to. But I wish I had the answers for you...” He murmured and met her gaze, and he really did mean that.

[Yunalesca]

She stopped the ministrations to her forehead when he spoke affirmatively at her. Her hand lowered as she turned her head more to look at him, something lurking in her eyes as she did so. She never appreciated being talked to in a tone of voice like that and almost missed what he was saying because of it. When she actually let it sink in she took a breath to protest, but he was already moving forward. Her mouth closed as he spoke, effectively cutting her off from interrupting him to argue. He had rushed after Maddox, but ultimately she still felt responsible. If she had been more conscious of her surroundings the alpha wouldn’t have caught her. He wouldn’t have fought to reach her and get punished for it. Her eyes lowered and brows furrowed at the memory of him struggling against his captors to get to her.

Her eyes came back up quickly as he finished, something in his voice striking her. Her lips parted slightly as she looked at him in wonder and confusion. What he said had been simple enough, but the tone in which he said it was what got her attention. It made her stop breathing for a few seconds. It was like a slap to the face and not in a bad way. She knew he cared about her, had seen it in action, but his tone just now was like shock treatment. “Eli…” She said softly as the pretense to something more, but nothing else came out. She didn’t know what to say in response to it. She wasn’t good at these things, she had no experience with it. She bit down on her bottom lip as her eyes averted. The situation had just become a little awkward for her simply because she didn’t know what to do. Stop being afraid. her mind prodded, forcing her to look at him again.

“You should desire your own answers ahead of mine. There’s nothing more important than yourself.” She said, but her heart hammered in her chest as she said it. She had been willing to put him and his brother ahead of herself on more than one occasion. She had learned just how far she would go to get them out of there alive. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes, letting her head come down gently on his shoulder like he was a friend. But that was the thing. They weren’t friends. She didn’t know what they were, but she did know they weren’t ‘just friends’ as they may have been before. Her brows furrowed at the thought before she let herself relax further, her hand coming down to rest on his thigh. If she was afraid of the intimacy this caused she didn’t let it show. She shouldn’t be, after all, they had slept beside each other all night, tangled up together.

“Sometimes I wish I could forget things, even though memories are what make us who we are.” She said as she thought about how she didn’t particularly like who she was. This made her mood worsen, though she was trying to fight it. She sighed heavily before speaking once more. “Let's just go somewhere tonight. Forget this...mess for a while. I know I have to deal with it, I can't run from it, but I'm not ready to accept it yet. I'm not ready to..." she sighed heavily again as she lifted her head from his shoulder and looked down at her hand on his thigh. "I'm not ready to remember it." She finished.

[Serendipity]

He wondered if anyone had dared speak to her the way he did sometimes and had just done now, he guessed not by the look she gave him and prepared himself for her to tell him off. He hadn’t said anything inappropriate, however his tone of voice had been firm in rectifying her statement. However, Audrina appeared not to know how to respond, opening then promptly closing her mouth and he held back a satisfied smirk. His next statement softened her expression a bit and distracted her from becoming annoyed over the first though he thought he saw a flash of confusion in her gaze and he guessed that it was difficult for her to understand why someone would want to put her needs and wishes first. From what he knew of her she had been on her own before she was fifteen and had been looking out for herself ever since.

Eli wasn’t sure how to respond to her reply without revealing more of how he felt towards her and only responded with a small shrug and smile. Now was not the time to be revealing such feelings, not when she was still feeling out of shorts with what had happened last night. If he thought telling her such things would help ease any of it he would have told her how he felt in a heartbeat, but telling her now would only cause more confusion and pain for her. He angled his head to rest on top of hers when she leant into him and her head came to his shoulder. His smile softened though she couldn’t see it when her hand came to rest on his thigh, making his pulse jump and the spot beneath her hand warm considerably.

“I think that’s natural. I feel that way sometimes too.” He assured her gently and his arm itched to wrap itself around her waist but he resisted the urge being careful not to put them in too many intimate situations. His brows rose slightly as he thought on her suggestion that they go somewhere and get out of the Institute and that she wanted to forget, just for one night, everything she would have to face soon enough. He couldn’t argue with her, especially when she revealed that she knew she had to deal with everything and that she would, and honestly he didn’t want to. She deserved a night out to forget, have some fun even and just relax after the tense past few weeks they’d had.

“You won’t get any complaints here.” Eli agreed as he lifted his head from hers when he felt hers lifting from his shoulder. He retracted his legs from their stretched out position, preparing to get up seeing no reason to waste anytime getting out of here. One of his hands came to cover the hand she’d kept on his thigh and he lifted it as he began to get to his feet. He kept hold of her hand as he stood and pulled her to her feet beside him. “Where shall we go, I was thinking dinner somewhere but I haven’t explored New York well enough yet to know where the good spots are.” He explained leaving it up to Audrina to decide where they went.

[Yunalesca]

Her eyes shifted to Eli as he agreed with her on going out that evening. She was tired of staying in all the time, but wasn't ready to go out hunting with anyone either. She just wanted something to do outside of the Institutes walls that were beginning to drag her down with their whispers of all that had happened since she'd come to its doors. What exactly that activity would be she still couldn't say. She just wanted an opportunity to pretend her life was normal and not crumpled into ash after going up in flames, for that was how it felt to her at the moment. She was severely bogged down and was remembering how things had been easier when they had gone out to breakfast that one morning. Well it'd been easy until she realized she was jealous of the attention Eli was giving to the waitress and then he'd gone on to tell her he would risk his life for her safety. She felt herself swallow the lump forming at the memory. That was the turning point when she'd fully realized she liked him for something more than just a temporary comrade.

Her eyes flitted down to their hands intertwining before he found his feet, still holding onto her hand so as to pull her up with him. With some effort she got herself out of her position and rose up beside him, his hand in one of hers and the book grasped in the other. In the past she would have drawn away from him for touching her and wouldn't continue to hold his hand, but things had begun changing. No matter what she wanted to say to herself about it, they were beginning to mean something to each other and she wasn't so afraid of his touch anymore. If he'd been more forceful with things she would have receded back into her shell for protection, but this more gentle approach he had begun to take was doing a number on her barriers. She let her fingers fold around his as she thought about it, looking at him while he spoke. "Dinner would be great." SHe said softly as a bundle of nerves began tightening in her stomach. Dinner was completely different from breakfast or coffee, or even having dinner here at the Institute. it would be the two of them in a restaurant somewhere with nobody else to talk to. Would he consider it a date, would she consider it one? That sudden welling of fear came at the thought. A date was something more than she'd ever considered. A date was serious and almost made her panic. She couldn't handle that at this time. She felt herself growing warm in reaction to her panic before she fought to bring herself back down. He never said the 'd' word. He didn't ask anything of her and wouldn't force her into anything, this much she knew now. Relax she said in her own mind before she felt her eyes return back to normal from their panicked state.

She licked her lips slightly before speaking, her mouth having gone dry in her panic. "There's a little place uptown. Nothing too fancy. Mostly our kind of crowd. The less Mundanes the better at this time I feel." She said in a quiet tone as she recalled the last time they had mixed with Mundanes. Eli had ended up in a fight over her and she'd allowed a Mundie to hit her. it hadn't been a good night and she wasn't looking to repeat it. She didn't even know if he had managed to remember all of that night yet. "It's more laid back. I'm not really into the uptight atmosphere at this point." She added as she forced herself to bring her gaze back to him. "If that's alright with you." She added on once more while the book shifted in her hand, a sign of her slight distress. She was usually calm and collected around him, but this whole imagining this as a date was throwing her off. It's just Eli she soothed in her head, though flashes of them sleeping together came across her mind. It was -just- Eli, but -just- Eli wasn't what it used to be. They were growing on each other when she had been telling herself to do the opposite. As she thought this, one of her fingers stroked the skin of his hand as though she needed his reassurance.

She felt more color coming to her cheeks as her thoughts were running away with her and there was no way for her to hide it. You wanted to forget things for one night, be more confident in yourself she heard herself chastise. He wouldn't do anything to hurt her so there was no reason for her to be nervous or afraid. Though he had insinuated things the last time he had been inebriated, for she was sure he would have some alcohol, he hadn't known her back then like he did now. Oddly, she trusted him to be careful with her. He'd watched as Maddox tried to take her innocence from her. He wouldn't be able to forget that and she didn't believe he could bring himself to do anything to her even when he was intoxicated. Some men were wired to not care, but Eli did care.

[Serendipity]

Eli thought he sensed nerves coming from Audrina after he suggested they go somewhere for dinner, she still kept her hand in his even as she got to her feet and it reassured him that she was considering his dinner offer. He wondered maybe if she thought he would class this as a date and that was what worried her, making her nervous. He might have considered their going to dinner a date if he hadn't known her better, it would make things too serious for her and he knew she wasn't ready for anything like that. It was just dinner between friends, although they were more then that they were still sitting somewhere in the middle and he had no idea if there was even a label for what they were.

The first time they'd ever gone out together, Eli had only been at the Institute a few weeks, had been to the club and even then they hadn't 'gone out together' they had just gone to together and separated afterwards. However secretly he had only gone to the same club as Audrina because he had been curious about her then, wondering what she got up to. Some of that night was still a little blurry for Eli since he'd had way too much to drink, but bits and pieces had started coming back several weeks ago. He remembered there'd been a girl he'd danced with most of the night, a mundie, until he'd lost interest in her and had found Audrina. They had danced, though he still wasn't sure how he'd managed to convince her of it.

Then there had been another mundie, a male this time, who had tried to cut in and steal Audrina away from him. Eli couldn't recall who had started the fight, but he did remember telling the guy to take a hike before he got really nasty and had hit Audrina when Eli had turned his back. He guessed the mundie had started the fight by hitting her, after that it all blurred again until the incident in his room which had turned into an ugly mess between them afterwards. He'd drank way to much and hadn't known Audrina back then the way he did now otherwise even in a state of intoxication he never would have said those things to her, possibly in a way of seducing her.

He was pleased when she accepted his offer of dinner and suggested somewhere for them to go, her fingers curling through his and her thumb ran over the top of his hand in a reassuring manner. "That sounds like the place then, casual is good and less mundanes the better." Eli agreed and began to lead her out from the walkway they were standing in and down the stairs to the next level of the library, his hand keeping a soft but firm grip on hers. He glanced down as he led her out of the library and noticed she still had hold of the book. "Did you want to put that back in your room before we go? I need to grab my jacket anyway. And will it be a cab or your bike?" He asked, he wasn't particularly fond of her bike, the only thing he did like about it was that he got to put his arms around her.

[Yunalesca]

She smiled softly as he accepted her choice before he began leading her from the upper level of the library back to the ground floor. It wasn’t until they reached the bottom that she realized she was still holding the genealogy book in her other hand, and that was only because Eli said something. She looked down at her other hand to see it still curved into her arm at her side, wondering how she’d managed to forget she had it. She’d gotten so lost in her concern that this was a date that she had walked away with the book still in hand. “Uh, no. There’s nothing of use in there. I’ll run it back.” She commented, letting her hand slip from his as she turned and took the steps two at a time back up the levels until she put the book away. If he’d noticed what it was he either didn’t care or was choosing not to say anything. She was silently grateful. Even though she had come to terms with her father’s death, she couldn’t say she was comfortable with telling him she was looking for answers still. It hadn’t come back to bother her until recently, that suspicion having been buried under a mountain of other concerns.

She shelved the book back away before slightly jogging back down he steps to return to Eli who had decided to wait for her. As she came to the bottom she suddenly wished she hadn’t extended herself needlessly with the aches coming on from falling through the window. She covered her wincing as best she could once she stepped up to Eli once more. “I just need to change my shirt if you want to grab your jacket, I can meet you at the doors. And we’ll take a cab considering I know how much you love riding the bike.” She said with a small smirk, her hand brushing his as she started to step away. The action made color come into her cheeks even though she’d just been holding his hand. Everything still felt extremely new and she wasn’t sure she’d ever get used to it. Get used to what, exactly? What are you, even? her mind pressed and she shoved it away. She didn’t want to evaluate it at this time. She had enough to think about as it was.

“Main doors, five minutes. This cab doesn’t wait.” She said a little playfully to him, not sure of what was coming over her as her roller coaster of mood swings seemed to be going in a different direction now. Maybe she was actually thinking she could forget herself for a little while and entertain this notion of having something with him. It was dangerous, she acknowledged that, but it was safer than the alternative of letting herself remember what had happened to her. As they exited the library she gave him one last little smirk before starting off to her own room. She closed the door softly behind her and reached into her closet for something more suitable to wear. There was nothing wrong with her long sleeve tee, but she wanted something a little nicer when going out. For once she was looking for something softer in place of the hard leather she usually wore.

In the back there was one sweater she had never worn, the orchid color speaking volumes of femininity, but strength at the same time. Deciding it was the right one, she pulled her tee off and slid into the soft fabric of the sweater, the sleeves covering her fingers slightly in a sort of elegance. She looked at herself briefly, adjusting the cuffs of her boots at her knees and stuffing her jeans further into the leather for a more seamless look, then she was exiting her room. She wasn’t surprised to find Eli waiting for her considering he only had to grab his jacket, but something was a little different about him. A small smile played over her lips as she reached behind him for her peacoat, the action bringing them close. “You did something, but I can’t pinpoint what. Didn’t just go for your jacket, did you?” She toyed as she paused when her hand closed around the collar of her own coat. She took in a breath of him and felt herself warm from her face down to her toes. Relax she soothed in her mind before pulling her coat over his shoulder. “You ready, then?” She questioned him as she started sliding her arms into the sleeves, buttoning the coat closed as she remembered the slight chill from earlier that would only get worse as the night approached.

[Serendipity]

Eli gave a small nod and let her hand go as she started to move away so she could return the book she’d apparently forgotten she was carrying. He waited for her by the door of the library and reached to open it when he saw her jogging back down the stairs after shelving the book, her comment about the bike along with the small smirk she gave made him laugh. His laughter trailed off at the feeling of her hand brushing his as she stepped past him out the door, he thought about grabbing it quickly before she could fully pass through the door, he wanted to feel its warmth in his again but she was out of reach by the time he fully processed the thought and could build up the nerve to do so.

The second little smirk she threw him over her shoulder as he followed her through the door jolted his heart to his throat and he barely managed to grasp her playful comment about the cab. It wasn’t like she hadn’t smirked at him before both playfully and with sarcasm, it was just this time there was something different about it though he couldn’t pinpoint what it was exactly. “I’ll only need two minutes.” He responded quickly, a grin flashing across his lips just in time for her to see before she’d turned her back on him to walk off to her room. He chuckled a little to himself as he watched her go, slowing his strides so she gained distance between them as she hurried off in the same direction he was going anyway. He wondered if she realised that their rooms were in the same corridor.

He made it to his room shortly after watching Audrina disappear into hers and smoothed down the sleeves of his shirt from their rolled up position searching for his jacket. He’d left it on the end of his bed and picked it up before shrugging it on. He stopped halfway to his door and changed directions, making a quick beeline to his bathroom. He’d never worried about his appearance in the past, resulting in him never owning a comb or brush. All of a sudden something triggered his nerves and he had to check his appearance and make sure it was suitable for dinner with the blonde shadowhunter. His hair was a tousled mess as usual and he found himself quickly running some water, splashing his face and running his wet fingers through his locks of dark brown hair arranging it in what he thought was a much neater appearance.

He probably could have shaved, a two day stubble on his chin, but there was no time for that. Satisfied that his hair wasn’t so messy he quickly sprayed his favorite deodorant and retreated from his room, snatching up his wallet and phone from the side table by his door before he stepped out into the corridor.

He was waiting for her by the main doors, his hands tucked into the back pockets of his jeans, and when he saw her making her way towards him, he couldn’t help the smile that transformed his face. She had only changed her top, opting for a rather feminine coloured sweater that suited her perfectly, but he felt butterflies in his stomach upon seeing her and had to quickly remind himself that this was not a date. The butterflies in his stomach increased as she stepped up to him then reached behind him to grab her peacoat, bringing them to almost touching distance. He quirked a brow at her question before feigning indifference, his shoulders lifting and falling in a nonchalant shrug. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, I only added my jacket to my already impeccable ensemble.” He grinned.

He was already opening the front door for them when she asked if he was ready and waved her through. “Ready.” He nodded and closed the door behind them once they were both through. He followed her down the path and through the Institutes gates. “Now let’s find us a cab,” He said once they were out the front his eyes scanning the traffic in search of the familiar yellow vehicles.

[Yunalesca]

"I'll bet you don't. Still a self absorbed prat I see." She said with a warm smile before she was stepping through the door he held open for her, her hands sinking into her pockets as she did so. For some reason bringing up what she had called him before but in a more humored tone this time made her grow warm. Was she flirting with him when she did things like that? Her lack of experience made her question these things. If it was flirting she knew she should be more careful. She was constantly feeling like some horrible person leading him on when she was too afraid to commit or be rejected, but she still did these things anyway. They made her feel alive. They made her feel different than she usually did. They made her feel -good- which was a rarity. She took in a breath of the cool air when her boots clacked on the pavement before Eli was taking the lead, though still trying to keep her at his side rather than behind him. She widened her stride a little to keep in step with him. He wasn't largely taller than her, but his strides were bigger than what she usually took.

"Hopefully it won't take long. Can't say I'm an expert at hailing them." She commented as they started for a main road that would be easier to get a cab from. Hailing cabs was a mundane task in every sense of the word. Most Shadowhunters had their own transportation or relied on the Clave transportation. Considering she was remaining under their radar she had no issue with getting a cab to keep Eli more comfortable. Not to mention the sweater may not hold up well with how she drove her bike. Another reason she had likely never worn it to begin with. It wasn't a very versatile fabric and it would tear easy in comparison to other things she wore. "Not sure if you're aware, but cab drivers are just about as scary as myself while on the road. I'll let you decide if you come out the winner in this." She said with a slight smirk to him before she stepped up to the curb and stuck her hand out in a New Yorker cab hailing fashion. It was one thing she had learned in her time at the Institute. She felt ridiculous doing it, but she didn't let that reflect on her face as she waited. Either they had good luck or it was a slow night as a cab pulled up for them not long after she threw the signal. "Must be my charming smile." She said sarcastically before she was sliding in the back and giving the cabbie the address.

As they pulled away from the curb she noted how close Eli was to her, his leg pressed close to hers and giving off a warmth. She began to feel nervous all over again and wondered if Eli felt the same. Why would he? Its not a date and he could have anyone he wanted the voice in her head admonished, it being the first time she ever thought of Eli in that manner. She glanced over at him and swallowed the lump in her throat. He could have anyone he wanted and yet for some reason he continued to stay by her. Even after she denied him, threatened him, pushed him away. Her eyes shifted away as something squeezed around her heart. "You fixed your hair." She noted aloud, finally seeing what was different about him. This made her wonder anew about what he was thinking about when it came to this dinner. Subconsciously her hand came out of her pocket and brushed his thigh as it settled on her own. She felt herself take a sharp breath as it did, mouth going dry as she fought to keep her eyes forward and not look at him. She wanted to take his hand, but was suddenly afraid of what he might think. A good portion of the time they'd been around each other that day they'd held hands and now she was growing afraid? She'd slept in his bed with him and now she was growing unsure?

[Serendipity]

“Always,” Eli said with a smile that matched her own as they exited the Institute, this time her remark about him being a self obsessed prat had a different effect on him then it had the first time round although it could have been the humor he heard in her voice along with it. He recalled the point in time when Audrina had called him a ‘self obsessed prig’, it was only a vague recollection as it seemed like such a long time ago, back then he’d been on a mission to piss her off because he’d liked the way she fired up. Now all he wanted to do was look out for her, make sure she was safe and more importantly keep her close. Secretly he still liked the way she fired up, see the spark in her eye the only difference was now it would only be in jest.

Once on the sidewalk Eli wasn’t sure exactly how to hail a cab in New York, there was an art to it he’d found out and one he hadn’t quite perfected. Luckily Audrina seemed to know how to flag one down leading him to the main road, or at least she had a better idea than he did. In London he had his own method of transport and had never had the need for a taxi, since coming to New York he’d had to rely on other methods of transport. So far he preferred anything but Audrina’s Ducati, however he didn’t mind it when he was the one driving. “I’ll take my chances.” He laughed in reply to her comment about cab drivers in New York being even more frightening than she was on her bike.

His laughter rolled into a soft chuckle as she waved a cabbie down and assured him it was because of her charming smile. “Works everytime?” He questioned with a small shake of his head as he continued to laugh, sliding into the back seat beside her once the cab had pulled up by the curb. The inside of the cab wasn’t as roomy as he thought it would be and his leg and shoulder brushed against hers. He suddenly felt very warm, which had nothing to do with the heater being on and wished he’d removed his jacket before getting in. Her statement sent a puzzled expression to his features for a moment before he caught on to what she meant. “Did not.” He said keeping a straight face for all of thirty seconds before a grin broke out over his lips and he fought to keep it from fully forming. He turned his gaze back to the front as though that would help stop his grinning expression but he couldn’t hold it back any longer.

“I thought it might be an idea if I didn’t just look like I rolled out of bed for once.” He shrugged and glanced back across at her, he couldn’t very well tell her that he’d wanted to look nice for her because that would only bring up the question in her mind if this was a date. Eli would have liked it to be but he was aware he’d be pushing his luck even by suggesting it was. His eyes fell to her hand as it brushed his thigh then lifted back to her face, he knew she hadn’t purposely done it however something flickered in expression that made him wonder if she wanted him to take her hand. They had been doing a lot of hand holding in the last twenty-four hours and it had been nice -comforting, although each time it had been for a reason; a gesture of reassurance, helping her to her feet, it had never been simply because they’d both wanted to. He’d never shied away from displays of affection in the past -he'd always been forward- and had only done so these past few weeks because everytime he did she moved two steps back from him.

Eli moved his hand and laid it on top of hers. Some things were difficult to change about oneself, he just hoped this time she wouldn’t retreat further behind her walls. “Tell me about this place we’re going, have you been there before?” He asked in an attempt to distract her from thinking about his hand being on hers too much.

[Yunalesca]

Her eyes shifted over to his, a slight smile blossoming on her face after he acknowledged he had fixed his hair once realizing he was a bad liar. “I like you hair a little messy.” She commented softly to him before flitting her eyes away again. After saying it she felt her heart pound in her chest and cheeks flush slightly. Admitting she noticed his appearance and stating she liked he looked further confirmed her growing attraction to him. For that was what this was. She couldn’t keep lying and say that nothing was happening. Every day she was catching herself looking at him or thinking of him. She tried to fight it, but it would not go away. He’d managed to slide in through a chink in her armor and was refusing to let go. Her eyes dropped slightly as she remembered how she felt she was being cruel in ‘leading him on’ but if she liked him, was it leading him on? Yes, you don’t plan on living, a voice reminded her and she felt almost ill at the thought. That reminder that she would have to make a choice made a stab through her chest. How could she deny she felt something when she reacted in such a way?



She was wrestling quietly with this when she felt the warmth of Eli’s hand over her own. She took a sharp inhalation of breath at the feelings that arose from this simple gesture. It was almost as though he’d sensed her previous thoughts, or maybe even her distress. Her eyes rested on his hand hiding hers and felt her heart pound harder, if that were even possible. She barely even heard him as she continued to look at their hands melding together. It was nothing to be afraid of and for the first time it wasn’t fear she felt. It was excitement, something so foreign to her still. Without another thought her fingers slid up through his like before and rested slightly on his fingertips, letting this small form of intimacy happen without a protest. Why not indulge before the end came when she wouldn’t ever have experienced any of this? She licked her lips slightly before turning her attention back to him, back to his eyes to let him know she was listening and aware of him.



“Once or twice, chasing leads of my…I got to know the area a little better by talking with the people there. People like us.” She recovered quickly, almost letting the truth of her reasons for being here slip. She had told him before that she was here to slay the vampire Queen, but she had never said explicitly that it was her mother. She couldn’t tell him, especially not now. Instead she brushed it aside and hoped he wouldn’t press for details on what she skipped over. She shrugged slightly to him as they rounded a corner and were now on the street the restaurant was on. “Pretty low key, I hope. I’m hoping for a quiet dinner.” She said to him as the cabbie worked his way around the traffic towards their destination. Subconsciously her fingers squeezed his slightly as she noticed they were pulling up on the restaurant.



“We’re almost there. I might even let you pay this time.” She said playfully as they began slowing down.

[Serendipity]

Eli glanced sideways at Audrina when she told him that she liked his hair a little messy, he wasn’t sure if she’d intended to let him know that or she had accidently let it slip. She didn’t catch his smile after she’d said it as she was already averting her gaze but it was there along with a pleasant flutter in his stomach knowing that his hair was one attribute that she liked about him and had admitted to it. He held back on his urge to run his fingers through his brown locks and mess it up for her only because he wasn’t sure how she’d feel knowing he’d tidied his appearance just for her.

He would have sighed with relief when she didn’t pull her hand away from under his and instead lightly threaded her fingers through his own if it wasn’t for the fact she’d hear his sigh. He smiled softly to himself and tried to ignore the jitter of nerves that came with holding her hand and the knowledge that they were on their way to a restaurant for dinner together. He was still cautious of announcing outloud that he wanted this to be a date in case it ruined the night before it had begun and decided he could easily pretend it was a date by not acknowledging it wasn’t.

His gaze flickered with interest as she explained she had been to this restaurant a few times and he caught onto her almost slip of the tongue but didn’t pick her up on it. He was fully aware of how that conversation would go down if he pushed her for more information and now was most definitely not the right time for it especially since they were getting along so well and he sensed Audrina becoming more and more comfortable in his presence, talking about the leads she was chasing would put an end to that quickly. “I hope it’s quiet too,” Was all he said with a small nod and returned her slight squeeze. They’d had all the drama they needed in these last few days and didn’t need any more of it so he hoped this place was as low key as she’d said it was.

Eli brought his gaze up as Audrina announced that they were almost there and then returned it to hers when she added that she might even let him pay for the meal. He quirked a brow in her direction before laughing softly, remembering they’d almost bordered on an argument last time he’d offered to pay for her meal. “Lucky I brought my wallet then,” He replied with a small smirk and with his free hand reached into one of the back pockets of his jeans to produce the item since the taxi had already started to veer off to the curb outside the restaurant and he would need it to pay for their fair.

Quickly glancing at the meter on the dash he produced a few notes from his wallet and passed them over before opening the door to get out. Eli kept hold of Audrina’s hand as he slid out with her following right beside him and continued to keep hold of it even once they were out of the vehicle and he walked them both around the still parked taxi towards the restaurant. He had never been to this particular establishment before but it wasn’t hard to pick with the Downworlders and he already spotted out the front.

He was opening the door to the restaurant for Audrina when he spotted a movie theatre across the street a few stores up and an idea struck him. “How does dinner and a movie sound?” He asked her and indicated the theatre across the street. “And I’ll even let you pick the movie.” He added with a small grin.

[Yunalesca]

it was a mild surprise to her in feeling Eli keep hold of her hand, operating with only one as he paid their fare then stuffing his wallet back before getting out. In the past she may have taken his hold of her hand as a way to drag her around while he could, but at the moment it was comforting and managed to not let go as she exited the cab. She blinked a few times as she got into the open air and took in the crowd standing around the restaurant. It was mostly Downworlders which she didn't have as much of a problem with, at least the non vampires, but she was wary regardless. There were rules to conform to when the groups of non humans mingled together, but she knew rules were bent to their most pliant levels on occasion, especially by the Fae, to grab someone too stupid to know better. She turned her hand in Eli's in that moment so they were more comfortably touching. Since nobody here would likely know or see her again she found she didn't mind letting them see her holding his hand as though he were...

She didn't finish the thought as they began stepping up to the door when Eli stopped and nodded his head toward the theater across the street. She turned her attention to the building before looking back at him with a slight smile. "Handing the reigns over? Careful with that. Could get dragged to a cutesy animated film about ponies." She joked before turning back and stepping through the door, their touch breaking momentarily as she stopped before the hostess stand, indicating they were a party of two. Her eyes momentarily drifted back to Eli as the door closed behind them and the warmth of the restaurant encapsulated her. Her eyes shifted around to the decor as the hostess scanned the chart for an open table. The place was relatively packed, but luckily not rowdy and there was more of a gentle murmur of private conversation circulating about. In approval she caught Eli's gaze with a soft smile before that comforting feel of his hand was around hers again. It almost felt normal to have him close, even as the butterflies fluttered in her stomach making her slightly jittery. She continued to tell herself it was just dinner amongst friends, but it could hardly be that as their hands were entwined and her eyes continually traveled back to him.

"Right this way." The hostess smiled to them, her sharp canines giving her away as a Were. Something inside her almost cringed, remembering how Maddox had grinned at her with promise of shredding her flesh with his own teeth. She pushed the image away and tried to relax as they moved through the groups cloistered around the bar. Glampires and Fairies tossed their eyes at them, studied them for quick moments, before turning away in disinterest. If they knew what they were they didn't care or at least didn't express it outwardly. Her hand didn't leave Eli's as her nerves began to fray while being around so many pointy teethed Downworlders. Glampires were different from those she hunted, but they still drank blood, they still stole life somewhere. And are you so better? that strange voice permeated her mind again, giving her a mild headache before dissipating quickly once more. By the time they were shown to their booth she was relatively back to normal. She gave a small thanks to the hostess before her hand slid from Eli's and she was seating herself across from him. Her eyes dropped to the menu, flipping for the drinks before their waiter would arrive. "You go to the movies often or was it just a whim?" She asked with a slight smile while scanning over the house specials. She had known few other Shadowhunters in her time and the few she did know didn't do Mundane things like watch films.

"Lot of drinks, this could get expensive." She teased lightly to him as she settled on a Mimosa. She was hardly a heavy drinker and if she chose to let him pay she would hardly run up the bill. Ever since the club she had been wary of drinking too much. Alcohol had made them both struggle that night when they should have been able to put one Mundane down without a fight. Almost impulsively one of her hands extended for him to take. Even in a drunken state he had stayed by her, fought for her after she had continually denied him. She owed him for her behavior that brought her guilt and shame at this juncture.

[Serendipity]

“Sharing them,” He corrected lightly, “There’s a difference.” He added as he held the door to the restaurant for her, although she hadn’t exactly said yes to the movie idea he knew she was in agreeance by her jovial tone. If she didn’t like the movie idea he was certain she would have told him outright. “Ponies?” He feigned an expression of horror as she told him that he might get dragged along to a movie with cute animated ponies in it, giving her the impression that he might be regretting his decision of suggesting they go to a movie after dinner. Cute animated ponies wouldn’t be his first choice or even his second however he had a feeling he’d endure it purely for Audrina’s sake if she absolutely wanted to see it. Luckily he knew she was joking.

Their hands separated so she could walk through the door, it was a shame but they couldn’t hold hands the entire time and he knew that. He wasn’t far behind her and followed her to the hostess’s podium so they could be shown to a table for two. Whilst he waited behind the blonde his gaze scanned the inside of the restaurant which was relatively full. Full of all types of Downworlders from Fearies and Glampires to...Werewolves, he realised suddenly as their hostess flashed them a winning smile full of canines. In that moment, believing Audrina would have been taken straight back to the events that had unfolded last night as he was, he slipped his hand back into hers not only because he wanted to but also for comfort.

They followed the waitress to their booth and Eli glad that the other patrons of the restaurant paid them little attention apart from a few curious glances. Eli reluctantly let Audrina’s hand go again as they came to their table and she slipped in one side of the booth and he the other side. Audrina reached for the menu straight away flipping it over to the drinks side whilst he only paid his a brief glance before his sole focus was on the blonde across from him and the question she posed. “Travis was curious once, so I took him. We saw some martial arts thing.” Eli answered with a simple shrug, it hadn’t been all that interesting in his opinion although Travis had thought so. Sometimes Eli had wondered how they could even be brothers, a lot of the time they were so different if it wasn’t for the features they shared you would have assumed they werent. “I thought you might want to keep away from the Institute for as long as possible, get away from it all - as you said.” He explained.

His eyes dropped to Audrina’s hand which she extended across the table for him and a slow smile crept over his lips. He took it of course, placing his hand over hers and curling his fingers around her palm. He felt a thrill of excitement go through him at their touch and the knowledge that she had offered her hand to him because maybe she wanted the connection their touch brought as much as he did. His brow quirked at her teasing and his smile formed a grin, shaking his head slightly. “Expensive and dangerous,” He confirmed then with a small laugh asked, "Should I be worried?"

A waiter came over to their table then and took their drink orders, Audrina ordered a mimosa and he kept his simple by ordering a beer, steering clear of the hard liquor. His fingers absently brushed along the side of her hand as he looked down at the menu and studied it quietly for a moment. “Have you been to a movie theatre before?” He found himself asking and glanced back across at her, very aware that he didn’t know how she spent her time outside of demon and vampire hunting, other than her like for cooking.

[Yunalesca]

After their waitress came for their drink order she felt her pulse increase as Eli's fingers brushed a!ong the edges of her hand, sending shockwaves of electricity through her. there were times this had made her feel alive with want to take his mouth, made her think things she had never thought before, but this time it was that gentle coaxing fire rising from the pit of her stomach and heating her slowly. It was an electric shock of comfort more than one of burning desire, one that she hadn't been able to define until recently. It was mildly frightening to her when she felt those feelings considering it was foreign and some part of her was afraid of Eli knowing she was inexperienced. Coupled with the fear of intimacy it became overwhelming.

Her thoughts scattered when she heard him speak after a moment of silence. "Hmm?" She uttered as her eyes flicked up from an absent stare at the menu, lost completely in her own thoughts. She couldn't even properly say how long the table had been quiet before he broke the silence. "Oh, movies. To be honest ive never really been. My parents had a tv and movies when I was a kid if that counts. We watched Black Beauty a lot even though we always ended up crying at the end." She commented to him with a slight shrug. She had no problem with giving him that part of herself, the fact she still had a copy of the book locked away in her room she would keep, however. There was a time to out away childish things, but her father had transcribed a note inside its cover. His stele wasn't the only thing she had left of him, though it was likely the most personal. "I semi snuck into a movie when I first got here, I can't say I remember what it was really about, something Mundanes think of as futuristic. Saw a vamp slip in and followed him. I wasn't particularly paying attention to the movie." She explained, keeping from further detail of how she'd slain him in the bathroom after he had tried making a move on a Mundane. She had killed just to kill, saving someone's life had just been happenstance. For some reason she now didn't like the thought of Eli seeing her painted in that light. She had never cared before, not until he came along.

At the thought her fingers curled slightly under his palm, gently running across his skin in a comforting motion. For once it didn't make her feel ill to express this type of intimacy. She wasn't as shy as she had once been to his touch, she more often than not reached for it the past few days. She was damaged and instead of running she was seeking someone to help her. It was something she'd never done before. "You going to look at that menu or just stare at me all night?" She teased him with a small smile before looking down to her own food menu, choosing to not notice the expression on his face. Her eyes skimmed most of the Downworlder fare, inwardly grimacing at the raw cuts of beef and cups of animal blood. She flipped to the side that would sit better in her stomach, almost sighing in relief at the sight of cooked fare. "I'd avoid the dust cakes, the Fae like to sprinkle things on them when they're coming out." She explained as she closed the menu. No restaurant would knowingly let it happen, but it did happen and being 'indebted' to the Fae was bad.

"I suppose I never thanked you for coming out with me. These things aren't very fun alone...though ive yet to have enough time to rate your performance. The movie idea is cute, however." She said with a warm smile before the waitress was returning with their drinks, the orange juice of her Mimosa still sinking into the champagne creating a pretty effect.